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is marriage pointless these days?

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    #122
    Siogfinsceal
    Registered Users Posts: 1,915 ✭✭✭Siogfinsceal


    As I dont plan on having kids, it doesnt really bother me If I marry or not (although the big party and holiday is appealing!).

    I can never understand people having kids before marraige. especially when you see so many lads leaving them high and dry and pregnant and never paying a penny in child support

    surely, as a woman its better to be married first so that if he changes his mind half way through and f**ks off your entitled legally to child support and a share off assets?


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    #123
    lennox1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 60 ✭✭lennox1


    I can't believe the level of cynicism on this thread:( are there no romantics left in the world!!!!!!! A month after I met my other half,we knew we were meant to be together.We married eight months later,as we wanted the world to share our great luck and no,not a shotgun wedding or for sex in Catholic Ireland as it still was then.
    28 years later we still hold hands and are as much in love today as we were then.Marriage can be difficult at times especially when children arrive but when things get tough in the workplace,do people walk away? No,they try and sort things out and only walk away as a last resort.Marriage is similar.Not always perfect but when it is,it is absolutely wonderful.Give it a chance.


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    #124
    Kipperhell
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,477 ✭✭✭Kipperhell


    I got married because I had an accident and it made me realise the situation would effect my partner. Then she would have had no legal rights to half of the house. Even if she could get the house she would have to pay inheritance tax. I know the situation has changed but it still takes 2 years to have those rights however there are still issues such has who can make medical decisions.
    Marriage is certainly different to just living together.
    For all the people who think they will be still young and good looking and their will be lots of sex you are sadly mistaken. People pair off leaving lots of "unsuitable" people about. You do get people from broken relationships who have baggage. Woman around their 30s become a little bit desperate too as they suddenly want a baby. When you are in your 40s overweight and no property you won't seem so attractive.


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    #125
    Terry
    Registered Users Posts: 26,061 ✭✭✭✭Terry


    Kipperhell wrote:
    For all the people who think they will be still young and good looking and their will be lots of sex you are sadly mistaken. People pair off leaving lots of "unsuitable" people about. You do get people from broken relationships who have baggage. Woman around their 30s become a little bit desperate too as they suddenly want a baby. When you are in your 40s overweight and no property you won't seem so attractive.
    That's not exactly a good reason to get married.
    If you don't feel right about it, then don't do it.
    It's also not a reason to jump into a relationship with the first person to come along.

    I'd rather be single that spend my life with someone I didn't really love.


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    #126
    Kipperhell
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,477 ✭✭✭Kipperhell


    Terry wrote: »
    That's not exactly a good reason to get married.
    If you don't feel right about it, then don't do it.
    It's also not a reason to jump into a relationship with the first person to come along.

    I'd rather be single that spend my life with someone I didn't really love.

    Making sure your partner is economically secure after your death and that they can decide medical treatment isn't good enough?

    I just pointed out on top of that the reality of life. I never said the others were reasons just pointing out that life moves on whether you grow up and meet somebody or not.


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    #127
    unreggd
    Registered Users Posts: 3,835 ✭✭✭unreggd


    biko wrote: »
    It's never pointless to declare your devotion and love for someone publicly.
    However, people just don't live up to expectations any more.
    Indeed

    But you dont need to get married to do that

    Spiritual wedding ftw!!!

    Although i so wanna get married in Vegas


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    #128
    Dudess
    Closed Accounts Posts: 37,215 ✭✭✭✭Dudess


    Kipperhell wrote: »
    Making sure your partner is economically secure after your death and that they can decide medical treatment isn't good enough?
    Terry wasn't referring to that at all. He even quoted the part of your post to which he was referring.
    I just pointed out on top of that the reality of life. I never said the others were reasons just pointing out that life moves on whether you grow up and meet somebody or not.
    People can't just produce a partner out of thin air. And some people don't want to settle for someone about whom they're not hugely pushed just so they won't be alone. I certainly would rather be alone. The "desperate" women you've referred to are the ones who DO settle for anyone. Yet they're so scared of being alone because of notions like yours.


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    #129
    Crea
    Registered Users Posts: 1,049 ✭✭✭Crea


    My partner used to wonder about me cause before we were married I worried that if he got really sick I would have no say in what happened to him especially if my wishes were different to his parents. Also if he died i would have no say in where he was buried eventhough he had lived in my home town for over 20 years and we had been together for 8 years.
    Also, we both wanted to have kids and wanted us to have equal rights in relation to them.
    Anyone who thinks marriage is easy and the problems are fixed by "love" are fools.


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    #130
    constitutionus
    Registered Users Posts: 7,988 ✭✭✭constitutionus


    well marriage is a great way for a girl to make an absolute fortune for lying on her back and not be called a whore. :D

    personally as a bloke ive way too much to lose by committing constitutional suicide like that !

    i know that sounds bitter but only ONE guy i know has a sucessful marriage. thems aint good odds.


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    #131
    happybee
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22 ✭happybee


    Well I think its a lot easier to complain out your marriage then it is to celebrate it.People dont want to hear how happy you are, they want to hear youre having a c*ap time,even if its an exaggeration by those complaining.
    Plus, people are a lot freer when it comes to talking about their marriage,its acceptable now to have a marraige fall apart.Its not seen as being "real"if a couple are happy.
    We are the only ones responsible for living up to OUR "expectations".Yet we seem to heap it on the pile of "normality" along with all our other material wants and desires.
    Marriage is not a materialistic item.But our "instant gratification" lifestyles make it something disposable,rather an investment.
    We have little or no faith in anything these days other then Euros. How can two people get married "in the eyes of God" when you barely believe in this God you are supposedly honouring.And its nobody's fault but our own.
    Our society is selfish,ignorant and easily bored.
    Marriage is just another by-product in our conveyor-belt lifestyle.:(
    But I think Romance DOES exist.Love DOES exist.there are plenty of couples who are a testament to marriage working.and they are something to aspire to.


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    #132
    chambers
    Closed Accounts Posts: 40 ✭chambers


    Elessar wrote: »
    Yes it's pointless. Also financial suicide.

    I cant help but snigger when I hear one of my co-workers calling his fiance every f*cking hour cos they're just so much in love. Wait until your 40 mate, you'll hardly have a conversation with your wife, if you're still married that is, which you wont be after one of you cheats or falls "out of love" with the other and everything becomes routine. The you loose the house, your car, your money and your life.

    Oh the naive.

    sad but true..I think people should think very carefully about signing a legal contract..most of them are too young and not copped on to fully understand the long term legal and financial implications..what seems like a good idea at 28, might cause huge problems when your 45. I think people should just have partners myself, unless them really really want kids. I dunno why men and women have to have a legal contract between them..I don't really find that very romantic..having to legally bind a relationship..it seems kind of unnatural..


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    #133
    chambers
    Closed Accounts Posts: 40 ✭chambers


    constitutionus wrote: »
    well marriage is a great way for a girl to make an absolute fortune for lying on her back and not be called a whore. :D

    personally as a bloke ive way too much to lose by committing constitutional suicide like that !

    i know that sounds bitter but only ONE guy i know has a sucessful marriage. thems aint good odds.

    I'm a 30 year old woman by the way..and I totally agree with you. I was brought up by my mother who worked full time and was the main breadwinner in the house. I always looked down on some life long housewives as a pack of timewasters and legalised prositutes who just spend there husbands money when they should really get a job themselves and have some pride. I have a partner but I always pay half of everything. I was not brought up to rip men off. I think I have more dignity then that. I have always worked for everything I own. I can see that a lot of women my age who are mad to marry so they can go into some kind of semi retirement and live off the man..these women were reared by a bunch of hangaround house wives who taught the daughters to sponge off men..I think they are a disgrace..and men should be bang wide to them..


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    #134
    chambers
    Closed Accounts Posts: 40 ✭chambers


    Orange69 wrote: »
    Imo marriage is pretty much pointless*...

    If people are happy together then it wont change anything and its not like someone who decides they want out will hang in there just because they are married.. I have seen the aftermath of a couple of divorces and its pretty scary how ****ed up people get in the cross fire (especially dudes)... Seems worse than a regular breakup...

    Plus there is the cost of the whole thing!!


    *nothing got to do with the fact that im single.. ahem..
    If a couple can't stay together without a piece of paper then getting married won't hold them together..in some cases I think couples try to use marriage to hold together relationships that just are rocky not that healthy..and will eventually split up.Sometimes I think paper free marriages(couples that live together) are more honest and real then marriages. Couples that just want to be together with no legal or social ties..


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    #135
    chambers
    Closed Accounts Posts: 40 ✭chambers


    Siogfinsceal wrote: »
    As I dont plan on having kids, it doesnt really bother me If I marry or not (although the big party and holiday is appealing!).

    I can never understand people having kids before marraige. especially when you see so many lads leaving them high and dry and pregnant and never paying a penny in child support

    surely, as a woman its better to be married first so that if he changes his mind half way through and f**ks off your entitled legally to child support and a share off assets?

    I think it very depressing all these mothers being left high and dry..I think that fathers pay a very low level of child mainteance in this country..we all end up pay for the kids..its not a very clever thing to have a kid without a partner unless you can afford to..but with all the shagging around thats going on its bound to happen..what other option is there - abortion?


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    #136
    chambers
    Closed Accounts Posts: 40 ✭chambers


    Kipperhell wrote: »
    Making sure your partner is economically secure after your death and that they can decide medical treatment isn't good enough?

    I just pointed out on top of that the reality of life. I never said the others were reasons just pointing out that life moves on whether you grow up and meet somebody or not.

    I wouldn't get married just so my partner could make medical decisions. personally I would want my whole family involved in any medical decisions, cause I remember that case in a America where a husband turned off his wife's life support machine against the wishes of her family..


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    #137
    chambers
    Closed Accounts Posts: 40 ✭chambers


    Terry wrote: »
    That's not exactly a good reason to get married.
    If you don't feel right about it, then don't do it.
    It's also not a reason to jump into a relationship with the first person to come along.

    I'd rather be single that spend my life with someone I didn't really love.

    I think single people get a lot of slagging don't they..its like people think there is something wrong with them..i mean its not fair..relationships aren't everything


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    #138
    chambers
    Closed Accounts Posts: 40 ✭chambers


    jester77 wrote: »
    Marriage is a bit crazy alright. Look at the cost of a wedding and then the cost of a divorce and that's before taking other things into account. Does everyone getting married now do up a prenup?

    I think Gabriele Pauli might be onto something here!!

    Jester I don't think prenups are legal in this country


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    #139
    chambers
    Closed Accounts Posts: 40 ✭chambers


    gamer wrote: »
    I think after ten years rate of marriage breakdown is 50 percent.THERES some tax breaks for married couples, if one partner dies the other one gets most of the estate unless theres a will made to prevent this.IN the eyes of the law its a legal contract to provide financial support to your wife for the rest of your life, even after you get divorced,even if you have no kids .MY advice to anyone wait at least 6 years into a relationship, unless everything is absolutely perfect dont get marrried. THE average divorce costs at least 10k in legal fees.Marriage is a great way to make solicitors rich , cos 50percent of couples end up breaking up ,or divorcing.BUT i understand theres social pressure in some areas for people to get married ,but theres loadsa people with kids who never bother getting married.

    your post sounds terrifying..i think i would get married if it wasn't all so permanent..like if i could marry for 5 years and sign a prenup..50 per cent breakdown..i think the marriage break down rate in ireland is about 30 percent.but I presummed that most people waited till there kids were reared..so they don't get divorced till there like 50ish..in America the divorce rate is about 50 percent..i suppose we are going to head that way.. I think society is going to have to find another way of celebrating relationships..marriage as it is just isn't working..it is nice to mark a relationship though:(..but maybe they should keep the cost down..cause they might have to do it over and over again..


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    #140
    Terry
    Registered Users Posts: 26,061 ✭✭✭✭Terry


    Sweet mother of divine jaysus.

    See the button in the middle, beside the quote button?
    It's the multi quote button. You can quote any number of posts at once. :)


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    #141
    chambers
    Closed Accounts Posts: 40 ✭chambers


    Moonbaby wrote: »
    Thats totally false, the mid life crisis brigade have the highest rate of just under 19%, and in all fairness alot of that generation probably got married by shotgun or just to have sex in the firstplace in good old catholic Ireland.
    Average rate of martial breakdown is 13%
    i'm positive the marriage break down rate is about 30% in Ireland, its about 40% in Britain, nearly 50% in America..with younger couples only married like 2 or 3 years and older retired couples having the highest rate of break down.


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    #142
    chambers
    Closed Accounts Posts: 40 ✭chambers


    doubtfir3 wrote: »
    I'd be the same.. I don't know if I would ever get married.. or even seriously consider it.. I used to think of things in terms of marriage, kids, etc but have changed my thoughts on this over the past number of years.

    I see people married, who are now in their 50s or 60s and no way are they suited.. they seem to stay together almost because there's a perception that there's nothing else to do..

    I see people all around me, friends, family and colleagues who are married and are breaking up, in the process of it, thinking about it or cheating.

    Still more who are getting into relationships with marriage as the ultimate goal - again in a situation where you can see so much heartache down the road and an inevitable breakup..



    Maybe I'm just being cynical but I definately think that I'll have to consider it very carefully if I do decide to go down that route... I'm not saying that I don't want to be in a long-term and committed relationship full of love, lust and all that goes with it but I am of the opinion that marriage is a step I may never take.

    My 2c..

    I think its sad and messy though..relationships breaking down..not great for kids either..maybe its just our real human nature or that were living longer..maybe were not meant to all be in lifelong relationships..we should learn to live with it and marriage legislation has to be more flexible..maybe some people could live in more open relationships or have a few partners or have marriages where they could legally take a break when its starts to get claustrophic..marraige is too strict..people can't take it anymore, cause our society has opened up and changed..they are trying in an institution which doesn't really reflect what people and society are really like..


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    #143
    chambers
    Closed Accounts Posts: 40 ✭chambers


    ejmaztec wrote: »
    So, what do unmarried parents call their kids? (talking surnames here, not bast*rds)
    tis a bit cruel saying that..


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    #144
    constitutionus
    Registered Users Posts: 7,988 ✭✭✭constitutionus


    when divorce came in marriage became redundant.

    whats the point of legal contract for "a lifelong commitment" you can break?

    i'll be honest i can bearly go to wedding now without being consumed with the urge to shout " this is a load of ****ing bollocks, "what god has put together let no man put apart" ?you can walk straignt out to the courts now!"

    chuck in the fact its constitutional suicide for a bloke its no great surprise women cant get men up the aisle.

    ive no problem being faithful but i despise hypocracy and simply cant see myself getting married thanks to divorce. its simply not a true binding commitment anymore.

    you'd make just a large commitment buying a house together.

    doesnt help i dont know a SINGLE sucessful marriage in my circle of friends. theyre ALL either seperated or divorced at 6yrs top. one guy didnt even make his first aniversery.


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    #145
    chambers
    Closed Accounts Posts: 40 ✭chambers


    loismustdie wrote: »
    watna would you get married in church even though you don't believe in god?

    i think marraige is impractical. it's a pity the public see it as an act of dedication when it is only an expensive day out. a couple can prove their love by their day-to-day habits.
    i think it would be more important to put money and efforts to get a mortgage in a time when house prices are high, and be able to provide well for a family.
    the emphasis on wedding days now and expectation are ridiculous. my baby shares his dad's surname as that is necessary for social reasons in this age to avoid stereotyping
    I just think all that is nesscary is that children are brought up in a by good loving parents..I suppose paperwork in this country is important for inheritance reasons..but I believe that those tax laws will change over the next few years cause they discrimate against too many people (singles,childless married couples..gay guys....I just don't understand this standing up in front of people and saying vows thing..i mean its all a bit of drama,,isn't it..for show..just concentrate on being good parents..forget the showing off at the wedding..


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    #146
    AckwelFoley
    Registered Users Posts: 12,556 ✭✭✭✭AckwelFoley


    im a pathetic romantic...

    I would like to get married.

    Not by a paedophile though in a church.

    Somewhere.. by the beach :D


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    #147
    chambers
    Closed Accounts Posts: 40 ✭chambers


    arac wrote: »
    its interesting that alot of the views expressed here seem to display a dissillusionment with marriage and the whole idea..I still have faith in it as an institution and a important part of society.
    I do think that there is so much emphasis placed on the day itself and it is absolutely ridiculous going 30k in debt, only to constantly worry about how much everyone else will give you in return so that you can hope to break even...
    the point of a marriage and indeed a wedding day is to stand up in front of your family and friends, and maybe god if that s what you want and say to everyone, I love this person and I want to spend the rest of my life with them...not neccesarily to have the flashiest hotel, etc etc...if the emphasis shifted from all that maybe ppl would nt be getting married for all the wrong reasons!!

    marriages are never easy but there is also evidence to suggest that along with every marriage break down there is a very happily married couple...I know my parents are just one, 31 years strong...

    I totally agree with you,, i think weddings should be like they were in my grand parents time.Put on your good clothes/best suit.down to the registery office /church.just immediate family.a quick few minutes of a ceremony, a nice meal in restuarant with your immediate family, and a few drinks..nothing flashy..then a week in portugal..people totally distracted by this big event of a wedding that they really don't have time to think about their relationship..I think weddings should become a more personal thing for the couple instead of a big flashy public event..


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    #148
    WhiteWashMan
    Registered Users Posts: 20,099 ✭✭✭✭WhiteWashMan


    constitutionus wrote: »
    when divorce came in marriage became redundant.

    whats the point of legal contract for "a lifelong commitment" you can break?

    i'll be honest i can bearly go to wedding now without being consumed with the urge to shout " this is a load of ****ing bollocks, "what god has put together let no man put apart" ?you can walk straignt out to the courts now!"

    chuck in the fact its constitutional suicide for a bloke its no great surprise women cant get men up the aisle.

    ive no problem being faithful but i despise hypocracy and simply cant see myself getting married thanks to divorce. its simply not a true binding commitment anymore.

    you'd make just a large commitment buying a house together.

    doesnt help i dont know a SINGLE sucessful marriage in my circle of friends. theyre ALL either seperated or divorced at 6yrs top. one guy didnt even make his first aniversery.

    I obviously see marriage as a completely different entity entirely to you.

    Its a wonderful thing.

    Getting married shouldnt be about saving a relationship, or 'the next step' in a relationship. You wont be happy getting married if youre relationship would fall apart without a bit of paper.

    its not about paper.

    Its simply an act between two people. In the grand scheme of things, it doesnt change a whole lot, so if you dont believe in it, great, dont do it.
    me, i believe in it, i love my wife dearly, she is my world, and i love being married to her.
    We both wanted to get married, and we both love it. its all about the love :)


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    #149
    donasus
    Registered Users Posts: 19 ✭donasus


    :):)I got married 15 months ago;)

    we married for love:p

    It was the happiest day of our lives (so far):D

    We are better off financially:)

    We are more in love now 12 years later, than we ever were.

    Marriage is a positive thing and it took us a long time because we couldn't afford to get married.

    dont knock it till you try it!


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    #150
    kizzyr
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,410 ✭✭✭kizzyr


    chambers wrote: »
    I totally agree with you,, i think weddings should be like they were in my grand parents time.Put on your good clothes/best suit.down to the registery office /church.just immediate family.a quick few minutes of a ceremony, a nice meal in restuarant with your immediate family, and a few drinks..nothing flashy..then a week in portugal..people totally distracted by this big event of a wedding that they really don't have time to think about their relationship..I think weddings should become a more personal thing for the couple instead of a big flashy public event..

    I agree with you too, in fact your version of events should become the law;) all big fluffy OTT expensive wedding should be banned.


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    #151
    Baudelaire
    Closed Accounts Posts: 382 ✭✭Baudelaire


    I'll never get married, I've been cheated on a few times and I've come to the conclusion that finding someone who'll stay faithful for life is next to impossible and tbh not worth the effort, the breakup of a relationship sucks but the breakup of a marriage would suck donkey balls so I'd much prefer to stay single now and have the odd short dip in the dating pool as the mood takes me. Besides it costs a bloody fortune :eek:


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