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Advice needed on assault

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  • 28-04-2014 8:04pm
    #1
    col89
    Registered Users Posts: 79 ✭✭


    Hi guys,

    I was assaulted a year and a half ago in a homophobic attack, resulting in a broken nose, scars, and what have you. I had no reason to warrant this attack as I did not know the guy in question, but that he wanted to lash out and prove his sense of "(hyper-)masculinity." I have gone through this story so many times and I am physically and mentally worn out by it. Despite being a very big lad, he was only 17 and just weeks away before turning 18, but that because of this detail, he was treated as a minor and only cautioned by the Gardai.

    I am a 24-year-old man and I can't believe that this is the situation that we live in. How on earth is it right that someone can justify such actions? My stomach is literally turning as I type this email. It still hurts so much because I didn't do a thing to deserve it, and it made me somewhat of a lesser man because I constantly watch my back. I was once the type of person who could go out alone and just chat with anyone, have a laugh, and not worry about what happened next, because I mixed well and got on with just about everybody. Right now, I feel like I'm a completely different person and it's all because of this one incident, and one in which the perpetrator has been merely cautioned just because he was not the legal age of prosecution.

    Can anyone offer advice, please? I would love to get in touch with a gay Garda and possibly get his/her point of view on this, as I feel like this situation is being made as something that should be accepted within our society. In terms of homophobic assaults, am I right in saying that the UK police system is not as lenient as the Irish one? What would have happened if I retaliated and he got the same results as myself, would have I been treated the same way -- cautioned? Should I just try and forget about this situation, the damage done, and accept the fact that Ireland is a place in which gay men and women should always feel inferior?

    Any advice whatsoever would be fantastic.

    Thanks a million,

    C.


Comments

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    #2
    Mr Pseudonym
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,237 ✭✭✭Mr Pseudonym


    Can't really offer much advice, man, but really sorry to hear it has had such an effect on you. Perhaps it might prove beneficial to not compare your new tendencies to those of your pre-assault self - they are yours now. Rather than trying to regain previous characteristics, you should look to develop from the ones you currently have :)


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    #3
    Ten of Swords
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,226 CMod ✭✭✭✭Ten of Swords


    Op Im sorry to hear your story. Its awful.

    Send a pm to Lmklad and maybe he will give you his perspective on it.

    Moderator: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender, Vegan & Vegetarian

    Category Moderator: Social & Fun



  • Options
    #4
    freshpopcorn
    Registered Users Posts: 30,186 ✭✭✭✭freshpopcorn


    Hi,
    Sorry to hear what happened first of all.
    I do know that there is certain gardai that can deal with homophobic crimes. Also you might find some links here http://www.g-force.ie
    Most of the assault cases I've heard of the gardai/police generally only caution they person if its there first offence/wasn't that serious.
    I think you might also need to seek some counseling because this has clearly affected you.


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    #5
    Lmklad
    Registered Users Posts: 433 ✭✭Lmklad


    Ten of Swords wrote: »
    Op Im sorry to hear your story. Its awful.

    Send a pm to Lmklad and maybe he will give you his perspective on it.

    Sent OP a PM. Pity boards doesn't notify you when your nick has been used. Only saw this today. Cheers for the recommendation!


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    #6
    ongarboy
    Registered Users Posts: 5,201 ✭✭✭ongarboy


    Hey OP, so sorry to hear what must have been an awful ordeal for you.

    Obviously, I'm not sure what judicial closure you can get on this (hopefully Lmklad can advise you there) but maybe it's worth considering counselling to deal with what could be post traumatic stress and really help you to move on and return to the happier person you were previously. The fact that you say you are a changed man, live in constant fear and feel accepting inferiority is the only way of "getting over it" is a concern. This sounds serious enough that you may not be able to resolve it by yourself.

    Everyone one of us (gay or straight ) faces the risk of an unprovoked assault every day (no matter how slight) but we can't let it or the fear of it dictate the way we live.


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    #7
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 40,814 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    OP

    Perhaps ring the lgbt helpine and ask what supports they could suggest.

    www.lgbt.ie

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



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    #8
    periodictable
    Closed Accounts Posts: 931 ✭✭✭periodictable


    can you sue him in civil court? hit him or his parents where it hurts, in the pocket


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