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relationship problems

  • 23-09-2014 11:38pm
    #1
    samby_08
    Registered Users Posts: 11 ✭


    hi folks.

    Need a little relationship advice.

    been dating this girl for around 3 months now. all is going great however she asked me the other day what my "number" was referring to how many people I had slept with. Naturally ive never been asked this before so i didn’t know off hand - she persisted to tell me hers was 12 - I don't know if this is a low or high number as I have never been told that before - can anyone give me some advice - she is 21 - i really like her, but cant help but think that quite high. or is it normal number? I don't know. I don't want it to get to me and keep saying its not important - but it still does -

    Can anyone give any advice?


Comments

  • #2
    Mozzeltoff
    Registered Users Posts: 8,614 ✭✭✭Mozzeltoff


    Why would she want to know? Why should she even know? It's none of her business. And it's none of your business as to how many people she slept with either.

    Look it at this way. It's neither high nor low. Don't think about. It's not important. The only important thing here that she doesn't have an sti or something.


  • #3
    Witcher
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,638 ✭✭✭✭Witcher


    Why does it get to you?


  • #4
    HalloweenJack
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,259 ✭✭✭HalloweenJack


    Numbers are irrelevant.

    She could've had twelve long-term relationships or 12 one night stands. What difference would it make? Either way, she was with twelve other people. Don't let it get under your skin. If you do, it could destroy your relationship.

    What's important is that she's with you now and as long as that number since she's been with you stays as 1 (i.e. you), it doesn't make any difference what happened before. There's probably a million reasons why things didn't work out with the others but, at the end of the day, she's with you now and not with any of them.

    I know my GFs number (she told me about a year ago after we'd been together about six months) and she knows mine. She's younger but has a higher number. I could easily be intimidated but, tbh, it was put into perspective when she told me that she was intimidated by me because I've had more serious relationships than she has, which is equally irrelevant.

    What I'm getting at is that the experiences with other people are irrelevant to your current relationship. What is relevant is what happens between you and your GF. And as long as you guys are happy with things as they are now, then it doesn't matter what went before, only what happens now and in the future.

    If you want to put a positive spin on it, she's been with twelve people and now she's with you and she's stayed with you so you obviously satisfy her sexual needs right now and she's had twelve different partners so she has a good idea of what she likes.

    But don't obsess on it because it could easily bring your relationship down.


  • #5
    blueb
    Registered Users Posts: 279 ✭✭blueb


    12 is high for 21.. but is she being honest? and just because its 12 ppl dosent mean any of them were better than you are! confidence my friend


  • #6
    zoobizoo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,739 ✭✭✭zoobizoo


    Never ask and never tell...


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  • #7
    MsMayhem
    Registered Users Posts: 18 ✭MsMayhem


    Why do people feel the need to compare & compete? Its no ones business. Once a person hasn't brought an STI or sexual issues that effect the current partner then there is no reason to have this discussion.


  • #8
    kjl
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,127 ✭✭✭kjl


    samby_08 wrote: »
    hi folks.

    Need a little relationship advice.

    been dating this girl for around 3 months now. all is going great however she asked me the other day what my "number" was referring to how many people I had slept with. Naturally ive never been asked this before so i didn’t know off hand - she persisted to tell me hers was 12 - I don't know if this is a low or high number as I have never been told that before - can anyone give me some advice - she is 21 - i really like her, but cant help but think that quite high. or is it normal number? I don't know. I don't want it to get to me and keep saying its not important - but it still does -

    Can anyone give any advice?

    It is quite high, but nothing to be worried about


  • #9
    Magicmatilda
    Registered Users Posts: 601 ✭✭✭Magicmatilda


    If she has been sexually active for 4 years that would be 3 people a year. Hardly that high. one every four months.

    But again what does it matter, what is the difference with her having slept with one person or with 100. As long as she has no STIs and you are happy together then what about it.

    You are going to have to find a way to get over this as it is not going to change. She has a past, so have you.

    That said why she insisted on having this conversation I donlt understand. I would have no interest in knowing this info or in giving it.


  • #10
    samby_08
    Registered Users Posts: 11 ✭samby_08


    when i initially was told I thought it was high but hen when ya break it down it really wasn't. Like 3 a year.

    Its more because I never knew that about someone before so therefore I had nothing to go by. didn't know if it was high low or normal simply because I haven't a clue what the normal amount is.


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