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Cheating - the affects on guys

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  • 03-09-2010 3:24pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi guys, this topic has been pondered in my mind many a time so i said i would put the question out there and see what you good men come up with :). Basically, as a woman, i've been cheated on before by past partners and i very familar with the feelings it's causes and the devastation to one's life, self esteem, confidence etc. Also how it affects future relationships. I wondered if men feel the same when it happens to them? If you have been cheated on before, has it impacted your life / relationships in a major way or do you try bury the feelings and hurt and move on asap?? Curious as to how this issue affects guys compared to girls!! Feel free to vent here also :), sharing is caring!!


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    #2
    rampantglory
    Registered Users Posts: 528 ✭✭✭rampantglory


    I would imagine that it's up to the individual , relationship , situation -more then upto the sex

    Surely everyone feels betrayed foolish embarrassed etc
    But it's a learning experience!! Everyone should be cheated on because once they experience(for real) it they will never do it to another again


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    #3
    demonspawn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,460 ✭✭✭demonspawn


    Too many variables to give a definitive answer. It depends on the relationship, the people involved, the amount of time you've been together, etc.

    I think if you're living with someone for a while and cheat on your partner, there's gonna be a lot of bad feelings and could affect future relationships so be very careful. If it's just a casual relationship, there will be hurt feelings but the person will soon get over it, even though they may decide to end the relationship.

    The worst thing you can do is lie, that makes the situation much much worse. If you cheat on your partner and don't really care about person you cheated with, tell your partner and hope he/she understands that it was just one of those things. If you care more about the person you cheated with, you should probably break off the old relationship and move on.

    Don't keep it a secret, you're not doing anyone any favors least of all yourself. If you find yourself cheating regularly, you might want to go speak to someone about it. I don't think it's healthy to be always on the lookout for something better, just be happy with what you have because some people have nobody.

    As the song goes, "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with."


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    #4
    TitoPuente
    Closed Accounts Posts: 549 ✭✭✭TitoPuente


    If my GF cheated on me, I'd expect I'd be traumatized and heartbroken :eek:


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    #5
    coffee_cake
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 81,310 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    demonspawn wrote: »

    The worst thing you can do is lie, that makes the situation much much worse. If you cheat on your partner and don't really care about person you cheated with, tell your partner and hope he/she understands that it was just one of those things. If you care more about the person you cheated with, you should probably break off the old relationship and move on.

    This is what I hate about RI sometimes - the amount of people saying "don't tell her [and it's usually that way] it's for her own good" is infuriating. Cheating is bad enough but lying to your partner about something like that is unforgivable imo. It's deceitful and patronising and a good relationship can't continue on such a lie. It's not about clearing your conscience, it's about coming clean to your partner and letting them decide how they feel.
    :mad:


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    #6
    The Agogo
    Registered Users Posts: 834 ✭✭✭The Agogo


    It also depends how long the relationship was, who was the lover/loved, how interested he was etc...specifics really.

    On the whole, I'd say they affect guys just as much. But guys generally don't vent their emotions on other guys. They just knuckle down in work instead (from what I've noticed)


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    #7
    Logical Fallacy
    Registered Users Posts: 5,933 ✭✭✭Logical Fallacy


    bluewolf wrote: »
    This is what I hate about RI sometimes - the amount of people saying "don't tell her [and it's usually that way] it's for her own good" is infuriating. Cheating is bad enough but lying to your partner about something like that is unforgivable imo. It's deceitful and patronising and a good relationship can't continue on such a lie. It's not about clearing your conscience, it's about coming clean to your partner and letting them decide how they feel.
    :mad:

    It's entirely possible the such advice is driven by peoples own experiences though. They may have cheated themselves and prefer to offer such advice as it assuages any remaining guilt they have about not owning up themselves, or they may have been cheated on and are foolish enough to believe that if they were still ignorant of the deed they would somehow be happy.

    People are strange and often prefer a fantasy to the apparent cruelty of reality.


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