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girlfriend keeps contact with ex

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    #62
    Hiroshima twinky
    Registered Users Posts: 25 ✭Hiroshima twinky


    Things have been great recently. Except last night she told me that on the night when she 'bumped into' her ex that she actually went looking for him. I don't know how to process this as I thought we had put this behind us. She promised there was nothing else that she hadn't already told me she just didn't want to include that when she initially told me because she was worried about how I might have reacted to it.


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    #63
    DukeOfTheSharp
    Registered Users Posts: 307 ✭✭DukeOfTheSharp


    Look, the way she's acting, she's trying to displace the blame for her outright ridiculous actions onto you. She doesn't understand that if you get annoyed/upset/angry that that's her fault for what she did. Keeping that detail from you was crucial, it was her dirty little secret, until her pesky conscience got the better of her. Someone in her mindset can never really put this kind of issue behind them, she's got serious psychological issues, and I guess you've to ask yourself can you trust her?

    Put it to her this way: either she's with you and honest with you - and works goddamn hard at it from this point onward - or she's not, and she can jog on. It may not be easy, but she's damaged, prone to lying and blaming others for their reactions to her poor decisions. Not only is that bad behaviour, it's immature. You've to decide if the risk is worth the reward. If you feel like you just can't trust her to make reasonable choices, walk. Nobody will blame you, it'll hurt, but it's better than the alternative of her 'bumping into' her ex who she obsessively hunted down one night. She has a dependency issue, you're never going to be given a fair shake if she keeps acting like this, so another question you can ask yourself is: is this worth your time and do you deserve such poor treatment?


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    #64
    zeffabelli
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,516 ✭✭✭zeffabelli


    Honestly it sounds like she's lying to herself and can't see what's in front of her.

    She had an attachment to him.


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    #65
    Teaks81
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 27 ✭Teaks81


    Hiroshima twinky wrote: »
    Things have been great recently. Except last night she told me that on the night when she 'bumped into' her ex that she actually went looking for him. I don't know how to process this as I thought we had put this behind us. She promised there was nothing else that she hadn't already told me she just didn't want to include that when she initially told me because she was worried about how I might have reacted to it.

    It sounds like she's trying to out herself into a situation where something "just happens" and "one thing leads to another". I would move on.


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    #66
    Hiroshima twinky
    Registered Users Posts: 25 ✭Hiroshima twinky


    I think I've allowed myself to get too emotionally involved in this relationship to be able to access this whole thing correctly, I'm still sure I don't want to leave her.


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    #67
    gsi300024v
    Registered Users Posts: 1,023 ✭✭✭gsi300024v


    Is it just that he doesn't want her now, if he did she'd be gone in a blink of an eye, you just happen to want her so she is still around. Is she someone who is always in a relationship? Can't be single?


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    #68
    Hiroshima twinky
    Registered Users Posts: 25 ✭Hiroshima twinky


    gsi300024v wrote:
    Is it just that he doesn't want her now, if he did she'd be gone in a blink of an eye, you just happen to want her so she is still around. Is she someone who is always in a relationship? Can't be single?


    No he is still infatuated with her. I have it on good word from several people I know that are friends with him that she is all he ever talks about


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    #69
    Stan27
    Registered Users Posts: 530 ✭✭✭Stan27


    interesting conversation. myself and my ex, we talk fairly regularly, and never really thought much what her new bf thought about it tbh. if she still talks to me i presume he is ok with it. our relationship was a long distance relationship, which eventually just finished. no major argument, it was just the end. we got on great when we were together and have a lot of common interests still. we don`t want to be back together which helps i think, just happy being friends and having a laugh. would people find this unusual?


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    #70
    gsi300024v
    Registered Users Posts: 1,023 ✭✭✭gsi300024v


    I met up with an ex, but i told my girlfriend first and asked was she ok with it. Even asked if she wanted to come along too, ex gf was from out of the country, so wouldn't have a chance to see her to often.
    I suppose I'd be a bit worried with your gf thinking she has to hide stuff from you.


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    #71
    davmol
    Registered Users Posts: 883 ✭✭✭davmol


    I never understood someone wanting to be still in touch with their ex who treated them so badly.
    The ex is a d1ck so what can this girl gain from being still in contact?The answer is ,she has unfinished business and still wants him in her life in the hope that they may get back together.She basically cant let him go.

    tell her if she keeps contact you are not willing to hang around.

    audi 5000 game player.


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    #72
    gsi300024v
    Registered Users Posts: 1,023 ✭✭✭gsi300024v


    I suppose a very important part is she knows or does she? That you don't like her chatting with him but she still does.


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