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How Important would someone's taste in music and night's out be to you?

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    #32
    Flippyfloppy
    Registered Users Posts: 3,748 ✭✭✭Flippyfloppy


    For me it would depend on how much the music defined them. For example, someone really into dance music who spends every summer working in Ibiza and the rest of the year following their djs around the world wouldn't interest me as it would be very intense.

    However my husband and I wouldn't have the exact same taste in music, but we have plenty of songs that we now consider ours.

    It doesn't really matter what your taste in music is once you settle down and have kids anyway!! You take what you can get!!


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    #33
    Lovely Bloke
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,748 ✭✭✭✭Lovely Bloke


    My wife and I have wildly different tastes in music, but yeah, we're married.

    I like listening to a wide range of stuff, from Heavy Metal to Deep House, 80s to mid 90s hip hop/rap and a lot of other stuff.

    I dislike jazz, blues and those infernal singer-songwritery types (Jack Johnson & his ilk).

    Guess what type of music my wife likes.

    We still go to gigs, most recently The National and James Taylor. I was alt-j, she didn't come to that one.

    I will tweak my music of choice if she's in the room, I have a Spotify sub and a hundred playlists.


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    #34
    Lalealea
    Closed Accounts Posts: 212 ✭✭Lalealea


    I guess it's quite lucky i like nearly all music then!


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    #35
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 26,052 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Barely There wrote: »
    It's musical snobbery, but I'm ok with that.

    It's interesting really, it's kind of ok to say you couldn't be with someone who was a One Direction fan and people (including me) get that although as you admit it's musical snobbery, but if someone else said they couldn't be with someone who was less intelligent I think there would be more of a backlash against the intellectual snobbery.

    I think the heart wants what the heart wants, and there isn't always a lot of logic in the things that are important to us they just are. :)

    OP, if your ideas of a fun night out wildly differ, then compromise. Same with your musical tastes. Find grey areas in between.


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    #36
    ash23
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,791 ✭✭✭ash23


    My ex was a DJ and very into dance music and the scene that goes with it. I detest dance music and drugs.
    It wasn't a problem initially but as other cracks appeared in the relationship over the years it seemed to become a problem.
    At first we were content to just do our own thing when it came to music but he started wanting more and more to go to his type of gig. I went once or twice but honestly found it unbearable.
    He started to be really patronising about my taste in music and then about a lot of other stuff I liked or believed in and our differences became bigger than our similarities.
    In the end he cheated with someone who is into the same dance and drug scene.
    I've had other boyfriends since and no music in common with them either. But I'm with someone now and a lot of our musical taste overlaps as do most of our tastes in movies, TV, comedians and just socialising in general.
    He gets on really well with my friends and family and we're never short of stuff to do. It just makes the whole thing a lot easier and I've been to more live gigs with him in a year than I had with my ex in 6 years.

    I'm not saying its a dealbreaker but for someone who is hugely into music I can see why they might be concerned.


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    #37
    Karen8
    Registered Users Posts: 66 ✭✭Karen8


    Witchie wrote: »
    It would be a big factor for me and probably partly why I am still single. There is no way on this planet, no matter how nice they are, that I could go out with someone who would consider going to see Nathan Carter or Derek Ryan play at a dance. That is my idea of hell, but unfortunately, where I live a lot of guys in my age category would be into that.

    I would hate if I was going out with someone and they would refuse to come to concerts with me all the time and tried to get me to go to dances or raves. That is not who I am.

    So while a bit of a difference in musical tastes is no biggy, if there was a wide gulf, I would find that insurmountable.
    I think your view about the music and relationship affects relationship more than the musical taste itself. My husband might listen to One direction, it's up to me how will I react - laugh, start a fight, slag him or don't pay any attention to it.
    The only incompactibility I see is if one of them is working in music industry. Then it might be really hard to support your OH if you hate what he does.


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    #38
    Witchie
    Registered Users Posts: 5,597 ✭✭✭Witchie


    No its more than that. I would hate for my fella to always be going on nights out without me and that would happen if they were into that kinda music.

    Irish Country makes me want to punch people so bringing me to something like that would be a terrible idea.


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    #39
    Shrap
    Registered Users Posts: 3,163 ✭✭✭Shrap


    Witchie wrote: »
    No its more than that. I would hate for my fella to always be going on nights out without me and that would happen if they were into that kinda music.

    Irish Country makes me want to punch people so bringing me to something like that would be a terrible idea.

    I personally wouldn't care if my fella was always going on nights out without me. It's usually the other way round actually, as I'm the one going out from time to time, leaving the fella to do his thing (he hates crowds) and that's grand with us both.

    What would irritate me beyond belief is if he listened to music I couldn't get on with at home. Then there's no escape and a myriad of ways to get up each other's noses over music choice just by raising an eyebrow at yet another C&W "artist" (for example - my pet hate although, like witchie, Irish Country isn't far behind) or turning up your nose at a televised concert.

    To my mind, what you listen to together at home is much more important than whether you like the same live music/gigs.


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    #40
    CaraMay
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭CaraMay


    Is he subtly asking you if you would be ok with him doing drugs on a night out?


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    #41
    Lalealea
    Closed Accounts Posts: 212 ✭✭Lalealea


    CaraMay wrote: »
    Is he subtly asking you if you would be ok with him doing drugs on a night out?

    Where did you get that from? Interesting though.


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    #42
    CaraMay
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭CaraMay


    Lalealea wrote: »
    Where did you get that from? Interesting though.

    We'll maybe he is into venues where drug taking is the norm and he wants to continue going there but is concerned you may not be into it or will try and stop him.


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    #43
    J Mysterio
    Registered Users Posts: 11,035 ✭✭✭✭J Mysterio


    Your man sounds like he's hedging his bets for me.


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    #44
    Lalealea
    Closed Accounts Posts: 212 ✭✭Lalealea


    CaraMay wrote: »
    We'll maybe he is into venues where drug taking is the norm and he wants to continue going there but is concerned YOU may not be into it or will try and stop him.

    I'm not the OP. I didn't start the thread. He doesn't want my opinion on that (if that's what he is asking) but hers.

    The question is not would I but would she?

    If that's the case I would suggest she ask him to be completely honest about what goes on there. And to be honest about how he behaves and how often he does it. If he is going to get abusive or erratic she needs to think. It depends on what he is taking also. Mostly it depends on his behavior if he is going to get off with other women then come home to you and give you abuse, **** that.

    But the OP doesn't mention that anywhere. I think it's more about tastes.


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    #45
    Lalealea
    Closed Accounts Posts: 212 ✭✭Lalealea


    J Mysterio wrote: »
    Your man sounds like he's hedging his bets for me.

    I agree actually I would be careful before you commit any more yourself OP.


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    #46
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    CaraMay wrote: »
    Is he subtly asking you if you would be ok with him doing drugs on a night out?
    I think if doing drugs on a night out is more important to him than the relationship that is an issue.


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    #47
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    CaraMay wrote: »
    Is he subtly asking you if you would be ok with him doing drugs on a night out?

    OP here.

    That's so interesting that you just thought of that. Actually yes, that is part of it. But to be fair he's been totally honest that from time to time he might do drugs on a night out. I would have see him in action to see if I'm totally ok with that, but on paper I don't have a big problem with it.


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    #48
    ash23
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,791 ✭✭✭ash23


    anonymoususername12 wrote: »
    OP here.

    That's so interesting that you just thought of that. Actually yes, that is part of it. But to be fair he's been totally honest that from time to time he might do drugs on a night out. I would have see him in action to see if I'm totally ok with that, but on paper I don't have a big problem with it.

    Mmmm, the dance scene, if that's what he is into and I'm just assuming it is, seems to be pretty intense for some people (my ex included).

    I'd tread carefully with this one OP. I'm probably biased because of my own experience but I found my ex and his mates would plan their holidays around raves etc. The biggest dance events don't tend to be in the country. Lots of weekends to Liverpool or Manchester, dance festivals in Europe in the Summer, holidays to Ibiza etc. It can be more of a way of life for some people and if you're not into it and he is (in a big way) you can expect to find it might become a problem.


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    #49
    cactusgal
    Registered Users Posts: 830 ✭✭✭cactusgal


    anonymoususername12 wrote: »
    OP here.

    That's so interesting that you just thought of that. Actually yes, that is part of it. But to be fair he's been totally honest that from time to time he might do drugs on a night out. I would have see him in action to see if I'm totally ok with that, but on paper I don't have a big problem with it.

    Hi Op, I've been following this post, but haven't chimed in yet. I was kind of thinking along the same lines as CaraMay as well, tbh.

    My boyfriend would have quite different taste in music to me and would be much more into music than I am. I like music, of course, but he works in the music industry full-time, so it's a much bigger part of his life. It did worry me at first (I also brought it up around the two month mark), but he said it was a non-issue for him, and it has been. We're together 14 months now and enjoy going to gigs together, and seeing different things that we each wouldn't have seen without the other person.

    However, the big reason why it all works is that we would both feel like doing the same things on nights out. He used to be into drugs before I knew him, but doesn't do them anymore. His friends still do, but both he and I are happy to go to a gig, have a few drinks after, and then head home while everyone else stays up all night (he was already like this before we started going out - I would find it very hard to deal with if he wasn't).

    Another group of friends he has like to go out to late bars and nightclubs after the pub and get totally wasted. This would really bug me, too, if it was a regular thing (we're all in our mid-late 30s, so if I had a boyfriend who regularly went to Coppers, I wouldn't be too impressed).

    It's up to you and what your standards are. Drugs are a deal breaker for me, but you may be different. I guess what I'm trying to say is that your lifestyle and values have to match up. Similar taste in music and hobbies is secondary, IMO.

    Good luck x


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    #50
    CaraMay
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭CaraMay


    Lalealea wrote: »
    I'm not the OP. I didn't start the thread. He doesn't want my opinion on that (if that's what he is asking) but hers.

    The question is not would I but would she?

    If that's the case I would suggest she ask him to be completely honest about what goes on there. And to be honest about how he behaves and how often he does it. If he is going to get abusive or erratic she needs to think. It depends on what he is taking also. Mostly it depends on his behavior if he is going to get off with other women then come home to you and give you abuse, **** that.

    But the OP doesn't mention that anywhere. I think it's more about tastes.


    Sorry i didn't intend to put caps on the you. I knew you weren't the op


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    #51
    Lalealea
    Closed Accounts Posts: 212 ✭✭Lalealea


    CaraMay wrote: »
    Sorry i didn't intend to put caps on the you. I knew you weren't the op

    Awh thanks for that. :-)


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    #52
    Linoge
    Registered Users Posts: 1,790 ✭✭✭Linoge


    ash23 wrote: »
    Mmmm, the dance scene, if that's what he is into and I'm just assuming it is, seems to be pretty intense for some people (my ex included).

    I'd tread carefully with this one OP. I'm probably biased because of my own experience but I found my ex and his mates would plan their holidays around raves etc. The biggest dance events don't tend to be in the country. Lots of weekends to Liverpool or Manchester, dance festivals in Europe in the Summer, holidays to Ibiza etc. It can be more of a way of life for some people and if you're not into it and he is (in a big way) you can expect to find it might become a problem.

    I am one of these people. All the posts I've read before about people just accepting different tastes in music, not basing a relationship on socialising, etc. That can all go out to the window when you like dance music. For me, it actually pains me to be in a bar with a live band.

    Decent dance events are so rare in Ireland, you basically need to plan all your holidays and breaks away around them. As much as south of France and Italy are amazing places to visit, it would kill me to have to give up 2 weeks in Ibiza and visit there instead on a "normal" holiday. Even if you were so amazing as to go with, the last thing you want is to be dragging someone who doesn't like the music out to a sweaty club, standing painfully listening to it, not dancing and then wanting to go home at 2:00am.


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    #53
    Lalealea
    Closed Accounts Posts: 212 ✭✭Lalealea


    Linoge wrote: »
    I am one of these people. All the posts I've read before about people just accepting different tastes in music, not basing a relationship on socialising, etc. That can all go out to the window when you like dance music. For me, it actually pains me to be in a bar with a live band.

    Decent dance events are so rare in Ireland, you basically need to plan all your holidays and breaks away around them. As much as south of France and Italy are amazing places to visit, it would kill me to have to give up 2 weeks in Ibiza and visit there instead on a "normal" holiday. Even if you were so amazing as to go with, the last thing you want is to be dragging someone who doesn't like the music out to a sweaty club, standing painfully listening to it, not dancing and then wanting to go home at 2:00am.

    Ah that makes sense now.

    In that case you either have to make a choice or make compromise.

    It depends on how strong his feelings are and what he sees his future as.

    I would never want to hold someone back. But we all have needs in relationships. It's either compromise or he needs to think. She does too.

    I'm a little bit of home bird. I like new experiences but I can imagine a lot of guys would not notice me or just not be into me. I guess it's incompatibility.


    I don't really know what to say to the OP then. It seems a bit out of experience.

    My feeling has always been if you want someone you want them and if they want you they want you. It should be direct and you just make it work. If they don't want you or are indifferent to you then it won't.


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    #54
    happypants
    Registered Users Posts: 280 ✭✭happypants


    Personally I can't stand a bit of music snobbery. I love music, all types of music apart from jazz- can't abide it, but if a partner enjoyed it, what's it to me?! anyway, this is such a trivial non issue IMO. It would worry me if a partner brought it up as a possible issue. When you hang out together if the gap is too wide do something that doesn't involve music then head to chosen gigs/ concerts with friends who enjoy the same. That's the best of both worlds- he gets time with friends and so do you.

    I the grand scheme of life this is such a small part. There will always be stuff you enjoy that your partner doesn't- for my relationship, he hates some of the garbage tv I watch, I hate most sports he watches. but I'll leave him at it to watch rugby/ f1 etc

    Also if you see yourself having children at some stage most of the above is completely irrelevant. My baby is 5 months old and i honestly don't remember when I last had time to update my iPod or actually listen to any music outside of the car. I did notice last week that the majority of pop music on the radio is pretty poor tho, no doubt my little one will love it, and myself and her dad will just have to lump it!


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