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LegacyUser · 02-07-2015 10:27pm #1

Hi all,

Not sure if what I'm asking can be answered here, but here I go!

I haver been in a typically turbulent relationship for the past 5 years with a man with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

I didn't even know what this was until I began therapy a few weeks ago. My therapist is great but admits herself she is no expert in the area. I'm still struggling to break contact with this man and feel I will be under his spell forever. I am just wondering if anyone can recommend a specialist or expert therapist in this field. Maybe there isn't such a person in Ireland, but I am willing to do whatever it takes to escape this guys clutches.

Those of you familiar with these ort of people will know how difficult it is to leave. I feel I need the someone who is totally specialised in this area as so much seems to be unknown about it in this country.

If anyone on here has any advice for me please reply. I am hurting so bad right now, but am determined to be me again.

Thanks!

irishgirl19 · 03-07-2015 12:02am

Women's aid should be able to point you in the right direction op. I think they do one to one sessions too. Good luck

LegacyUser · 03-07-2015 12:19am

You will be ok. Give it time. I was there about 5 years ago. It's a very painful time but you will wake up one morning and that person will have no hold on you. Look after yourself don't be hard on yourself you did nothing wrong to deserve this. It's more about that person. It does take strength and you will surprise yourself where you will get it from. It's not an easy time. The best thing for me was to stay well away from that person which is very hard when they were once your world!!
I went to talk to someone like you. I also did courses on how to build my confidence and got stuck into fitness. I hope this is of some help to you. You will get there. Try to stay positive

Emme · 03-07-2015 11:55am

Contact Women's Aid and run away from this man as fast as you can and don't look back. You will probably need therapy after what this man has put you through. There could also be childhood issues which made you vulnerable to him.

Narcissism isn't known about in Ireland. There are some excellent Facebook pages on it. I would recommend "Enough - take you life back from the Narcisist" and "The War at home - if only someone knew".

I cannot tell you strongly enough - walk away and do not come back. Do not allow him back in to your life.

LegacyUser · 07-07-2015 10:36pm

Thank you all for your replies.

I have never even thought of Women's Aid. Call me naïve, but is it not for women in severe domestic/physical abuse? He has not laid a hand on me physically. Although he has expressed his desire to many times. My pain is mental and emotional torture. I do not want to take up the time of those tireless people in Women's Aid who do such an amazing job.

I just wish I had the strength to walk away for good. He just has the power to keep sucking me back in and I feel so weak and useless. He is seeing another women as we speak but will still not let me go. I just don't know how much longer I can live like this.

I will call Women's Aid, I guess I can tell them my story and they can point me in the right direction.

It is sad how this personality trait is so unknown about in Ireland, as I do believe these type of people are plenty amongst us.

Thank you all so much for responding x

Ann84 · 08-07-2015 7:59am

I also went through a similar breakup years ago and we had a child together... It was awful as I had to keep seeing him, and do to this day... Only now I don't care about him anymore.

The trick I used was
1. to physically remove myself from being around him
2. Constantly focus on myself and my happiness - every time my mind drifted to listening to his BS, in my head I would consciously think about my happiness and me!

It took 6 months to not feel like I would still go back. Good luck

Emme · 08-07-2015 10:20am

Broken Mirror29 wrote: »

I have never even thought of Women's Aid. Call me naïve, but is it not for women in severe domestic/physical abuse? He has not laid a hand on me physically. Although he has expressed his desire to many times. My pain is mental and emotional torture. I do not want to take up the time of those tireless people in Women's Aid who do such an amazing job.

Emotional abuse can be just as traumatic as physical abuse. Your partner may have expressed a desire to abuse you physically and not acted on it so far but he may act on this threat the future. Note the Women's Aid paragraph on emotional abuse in the link below. You will have to scroll down a bit.

http://www.womensaid.ie/help/whatisdomesticviolence.html

Broken Mirror29 wrote: »

I will call Women's Aid, I guess I can tell them my story and they can point me in the right direction.

Please do contact Women's Aid. You are being abused and you have every right to contact them.

Do not give this man any idea that you are going to leave him because the abuse could get worse and indeed turn physical.

HoneyBee78 · 08-07-2015 11:55pm

So sorry to hear you're going through this broken mirror. I'm a few months away from a narcissistic ex. Went out with him for a year. They get into your head and you end up with no self esteem. Its been 3 months but I'm in a much better place already without him and the constant drama, he literally had me drained!
You need to go no contact with him. Dont even reply to give out, completely ignore him, its the only way to get away. I didnt know about narcissistic men either until I split up from him, then I did a lot of research on it, also look up sociopath, psychopath, they can have similar traits. I read books on it. (When love is a lie by Zari Ballard, In Sheeps Clothing is a very good one too). Get counselling if you can, try and find a counsellor that has experience in personality disorders. There are also facebook groups on it. Follow Narcissist Support on you tube, she has great videos.
Good luck, stay strong, you will get through it

Soilse · 11-07-2015 4:52pm

Op I have been in your situation not for as long but I do understand what you are feeling. There is only way to handle this person RUN GET OUT and when you leave NO CONTACT EVER and if you meet them them on the street IGNORE. They have a personality disorder and no amount of explaining or talking to them will help them because they will always refuse to believe they are at fault. They get worse as they older btw.

https://afternarcissisticabuse.wordpress.com/2014/09/01/why-is-no-contact-so-difficult/

http://www.slideshare.net/jenimawter/narcissistic-victim-syndrome-a-powerpoint-by-jeni-mawter

It does get better and therapy helps. Look up Post Tramautic Stress Symdrome that is what you may be feeling I know its where I still am. Spend time on yourself, try to remember the things you liked to do before all this and the great person you are.

What helped me leave was concentrating on one thing they kept doing that I knew was not my fault and ignore all the other crap and insults they threw at me. Its hard everyone undertands physical abuse but emotional abuse is hard to even verbalise and those around you very often wont or are unable to believe and understand, thats why therapy helps. Even now when I think how my personality changed during that time I was with him I feel sick but it was a symptom of his twisted game

Good luck

daisybelle2008 · 11-07-2015 7:26pm

Broken Mirror29 wrote: »

Hi all,

Not sure if what I'm asking can be answered here, but here I go!

I haver been in a typically turbulent relationship for the past 5 years with a man with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

I didn't even know what this was until I began therapy a few weeks ago. My therapist is great but admits herself she is no expert in the area. I'm still struggling to break contact with this man and feel I will be under his spell forever. I am just wondering if anyone can recommend a specialist or expert therapist in this field. Maybe there isn't such a person in Ireland, but I am willing to do whatever it takes to escape this guys clutches.

Those of you familiar with these ort of people will know how difficult it is to leave. I feel I need the someone who is totally specialised in this area as so much seems to be unknown about it in this country.

If anyone on here has any advice for me please reply. I am hurting so bad right now, but am determined to be me again.

Thanks!

Hi OP, I don't know anything about NPD but seems like guy is an abusive dick. Do you really need to go to an NPD specialist to get away? I mean the guy is cheating on you!. This NPD diagnosis seems to be giving him a lot of power over you life. Is his dickish behaviour not enough reason to remove yourself? How does NPD make him so special and irresistible that it takes extra effort? Don't under estimate yourself, you seem to see through him and you are getting therapy to work on your own self esteem. Don't make it all about him and his 'disorder'.
As I say I don't know anything about NPD but I wouldn't be separating it from his asshole ways and treating it differently. I don't think I'd care about his issues.

dellas1979 · 11-07-2015 8:22pm

Hi OP,

Am interested to know/understand why you think understanding NPD will help you? Maybe it is a question you need to discuss with your therapist.

You do realise (or you will with the help of your therapist) that you are in fact the key to your happiness. Youve that power. Not him.

When someone has very low self esteem or confidence (usually drained by something traumatic), its very hard to see the wood for the trees. And see a situation clearly.

You deserve happiness. You are entitled to it. You need to build up that esteem/confidence to learn and be able to say "no" when someone is treating you badly. Stick with the councelling - it will come.

Edit: I just wanted to add, to be very clear. OP esteem and confidence is built up by and comes from yourself. Not from other people. If you feel you are getting that from other people (and in your situation, you seem to have learned that negativity = an incorrect way of feeding your esteem/confidence) then its fake. It takes work! You dont wake up tomorrow morning full of it. But if you work at it (again using your therapist), and graft, one day you will.

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