Is It Just Insecurity?

primrose88 · 30-09-2014 9:04pm #1

I've always agreed that it is important to look towards the future but the guy who I am currently in a relationship with appears to be taking this to the extreme.

Let me give you a little background information:
1. We met online almost 3 week's ago.
2. There's a considerable age gap between us (15 years).
3. He's Turkish (a cultural difference perhaps?)
4. I'm quite inexperienced when it comes to relationships and he, allegedly, has significantly more experience.

I readily admit from my end that there is chemistry between us. I enjoy talking to him online and on Skype and the conversation have lasted for hours. The trouble is, I don't love him yet but I am certainly developing an attachment at this stage, which with time could bloom into love. Perhaps I am tentative given the fact that I have broken up with a boyfriend of 14 months about 4 month's ago and I am reluctant to plunge into a serious, committed relationship.

What troubles me, and what has prompted me to reach out to the online community is that I am quite skeptical about his behavior and I am starting to wonder whether the passion he reportedly feels has any basis.

In a nutshell, here's why:

1. A few days into the relationship he declared that he thinks we are soul-mates.

2. Shortly after that he asked for my opinion about marriage and having children.

3. More recently, he suggested living together in the near future when I take up a new job closer by his home.

4. He has told me that he is planning to buy me expensive gifts and is deciding on Christmas presents at this early stage.

5. He repeatedly tells me how he feels I complete his life and how I am all he ever wants and what he is looking for.

He seems so adamant that he wants the relationship to endure that I'm starting to question how he could be so certain? Is it even possible for somebody to be so sure as he claims to be? His proclamations make me feel uncomfortable and my suspicions are starting to signal that the time is now ripe to run away. But I cannot help feeling that maybe the relationship is worth saving as he is such a demonstrative and loving man.

I just find it difficult to fathom that his feelings could be real. Is there a basis to my concerns or could it just be insecurity on my end/fear of commitment?

indigo twist · 30-09-2014 9:15pm

Run. Run far away. Very quickly.

Not normal behaviour.

ahnow · 30-09-2014 9:22pm

Jesus, alarm bells, get away from him quick as and don't look back!

dellas1979 · 30-09-2014 9:24pm

primrose88 wrote: »

But I cannot help feeling that maybe the relationship is worth saving as he is such a demonstrative and loving man.

3 weeks :eek:

Have you even met this person?

:eek:

Edit: Guys, he went from Greek to Turkish in the OPs first post. Anyhoo, have reported it.

Meauldsegosha · 30-09-2014 9:38pm

primrose88 wrote: »

1. We met online almost 3 week's ago.

I readily admit from my end that there is chemistry between us. I enjoy talking to him online and on Skype and the conversation have lasted for hours.

The trouble is, I don't love him yet but I am certainly developing an attachment at this stage, which with time could bloom into love.

You've communicated with him on line and spoken on Skype but have you actually met him in person? Three weeks into a "relationship" is very early to be speaking about love especially if you have never met.

iMac_Hunt · 30-09-2014 9:48pm

Have you any close friends or family you could tell about this so that you can hear from them how insane it is? Run and don't look back would be my advice.

sunshine and showers · 30-09-2014 10:12pm

In a nutshell, you don't love him because you've known him for three weeks. Most people would not be in love after three weeks! That is not a problem on your end at all!

I would definitely let this cool off at the very least.

coffee_cake · 30-09-2014 10:20pm

Run away and run away fast, OP

Idle Passerby · 01-10-2014 9:18am

What age are you OP? My overwhelming first impression is this guy is playing you for his own ends, be it money, a passport or whatever. He doesn't love you, he doesn't even know you from Adam, nor do you know him. Three weeks of online chatting and skype calls does not a relationship make. You sound very naive to be taking his declarations as truth.

LegacyUser · 01-10-2014 9:59am

Hi OP

Married male here, In my opinion that guy is a nutcase.
Steer clear would be my advice. It is not normal behaviour.

Run away. There are better more well adjusted guys out there for you.
I think he is praying on your inexperience. All that soulmate stuff he is spinning you a line!!!

Big Bag of Chips · 01-10-2014 10:10am

Mod Note:
Dellas1979, no need to announce that you've reported a post - we can see that! That sort of posting is considered off topic. Offer advice to the OP, or sit on your hands!

Semele · 01-10-2014 10:49am

It's not unusual for men from some cultures to be very flowery in their declarations of how bowled over by you they are, so I wouldn't necessarily write him off as deranged yet! A guy I dated used to keep pressing me about whether I loved him, which used to drive me mad until I realised he interpreted "love" in a dating context to mean something like "romantic feelings" and he was actually just unsure whether I liked or fancied him because I kept insisting I didn't love him!

I'd be equally put off by it though and if I liked/fancied him would definitely bring it up with him- even in a jokey way. You're in the best position to judge whether you like the guy enough to have a talk about how uncomfortable all this is making you, and whether he is actually a bit odd or if it's more a cultural disconnect that you can both work with.

Is he living here or are you abroad? It might affect how familiar he is with more Western dating norms.

Tokyo · 01-10-2014 10:52am

OP, have you considered the option that this guy's intentions may be less than honourable? I'm not trying to tar everyone with the same brush here, but it's been my experience that a person online who tries to railroad you into moving in together and discussing marriage and children, and making declarations of being his soulmate mere weeks after first chatting, then often there are self serving reasons for this.

Sometimes these reasons are a very misguided sense of affection, other times they can be more nefarious, such as the opportunity of a passport to another country, or the perception that western girls are 'easier'. But either way, by your own admission your radar is going off when it comes to this guy - "His proclamations make me feel uncomfortable and my suspicions are starting to signal that the time is now ripe to run away". I'd recommend that you go with your instincts with this one and walk away.

m'lady · 01-10-2014 11:03am

Not trying to tarnish one country with the same brush, I'm really not, but my mam lived in Turkey for several years and worked in a foreign advice centre there and the stories she's told me of Irish/ English women that have been scammed out there is frightening. We are talking about properties or thousands of Euro. The majority of these women thought they were in a relationship or even married to men that 'loved' them, and then left without a penny. OP run as fast as you can. These men know what they are doing, and can be play a long game of manipulation to get what they want....RUN

Tilly · 01-10-2014 11:46am

Hi primrose88

Read back your post and imagine it was one of your friends that wrote it. What advice would you give her? I bet it would be the same as everyone else on here. Walk away.

02-10-2014 1:53am

Ah seriously OP, you have chatted to this guy ONLINE for a few weeks.

You don't know him, he doesn't know you.
Neither of you love the other.

No offence, but really, come back down to earth!

There's nothing wrong meeting someone online, but until you meet them, in person, then there really isn't any love.

Is It Just Insecurity?

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