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LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

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Comments

  • #3152
    Morag
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,427 ✭✭✭Morag


    So you get the gumption up to go to the dr and talk it all out and discuss what to do and what you have been doing to try and manage. And you get told well see how it goes and if things don't improve in two weeks come back.

    Things don't improve, in fact they dis improve quiet considerably and then you ring the dr, on the Tuesday and get told by a snotty replacement receptionist that the earliest appointment is Thursday next week as most of the staff of the practice got some sort of bug and if I don't like it I an try the D Doc service, who won't have access to my files.

    Now just to try and keep from doing something stupid between now and Thursday next week, like eating my weight in chocolate, buying cigarettes and switching out all the coffee I am drinking for whiskey and still trying to run a house hold and two teenagers.


  • #3153
    Call Me Jimmy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,449 ✭✭✭Call Me Jimmy


    Morag wrote: »
    So you get the gumption up to go to the dr and talk it all out and discuss what to do and what you have been doing to try and manage. And you get told well see how it goes and if things don't improve in two weeks come back.

    Things don't improve, in fact they dis improve quiet considerably and then you ring the dr, on the Tuesday and get told by a snotty replacement receptionist that the earliest appointment is Thursday next week as most of the staff of the practice got some sort of bug and if I don't like it I an try the D Doc service, who won't have access to my files.

    Now just to try and keep from doing something stupid between now and Thursday next week, like eating my weight in chocolate, buying cigarettes and switching out all the coffee I am drinking for whiskey and still trying to run a house hold and two teenagers.

    I understand you are not feeling well but I'm sure they weren't lying about there not being an appointment until thursday next week, unfortunately you will have to wait. Doctors (GPs and psychiatrists) can be somewhat dismissive but I think people have odd expectations when going to a GP or Psychiatrist.

    There really are only two things they can do IMO, medication and/or therapy. I'm sure a lot of GPs now have become aware of the reputation out there re: 'prescribing anti-depressants like sweets' and so maybe you're doctor wants to have a bit more perspective?

    I hope you can find something that will help you while you wait for your appointment that gives you a bit of mental breathing space, but one thing I've learned is it takes work to achieve that breathing space. If I did exactly what I'd been doing before I would never have the short periods of relief I sometimes get now. The reward : work ratio is very low at the beginning but after a couple of days, you can buy yourself some relief. You have to be creative in your thinking though? Yoga is helping me a lot but I would have never even thought about it a month ago, I was just thinking, 'what can I do that I know will pay off if I'm disciplined about it?' and I thought of that.

    With two teenage sons, it might be hard for you to find time, but get them to do a bit more (I mean around the house or whatever) and you relax a bit, consider it as if you were dying of the flu or something... good luck :)


  • #3154
    Call Me Jimmy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,449 ✭✭✭Call Me Jimmy


    Drumpot wrote: »
    I have gone to meetings where there are people in their 60s - 70s who are only realising what we have figured out so much younger in our lives and it reminds me how lucky I am to of tried to resolve my depression problems before the twilight of my life.

    Great post, but this ^^^^. I've always thought if there's one overwhelmingly positive thing about have this amount of pain most of the time is that you get an opportunity to really understand yourself and gain so much insight and wisdom. I very rarely say anything good about myself but I know that because of all this I am very wise for my age and I can be thankful for that. It means I can do things (most of the time) with the level head of a middle-aged man, the **** it attitude and just doing what's good for me, but I'm also still relatively young and can enjoy it in my relative youth.

    Sustained pain = wisdom + insight.


  • #3155
    Gongoozler
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,263 ✭✭✭Gongoozler


    I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I've done all I can do. I try and try and get no help, get no credit, get nowhere. Get no love from anybody. No support. No one checks in with me. An issue comes up, and straight away I'm to blame. Maybe I am to blame, but does it ever to anyone that maybe it's a hard thing to live with - that you're that screwed up. I have nothing. I'm not as smart as I'd like to believe. I've no reason to have any confidence that I do manage to have.

    I'm so tired of life. If this is life, I don't want it anymore. It just ****ing sucks. Every ****ing part of it sucks. Non stop. Every day is a nightmare. I do my best all the time. with everyone. I take responsibility, but no one else ever does. Ever. I apologise, but never get an apology. I watch what I do and say, but anyone can say anything to me.
    I just want someone to love me.


  • #3156
    Lyrab23
    Registered Users Posts: 7 ✭Lyrab23


    Gongoozler wrote: »
    I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I've done all I can do. I try and try and get no help, get no credit, get nowhere. Get no love from anybody. No support. No one checks in with me. An issue comes up, and straight away I'm to blame. Maybe I am to blame, but does it ever to anyone that maybe it's a hard thing to live with - that you're that screwed up. I have nothing. I'm not as smart as I'd like to believe. I've no reason to have any confidence that I do manage to have.

    I'm so tired of life. If this is life, I don't want it anymore. It just ****ing sucks. Every ****ing part of it sucks. Non stop. Every day is a nightmare. I do my best all the time. with everyone. I take responsibility, but no one else ever does. Ever. I apologise, but never get an apology. I watch what I do and say, but anyone can say anything to me.
    I just want someone to love me.



    I do.

    I love someone who says the same things on the bad days. And he seemed really surprised that someone actually liked him when we started our relationship. I'm still here nearly 8 years later.

    I think that everyone really does have someone (or maybe more than one person!) out there that is right for them. I suppose that thought doesn't matter if you cant see them through your dark thoughts, or are too nervous/self critical to strike up a conversation that starts the relationship sparks.

    I care about what you feel, it scares me. I know that the person I love feels it too - and looking at the response this thread has got - a lot of people here are feeling the same.

    I met the other half of me on an Fetac course of all places (i.e the most depressing place I can think of!). We only got talking through the group debate parts of the course.

    Otherwise I don't know if we would have got talking at all or realized how much we liked each other. We are very alike except that I deal with my issues by putting them in a box. Like Pandora's box - and I don't think I will ever open it.

    I also have been blessed with a natural optimism (I flatter myself that it is not just complete naivety or stupidity - as someone who is as really smart as my partner couldn't end up with a person like that...).

    I think that is how we work so well together. We have found that when we just talk it seems to really help. But sometimes he is unreachable. I don't really know how to deal with or approach those episodes.

    This thread is amazing for me. I know everyone is different but reading how all of you have found depression and how you wish people would handle it is really helpful.

    I don't need fairy tales and happy ever afters. And bad days are ok to have and I expect that we will have this ''black dog" follow us for the rest of our lives. I just want to be there and I want to understand more.


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  • #3157
    Clandestine
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,466 ✭✭✭Clandestine


    Gongoozler wrote: »
    I just want someone to love me.
    I know that feel

    Well, in a different sort of way. I have a general emotional detachment from others and don't really feel anything when praised most of the time. I don't feel anything towards family members who love me very much and I doubt I could ever really care for another person. I don't know how I could feel such a strong emotion such as love when I rarely feel much at all.


  • #3158
    Esel
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,507 ✭✭✭✭Esel


    Call Me Jimmy wrote: »
    Great post, but this ^^^^. I've always thought if there's one overwhelmingly positive thing about have this amount of pain most of the time is that you get an opportunity to really understand yourself and gain so much insight and wisdom. I very rarely say anything good about myself but I know that because of all this I am very wise for my age and I can be thankful for that. It means I can do things (most of the time) with the level head of a middle-aged man, the **** it attitude and just doing what's good for me, but I'm also still relatively young and can enjoy it in my relative youth.

    Sustained pain = wisdom + insight.
    Hey Jimmy, your insight is genuinely wonderful.

    Maybe your formula might be better stated as Wisdom = sustained pain + insight?

    Or in a sentence: Insight usually only comes after a hell of a lot of confused thought, and when it comes, it takes a while (often a long while) to sink in.

    However it comes, insight is the thing.

    Not your ornery onager



  • #3159
    Esel
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,507 ✭✭✭✭Esel


    Lyrab23 wrote: »
    I do.

    I love someone who says the same things on the bad days. And he seemed really surprised that someone actually liked him when we started our relationship. I'm still here nearly 8 years later.

    I think that everyone really does have someone (or maybe more than one person!) out there that is right for them. I suppose that thought doesn't matter if you cant see them through your dark thoughts, or are too nervous/self critical to strike up a conversation that starts the relationship sparks.

    I care about what you feel, it scares me. I know that the person I love feels it too - and looking at the response this thread has got - a lot of people here are feeling the same.

    I met the other half of me on an Fetac course of all places (i.e the most depressing place I can think of!). We only got talking through the group debate parts of the course.

    Otherwise I don't know if we would have got talking at all or realized how much we liked each other. We are very alike except that I deal with my issues by putting them in a box. Like Pandora's box - and I don't think I will ever open it.

    I also have been blessed with a natural optimism (I flatter myself that it is not just complete naivety or stupidity - as someone who is as really smart as my partner couldn't end up with a person like that...).

    I think that is how we work so well together. We have found that when we just talk it seems to really help. But sometimes he is unreachable. I don't really know how to deal with or approach those episodes.

    This thread is amazing for me. I know everyone is different but reading how all of you have found depression and how you wish people would handle it is really helpful.

    I don't need fairy tales and happy ever afters. And bad days are ok to have and I expect that we will have this ''black dog" follow us for the rest of our lives. I just want to be there and I want to understand more.
    Hey, thank you for such a heartfelt post.
    ..sometimes he is unreachable. I don't really know how to deal with or approach those episodes.
    Maybe you could talk to your GP about this?
    We are very alike except that I deal with my issues by putting them in a box. Like Pandora's box - and I don't think I will ever open it.
    You don't have to open the box to inspect the contents when you know what is inside.

    Not your ornery onager



  • #3160
    Call Me Jimmy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,449 ✭✭✭Call Me Jimmy


    I'll post here because this is where I post when I'm good, so to show the quite immediate other side of it.

    This morning, as usual it turns full circle. I feel like a cruel joke with a flat punchline. I know that if I saw myself now, 5 years ago, I would have went insane. I feel physically ill when I look at myself, right now I feel like throwing up. I feel like my nightmare of yesteryear I'm living in it and trying to 'make the best of it'. I wonder what I will do, genuinely I have no idea.

    I've got a family thing today as well where I'll be seeing relations I haven't seen in ages and even though I know it won't make them dislike me, I will be able to see in their eyes in at trivial way 'shame about him, poor guy, he had it going for him'.

    I assume tonight when I am home on my own the dread will kick in.


  • #3161
    playedalive
    Closed Accounts Posts: 750 ✭✭✭playedalive


    Gi joe! wrote: »
    Feeling pretty low to be honest. Its strange, I've made so much progress in the last few months compared to where I was, no confidence, self-hatred, feeling constantly useless. Instead of avoiding stressful things like social events and job interviews I'm starting to tackle them head on. Due to too much alcohol rendering me near suicidal, I've managed to cut down my drinking drastically which I'm somewhat proud of. Although my social life has suffered as a result! :o

    There's definitely an element of anger which has crept into my life, which I've been trying to use positively when exercising or tackling something unpleasant.

    Yet the fact I'm in a better place now only intensifies the fact that I've wasted so much of the past few years in college especially. If I had felt this way like I felt a few years ago, maybe I would be a better situation and not so lonely all the time! I would have had the confidence to take more chances. When I also keep hearing when college are the best years of your life(have been some of the worst for me), it only makes it worse.

    I guess since I'm only 22(yet I already feel old) I may have more chances to turn things around and create a good life for myself. It just feels like I'll always be this way and things could spiral out of control any day now.

    On the other hand, reading how many of you are doing better has made me happy and gives me hope. As cheesy as it sounds, everyone of us on this planet are in this mess together and all we can really do is try to make the best of it!

    Mate, I'm 22 myself and feel the exact same as you. I'm suffering depression and am going through long points of loneliness. I'm trying to put myself out there, like yourself. It's difficult but it's all about keeping the faith (though, it's easier said than done). I'm also trying to come to terms with being gay. Also finishing my degree in the midst of all this.

    College days were my better day than my secondary years. I don't believe in this 'best day of your life' crap. I don't think such a concept exists truly. Everybody has good and bad in every aspect of their lives.. I do regret not getting involved and trying to make new friends (I cut myself from some pretty nasty people- hence the loneliness). But, I'm trying to hold on in there and believe that good things can happen to me (I just have to make the effort to believe it).

    Though, it's difficult. I've always found it difficult to like myself for who I am. I was bullied a fair bit in the past and find it difficult with social interaction at times. I'm always afraid to join in a conversation for fear that somebody might give me a hard time. It's silly, but old wounds die hard.


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  • #3162
    ClubDead
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 482 ✭✭ClubDead


    ....


  • #3163
    ClubDead
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 482 ✭✭ClubDead


    ......


  • #3164
    Three Seasons
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 548 ✭✭✭Three Seasons


    Some may disregard this as ridiculous but I urge you to try it if feeling really depressed.

    Get a colouring book and markers and colour away. I think it can be very therapeutic.


  • #3165
    ClubDead
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 482 ✭✭ClubDead


    ....


  • #3166
    pinkstars
    Registered Users Posts: 656 ✭✭✭pinkstars


    Well my panic and severe anxiety have upped in the last few days. I could not even make a 30 min walk earlier, I stopped as wham bam a panic attack starting. Held onto the wall for a bit, lit a fag, and breathed heavily for a bit. I thought I would have to ring my father to collect me.

    History:
    Severe anxiety for 2 years after having my baby. Could not leave the house. Finally got back to work last Oct and doing ok since, ups and downs alright.

    Just dunno when is time to let the doctor know anxiety is creeping back.
    Have been drinking some lattes - maybe I need to cut back on caffeine.


  • #3167
    Insect Overlord
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,914 Mod ✭✭✭✭Insect Overlord


    ClubDead wrote: »
    That was a really unnecessary and nasty response.

    What's nasty about it?

    Art/craft can be therapeutic, just like exercise, music and meditation.


  • #3168
    ClubDead
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 482 ✭✭ClubDead


    ....


  • #3169
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 50,630 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Mod

    ClubDead I see no reason to think that ThreeSeasons was either responding directly to you, or being nasty. Drop it please.


  • #3170
    Turtwig
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 26,578 ✭✭✭✭Turtwig


    ClubDead wrote: »
    "Some may disregard this as ridiculous but I urge you to try it if feeling really depressed.Get a colouring book and markers and colour away. I think it can be very therapeutic."

    Ah come on! You know his comment was intended for me and that he was being sarcastic. I don’t doubt art/crafts can be therapeutic but telling me to get a “colouring book and markers” was intended as an insult.

    He/she didn't even quote your post, so how do you know it was intended for you? To me, it came across as a post that was aimed at people who suffered from the awful malady that is depression.


  • #3171
    ClubDead
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 482 ✭✭ClubDead


    Wow ok...


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  • #3172
    herisson
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15,676 ✭✭✭✭herisson


    So everything has actually been going well for me lately. I was officially cleared from counselling. I'm so much happier than I ever have been. Things are looking up for me and I love the feeling. :)

    There is hope, no matter how much you may think there isn't. I thought I'd be stuck feeling miserable or just feeling nothing for the rest of my life. But I have worked hard at it the past year and I can honestly say, it was worth it. I'm so much happier and full of life again. :)

    And if it wasn't for this thread helping me out I dont know where I would be now.


  • #3173
    old hippy
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9,441 ✭✭✭old hippy


    ClubDead wrote: »
    Wow ok... I posted about an alternative treatment and he followed my post with “some may disregard this with ridiculous but I urge you to try.....” He may not have quoted me but it was obviously directed at me.


    Just ignore it. I've often been told to try yoga. Now, maybe it does help and has valid benefits. But sometimes, when you're in the depths of despair - such suggestions, whilst well meaning, just come across as a bit crass.

    I haven't been well for a few days, so I took some time away from the internet & now I'm on the mend. Probably a mistake to be posting here, mind :D


  • #3174
    Call Me Jimmy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,449 ✭✭✭Call Me Jimmy


    People make suggestions, often coming from a place of 'it helped me, maybe it might help someone else' and always from a place of love and compassion. I don't understand how it can be perceived as anything other than it is. People trying to help people. If something isn't for you then scroll on, but it might give someone an idea, especially coming from a credible source i.e. someone who is likely to have had similar feelings/ frustrations with life.


  • #3175
    Lone Stone
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,405 ✭✭✭Lone Stone


    pinkstars wrote: »
    Well my panic and severe anxiety have upped in the last few days. I could not even make a 30 min walk earlier, I stopped as wham bam a panic attack starting. Held onto the wall for a bit, lit a fag, and breathed heavily for a bit. I thought I would have to ring my father to collect me.

    I use to have very sever panic attacks, also i use to smoke which made them worse because of the whole breathing thing you should really try cut down or try getting of the ciggies.


  • #3176
    Three Seasons
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 548 ✭✭✭Three Seasons


    Three Seasons wrote: »
    Some may disregard this as ridiculous but I urge you to try it if feeling really depressed.

    Get a colouring book and markers and colour away. I think it can be very therapeutic.

    Just got to see the ensuing comments now. Just to make clear I didn't even read any posts here before posting the above, just thought it could be helpful to everyone even it it seems a bit silly.


  • #3177
    L.Jenkins
    Moderators, Computer Games Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 19,241 Mod ✭✭✭✭L.Jenkins


    The medication I'm on seems to be doing the trick in handling Bipolar Disorder, but there seems to be very little I can do to shake the feelings of anxiety and paranoia. I was let go from my previous job due to poor performance while I was not receiving treatment, despite the concerns I raised while seeing a Psychiatrist and a request for an extension to my probationary period.

    I'm currently waiting on the results of an investigation into whether the termination of my contract was unfair, but I don't wish to proceed as I feel the decision could be upheld. I also have the feeling I could be in trouble, but it's unfounded as I did not do anything to warrant further action.

    Is it a case of paranoia that I need to discuss with my Doctor or let it settle and see what happens?


  • #3178
    Bench Press
    Closed Accounts Posts: 262 ✭✭Bench Press


    pinkstars wrote: »
    Well my panic and severe anxiety have upped in the last few days. I could not even make a 30 min walk earlier, I stopped as wham bam a panic attack starting. Held onto the wall for a bit, lit a fag, and breathed heavily for a bit. I thought I would have to ring my father to collect me.

    History:
    Severe anxiety for 2 years after having my baby. Could not leave the house. Finally got back to work last Oct and doing ok since, ups and downs alright.

    Just dunno when is time to let the doctor know anxiety is creeping back.
    Have been drinking some lattes - maybe I need to cut back on caffeine.
    cut out the coffee, I find it drives me mad, but I drink 4 or 5 cups of strong stuff every day and then I can't sleep at all


  • #3179
    GreenWolfe
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,731 ✭✭✭GreenWolfe


    I've been lurking around the thread for a while now, but my head's been in a bad place for the past while and after something of a crisis I got myself into the doctors and talked about how I've been feeling.

    I've been prescribed medication, and I had my first counselling session today. I didn't expect it to be so tiring though. Haven't told any of my friends yet, but seeing as they've suggested that I get some help I'm not expecting any problems there.

    Reading through the posts here helped a lot, thanks to all of ye!


  • #3180
    Morag
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,427 ✭✭✭Morag


    Dr appointment in the morning, don't know if I will be up to talking much, just so worn out getting through the last week.


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  • #3181
    Turtwig
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 26,578 ✭✭✭✭Turtwig


    Morag wrote: »
    Dr appointment in the morning, don't know if I will be up to talking much, just so worn out getting through the last week.

    Glad to hear you got your appointment. Maybe if you feel like you can't talk have stuff written down on a page before hand and just show your GP that. Or read it to them.


  • #3182
    marcanthony1
    Registered Users Posts: 18 ✭marcanthony1


    Good on you De Vore

    You're one of the courageous ones!!

    glad you find the counseling helpful...

    M
    Oranage2 wrote: »
    I think we may be all aware of depression but it's very hard to know what to say or do with a person with depression I think is the problem.


    Another thing is this exact time is very common for suicides (early monday mornings) and especially around the festive time, so ring the Samaritans even if it's just for a chat.


    So why did you post this now Devore, are you feeling particularly low tonight?


  • #3183
    marcanthony1
    Registered Users Posts: 18 ✭marcanthony1


    Good on you DeVere

    You're one of the courageous ones!!!

    Glad the counseling is helping...

    M
    DeVore wrote: »
    I suffer from depression.



    I was spurred to write this by a few things, but what put me over the top was the recent handling of Kate Fitzgerald's suicide by the Irish Times and The Communications Clinic along with SineadW's terrific photographical artwork for WhatStigma.

    I'm lucky. I don't get it as badly as other people I know. I want to explain about it though because either you suffer from it too and I want to share, or you don't and I want to explain a few things.

    Now, it's not traditionally the the lightest of topics but hey, I'm game let's see if I can't raise a few giggles along the way? I'm going to break this up into three sections. Firstly for people who dont have a full understanding of depression and its effects. Secondly for those who may get it. Thirdly my own personal experiences and things I wish people knew.



    SO IF YOU DONT UNDERSTAND DEPRESSION, HERES SOMETHINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW

    Depression is not sadness.
    One of the biggest misunderstandings about depression is that its like being really sad. It's not. It's like being *nothing*. Not sad, not happy, nothing. No joy, no sorrow. Flat line. Sure it can be triggered, exacerbated or deepened by bad, sad news... But the feeling is not one of sadness, it's more a flat feeling of inertia.
    To give you an idea, there was a day, not years ago, I got up and made myself a coffee and discovered I had no milk and thought: Why do I even bother, the world is ****ed and I can't fix it and went back to bed for the rest of the day. Two days later I couldn't figure out why someone had left a cup of black coffee go cold in my kitchen... :)

    Walk it off!!
    Frequently I will look back on a period, weeks even months and notice the signs. Believe it or not it's not always easy to spot when you are depressed, it's an amazingly insidious thing. And worse, when someone has it bad, they won't even care they have it. Nothing seems worth bothering about, even getting themselves help seems fncking pointless.
    Depression isn't something you can just "snap out of". Vitamin C and a kick in the arse is, curiously, not a solution. :rolleyes:


    Mental health issues = keep him away from sharp things.
    Believe me, if I'm depressed the very last thing I could be bothered doing is chasing your dumb ass around with a carving knife. Mental health has this ludicrous perception in Ireland that somehow sufferers are a danger to themselves and others. Ok, in very severe cases the person might self harm either through omission of care or deliberately. Ironically if we didn't have this stigma many of those people would get help and that wouldn't become an issue and feed the stigma in the first place. Like so many things about depression, its ironically self-referential.

    The number of cases where someone hurts others due to mental health issues (particularly depression) is a tiny tiny fraction. Tiny. We aren't Norman Bates and people need to stop hearing that shower music when someone shares their mental health issues.

    People with mental health issues are intellectually sub-optimal

    Wrong. Just plain wrong. In fact, I would hazard a guess that it has some correlation with high intelligence myself.
    For my own part, last time I had it checked I had an iq above 150. (when I practised the tests I got that up to 180... so I wouldnt put too much stock in those tests :) ).
    I'm 41 and pretty much retired. By any possible yardstick I've been successful and I'm bright. I have 7 honours in the leaving cert, a degree in pure mathematics, I studied 6 languages and have 11 honours in O-Levels which I sat in a single year (my "gap" year). Dumb, I aint. Lots of the people I know who have depression have it because they see TOO clearly rather than that they have poor intellects.


    So, Wtf have you got to be depressed about??
    I have absolutely nothing to be depressed about. By anyone's standards I have lived a life less ordinary. With thanks to everyone on boards, I will probably never have to do a ****ty menial job again. My family are all thankfully healthy and I'm at the top of my game.
    If only depression worked that way. It doesn't, it's not rational, it's insidious, it's illogical. Rather bizarrely I'm much more susceptible to it when things are going really well for me. When everything is in chaos and banjaxed I'm like a pig in ****e! Don't think that because someone's life looks great that they can't suffer from this. Don't think that only losers or people down on their luck can be depressed.

    Instead my depression manifests as my own criticism of me. While I'll cut lots of people lots of slack, I get none. Nothing I ever do is good enough and when the black dog is barking hard I can take every achievement I've notched up and trash it. Boards? I rode on Clouds coat tails. Gaelcon? The rest of the team carried me. SSF, I can do more. My degree? Should have been good enough to be a post grad.

    I'm available for bar mitzvahs and parties you know. Just sayin'...

    How can I help
    If you suffer from depression you can help yourself by talking about it. You can also be honest with yourself and try to see what might be a trigger for you. For me, exercise seems to help. If I allow myself to mope about things like the economy or exactly how ****ing retarded our government is, I can feel the downward spiral coming on and I have learned to head that off at the pass. Diet I'm told, is important. My diet is a wreck but I'm working on it. (Yesterday's dinner was made entirely by Rowntrees I noticed... bold DeV!)

    If you dont suffer from it then you can help by understanding it better. You can help by not making a big deal out of something that probably wouldnt be a big deal if we didn't make one out of it. :) Be supportive, listen and for God's sake dont say something like "yeah, when my cat died I was totally bummed out". I know you mean it well, but its like consoling a cancer suffer with the tale of how you once cut your finger. :)


    TO ANYONE OUT THERE WHO GETS THIS NASTY LITTLE CURSE:

    "I'm a basketcase, ****ed up and if I tell people they will try to kill me with fire."
    1 in 4 suffer depression. At those odds if you tell two people, you are almost 50/50 to be talking to another sufferer. It's means almost every family has a member who is hit by it. It means everyone knows someone who has a mental health problem, probably several people.
    You aren't frankenstein's monster, they aren't going to chase you out of the village with torches.
    You aren't a freak. Ok maybe you ARE a freak, I dunno. :) but if you are, its not because of your mental health issue.

    What should you do?
    Talk to someone. Anyone. Either in person or on the phone/email if you feel you can't face someone just yet. It wasn't easy for me either. Some people find it easier to talk to a complete stranger, others find it easier to talk to a family member or best mate.
    Me? Well people have this strange image of me and who I am because of Boards and other things I do and telling people that I am not perfect was really hard at first. I'm a ridiculous over achiever. I wanted to preserve that public image because I thought people will treat me like a leper. Worse, they'll pity me. I don't need anyone's ****ing pity! :)
    Talking really helped. REALLY helped. Waay more than I thought it would. In fact once I started, I couldnt stop and you know what, it felt goooooooooood.



    MY STORY

    My breakthrough came when my sister (a pharmacist) once said to me, "Tom, you know it sounds like you might have a touch of depression". She said it like it was nothing, like I might have a bit of a head cold. A touch of depression?? WTF?? To me that was like saying "Hey, you might have a touch of Ebola!". How could she be so nonchalant about this huge massive overwhelming secret I've been hiding?!

    For some reason we find it perfectly fine to talk about physical illness. People will more then readily tell you they are dying from flu or that they sprained their ankle but a touch of depression and it's like the third secret of Fatima. Why? Because the belief is that mental health means you aren't rational, reasonable, predictable.

    The vast majority of people with mental health issues are not "mad". They haven't lost their moral compass. When I'm depressed I'm the same person I always am, indeed on many many occasions since I was 9 I have successfully fooled people perfectly well that I'm "normal", whatever that is. Well, normal for me. Ok maybe I'm not a great example :) but lots and lots of people do it, they maintain a facade of normality while being depressed. If someone tells you they suffer from depression, don't start backing away. You've probably met them a dozen times when they *actually* were depressed, now isnt the time to stop believing they are who they are.


    Depression isnt a joke. Untreated it can lead people to very dark places. But its not a death sentence either. I've lived with it all my life and it hasnt held me back because I deal with it as best I can. If you suffer from it, please please please, from someone who knows where you are, talk. You wont believe how much better you will feel, its ****ing awesome. Talking about things put it in perspective for me, made me see that I *could* cope, that life could be good. I listed the top ten most important things about me, in my opinion. I was shocked when I reaslised I hadnt listed depression.


    Talk to someone.

    Anyone.




    (just not the Irish Times).

    DeV.

    Edit: Other resources online:
    Our own Long Term Illness forum has a thread on it: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055828992
    Pieta House has been mentioned a few times on the site: http://www.pieta.ie/
    The Clearsil & Hormones forum has a thread on it specifically for younger people (teens and 20s I guess): http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055801504

    Reading Material:
    Royal College of Psychiatrist: Readable info on all mental health topics aimed at patients and caregivers.

    Psychology Today on Mindfulness: Readable and essential non-medication treatment ideas. All stuff that can improve your life with no side effects. Does not negate the need for meds in many cases but it can improve your quality of life.

    NIMH booklets on mental health topics: Good reading. Again aimed at patients.

    Over the Xmas 2011, there is a Twitter account named: @121depression which will be manned by some cool peeps. You can talk to them or you can just have a natter.

    This video was released by the people behind #depressionhurts http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oP7DIIcgkzs&context=C31d1892ADOEgsToPDskLkwkiEZMmlX12oYXVB3euR


    FAMILY SUPPORT: Aware run relatives groups, twice a month in Cork anyway, for peer support and similar. Console have a helpline for people bereaved by suicide. The Samaritans accept calls (as far as I know) from people whose source of stress and worry is the mental illness of a loved one or friend.

    Group support: https://www.turn2me.org/index.php/group-support.html?gclid=COrkxZbC160CFQIm3godbS4mmQ

    DepressionHurts Ireland: http://www.depressionhurtsireland.com/ great website and a great read for sufferers and supporters alike!

    Blog about Mental health and dealing with it from a personal point of view. http://beautyfrompainblog.wordpress.com/

    Aware run meetings, with trained facilitators.

    http://www.aware.ie//help/support/aware_support_services/

    http://www.aware.ie/help/support_groups_map/

    They also run separate support groups for family and partner of people living with depression.

    GROW is a group therapy org for mental health... more about them here: http://www.grow.ie/about.html

    I'll edit in any more that people post, if you think of any, please let me know.


  • #3184
    delthedriver
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,958 ✭✭✭delthedriver


    pinkstars wrote: »
    Well my panic and severe anxiety have upped in the last few days. I could not even make a 30 min walk earlier, I stopped as wham bam a panic attack starting. Held onto the wall for a bit, lit a fag, and breathed heavily for a bit. I thought I would have to ring my father to collect me.

    History:
    Severe anxiety for 2 years after having my baby. Could not leave the house. Finally got back to work last Oct and doing ok since, ups and downs alright.

    Just dunno when is time to let the doctor know anxiety is creeping back.
    Have been drinking some lattes - maybe I need to cut back on caffeine.


    Cut back on your caffeine intake. Replace the coffee with water, keep your system well hydrated. As well as the effects of caffeine , coffee can have a dehydrating effect on the body A visit to you Doctor would be no harm at all, if even just to talk, and update on progress.

    Keep up the progress Stay well.

    Best wishes.

    Ps . Throw away the cigs ,they are not helping your breathing exercises, when you most need to breath properly during a panic attack


  • #3185
    delthedriver
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,958 ✭✭✭delthedriver


    Jernal wrote: »
    Glad to hear you got your appointment. Maybe if you feel like you can't talk have stuff written down on a page before hand and just show your GP that. Or read it to them.

    Excellent advice Jernal.

    I used this method of writing down things and showing my notes to my GP, then we could discuss the issues. It makes efficient use of the time allocated to the meeting with the Gp. I found I was less likely to forget some issue, or worse arrive home and then remember the issue in the middle of the night. It also helps the Gp get a greater understanding of what you are going through.:)


  • #3186
    delthedriver
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,958 ✭✭✭delthedriver


    EarthlyPangaea wrote: »
    I've been lurking around the thread for a while now, but my head's been in a bad place for the past while and after something of a crisis I got myself into the doctors and talked about how I've been feeling.

    I've been prescribed medication, and I had my first counselling session today. I didn't expect it to be so tiring though. Haven't told any of my friends yet, but seeing as they've suggested that I get some help I'm not expecting any problems there.

    Reading through the posts here helped a lot, thanks to all of ye!

    Well done! You have made significant steps on the road towards your recovery.
    Keep up the great work. Stay well.


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  • #3187
    delthedriver
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,958 ✭✭✭delthedriver


    Itzy wrote: »
    The medication I'm on seems to be doing the trick in handling Bipolar Disorder, but there seems to be very little I can do to shake the feelings of anxiety and paranoia. I was let go from my previous job due to poor performance while I was not receiving treatment, despite the concerns I raised while seeing a Psychiatrist and a request for an extension to my probationary period.

    I'm currently waiting on the results of an investigation into whether the termination of my contract was unfair, but I don't wish to proceed as I feel the decision could be upheld. I also have the feeling I could be in trouble, but it's unfounded as I did not do anything to warrant further action.

    Is it a case of paranoia that I need to discuss with my Doctor or let it settle and see what happens?

    Please stay in regular contact with your Doctor. I can assure you that your Doctor has your very best interests at heart. Keep well.


  • #3188
    jaffacakesyum
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,207 ✭✭✭jaffacakesyum


    Has anyone found any non-prescription medication useful? Or light therapy? Basically anything but therapy or anti-depressants?


  • #3189
    wonderfullife
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,924 ✭✭✭wonderfullife


    Been slipping somewhat in recent months.

    Made a series of "non-decisions" that have affected my physical and mental health.

    Had a really bad patch recently where i wasn't washing, eating or sleeping. Didn't drag myself out of bed even though i knew my Lexapro was running out. Been off it over a week after a long period on it and have been really suffering some bad discontinuation symptoms.

    It's tough. Sometimes you can see and feel yourself worsening, know you need to do something about it but translating what you need to do into doing it can be harder than it seems.

    I suffer from anxiety related vertigo which at times feels debilitating but i managed to drag myself out of bed yesterday to get to the doctors. Beautiful day out, got my prescription so am starting the journey all over again.

    Positive thoughts to all on the thread.


  • #3190
    Turtwig
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 26,578 ✭✭✭✭Turtwig


    Hate to thread the medical advice terrority. Did you just stop taking the Lexapro in the space of a week, or were you tapering off it before then? In my experience with more potent medications, I've spent more time on them at incredibly weak doses than I have at more active doses. This is just to give my body the best chance it has at avoiding possible side effects from withdrawal. So I'm tapered off them very gradually.


    If I were you, I'd see your GP straight away and tell them what withdrawals symptoms you're having. Regardless of whatever the case may be, they may still be able to help you.


  • #3191
    JupiterKid
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 12,891 Mod ✭✭✭✭JupiterKid


    My anxiety has been pretty bad during the past few days - it really drains me of all energy and motivation. Spending a lot of time cocooned in my bed.:(

    But I am blessed with the people in my life who love and support me and help me.:)


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  • #3192
    wonderfullife
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,924 ✭✭✭wonderfullife


    Jernal wrote: »
    Hate to thread the medical advice terrority. Did you just stop taking the Lexapro in the space of a week, or were you tapering off it before then? In my experience with more potent medications, I've spent more time on them at incredibly weak doses than I have at more active doses. This is just to give my body the best chance it has at avoiding possible side effects from withdrawal. So I'm tapered off them very gradually.


    If I were you, I'd see your GP straight away and tell them what withdrawals symptoms you're having. Regardless of whatever the case may be, they may still be able to help you.

    i stopped cold turkey and been having chest tightness, electric shock type feelings in my head, weakness and dizziness.

    I knew it was silly to stop like that but was in a bad place at time and sadly i didn't really consider the consequences too much. Been a Hell ish week though. This might not be a great description but i haven't felt human all week. All sorts of scary sensations happening. When i try go down the stairs my legs wobble underneath me.


  • #3193
    DeVore
    Business & Finance Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 32,387 Mod ✭✭✭✭DeVore


    So, my counselor and I have agreed more or less a monthly schedule now, basically for maintenance. I've had one serious bout in the last year and thankfully it was short lived. I wouldnt say I was cured or anything but things are very much looking up. I struggle with what he calls "low mood" which isnt exactly depression but is more like just feeling regular old "down" but for no clear reason.

    There are good days and bad days, but the difference now is that I can recognise things in advance and have the tools and skills to deal with it before it spirals into something serious.


  • #3194
    Walls
    Registered Users Posts: 1,258 ✭✭✭Walls


    DeVore wrote: »
    So, my counselor and I have agreed more or less a monthly schedule now, basically for maintenance. I've had one serious bout in the last year and thankfully it was short lived. I wouldnt say I was cured or anything but things are very much looking up. I struggle with what he calls "low mood" which isnt exactly depression but is more like just feeling regular old "down" but for no clear reason.

    There are good days and bad days, but the difference now is that I can recognise things in advance and have the tools and skills to deal with it before it spirals into something serious.

    Did speaking openly about this cause any problems, professionally or otherwise? Any negative fallout?


  • #3195
    DeVore
    Business & Finance Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 32,387 Mod ✭✭✭✭DeVore


    Walls wrote: »
    Did speaking openly about this cause any problems, professionally or otherwise? Any negative fallout?
    No, but then I am my own boss mostly so that makes it easier. There have been a couple of times when I have worried that it would follow me, or that people who dont like me might use it as a weapon but so far nothing like that. I went on Newstalk to talk about my thoughts on the issue and that kinda brought it home to me that people would hear/know but the more I have talked about it the more it has helped.

    On the other hand, this thread has really returned its "karma" to me in spades. So many people writing to say thank you and to share stories and who have said it helped them in some way. Thats been like... wow. Really humbling and touching. On more than one occasion I've been in tears reading my PM box.
    Thats given me a great sense of worth and its something I wasnt expecting.

    Feeling that someone trusts you enough to open up to you is a powerfully positive feeling and I would say if you are reading this and thinking about confiding in family or friends but dont want "to be a 'drag'" then you are looking at it wrong. You are giving them a gift of "worth". Dont under estimate that...


  • #3196
    KiwiBanana
    Registered Users Posts: 7 ✭KiwiBanana


    Sounds good, glad to hear you feel you've made some headway.
    Hope everyone's doing well these days - a bit more sunshine and all that. I'm a bit like a yo yo but I know what's causing it so when I figure out how to tackle the conversation I'll hopefully feel a bit better. Being friends with people is hard work sometimes :eek:


  • #3197
    playedalive
    Closed Accounts Posts: 750 ✭✭✭playedalive


    Atm I'm trying to study for my finals in college. It's so difficult for me to keep my focus on the subject matter. I've come to be very disillusioned by the bulls**t nature of my arts degree (languages) I just want to make myself feel a lot better, rather than worry about pointless knowledge that I'll forget minutes after an exam. At least my meds are at the right doseage than the last time. I just don't deal with stress/anxiety very well. I panic, do a bit of work. Then procrastinate. Or the other way round.

    The problem is succeeding at this degree means a lot to me and my confidence (which tends to be quite low). I've invested whatever mental energy I have into this degree and to academics for a long time. I just want to be able to focus more on me and my wellbeing as soon as these exams finish in May.


  • #3198
    Call Me Jimmy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,449 ✭✭✭Call Me Jimmy


    Got college finals and assignments, projects too. Waiting for death and ready to die (nothing to do with college) but it seems there is a further quotient of pain I must experience before that happens.

    Things are so bad my mind can't cope with the reality of it all, it's as if it is rejecting it. I feel like I don't exist. I don't mean in relation to others, just at all. Suffering every waking moment, for example, there hasn't been a good minute in a day in weeks because there isn't a second I'm not really thinking my appearance and how far I've gone. I know life is what you make of it but my configuration of brain cells combined with the body I've been given are simply not compatible. So pain, pain, pain and more pain every day.


  • #3199
    jaffacakesyum
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,207 ✭✭✭jaffacakesyum


    Call Me Jimmy wrote: »
    Got college finals and assignments, projects too. Waiting for death and ready to die (nothing to do with college) but it seems there is a further quotient of pain I must experience before that happens.

    Things are so bad my mind can't cope with the reality of it all, it's as if it is rejecting it. I feel like I don't exist. I don't mean in relation to others, just at all. Suffering every waking moment, for example, there hasn't been a good minute in a day in weeks because there isn't a second I'm not really thinking my appearance and how far I've gone. I know life is what you make of it but my configuration of brain cells combined with the body I've been given are simply not compatible. So pain, pain, pain and more pain every day.

    I know how you feel in terms of the "waiting to die" thing as horrible as it sounds it describes me perfectly but I know there are things to live for. You're going through your finals at the moment, think of what an achievement it will be to have a 3/4 year degree under your belt, that's pretty impressive. (Or at least so I tell myself, as I'm going through finals myself at the moment!).

    Are you getting any help or seeing a counseller or anything? Sounds like there's a lot of stuff you could do with talking through.

    Hang in there :)


  • #3200
    Bench Press
    Closed Accounts Posts: 262 ✭✭Bench Press


    Call Me Jimmy wrote: »
    Got college finals and assignments, projects too. Waiting for death and ready to die (nothing to do with college) but it seems there is a further quotient of pain I must experience before that happens.

    Things are so bad my mind can't cope with the reality of it all, it's as if it is rejecting it. I feel like I don't exist. I don't mean in relation to others, just at all. Suffering every waking moment, for example, there hasn't been a good minute in a day in weeks because there isn't a second I'm not really thinking my appearance and how far I've gone. I know life is what you make of it but my configuration of brain cells combined with the body I've been given are simply not compatible. So pain, pain, pain and more pain every day.
    don't know what to say except try and focus on your exams and getting a good result if you can, deal with the other stuff then when you are finished and ready, I was in a similar situation last year at this time, if you can't in the meantime, try and defer and talk to someone and get medical help, all the best, I know what you are going through, even trying to figure out what to do will fry your brain even more sometimes


  • #3201
    delthedriver
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,958 ✭✭✭delthedriver


    Call Me Jimmy wrote: »
    Got college finals and assignments, projects too. Waiting for death and ready to die (nothing to do with college) but it seems there is a further quotient of pain I must experience before that happens.

    Things are so bad my mind can't cope with the reality of it all, it's as if it is rejecting it. I feel like I don't exist. I don't mean in relation to others, just at all. Suffering every waking moment, for example, there hasn't been a good minute in a day in weeks because there isn't a second I'm not really thinking my appearance and how far I've gone. I know life is what you make of it but my configuration of brain cells combined with the body I've been given are simply not compatible. So pain, pain, pain and more pain every day.

    Jimmy,

    Take it easy. Remember one day at a time

    Best Wishes

    Del


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