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Courting a girl while having no money

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  • 20-03-2011 4:59pm
    #1
    Dan133269
    Registered Users Posts: 1,229 ✭✭✭


    Right hello everyone, let me get your thoughts on this.

    What would you do if you were in a situation where you were interested in a girl, wanting to ask her out with the intention to possibly make her your girlfriend a little further down the line, but the catch is, you have absolutely no money.

    I know at first this may seem irrelevant, but think about it. You wouldn't have any money to go to pub, pay for few drinks for her, bring her to cinema, eat out in a restaurant now and again, etc. All these little things add up. What would you do in the situation? I know the option is there just to meet up for tea/coffee, spend time just hanging out or going for walks, but for the first few dates do you not think that would be awkward and a bit embarrassing to be honest, not having enough money to buy your date a few drinks.

    What do you think?


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    #2
    tenchi-fan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,339 ✭✭✭tenchi-fan


    Get a job?


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    #3
    Dan133269
    Registered Users Posts: 1,229 ✭✭✭Dan133269


    tenchi-fan wrote: »
    Get a job?

    Bingo! I dunno why I never thought of that, thanks techni-fan!!!


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    #4
    eilo1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 874 ✭✭✭eilo1


    I may have gone out with you in the past ;)

    Dont worry about it. I went out with a guy before and we always went to free places like art galleries and museums. I didnt mind in the least and on the odd occasion we did go out for drinks or food I always paid my half. He only ever got me a meal once and that was only because we had a row.

    It really doesnt matter, if your lucky she might even get you a few drinks!


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    #5
    Azureus
    Registered Users Posts: 2,131 ✭✭✭Azureus


    This happened to my friend a few months ago and at the start she was really pished off that he wasnt taking her out etc. He would suggest meeting up for a date in the pub and then drink water and not offer to buy her a drink. Thats not going to win anybody over!
    She stopped answering his calls and then got an email from him explaining that he really liked her and that he had just been laid off/still had rent etc. She was mortified and felt like an absolute bitch for dropping him so fast because of something so silly/superficial. The reason that happened was the usual-lack of communication!!

    They're now going strong. First few months was hanging at eachothers houses catching up on tv/dvds or going for short drives and walks around town and it suited the two of them grand. Some women just want money, most just want a nice guy to hang with so to be honest if a guy is upfront about being smashed its probably not going to be a big deal. Its if you lie about it / deny your broke youre just gonna come across as tight and stingy!


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    #6
    Mrmoe
    Registered Users Posts: 2,212 ✭✭✭Mrmoe


    It can be a bit awkward alright, but it is better to come with it early. You could save maybe 10-20 euro a week if you could and go out for a meal somewhere every 2-3 weeks. Most would have set price menus so that you can budget at least. You just have to be a bit more imaginative with less money available.


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    #7
    mood
    Registered Users Posts: 4,264 ✭✭✭mood


    For the price of a meal out you could have a few dates (cinema/pub/coffee/lunch etc). Instead of dinner dates you could cook someone a nice meal, get the candles out etc.

    OP remember not having much money is not permanent! You will get a job / more hours at work or what ever the case maybe. A nice girl won't hold it against you.


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    #8
    Sugarfree
    Closed Accounts Posts: 164 ✭✭Sugarfree


    Simple. Cook her a dinner at your house. You can get a nice bottle of wine for a fiver in Aldi, there is a class Chardonnay in there for less then a fiver. Budvar it is called. Cook her a nice dinner, probably Thai red curry with chicken or beef. You can get filo prawns in Aldi for two euro. Pack of 16 they are really nice and you can have them with sweet chilli sauce for a starter. Then get a DVD to chill out afterwards with a nice fire. You still need a few bob for it but maybe 20-30 euro at the most.


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    #9
    stupidusername
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,762 ✭✭✭✭stupidusername


    This is so strange, I've been worrying about this myself lately. I've no money, and I don't mean that in a 'oh i'm so broke lol' kinda way that everyone seems to say, I mean literally buying one pint in a week would be a stretch. so I kinda feel like I couldn't go on a date with anyone now!

    so I dunno OP, just sayin i'm in the same boat :(


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    #10
    highfive
    Registered Users Posts: 56 ✭✭highfive


    Sugarfree wrote: »
    Simple. Cook her a dinner at your house. You can get a nice bottle of wine for a fiver in Aldi, there is a class Chardonnay in there for less then a fiver. Budvar it is called. Cook her a nice dinner, probably Thai red curry with chicken or beef. You can get filo prawns in Aldi for two euro. Pack of 16 they are really nice and you can have them with sweet chilli sauce for a starter. Then get a DVD to chill out afterwards with a nice fire. You still need a few bob for it but maybe 20-30 euro at the most.
    +€3 for lidl jonnies :)


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    #11
    Kevin Duffy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,439 ✭✭✭Kevin Duffy


    Be honest with her for a start, world of difference between a decent-but-smashed bloke and a decent-but-stingy bloke. If she likes you and she's right for you, she won't mind.

    There are a lot of couples much further down the road than you who are suffering 'cos they met and got together in the fat years and spent their money on holidays, entertainment etc, but are now discovering that being broke together doesn't suit them and they don't suit each other. The quality and foundation of any relationship will always be more important than the balance sheet.


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    #12
    Kimia
    Registered Users Posts: 2,897 ✭✭✭Kimia


    A nice movie on the couch with cuddles is a perfect date and costs nothing. I also totally agree on the cooking her dinner thing - you have to cook yourself dinner anyway so just include her and it's not that much of an extra cost! Nice bottle of wine - that would really impress me.


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    #13
    darragh16
    Registered Users Posts: 882 ✭✭✭darragh16


    Save a few bob every week. You don't have to wine & dine her or shower her with gifts all the time.


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    #14
    ChewChew
    Moderators Posts: 24,367 ✭✭✭✭ChewChew


    OP.. keep an eye out for Marks and Spencer meal deals... only 12.50 for a top quality meal and a tasty bottle of wine. I'm sure other supermarkets do them, but I just know the quality of the food from marks is pretty good and it is such a nice treat. if you did that for your first attempt you'll be laughing... and so will your girl!!


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    #15
    Galvasean
    Registered Users Posts: 30,746 ✭✭✭✭Galvasean


    I'd second th idea of museums/galleries. There are a lot of good ones about with free admission.

    edit: some comedy clubs also have free admission (the one one panto bar on Monday nights and the one in Sheeben Chic on Sundays are all free admission IIRC) although the pub setting might not be ideal if you want to not spend money


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    #16
    Abi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,058 ✭✭✭✭Abi


    Dan133269 wrote: »
    Right hello everyone, let me get your thoughts on this.

    What would you do if you were in a situation where you were interested in a girl, wanting to ask her out with the intention to possibly make her your girlfriend a little further down the line, but the catch is, you have absolutely no money.

    I know at first this may seem irrelevant, but think about it. You wouldn't have any money to go to pub, pay for few drinks for her, bring her to cinema, eat out in a restaurant now and again, etc. All these little things add up. What would you do in the situation? I know the option is there just to meet up for tea/coffee, spend time just hanging out or going for walks, but for the first few dates do you not think that would be awkward and a bit embarrassing to be honest, not having enough money to buy your date a few drinks.

    What do you think?

    As others have said, just be honest about it. A girl worth your time would be cool with whatever plans you come up with to suit your budget. Something lost in all of this is that the dates are designed to spend time with each other / get to know each other properly, regardless of how much is spent.
    tenchi-fan wrote: »
    Get a job?
    Silly comment.
    highfive wrote: »
    +€3 for lidl jonnies :)
    Not unless you're splitting the cost :D aren't they about €6?

    >_>


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    #17
    TouchingVirus
    Registered Users Posts: 8,584 ✭✭✭TouchingVirus


    Abi wrote: »
    Not unless you're splitting the cost :D aren't they about €6?

    You lost your job? :p

    Seriously though, Abi hit the nail on the head OP - a date isn't so much about wining and dining the lady, splashing the cash etc. it's about getting to know that person better, enjoying your time together and hopefully leading it on to something more serious. Any girl worth your interest honestly wouldn't mind how much you spend of your money on them as they'd feel the same way. That being said, communication is key - most people would mind if they perceive their date as being tight :)

    All of this assumes she even says yes, but money shouldn't be an obstacle because you'll have some eventually (unless you're a sponger :P)


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    #18
    Count Duckula
    Closed Accounts Posts: 570 ✭✭✭Count Duckula


    If a girl rejects you because you're not spending money on her then she's probably not worth your time to begin with.

    I'd never go out with someone who didn't at least offer to pay their own way.


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    #19
    Abi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,058 ✭✭✭✭Abi


    TouchingVirus wrote: »
    You lost your job? :p
    Ha! my last job? Not lost, more... threw it away for college =D


    Though I can relate with the OP in a way, I've a lot going out in expenses. Although he's nervous about the situation, I thought the OP's post to be a very sweet one. It would take some heartless woman to not see around a money issue imo. A lot of men have become unemployed in recent years, through no fault of their own. You'd have to wonder about a woman that slates a guy for just being out of work. Well, I don't have it in me anyway.
    Seriously though, Abi hit the nail on the head OP - a date isn't so much about wining and dining the lady, splashing the cash etc. it's about getting to know that person better, enjoying your time together and hopefully leading it on to something more serious. Any girl worth your interest honestly wouldn't mind how much you spend of your money on them as they'd feel the same way. That being said, communication is key - most people would mind if they perceive their date as being tight :)
    Thats it :)
    All of this assumes she even says yes, but money shouldn't be an obstacle because you'll have some eventually (unless you're a sponger :P)

    And this ^ :)


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    #20
    tricks
    Closed Accounts Posts: 111 ✭✭tricks


    Dates don't need to involve money, and more often than not free dates can be a lot more fun. There's no point spending 30quid going to the cinema when you aren't even going to be able to talk to her. If it's a nice day bring her out to Dun Laoghaire for a walk and get her an ice cream. She may not be a child (hopefully) but it's still a sweet gesture. Or as somebody mentioned museums/galleries etc.

    She shouldn't mind, I know as a girl I certainly wouldn't. Maybe explaining the situation slightly could help though so she doesn't start to feel like you don't want to spend any money on her. She will probably offer to pay her own way or something and if not then she's just mean:P

    A few weeks of cheapo dates and you can save up enough for a meal or a few drinks with her :)

    Edit: Sorry OP didn't see your location is waterford, replace dun laoghaire with some local beach/pier area :P


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    #21
    marziepan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5 ✭marziepan


    Honesty's the key.

    If you pretend to have money when you don't you'll obviously crash and burn. If you show curiosity and ambition with regards to your future and the will to get yourself out of a hole - whether it's emotional or financial - it demonstrates a certain resourcefulness that most women will find appealing, I reckon. An ounce of creativity plus a natural and unabashed romantic streak and you're halfway there buddy.

    With honesty as your guide, gwaaan! Bite the bullet, give it a lash, sure what's the worse that can happen etc etc...


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    #22
    naughto
    Registered Users Posts: 7,316 ✭✭✭naughto


    Sugarfree wrote: »
    Simple. Cook her a dinner at your house. You can get a nice bottle of wine for a fiver in Aldi, there is a class Chardonnay in there for less then a fiver. Budvar it is called. Cook her a nice dinner, probably Thai red curry with chicken or beef. You can get filo prawns in Aldi for two euro. Pack of 16 they are really nice and you can have them with sweet chilli sauce for a starter. Then get a DVD to chill out afterwards with a nice fire. You still need a few bob for it but maybe 20-30 euro at the most.
    ya for got to buy the condoms for all the trouble u would want to be geting some


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    #23
    Dan133269
    Registered Users Posts: 1,229 ✭✭✭Dan133269


    Thanks for the replies people. Just wanted to get people's ideas. I find that if you ask a random group of friends, you will get very random responses. It's better on here, people are more balanced and objective.

    Believe me, I'm not someone who is interested in girls who are attracted to a fella just because of his money or where he brings them, that kind of thing doesn't interest me in the slightest.

    I remember years ago a friend of mine had a gf, and everytime they met up she expected him to pay for everything, she would suggest going to cinema, meals, other things and every time she would stand back and expect him to pay. I think she just didn't really understand how relationships should work seeing as she was young, and my friend was too shy to say it to her. Funny looking back though, I remember him saying to me "this girlfriend malarky is unbelievably expensive boy." :D

    stupidusername wrote: »
    This is so strange, I've been worrying about this myself lately. I've no money, and I don't mean that in a 'oh i'm so broke lol' kinda way that everyone seems to say, I mean literally buying one pint in a week would be a stretch. so I kinda feel like I couldn't go on a date with anyone now!

    so I dunno OP, just sayin i'm in the same boat :(

    How about we meet up and not spend money? ;)
    Kevin Duffy wrote: »
    There are a lot of couples much further down the road than you who are suffering 'cos they met and got together in the fat years and spent their money on holidays, entertainment etc, but are now discovering that being broke together doesn't suit them and they don't suit each other. The quality and foundation of any relationship will always be more important than the balance sheet.

    This is an excellent point. You are dead right. I've seen it time and again. I think it's pretty stupid on those people's part to get involved with each other on that basis, which is bad enough but bringing children into that kind of relationship is even worse.
    highfive wrote: »
    +€3 for lidl jonnies :)
    haha :D


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    #24
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    A possible idea is buying various ingredients, cooking, and then taking the girl out for a picnic - - weather permitting, of course. It can be relatively cheap, if you shop around, and probably a lot more romantic than taking her out to a lavish meal.


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    #25
    RDM_83 again
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,116 ✭✭✭RDM_83 again


    Find a restaurant with free corkage it cuts the cost of going out for a meal by miles and will allow you to get a bit tipsy in a social environment which is always good.
    if your in dublin I'd recommend this place
    http://www.menupages.ie/Dublin/south_dublin/dublin_south/keshk_cafe/menu.aspx


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    #26
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    RDM_83 again wrote: »
    Find a restaurant with free corkage it cuts the cost of going out for a meal by miles and will allow you to get a bit tipsy in a social environment which is always good.
    if your in dublin I'd recommend this place
    http://www.menupages.ie/Dublin/south_dublin/dublin_south/keshk_cafe/menu.aspx

    Why is that always good?


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    #27
    SugarHigh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,265 ✭✭✭SugarHigh


    Deleted User wrote: »
    Why is that always good?
    You can't see how social drinking could be fun?:confused:


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    #28
    HellFireClub
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,912 ✭✭✭HellFireClub


    Sugarfree wrote: »
    Simple. Cook her a dinner at your house. You can get a nice bottle of wine for a fiver in Aldi, there is a class Chardonnay in there for less then a fiver. Budvar it is called. Cook her a nice dinner, probably Thai red curry with chicken or beef. You can get filo prawns in Aldi for two euro. Pack of 16 they are really nice and you can have them with sweet chilli sauce for a starter. Then get a DVD to chill out afterwards with a nice fire. You still need a few bob for it but maybe 20-30 euro at the most.

    The OP didn't say he had a little money, he specifically said he had no money...
    stupidusername wrote: »
    This is so strange, I've been worrying about this myself lately. I've no money, and I don't mean that in a 'oh i'm so broke lol' kinda way that everyone seems to say, I mean literally buying one pint in a week would be a stretch. so I kinda feel like I couldn't go on a date with anyone now!

    so I dunno OP, just sayin i'm in the same boat :(

    Same here, I've recently come out of the nightmare that is unemployment/dole and started up my own business. I think until you've been in this situation where you can't afford to buy a litre of milk for yourself at times, then you have no idea what it's like to not be able to do the dating thing at all.

    It's all very well saying, "take her here or take her there where it's free or very cheap", maybe if you just happen to be a tight arsed person, it might work out that you can do those things and not feel the slightest bit bad about it but if you're a generous person by nature, you'll eventually get completely stressed off your head wanting to do the dating thing with someone but at the same time finding yourself between a rock and a hard place on the financial front and the thoughts of having to pay for 2 coffees would give you a panic attack.

    All you can do is be honest about it, which is often appreciated I think, but speaking from experience, I found it more stressful running with the potential dating thing at all when I was completely broke, regardless of how nice she is or how understanding she might be, it's yourself who will be actually more let down at the end of the day than herself, or that's what I found happened to me anyway, before too long at all, you'll be completely p*ssed off at yourself and stressed out for not being able to do the little normal things like go for a quiet bite or a quiet drink or even a quiet coffee, and I'm talking about very inexpensive things here like going for a coffee or for a walk (which may require getting the bus/Luas, etc), because this is what you are facing when you have no money as the OP said is his own situation...

    I know I'm going to get ambushed on here when I say that my advice is forget about dating until you are financially back on your feet again even to a small degree, but again I'll make the point that until you've been in a situation where you don't have 99 cent for a litre of milk, then you just can't identify with the situation that the OP is in, and to the previous idiot who said "get a job", you haven't a clue what you are talking about, nobody tried harder than i did to get a job in this country and I've mates who have the legs walked off themselves trying to get a job and it's actually a result to get a "no thanks" letter these days, but that whole discussion is for another day and forum.

    Even if you had 20 quid to spare, you could bring a girl out for a nice quiet drink with a bit of dignity and get her 2 drinks and get two for yourself, but as the OP said, he has absolutely no money at the moment...

    OP my advice is to get the job thing sorted first if at all possible, (I'm assuming you're in Club 188 and unemployed), if you can get back on your feet financially at any degree at all, I think the dating thing is do-able, even 20 quid in your pocket to spare, it's a green light, but when you are completely broke, as in you haven't the busfair into town, it's hard to see how it can really get a proper chance at it at all...


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    #29
    fairlyfiery
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9 ✭fairlyfiery


    Hey guys, I'm a lady and thought I'd throw in my 2 cents (oh the pun haha).
    Well if I met a guy and I liked him it's always for his personality and not for his pocket. If he is a broke student/job less then it's totally understandable. Money can't but love! Money cant but a decent guy to hang out with either. So I say just be upfront. For the 1st date go for a walk in the park and get some ice cream on the way,girls love that kinda thing (well I do :) or do the museum thing. If you make an effort girls will recognise it. Dont do anything thats going to make you feel inferior like having to go to a pub and drink water unless your ok with that.
    Frankly if I meet a a guy who is a student (mature) then I am probably going to be more attracted (I have been )to the guy because he has a focus and has control of his life wants to make a better life for himself.

    Basically if your doing something about your situation being broke then relax and dont stop living. You will get there! If not then don't expect any woman to hang around.
    Hope I helped!!


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    #30
    fairlyfiery
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9 ✭fairlyfiery


    Oh yeah meant to add this: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=112969142051871

    Its a page called 'Things to do in Dublin on the Dry'


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    #31
    HellFireClub
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,912 ✭✭✭HellFireClub


    fairlyfiery wrote: »
    Hey guys, I'm a lady and thought I'd throw in my 2 cents (oh the pun haha).
    Well if I met a guy and I liked him it's always for his personality and not for his pocket. If he is a broke student/job less then it's totally understandable. Money can't but love! Money cant but a decent guy to hang out with either. So I say just be upfront. For the 1st date go for a walk in the park and get some ice cream on the way,girls love that kinda thing (well I do :) or do the museum thing. If you make an effort girls will recognise it. Dont do anything thats going to make you feel inferior like having to go to a pub and drink water unless your ok with that.
    Frankly if I meet a a guy who is a student (mature) then I am probably going to be more attracted (I have been )to the guy because he has a focus and has control of his life wants to make a better life for himself.

    Basically if your doing something about your situation being broke then relax and dont stop living. You will get there! If not then don't expect any woman to hang around.
    Hope I helped!!

    But do you not think that a guy who is running with a dating thing when he hasn't got a washer (as in genuinely cannot buy the two ice creams in the park or hasn't the price of the bus into and home from town to go to the museum), do you not think it's unfair on a guy to give false hope to a girl in those kind of circumstances???

    I suppose what I'm asking is, what happens after the first date, assuming that the guy can find the price of the busfare or the ice creams somewhere inside the sitting room sofa, and I've been that guy until recently and it's a big assumption I think when you are unemployed!), at this stage there is probably chemistry there and the subsequent expectation that gets based on chemistry...

    The next thing to my mind is that you might introduce her to your friends, and at that stage you're back into the pub and you are right back to the issue of affordability and cost again. Often I think, when a suggestion gets made by a girl, "let's do this or that", and the guy who is broke pulls back from the idea, (on no other basis than not being able to afford to do it without being financially carried through the event by the girl in his company), it's almost always perceived as a lack of interest/attraction or the guys affections being automatically assumed to be absent...


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