What parts of a catholic ceremony can be changed or left out ?

J0hnick · 28-03-2015 5:23pm #1

Hi,

I'm getting married before the end of the year, I'm an Atheist and my fiance is a cultural catholic (goes to mass at weddings, funerals, christenings and maybe Xmas but that's about it). We have been together for years, she's fine with my Atheism but has wanted to get married in her local church all her life, so Ive agreed to it. We just got registered, priest is a lovely guy who seems pretty liberal and not all fire and brimstone.

Im having some trouble selecting the prayers, readings and psalms for the ceremony. I realize Im not going to get through the whole ceremony without mentioning God, but Id like to keep it to the absolute minimum, and have the day to be as much about us and as little about him as possible. None of the songs Ive chosen are religious and my fiance likes them all, Ive even picked some selected verses from the Song of Solomon/ Song of Songs as it appears to be the best out of a bad bunch when it comes to readings from the Bible were God usually gets all the thanks.

I was wondering if anyone else had any tips or was in a similar situation ?, thanks in advance.

PS - I've gotten a lot of conflicting information on what can/can't be changed in a catholic ceremony, if anyone could provide a definite list, that would be great.

Dolbert · 28-03-2015 5:44pm

It sounds like you're having mass, which isn't essential although it is the norm. The marriage rite is actually quite short and can be done on its own, have a chat with your priest.

The songs are supposed to be religious throughout the ceremony, except for the bride's entrance and signing of the register and leaving the church. Some priests are more strict on this than others.

Tbh, it's a bit rich wanting to have a Catholic ceremony in a Catholic church but have a minimal mention of God. There are plenty of church-like buildings and deconsecrated chapels around in which you can have a civil ceremony, would your fiancée compromise in this way?

J0hnick · 28-03-2015 5:55pm

Dolbert wrote: »

It sounds like you're having mass, which isn't essential although it is the norm. The marriage rite is actually quite short and can be done on its own, have a chat with your priest.

Good to know, will do.

Dolbert wrote: »

The songs are supposed to be religious throughout the ceremony, except for the bride's entrance and signing of the register and leaving the church. Some priests are more strict on this than others.

Yea I heard that, we said it the priest and he said we can have our own music through the whole ceremony, I'll double check though.

Dolbert wrote: »

Tbh, it's a bit rich wanting to have a Catholic ceremony in a Catholic church but have a minimal mention of God. There are plenty of church-like buildings and deconsecrated chapels around in which you can have a civil ceremony, would your fiancée compromise in this way?

I'd prefer that, but It's got to be this church I'm afraid, and a catholic ceremony. There's no real middle ground here, one of us is going to be put out if it's a civil ceremony or a catholic mass, so I'm trying to level the playing field as much as I can.

Here Comes The Trio · 28-03-2015 7:15pm

Here is a link to the full layout, and here is one with what you want. Hope this helps. It was the first result I got from google so I hope it's accurate!

The start will be the same, it only changes after the
Bridal Entrance (Processional)
A little introduction
Lighting of individual candles
Opening Prayer, Gloria
First Reading, Psalm, Second Reading, Gospel Acclamation, Gospel
Homily by the Priest
***
Rite of Marriage
(exchange of vows, blessing of rings, lighting of marriage candle etc etc)
***
{here is where you would have the Liturgy of the Eucharist that you can leave out, this is the offertory, Holy holy, Communion, Our Father, Sign of Peace etc (although some like to do the Sign of Peace anyway)}
***
Signing of the Register
Recessional (Exit)

I'm probably leaving out loads of bits like the Nuptial Blessing and stuff, but basically the collective bit you want to cut out is the "Eucharistic Rite" and this is everything from after the lighting of the marriage candle to the signing of the register I think. There might be something small in between but your priest should really be able to help you with that level of detail!

Your priest sounds quite facilitating, I don't think you'll have a problem having your own music. We've been able to play AC/DC and Metallica in churches all over the place so it totally depends on the priest. You'll be grand!

J0hnick · 28-03-2015 8:30pm

Here Comes The Trio wrote: »

Here is a link to the full layout, and here is one with what you want. Hope this helps. It was the first result I got from google so I hope it's accurate!

The start will be the same, it only changes after the
Bridal Entrance (Processional)
A little introduction
Lighting of individual candles
Opening Prayer, Gloria
First Reading, Psalm, Second Reading, Gospel Acclamation, Gospel
Homily by the Priest
***
Rite of Marriage
(exchange of vows, blessing of rings, lighting of marriage candle etc etc)
***
{here is where you would have the Liturgy of the Eucharist that you can leave out, this is the offertory, Holy holy, Communion, Our Father, Sign of Peace etc (although some like to do the Sign of Peace anyway)}
***
Signing of the Register
Recessional (Exit)

I'm probably leaving out loads of bits like the Nuptial Blessing and stuff, but basically the collective bit you want to cut out is the "Eucharistic Rite" and this is everything from after the lighting of the marriage candle to the signing of the register I think. There might be something small in between but your priest should really be able to help you with that level of detail!

Your priest sounds quite facilitating, I don't think you'll have a problem having your own music. We've been able to play AC/DC and Metallica in churches all over the place so it totally depends on the priest. You'll be grand!

Huge thanks for this, cheers

What parts of a catholic ceremony can be changed or left out ?

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