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Really regret finishing it.

2

Comments

  • #52
    jimd2
    Registered Users Posts: 789 ✭✭✭jimd2


    As I said, if you want to make a personal contact then call him.

    Even email is a bit aloof. If he doesnt answer, do what I usually would do and leave a message and give an idea as to when you will call again.

    If you cannot get through, then you can make your points by email and you can be satisfied that you exhausted this one.


  • #53
    power pants
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,907 ✭✭✭power pants


    or if he doesnt contact you after your initial attempt, just leave it at that.

    You said already he was short with your txts the last time and refused to meet up.

    Will just have to respect his decision if he doesnt want to hear from you.


  • #54
    BrowmThomas
    Registered Users Posts: 206 ✭✭BrowmThomas


    I thought email would be better as it's laid out - and I won't mess up what I want to say!!
    It will be one email and that's it. His call then!!!


  • #55
    Matteroffact
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 457 ✭✭Matteroffact


    I think you are right Brown Thomas, email gives him a chance to think about how he wants to reply. You would take him off guard if you phoned him and for God's sake do not tell him you were not attracted to his looks but to his personality, that would be a disaster and totally unnecessary. I hope this works out for you and even if he doesn't want to see you again you will know that you gave it your best shot.


  • #56
    BrowmThomas
    Registered Users Posts: 206 ✭✭BrowmThomas


    Thanks Matteroffact :-)

    I just hit the send button!!!

    Will give it a few days (I don't always check emails at the weekend) and see. Telling myself he won't reply and trying not to build up any hope!

    Unsure to go for a run or have a drink now!!!

    Thanks to all for your replies :-)


  • #57
    Stavro Mueller
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,673 ✭✭✭Stavro Mueller


    Go for a run. You'll have a really good one after all that :D


  • #58
    BrowmThomas
    Registered Users Posts: 206 ✭✭BrowmThomas


    Run and then a drink :-)


  • #59
    cardwizzard
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,385 ✭✭✭cardwizzard


    Run to the pub :-)


  • #60
    BrowmThomas
    Registered Users Posts: 206 ✭✭BrowmThomas


    Fastest 6k I have done for a while :-) :-)


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  • #61
    shaymus27
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 223 ✭✭shaymus27


    BrowmThomas wrote: »
    Thanks Matteroffact :-)

    I just hit the send button!!!

    Will give it a few days (I don't always check emails at the weekend) and see. Telling myself he won't reply and trying not to build up any hope!

    Unsure to go for a run or have a drink now!!!

    Thanks to all for your replies :-)

    This is one time you might want to check your emails at the weekend. If he replies and you leave it a few days to reply it might look bad to him. If you can't because you normally do it in work then it's up to you what to do.

    Don't rush to reply to anything he writes if he does reply.

    Type it on a word document, read over it and make sure you think before you reply if you are going to reply.

    You've done the right thing irrespective of how it turns out.


  • #62
    BrowmThomas
    Registered Users Posts: 206 ✭✭BrowmThomas


    Thanks shaymus27 :-)

    I will definitely be checking from my side!! Just if he is busy, he may not check his.

    I'm not expecting a reply (being selfish and trying not to build my hopes up if he doesn't reply!!) but I am happy that I sent it.


  • #63
    BrowmThomas
    Registered Users Posts: 206 ✭✭BrowmThomas


    So folks, I got no reply!

    Obviously he wasn't as interested as he said!

    Feel a bit crappy but I tried and don't regret sending the email.

    Now, to forget about guys and go back to focusing on myself again :-)

    Thanks again for all the advice :-)


  • #64
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    And obviously you weren't as interested as he thought since you dumped him by text.


  • #65
    CaraMay
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭CaraMay


    Wasn't meant to be op.


  • #66
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    BrowmThomas wrote: »

    Obviously he wasn't as interested as he said!

    If that's what you've taken from this, you've learned nothing. You treated him shabbily then made efforts to contact him which were all about you trying to make yourself feel better, it's hardly surprising he doesn't feel like talking to you. Your reaction to the advice in this thread was to seize on the posts supporting what you were going to do anyway. The lesson you should be learning is to treat people better rather than deciding they weren't really into it when they understandably don't give you the reaction you want after you dump them by text then change your mind.


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  • #67
    BrowmThomas
    Registered Users Posts: 206 ✭✭BrowmThomas


    Really let it go! wrote: »
    And obviously you weren't as interested as he thought since you dumped him by text.

    Don't think any of us have never done something we don't later regret!

    Anyway it's done now.


  • #68
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    BrowmThomas wrote: »
    Don't think any of us have never done something we don't later regret!

    Anyway it's done now.

    I think the point the poster is making is that the snide 'guess he wasn't interested' comment can very easily be said about you also.

    That he didn't reply doesn't mean he wasn't interested. I'm sure he was very interested, but retained his dignity and his pride by not replying to someone who dumped him through text.

    Sorry.


    But look, clearly not meant to be, so I'm sure you'll both move past it and find people you can fall madly in love with :)


  • #69
    BrowmThomas
    Registered Users Posts: 206 ✭✭BrowmThomas


    I know, just feeling a bit sensitive today.

    Thanks.


  • #70
    Matteroffact
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 457 ✭✭Matteroffact


    It hasn't even been a week since you wrote that email. I would not give up hope yet. I think you did the right thing in contacting him again. He now knows you are interested so he is not in any hurry to reply, but he still could. We all make mistakes and the only mistake you made was dumping him. I don't even think that dumping him by text was as big a deal as some of the posters here like to make out. Whatever will be, will be.


  • #71
    Stavro Mueller
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,673 ✭✭✭Stavro Mueller


    You'd need to be careful you don't find yourself guilty of revisionism here. It's all too easy to get distracted by the way in which you dumped him and how awful you feel. It's not for nothing that you broke up with him in the first place and maybe you are now glossing over the reasons why. You broke up with this guy because you were not physically attracted to him. What exactly has changed on that front? Maybe when your friend made that comment you had a moment of clarity and realised he wasn't your type.


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  • #72
    zeffabelli
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,516 ✭✭✭zeffabelli


    Honestly, unless you are a very skilled writer, email is not the way to do this. Too many potential misfires.

    The second thing is that it just appears to me that what you are doing is a refusal to mourn.

    You liked him but you did not fancy him and now you miss those parts that you did like and are not trying to come up with ways to stop yourself from feeling the I MISS YOUS, because you don't want to completely lose out.

    If I got an email after I got text dump, I think I'd feel worse. I'd probably be thinking...."what is it with her....can't use the phone...can't do things in person....first text, now an email....I can't take this seriously."


  • #73
    strobe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,872 ✭✭✭strobe


    BrowmThomas wrote: »
    So folks, I got no reply!

    Obviously he wasn't as interested as he said!

    Feel a bit crappy but I tried and don't regret sending the email.

    Now, to forget about guys and go back to focusing on myself again :-)

    Thanks again for all the advice :-)

    Honestly I really really think that's for the best. The best for both of you. And genuinely, when you meet a guy you're absolutely nuts about, and find unbelievably attractive to boot, and he feels the same about you, you will think back to this moment, and be fvcking made up that things went this way.

    Best of luck.


  • #74
    Matteroffact
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 457 ✭✭Matteroffact


    The only thing that is bad about email is you can't be sure he got it. He could have banned you after the break up and is now not receiving any emails from you. You could follow this up with a call on the phone, just asking him how he is and if he got the email. Nothing to lose !


  • #75
    strobe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,872 ✭✭✭strobe


    Matteroffact wrote: »
    The only thing that is bad about email is you can't be sure he got it. He could have banned you after the break up and is now not receiving any emails from you. You could follow this up with a call on the phone, just asking him how he is and if he got the email. Nothing to lose !

    He may have your number blocked too though, you can do that on smartphones. Best just to post a dead cat straight through his letter box.


  • #76
    kylith
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,736 ✭✭✭✭kylith


    Matteroffact wrote: »
    The only thing that is bad about email is you can't be sure he got it. He could have banned you after the break up and is now not receiving any emails from you. You could follow this up with a call on the phone, just asking him how he is and if he got the email. Nothing to lose !

    That's getting into crazy stalker territory.

    If he's spamtrapped her email address that in itself is an indication that he doesn't want to hear from her. If he has gotten the email and ignored it for her to then call him going "Did you get my email? Did you? Did you?" he would, rightly imo, class her as a Grade 1 Bunny Boiler.

    IMO the OP should leave this guy alone. She has, imo, behaved shoddily from start to finish; dumping him because of what her friends thought, dumping him by text, then texting him multiple times to try get him to meet her even though he said he didn't want to, then sending him an email even though he had made it clear that he didn't want to be in contact with her.


  • #77
    kylith
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,736 ✭✭✭✭kylith


    strobe wrote: »
    He may have your number blocked too though, you can do that on smartphones. Best just to post a dead cat straight though his letter box.

    But how would he know it's from her? Better follow it up with a call to his parents to see did he get it.


  • #78
    BrowmThomas
    Registered Users Posts: 206 ✭✭BrowmThomas


    Jeez I'm made out to be a bunny boiler here :-O

    I finished it via text (which I immediately regretted), we exchanged a few texts - I apologised and asked if he would meet me, he said no. I realised that I did like him and genuinely missed him and saw that looks are not as important to me as a good personality. So I sent an email and explained things to him, he didn't respond.

    End of. I tried and he is not interested.

    I will accept that. Lesson learned, it's easier being on your own :-)

    Thanks for the replies. BT.


  • #79
    kylith
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,736 ✭✭✭✭kylith


    Re: the bunny boiler thing, that was in response to the poster who suggested phoning him to see if he got your email. I'm sure you'd agree that that would be going a bit far.


  • #80
    beks101
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,802 ✭✭✭beks101


    Christ if someone realized they wanted to be with me because "looks aren't important" I think I'd want to shoot myself in the head.

    You're just lonely now OP and panicked about letting a "lovely guy" slip away, but I think you know as well as anyone that you can't fcuk a personality and if he did take you back (and sounds like he has a bit more self respect) you'd come to the same conclusion about not fancying him and probably hurt him twice as much next time round.


  • #81
    Matteroffact
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 457 ✭✭Matteroffact


    You are not a bunny boiler, but if you post on boards you have to be prepared to be mocked and insulted because some of the posters here thrive on it. Just ignore them, you did nothing wrong except you went with your instincts which you are perfectly entitled to do. Pick the advice you want from here and just ignore the rest. Hope it all works out for you.


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  • #82
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    Matteroffact wrote: »
    You are not a bunny boiler, but if you post on boards you have to be prepared to be mocked and insulted because some of the posters here thrive on it. Just ignore them, you did nothing wrong except you went with your instincts which you are perfectly entitled to do. Pick the advice you want from here and just ignore the rest. Hope it all works out for you.

    Not a single person has mocked the OP.

    people commented that YOUR suggestion is falling into 'creepy' territory. Nothing aimed at the OP.


  • #83
    zeffabelli
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,516 ✭✭✭zeffabelli


    Matteroffact wrote: »
    You are not a bunny boiler, but if you post on boards you have to be prepared to be mocked and insulted because some of the posters here thrive on it. Just ignore them, you did nothing wrong except you went with your instincts which you are perfectly entitled to do. Pick the advice you want from here and just ignore the rest. Hope it all works out for you.

    You only a bunny boiler if you do this because you are a woman. If a man does this it's called courtship.

    However, there is a double standard at play and no one is exempt from that.

    You took this gamble when you chose email so....


  • #84
    Gongoozler
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,263 ✭✭✭Gongoozler


    BrowmThomas wrote: »
    Jeez I'm made out to be a bunny boiler here :-O

    I finished it via text (which I immediately regretted), we exchanged a few texts - I apologised and asked if he would meet me, he said no. I realised that I did like him and genuinely missed him and saw that looks are not as important to me as a good personality. So I sent an email and explained things to him, he didn't respond.

    End of. I tried and he is not interested.

    I will accept that. Lesson learned, it's easier being on your own :-)

    Thanks for the replies. BT.

    Hold on. When you say you explained things to him, do you mean you explained that you now see that looks aren't that important?


  • #85
    BrowmThomas
    Registered Users Posts: 206 ✭✭BrowmThomas


    I explained (in better words!!) that I messed up and it really didn't want things to end, regretted what I did, how it must have made him fee and how like he said that we did get on great and had fun together where it was easy and no pressure etc. etc. I told him I really missed him for him and I realised how much I did like him being part of my life etc.

    Re looks, they fade in time, personality doesn't change. I have learned I would like to be with a guy with a great personality over good looks but I am off men forever now so I don't need to worry about that anymore :-)


  • #86
    kylith
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,736 ✭✭✭✭kylith


    zeffabelli wrote: »
    You only a bunny boiler if you do this because you are a woman. If a man does this it's called courtship.

    However, there is a double standard at play and no one is exempt from that.

    You took this gamble when you chose email so....

    Eh, no. When I finished with a guy and he kept calling and texting me I didn't call it courtship I called it what it was - 'king creepy and more than a little scary. Gender has nothing to do with it.


  • #87
    BrowmThomas
    Registered Users Posts: 206 ✭✭BrowmThomas


    kylith wrote: »
    Eh, no. When I finished with a guy and he kept calling and texting me I didn't call it courtship I called it what it was - 'king creepy and more than a little scary. Gender has nothing to do with it.

    When I text him, he replied - albeit a bit cool.

    I left it at that.

    Really hope I'm not considered a creep to have sent 5/6 texts and an email then


  • #88
    zeffabelli
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,516 ✭✭✭zeffabelli


    kylith wrote: »
    Eh, no. When I finished with a guy and he kept calling and texting me I didn't call it courtship I called it what it was - 'king creepy and more than a little scary. Gender has nothing to do with it.

    Ok that's fair enough, but that's YOUR reading of it, how YOU received it. Someone else might read it differently.


  • #89
    zeffabelli
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,516 ✭✭✭zeffabelli


    BrowmThomas wrote: »
    When I text him, he replied - albeit a bit cool.

    I left it at that.

    Really hope I'm not considered a creep to have sent 5/6 texts and an email then

    Don't worry OP, you made an error in judgement about him and about yourself, you took the brave step of trying to fix the error, it may not have worked, it may still, and you can leave it at that.

    The worst you will be perceived of is a flake who flip flops.


  • #90
    mada82
    Registered Users Posts: 577 ✭✭✭mada82


    This whole scenario has been about you and how you feel OP.

    The bloke had too much self respect to come crawling back after you dumped him. And you take "he wasn't interested" from it.

    You had him and you blew it. Get over it and move on.

    I don't think anyone would be with someone if they thought their partner wasn't attracted to them.


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  • #91
    jimd2
    Registered Users Posts: 789 ✭✭✭jimd2


    BrowmThomas wrote: »
    When I text him, he replied - albeit a bit cool.

    I left it at that.

    Really hope I'm not considered a creep to have sent 5/6 texts and an email then

    No, I dont think it is at creepy territory.

    However, as I said, I reckon, as a guy, you would have been better off making the contact by phone. It required more effort and was risky ref what yo had to say but if he heard your voice he would have been sure of your sincerity regarding this.

    Email is not all that much better as a communication method in cases like this than text. Your apology would have been more sincere and believable.


  • #92
    retro:electro
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,039 ✭✭✭✭retro:electro


    Maybe he wasn't as in to you or as attracted to you either? I don't know why you're making yourself out to be this superior human who crushed his heart into a million pieces and he's so devastated that he has erased you from his life to aid his getting over you. Maybe he's fine! Tbh to me it sounds like you just miss having him there to chat to and not much else. I think you feel guilty about how it ended and you're mistaking that guilt for romantic feelings. What if you got back with him and a few weeks down the line there was still no attraction there? You end it again and let him down all over again. It's for the best for both of you that it ended. He deserves to be with someone who's proud to show him off and who can't keep their hands off him and whose friends dont laugh at him. Harsh op but its true, sorry.


  • #93
    Stavro Mueller
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,673 ✭✭✭Stavro Mueller


    BrowmThomas wrote: »
    Re looks, they fade in time, personality doesn't change. I have learned I would like to be with a guy with a great personality over good looks but I am off men forever now so I don't need to worry about that anymore :-)

    I hope that last comment of yours is a joke and not a mission statement!

    Look, this particular relationship didn't end well for you but you should not turn it into an excuse to wallow in self-pity. I'm one of the people who thinks the relationship was doomed anyway. You might not have handled it as well as you could have but the end result is the right one. No matter how you try to convince yourself otherwise, you did not fancy this guy. You are now panicking because you're in your thirties, single, don't like what's out there, see yourself buying tins of Whiskas in the supermarket....

    You need to be very careful you don't make bad decisions in light of what happened here. You've beaten yourself up enough about being shallow and learning lessons. Whatever you choose to do next, do not settle for second best. Don't try to talk yourself into dating men you don't find attractive just because you're guilty about what happened here.


  • #94
    BrowmThomas
    Registered Users Posts: 206 ✭✭BrowmThomas


    anna080 wrote: »
    I don't know why you're making yourself out to be this superior human who crushed his heart into a million pieces and he's so devastated that he has erased you from his life to aid his getting over you.

    I NEVER once suggested that, I would never, ever suggest that about myself.

    I regret breaking up with a guy I liked. Tried to see if he wanted to try again - his silence suggests he doesn't.


  • #95
    BrowmThomas
    Registered Users Posts: 206 ✭✭BrowmThomas


    Stavro Mueller wrote: »
    You are now panicking because you're in your thirties, single, don't like what's out there, see yourself buying tins of Whiskas in the supermarket....

    You need to be very careful you don't make bad decisions. Don't try to talk yourself into dating men you don't find attractive just because you're guilty about what happened here.

    I'm not a cat person :-)

    I'm not panicking, I don't want yo get married or have kids so I don't need to be in a relationship. Will skip the dating scene for now, I'm just not bothered.


  • #96
    beks101
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,802 ✭✭✭beks101


    BrowmThomas wrote: »
    I NEVER once suggested that, I would never, ever suggest that about myself.

    I regret breaking up with a guy I liked. Tried to see if he wanted to try again - his silence suggests he doesn't.

    But the thing is, you've ended it based on the solid ground of not fancying him already, now you're explicitly seeking a second chance because you're self doubting. If I was the guy I wouldn't give you a second chance because you already made a pretty clear judgement call already. Why should he trust you again? What's to say you won't flake on him again?

    Listen, dating is hard. Particularly as you get older and are looking for some particular things. I dated a lot before I met my OH and became pretty picky about what behaviour I would tolerate because generally, the actions you see early on set the precedent for the relationship. A flaky person in the early days is most probably going to exhibit that flakiness again somewhere down the line.

    This guy has every right to not want to be with you, whether it's based on your actions or just a general apathy towards you in the first place. If I was him, even if I fancied you, I'd still be happy enough to walk away and move on. You haven't shown yourself to be consistently interested and enthusiastic about being in his company.

    I thinm it's pretty obvious there's no hope with this particular guy, but perhaps from this you can learn the merits of being consistent in your words and actions with the next guy. Hmming and hawing and changing your mind frequently constitutes headwecking behaviour and no one worth their salt will stick around if you act that way.


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  • #97
    BrowmThomas
    Registered Users Posts: 206 ✭✭BrowmThomas


    I was interested. I met him all the time, I let him into my life and when with him and talking to him, I was enthusiastic.

    I sent the text and immediately regretted it. I wouldn't have felt that if he was a guy I didn't like. I don't get into relationships easy so that I did with him suggests I did like him - it wasn't love as it was only a few months in.

    I don't change my mind frequently, I sent it and regretted it. First time I did anything like that - with any guy.


  • #98
    retro:electro
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,039 ✭✭✭✭retro:electro


    BrowmThomas wrote: »
    I was interested. I met him all the time, I let him into my life and when with him and talking to him, I was enthusiastic.

    I sent the text and immediately regretted it. I wouldn't have felt that if he was a guy I didn't like. I don't get into relationships easy so that I did with him suggests I did like him - it wasn't love as it was only a few months in.

    I don't change my mind frequently, I sent it and regretted it. First time I did anything like that - with any guy.

    Maybe you regret the way that you ended it more than the fact that you ended it? You feel guilty, and his silence is eating away at you even more and making you feel worse. I honestly think its for the best that he hasn't responded op. Do you trust your feelings for him enough to know you won't let him down again over the same issue? Or are you just hoping you can "try it out again and see" and hope to feel something, because if so that's not very fair to him.


  • #99
    BrowmThomas
    Registered Users Posts: 206 ✭✭BrowmThomas


    No relationship is guaranteed to work but I would have tried, that's all anyone can do.

    It was the realisation that I didn't want to break up as soon as I sent it that gets to me.

    But it's done so I can't go back.


  • #100
    catonthewire
    Registered Users Posts: 201 ✭✭catonthewire


    You seriously have to move on now OP and try to forget about him....
    He didn't respond to your mail, have you considered that he may have met someone already?...
    You're not a bunny boiler or a terrible person, you made a mistake, but now need to accept HE is no longer interested .....


  • #101
    BrowmThomas
    Registered Users Posts: 206 ✭✭BrowmThomas


    I am and have.
    Was simply replying to questions that were asked of me.


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