first date confusion

bakergirl91 · 25-11-2014 12:59am #1

Hey all,

Looking for some advice on a first date i just had tonight. Everything went well, yes i was nervous but the flow of conversation was great and we were both laughing.

The problem came at the end....he walked me back to my car. And i looked at him and smiled. He put his hands in his pocket and said 'mind yourself' and walked away.....no hug....no kiss ?

I text once i got home to say thanks again we should do it again and he said yeah and said the company was great...

I am confused. Did he bottle it at the end of the date but is actually interested? Or is he being nice and has no interest at all?

Thanks a million guys.

dee_mc · 25-11-2014 1:29am

He is the only one who knows the answer to that question!
I'd say give it a couple of days and if you don't hear from him, give him a buzz and ask if he'd like to go on another date (not 'sometime', specify!). See how it goes from there!
Of course it's possible that he felt there wasn't a spark etc, but it's equally possible that he's quite reserved and doesn't want to rush in.
It sounds as though you like him, so give it one more shot and if he isn't into it, move on knowing you've given a potential relationship every chance.
Good luck!

Minderbinder · 25-11-2014 8:06am

If he walked away before you drove away then that is a bad sign in my opinion. It's a bit strange even if he doesn't like you. Here's hoping it all works out, that he bottled it and the two of you can laugh about it later.

Matteroffact · 25-11-2014 11:15am

The poor chap just felt a bit awkward, maybe next time you offer your cheek or whatever, give him a hug and give him a bit of encouragement. I would certainly not say that he is not interested just because you didn't get a kiss at the end of the night. Leave it for a few days and see if there is any more contact from him and this will tell you more.

kjl · 25-11-2014 5:39pm

I've been on a few dates where I am not super attracted to the girl. I would pretty much act like this guy did. Especially the text at the end.

How did this date come about, did he ask you? Did you meet while drunk one night?

Pinkmoon19 · 25-11-2014 5:45pm

Hmmm my gut feeling would be that if there was no kiss or hug at the end that he might not be attracted to you. That's not to say he won't meet you again and perhaps feel differently the second time.

I know for myself if I have a good date and I like the person I would always end the evening with a hug or a kiss. But that's just me, some people are more reserved.

Hope it works out for you.

bakergirl91 · 25-11-2014 5:58pm

Hey all,

Thanks for the responses. No we didnt meet drunk or anything like that. And yes he asked me.....we have been texting for a good month, sending snapchats etc....so he knew what i looked like. We had a great time, laughed and joked and appeared genuinely interested in what the other person was saying......

To kjl comment about the text, you would agree to meeting up again and saying that your enjoyed it when you didnt ? ..... if so i really dont know how he feels because that was the thing i was banking on that he was still interested.

tinz18 · 25-11-2014 6:00pm

He could have bottled it, give him another chance. I remember my friend went on a date with a guy where he gave her a pat on the back (like the farmers thump type of pat) at the end of the date. She was raging and said never again- they've been together over 2 years now. The poor lad was nervous and couldn't figure out if she was interested or not.
I've been on dates where the guy was really keen but too shy to make the first move. See if ye go on another date and work from there.

keane2097 · 25-11-2014 6:10pm

Ah realistically there could be a million reasons why a date doesn't end with a kiss. Some of them mean he's not interested, some of them don't. He might equally not be sure whether he likes you or not.

There's really no reason to spend any time worrying about it either way. The course of action is really simple, ask him if he wants to go out again and find out in real life, rather than trying to read into what happened last time ad nauseum.

gerryd2 · 25-11-2014 6:13pm

No he is probably just shy and a gentleman and wanted you to make the first move as he doesn't know how you feel either. Did he open doors for you, did he pull out your chair, ask if he could take your coat or any other small thing like that?

bakergirl91 · 25-11-2014 6:49pm

To be honest i didnt really give him any opportunity for that......he arrived just before me so was at the table taking off his own jacket as i was coming in so it made it weird i wasnt sure whether to give him a kiss on the cheek or anything you know?

He was very polite, got up from the table and payed(not giving me the chance, but also removing that awkwardness you know? ) walked me back to the car ....all smiles......

He was very attentitve and asked me questions from what i had told him about myaelf before.....

And in the texts last night when i said we could do it again he said yeah for sure ......surely he wouldnt of said yes when he has no intention?

Maybe i am clutching at straws. ..... i guess it was just the nicest date ive had in a long time!

Pyr0 · 25-11-2014 6:59pm

bakergirl91 wrote: »

Hey all,

Looking for some advice on a first date i just had tonight. Everything went well, yes i was nervous but the flow of conversation was great and we were both laughing.

The problem came at the end....he walked me back to my car. And i looked at him and smiled. He put his hands in his pocket and said 'mind yourself' and walked away.....no hug....no kiss ?

I text once i got home to say thanks again we should do it again and he said yeah and said the company was great...

I am confused. Did he bottle it at the end of the date but is actually interested? Or is he being nice and has no interest at all?

Thanks a million guys.

To be honest, if it was me I'd be bricking it and would nearly do the same or even a hug.. *cringe*

But yeah, I'd say he was just super nervous.

Hooked · 25-11-2014 7:12pm

Let's be honest... We don't know. You don't know... Only he knows.

I'm Mr Confident, cock of the walk, head strong and borderline arrogant. Yet, I'd be a bottler... If I was on a first date and nervous, and wasn't sure if I should, or if she'd want me to... I'd overthink it.

Now, if you gave me a foolproof sign... In glorious neon... let's say a text, lovely date, thanks, etc, etc... Was kinda hoping for a kiss goodnight... Then I'd be in with the lip service after date 2. Or knowing me, before it (when we met) as I'd know it was ok to do so. A kiss when we met and a cheesy 'didn't want to keep you waiting all night for that'. Simply because I'd know it's ok with you.

I know it takes the spontaneity out of it but 'some' guys like to be gentlemanly. We're nervous too and panic or wuss out. We don't want to 'lob the gob' if you're not up for it.

If the date was that good, cast out a line for a second date... And if he bites... Text him something along the lines of 'I hope I get a kiss goodnight this time'...

No kiss = no brainier.

But, at least you'll know. Life's 2 short.

Hooked · 25-11-2014 7:13pm

Pyr0 wrote: »

To be honest, if it was me I'd be bricking it and would nearly do the same or even a hug.. *cringe*

Or worse! A HANDSHAKE!!! ;P

gerryd2 · 25-11-2014 8:12pm

Well there you have it. Paying for a meal is a gentleman thing to do and shows hes interested in you. It takes time for some people to get intimate. Sometimes on a first date I get the urge to go for a kiss but have to stop myself as I don't want to come on strong and I have went two or 3 dates with a woman I really liked, before going for a kiss. I think the longer you let feelings build up without getting anything the more fond you become of her. Just think, how many first dates have you had that ended with a kiss, then think about how long those relationships lasted.

Harika · 25-11-2014 8:38pm

A story from one of my first date, we had great fun, came back home, in the car I tested the water and as her hand was on the gear switch, (the car part not mine lol), put my knee towards her hand so knee and hand touched. Stayed there for some seconds, but as soon as she realized this, pulled her hand back in panic. So I did not go for a kiss as I thought maybe she does not like me, so we hugged and left.
Anyway then she texted me and asked if I did not like it as I did not text back 30 minutes after the date as Cosmopolitan, or whatever, expected me to do. For this kiss moment she then told me she was thinking I did not like her because I did not kiss her. Anyway this was two years ago and we are getting married soon and we laugh about this story.
So maybe he read also some stupid advice page and waits now three days for his next move.

LegacyUser · 25-11-2014 9:01pm

He mightn't have even been nervous, just unsure of what was expected. I've had my attempt at a kiss on the cheek rejected on the second date, for example. By the way bakergirl91, were you expecting a kiss on the cheek or lips?

Cpt Sh!t Craic · 25-11-2014 9:20pm

I've had my fair share of dates and whatever at this stage and have learned that the only solution to any uncertainty is being honest and straightforward. I'm not saying be blunt, but It's not difficult to be sincere and witty/flirty at the same time.

There's nothing more annoying than wasting time and energy on someone who is only half interested.

Text him saying something along the lines of 'so when are we going on our next date? that is if your still interested?

'

If he's interested then great, otherwise you get to move on!

DoYouEvenLift · 25-11-2014 9:35pm

I wouldn't pay for a date unless I was really into the girl. Would split it if I thought she was only okay. Give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he was just being polite by not kissing on the first date. Setup a second date soon and make some bit of a move this time

dellas1979 · 25-11-2014 10:06pm

Very hard to tell OP!

I think you are going to have to hang tough (you said youd enjoyed yourself, and do it again, i.e., encouraging signs from you) and see if he asks you out again. Its only been 1 day.

I wouldnt be putting your life on hold for 1 date.

padohaodha · 25-11-2014 10:10pm

He's just shy.imo.

LegacyUser · 26-11-2014 12:14am

I had an experience like this last year - met a guy one Friday night for drinks, got on well, chatted for a few hours, he paid the bill, he walked me back to where I was meeting a friend, we kissed for a few minutes, he told me he'd text me later, he did that and said it was nice to meet me, to sleep well, have a good weekend, etc. No mention of a follow-up date but the other signs were promising so I text him back and suggested meeting up the following weekend. He didn't reply and I never heard from him again.

So there's really no way to tell how he's thinking except to ask him.

Cpt Sh!t Craic · 26-11-2014 4:02am

DoYouEvenLift wrote:

I wouldn't pay for a date unless I was really into the girl. Would split it if I thought she was only okay...

...Setup a second date soon and make some bit of a move this time

Wow man, I hope your just being a troll with advice like that

jethrothe2nd · 26-11-2014 10:08am

Hooked wrote: »

Or worse! A HANDSHAKE!!! ;P

That's exactly what I did.

First proper date, had an absolutely amazing time. Chatted, laughed, walked the streets, went to a concert..... And what did I do after the concert instead of giving her a hug, or kiss? I put out my hand for her to shake.

I walked home thinking I'd blown it

She's my wife now.

Don Kedick · 26-11-2014 11:23pm

I gave a girl a nod at the end of a date. I just nodded my head and walked away. This is where I'm supposed to say I'm married to her now but no, I'm still single.

mikemac1 · 27-11-2014 8:14am

Hooked wrote: »

If the date was that good, cast out a line for a second date... And if he bites... Text him something along the lines of 'I hope I get a kiss goodnight this time'...

No kiss = no brainier.

But, at least you'll know. Life's 2 short.

Yes, do this OP!

Stavro Mueller · 27-11-2014 9:40am

Bite the bullet and ask him out. While it doesn't look promising after the way the last date ended, there's no harm in giving it one more go. Just watch out in case he's one of those people who wants a penpal, not a girlfriend.

jenna1057 · 01-12-2014 5:43pm

bakergirl91 wrote: »

Hey all,

Thanks for the responses. No we didnt meet drunk or anything like that. And yes he asked me.....we have been texting for a good month, sending snapchats etc....so he knew what i looked like. We had a great time, laughed and joked and appeared genuinely interested in what the other person was saying......

To kjl comment about the text, you would agree to meeting up again and saying that your enjoyed it when you didnt ? ..... if so i really dont know how he feels because that was the thing i was banking on that he was still interested.

Hey believe it or not, I had a first date with a guy that I knew from college and had been in contact with and all that stuff for the last 5 weeks!. same story the date went so well, but we were walking to our cars and the more I think about it now it was probably me that was being shy as we didnt hold hands or anything and I think he had tried to aswell haha! I think your guy could have felt a bit nervous because the goodbye can be really awkward especially on a first date. When it came to ours I didn't know whether to hug him or what so I went in for a hug and he went in for a kiss! Felt like such an idiot but we had our kiss then so it was grand!

I think you should try not to let it stress you out! It was only one date so far and chances are he was nervous and so were you! play at cool and continue with the texts and snapchats! you never know!

jenna1057 · 01-12-2014 5:44pm

bakergirl91 wrote: »

Hey all,

Thanks for the responses. No we didnt meet drunk or anything like that. And yes he asked me.....we have been texting for a good month, sending snapchats etc....so he knew what i looked like. We had a great time, laughed and joked and appeared genuinely interested in what the other person was saying......

To kjl comment about the text, you would agree to meeting up again and saying that your enjoyed it when you didnt ? ..... if so i really dont know how he feels because that was the thing i was banking on that he was still interested.

Hey believe it or not, I had a first date with a guy during the weekend that I knew from college and had been in contact with and all that stuff for the last 5 weeks or so!. same story the date went so well, but we were walking to our cars and the more I think about it now it was probably me that was being shy as we didnt hold hands or anything and I think he had tried to aswell haha! I think your guy could have felt a bit nervous because the goodbye can be really awkward especially on a first date. When it came to ours I didn't know whether to hug him or what so I went in for a hug and he went in for a kiss! Felt like such an idiot but we had our kiss then so it was grand!

I think you should try not to let it stress you out! It was only one date so far and chances are he was nervous and so were you! play at cool and continue with the texts and snapchats! you never know!

bakergirl91 · 01-12-2014 5:49pm

Hey everyone,

Sorry ive not gotten a chance to respond to the advice. Thank you all for the feedback. It is much appreciated.

We have been texting away and all seemed grand till the weekend. He has been sending mixed singles so i said it straight out that i was interested but i wasnt able to gage how he felt....he didnt answer me.....more so danced around the topic like asking was he hard to read etc. He didnt respond after i text him back again so i am pretty sure i messed up!!

I just wanted to know at the time. I probably caught him off guard, but all i wish was he said yes i am interested or no sorry i just want to be mates.

Midnight Sundance · 01-12-2014 5:54pm

I think the fact that he didn't say he was interested straight away is your answer. Don't waste anymore of your time if you're looking for something serious with him.

Penny Tration · 01-12-2014 5:55pm

Midnight Sundance wrote: »

I think the fact that he didn't say he was interested straight away is your answer. Don't waste anymore of your time if you're looking for something serious with him.

I have to disagree with this.

He may not be interested, but if a guy asked me if I was interested after only one date, I'd run. One date is not enough to know if you like the person or not.

bakergirl91 · 01-12-2014 5:58pm

Jingle_Balls wrote: »

I have to disagree with this.

He may not be interested, but if a guy asked me if I was interested after only one date, I'd run. One date is not enough to know if you like the person or not.

Thanks for the feedback. I understand where you are coming from, however i didnt use that word i did say i fancied him. We have been in contact with eachother for weeks and weeks...... its really dragged out and i just wanted to set it straight

Penny Tration · 01-12-2014 6:02pm

bakergirl91 wrote: »

Thanks for the feedback. I understand where you are coming from, however i didnt use that word i did say i fancied him. We have been in contact with eachother for weeks and weeks...... its really dragged out and i just wanted to set it straight

Oh yeah, I understand where you're coming from

For what iit's worth, I think this guy is a bit of a messer, and you're better off getting rid if it's causing you this much confusion already. Just, maybe ease back with the 'i fancy you' stuff next time

I do admire your courage in being direct, though.

jenna1057 · 01-12-2014 6:07pm

Don't over think it because it will send you absolutely spare! I was talking to my guy straight after the date didnt hear from him the day after but not too worried because he knew I was flat out with work! If I were you I would leave the ball in his court and let him make the next move! you've already told him how you felt so play it cool ad see what happens! I wouldn't worry about not having scheduled a second date yet, we both said at the end of the date that we had had really good fun and must do it again soon, and in his texts too he said it aswell! No mention of when it will because we're both busy with stuff for the next 2 weeks! leave it sit and see what happens! best of luck

bakergirl91 · 01-12-2014 6:07pm

Jingle_Balls wrote: »

Oh yeah, I understand where you're coming from

For what iit's worth, I think this guy is a bit of a messer, and you're better off getting rid if it's causing you this much confusion already. Just, maybe ease back with the 'i fancy you' stuff next time I do admire your courage in being direct, though.

To be honest, he was pushing me on another matter that we were laughing about and i said no no im not saying and he kept pushing. So if i had told him what he wanted an answer to, i had to also admit i fancied him. I know this is all vague but dont want to say incase someone reads it like him or a mate!

I would never of just out right said it out of the blue, im not that brave haha

. I thought thata what he was pushing me to say, yet i completely misread the situation like a fool.

Penny Tration · 01-12-2014 6:10pm

bakergirl91 wrote: »

To be honest, he was pushing me on another matter that we were laughing about and i said no no im not saying and he kept pushing. So if i had told him what he wanted an answer to, i had to also admit i fancied him. I know this is all vague but dont want to say incase someone reads it like him or a mate!

I would never of just out right said it out of the blue, im not that brave haha . I thought thata what he was pushing me to say, yet i completely misread the situation like a fool.

You don't sound like a fool, so don't be putting yourself down. From the vague way you describe things, it sounds as though he WAS hinting for you to say it, perhaps for an ego boost.

I had that before with a guy. Talking for a few weeks, him bringing up the possibility of a relationship and encouraging me to like him. Two dates in, he only wants a friend with benefits. When I backed off, he decided he wanted a relationship :rolleyes: Obviously, I'd moved well on by then and said no!

Idle Passerby · 04-12-2014 2:14am

Hmm based on the first post my take was that from the description of the date gave no real indication of whether he was interested but sending a text as soon as you got home wasn't a great idea, you would have been better able to judge his interest if you let him do the contacting after the date. It was a bit soon in my opinion to be suggesting another date, he may have felt put on the spot and said "sure" to another date out of awkwardness.

The fact that he is dancing around your question about whether he's interested isn't a great sign. You've only met once and straight away your looking for confirmation that hes interested, he probably hasn't decided that himself yet.

Take it easy OP, you obviously liked him, nothing wrong with that, just remember that if someone isn't as into you as you are into them, its their loss, not yours.

bakergirl91 · 04-12-2014 10:21am

Idle Passerby wrote: »

Hmm based on the first post my take was that from the description of the date gave no real indication of whether he was interested but sending a text as soon as you got home wasn't a great idea, you would have been better able to judge his interest if you let him do the contacting after the date. It was a bit soon in my opinion to be suggesting another date, he may have felt put on the spot and said "sure" to another date out of awkwardness.

The fact that he is dancing around your question about whether he's interested isn't a great sign. You've only met once and straight away your looking for confirmation that hes interested, he probably hasn't decided that himself yet.

Take it easy OP, you obviously liked him, nothing wrong with that, just remember that if someone isn't as into you as you are into them, its their loss, not yours.

Thank you for the feedback. In a way i agree but in another i can see how the conversations progressed over text and what not so i guess i dont feel like i was as forward as its coming across if you get what i mean? Furthermore, he told me he was interested in me before the date ....so i didnt think it was a bug deal to say well i do fancy you....however, lesson learned. I going to be alot more reserved in the future even if i thought there was signs

miamee · 04-12-2014 6:14pm

To be honest OP I think some people are being a bit hard on you. Saying you fancy someone is not the same as saying you are interested in a full blown relationship, it just means you are attracted to him. If after all your chats, he didn't say that he was attracted to you too or suggest another date when you said it then I think you have your answer. No need to be more reserved in future, I don't think you did anything wrong here. You are looking for a partner, it sounds like he was happy enough with a text friend.

first date confusion

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