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Nauseous prior to having sex

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  • 10-04-2011 12:55am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I'm a poster on boards but for obvious reasons I'm going incognito here with a name that has no meaning attached to it.

    So I've hand sex a few times already with a couple of different girls, but I've only had sex a few times over all. Like I can count how many times I've had sex on one hand. But the thing about it is I get very anxious about it when I'm with a girl. When I think/know I'm going to have sex with someone I get extremely nervous, more so than any other point in my life.

    Normally I'm a confident guy and you could put me in a room with a hundred people and I'll stand in front of them and give a speech, but when I'm alone with a girl and its going down the road that I'm going to have sex with her, I start to actually have a physical reaction to my nerves. I get nauseous and have actually gotten sick because of it. I have no idea what to do about this situation. I'm sure its something I will get over in time, but what do I do before then? The poor girl is never going to understand my reaction, they will just see it as me being so repulsed by the idea of having sex with them that I get sick or its going to kill off the mood entirely. I can't exactly explain to them that I'm so nervous that it makes me get sick. But the thing about it is, once we start having sex, I'm grand, the nerves go. Its just the period before we start, but that can happen anytime it occurs to me that we are going to have sex. Like if I was in a taxi with a girl and she suggested going back to hers, thats when it starts. Or if I'm kissing a girl and she suggests it turns into something more, thats when it starts

    This is something that's been going on for years now and as I pointed out early it has sabotaged my relationships(or potential relationships at least) on at least 2 occasions. Does anyone have anyone have any suggestions as to what I could do?


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    #2
    Otis Driftwood
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,925 ✭✭✭Otis Driftwood


    Just tell whoever you are with that you are feeling nervous.

    Contrary to popular belief,most women (certainly that Ive encountered anyway) do not expect a porn star level of confidence in the bedroom,especially if its yer first time together.

    As you rightly said,it is something that will develop over time,more so when you have your first proper relationship but until then,be honest with you lover,believe me,it makes a huge difference.


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    #3
    Count Duckula
    Closed Accounts Posts: 570 ✭✭✭Count Duckula


    I get the same way when I'm with someone for the first time. I've only been with two girls sexually, but there was the possibility of a third once, and all three times I was a nervous wreck. If you'd given me a way out I'd almost certainly have taken it (in fact, one of them I did!).

    It passes when you and your partner get to know each other. :)


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    #4
    stupidusername
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,762 ✭✭✭✭stupidusername


    I'm curious OP, the first time you had sex were you that nervous? how did it go? not meaning to get all the details or anything, it's just normally there's a reason for these feelings. Are you confident body-wise? are you afraid of anything going wrong? no need to answer them here necessarily, but if you have a think about it yourself you may be able to come up with a reason you're getting so nervous. I think that at this point it's going to be hard to change your thinking, whatever the original problem was, as you may now associate sub consciously sex with vomiting.

    if you were having panic attacks, I'm sure many people would tell you go talk to your doctor/psychiatrist about it, but i'm inclined to suggest that for this,as it's similar. but it's up to yourself. I just know that it's hard to get past these mental blocks by yourself.

    if you choose not to get help for it, then maybe you could try really getting to know the girl first. (not saying you've been promiscuous, I don't know if you have) it may be a matter of just being comfortable with who you're with. or at least in this, you'd be more confident that she'd be more understanding if it continues to happen. A girl that knows you well will care about you a little more, and will be more likely to have genuine concern for what's wrong. though I don't think I know anybody that would think bad of someone having your problem.


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    #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I was extremely nervous the first time and I did get sick, but its not that I'm subconsciously associating sex with getting sick, at least I don't think I do. I mean I think about sex all the time but its only when my nerves get at me that I actually feel the physical reaction of nausea. I mean I get the same feelings when I'm nervous for other things but nothing as severe as when I'm about to have sex.

    I'd often thought of talking to a psychiatrist but I didn't know whether I'd be wasting they're time when they could be dealing with someone with a more serious case :/

    I have actually found btw that the more I get to know the girl the more nervous I actually get. I'm really at a loss here


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    #6
    parker kent
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,289 ✭✭✭parker kent


    Sounds like a general nerves issues, than anything specifically related to sex. Sex may just be the most nerve wracking thing you have done yet. I'm sure there would be no harm in visiting a GP and having a chat about it.


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