Parents expecting an input into your everyday decisions

discus · 31-07-2014 10:24am #1

Is this an irish thing? Although I'm mid twenties and live abroad, the (irish) mammy still has a go about all and everything. The latest thing is an argument because I said if the tent I'm camping in this weekend is too hot, I'll just sleep outside. Queue myriad reasons why I can't do that (I'm going away with friends!)

Going out without a jacket? Argument
Heading out to the barbers? You don't need a haircut

**** me, I'm only home for 4 weeks but I'm a broken man already.

HalloweenJack · 31-07-2014 10:28am

It's just mammies the world over.

anncoates · 31-07-2014 10:30am

Don't forget to bring your scarf.

Have you got a key?

mariaalice · 31-07-2014 10:30am

Does you mother have a job/career, a life outside the house, interests or a partner or husband.

My mother was like that, but I am not because I made a decision not to be like, not every mother is like it can develop in to a habit with some mothers mostly if being a mother has been a lot of their life.

ArmaniJeanss · 31-07-2014 10:31am

Its about time you settled down with a nice girl.

Tangatagamadda Chaddabinga Bonga Bungo · 31-07-2014 10:31am

Burn all her clothes in the garden while laughing hysterically, that should quieten her up for a bit.
Failing that, PM me and we can start putting in place...

...Plan B.

jimgoose · 31-07-2014 10:32am

They all do that. To a Mammy, Child == Blithering Idiot, even when they're <harrumph> such-and-such and age.

Duggy747 · 31-07-2014 10:34am

Threaten her by waving a nursing home form in front of her.

OldGoat · 31-07-2014 11:00am

discus wrote: »

I'm mid twenties

Ahhhh bless.
I'm significantly older than you and my ma still gives me a hard time. Learn to live with it, it'll never change.

anncoates · 31-07-2014 11:15am

Your kids are basically frozen in your mental eye forever as being about 9 years old despite the fact they may be parents themselves, convicts , CEOs or whatever.

Just accept it.

BeerWolf · 31-07-2014 11:17am

Shouldn't really be an issue - just the mum looking out for your well being.

I Heart Internet · 31-07-2014 11:17am

Was speaking with a 64 year old man at work who's mother is still alive and in a home. She must be late 80s at least.

He says she stills gives out to him that he needs a haircut, etc.

Mammies will be mammies.

eviltwin · 31-07-2014 11:19am

If I'm ever like that with my adult children just shoot me please. Although old habits die hard, its the adults who make decisions to keep mammy and daddy happy who are worse.

billie1b · 31-07-2014 11:20am

Enjoy it while you can, when she's not around anymore you'll be kicking yourself for getting upset about silly little things

Larbre34 · 31-07-2014 11:22am

I'm 37, married and with my own business, lived in the UK for 4 year, and still my Mam says things like 'don't be out too late during the week', 'would you not drive in that weather' and 'are you sure you're alright for money' (despite the fact I've been fortunate enough to be able to renovate her house for her)

Sometimes its endearing, sometimes irritating, sometimes tiresome but usually meant with good intentions. Just take a breath, count to 5 and remind yourself you would miss it if she was gone tomorrow....

FTA69 · 31-07-2014 11:36am

First of all be grateful for the fact you have a parent who gives a sh*t about you and worries about you. That's a given. However, that doesn't necessarily mean your mother shouldn't respect the fact you're your own man. There is such a thing as an overbearing parent and someone should be allowed bring it up without getting shouted down with something like "be glad you have one and leave your poor mother alone you'll miss her when she's dead"; which so often happens.

When I moved to London at 18 my mother and my grandmother literally rang me every single evening without fail, no exaggeration. Most evenings this would end in an argument about something or other, often heated. While I was touched at their concern, I was also fed up with the phone ringing at 8pm every single evening as I was sitting down to dinner after an 11 hour shift. The last thing I wanted was to be harassed over "your drinking", or "when are you going back to school" or "why aren't you coming home" or "why don't you have a girlfriend" or "you're not getting a tattoo" etc etc. Despite the fact I was a grown, self sufficient man with my own flat I was being hectored every single evening by people looking to pick a fight. I once mentioned I was going to Liverpool for a weekend only to get moaned at as to "why aren't you coming home instead???"

It might sound callous but I disconnected my landline and only answered the phone every five days or so. Sometimes parents need to realise their children aren't kids any more and unfortunately you sometimes have to force that process and set boundaries.

discus · 31-07-2014 11:36am

Larbre34 wrote: »

I'm 37, married and with my own business, lived in the UK for 4 year, and still my Mam says things like 'don't be out too late during the week', 'would you not drive in that weather' and 'are you sure you're alright for money' (despite the fact I've been fortunate enough to be able to renovate her house for her)

Hahaha for gods sake, are you my secret older sibling?! That's all too familiar.

Sometimes its endearing, sometimes irritating, sometimes tiresome but usually meant with good intentions. Just take a breath, count to 5 and remind yourself you would miss it if she was gone tomorrow....

The feels are strong with this one

It might sound callous but I disconnected my landline and only answered the phone every five days or so. Sometimes parents need to realise their children aren't kids any more and unfortunately you sometimes have to force that process and set boundaries.

Good post!

jimgoose · 31-07-2014 11:37am

FTA69 wrote: »

...I disconnected my landline and only answered the phone every five days or so...

^^^
This truly, is the Tao.

caustic 1 · 31-07-2014 11:43am

I hate wearing shoes, most of the time I am in bare feet around the house, and for as long as I can remember "you are going to end up with bad kidneys running around in bare feet, and you know your kidneys are not great anyway",(I had an infection when I was 6). 40 yrs later still I hear it.

Jamaican Me Crazy · 31-07-2014 11:53am

My mam isn't too bad actually. Probably the other extreme. Too busy with her drinking, smoking and partying to give a fcuk what I'm doing. She's grand for the odd bit of babysitting though.

I am a (young) mother to a teenage son and I'd say I nag him something awful 'did you have a shower', 'is that what you're wearing', 'you need a haircut'..... help me!!!

snaphook · 31-07-2014 11:57am

Mine actually said last week that my room needed a clean.

That if I died in the morning, she'd be embarrased at the state of it.

Yes, I would be dead, an autopsy would probably be in order and funeral arrangements would need to be made but Priority One?

The current condition of my room and the embarrassment and shame it would bring on the family.

Chucken · 31-07-2014 12:21pm

My 2 'babies' are 29 and 30. They've gone for a day out together and I'm minding my little grandson.
I just sent the 30 year old (who hasn't lived with me since she was 18) a text, reminding her to make sure they eat lunch

BeerWolf · 31-07-2014 12:31pm

If it weren't for parents you'd end up like this fella: LINK ! :pac:

mariaalice · 31-07-2014 12:32pm

I have to admit that I phoned my youngest last week when I know she would be on her own for a week and told her I was worried she would be lonely on her own for a week and was wondering would she be safe on her own, she though I was mad!!

castletownman · 31-07-2014 12:51pm

I was at a wedding at the weekend in the scorching heat and to cool myself down a small bit I undid a couple of buttons on the shirt and loosened the tie a bit. My mother spotted me and started re-buttoning it up in front of everyone again saying "you can't be going around looking like a down and out". I'm 26.

It was one action shy from spitting on a tissue and cleaning my face in front of a crowd.

neamhspleachi · 31-07-2014 12:58pm

50 & the mammy still presumes she can bust my balls whenever the whim takes her.

Not too happy when she's told to "fúck off ma, I'm a grown man now, just because you popped me out the birth canal 50 years ago doesn't give you the right to harangue me until your 6 deep" :eek:

Sadderday · 31-07-2014 12:58pm

26, female, living with OH and engaged.....

From the aul lad: if you visit with shorts on.... 'you not get dressed today?' , 'your not going out like that' etc etc etc

From the mother: 'you can see your boobies, you'll give your father a heart attack', 'your like a prostitute', 'your cold' etc etc etc etc

The OH's are worse .... mothers and their sons!!!

juneg · 01-08-2014 2:34am

snaphook wrote: »

Mine actually said last week that my room needed a clean.

That if I died in the morning, she'd be embarrased at the state of it.

Yes, I would be dead, an autopsy would probably be in order and funeral arrangements would need to be made but Priority One?

The current condition of my room and the embarrassment and shame it would bring on the family.

Don't you know that it would be very embarrassing for your Mammy if the ambulance men had to come into that room, the state of it

whirlpool · 01-08-2014 2:55am

The entire nature of a mother is to examine their child's every move and give advice on everything. As long as a mother is a mother, that's what they'll do. Age of mother or child is irrelevant. It's not an Irish thing, is a nature thing. If your mother just gave birth to you and then f***ed off, you'd be dead. She sticks around and raises you to keep you alive and healthy so you can pass on your genes.

It can be annoying at times, though, yup.

I'm 28 and I have to remind myself I'm an adult sometimes as my mother would simply make all my decisions for me given the chance.

Parents expecting an input into your everyday decisions

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