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27 too late?

  • 11-01-2015 6:55pm
    #1
    Jennifereckle
    Registered Users Posts: 4 ✭


    I just broke up with my boyfriend of a year and a half. We had talked about getting married and having children. I was due to move in with him soon. But I don't think he's for me and I'm finally coming to the realisation that I may have been kidding myself for years.

    It's just all that was pointed at me for years was girl looks for prince, girl finds prince, both get married and have babies... yay! I have always thought that women were more beautiful than men...I just presumed everyone knew that but some girls just wanted men instead.but more recently I hear of girls getting in engaged and married and I can't hide the twinge of jealousy.

    But I don't know one person who is gay...have never been to a gay bar...and find this whole realisation incredibly daunting. I hate the way society makes you feel like you have to be something. I don't want to be gay. I want to be me...simple.

    I'm not worried about telling friends or family really but to be honest...I don't know if I feel the need...im still the same person. I don't want to sit people down and explain it to them.

    I've looked on meet up.com and signed up to the group there. Anything else that people could advise me on would be great!

    Any thoughts/advice/reassurance welcomed!!

    Apologies if some of this is like word vomit ...trying to process as I write!

    Thanks :)


Comments

  • #2
    Gremlinertia
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Regional West Moderators Posts: 60,501 Mod ✭✭✭✭Gremlinertia


    Firstly take your time, you've only just broken up.. Emotions will be all over the place. Meetup.com, pof.com all great to get gay mates. There is no onus on you to tell anyone anything by the way. Relax and let you mind settle after coming out of a relationship..


  • #3
    Jennifereckle
    Registered Users Posts: 4 ✭Jennifereckle


    Gremlinertia wrote: »
    Firstly take your time, you've only just broken up.. Emotions will be all over the place. Meetup.com, pof.com all great to get gay mates. There is no onus on you to tell anyone anything by the way. Relax and let you mind settle after coming out of a relationship..

    Thanks gremlinertia! I know! I keep telling myself to get over that first and just spend some time looking at me but I just keep reading other posts about people who have known for almost 15 years at my age. I feel like I've missed out on so much! And part of me is so scared that I want to bury it away again (yes...I've thought this a few times before) but I know that will only perpetrate the whole thing!!

    But ill certainly take on your advice!!
    And it's nice to know that it's just my little secret for the moment :)


  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I was looking at groups online myself recently and I came accross a group for women over 40 and it said some of the group members are women who have discovered they are gay later on in life and have ex husbands and children. I thought that was interesting. I don't think you are late to the party by any means, people find out about their sexuality at all kinds of different stages. I know some people who have come out after university as well. Some people are firmly ensconced in the closet waiting for change.

    I think joining the meetup group is a very positive step but as everyone else says take it easy, new feelings are always complicated.


  • #5
    makeandcreate
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 451 ✭✭makeandcreate


    I don't think it is ever too late. I've known both women and men that have reared families in a heterosexual relationship and then when that relationship ended have moved onto relationships with a same sex partner. Sexuality can be very fluid - there are some women that I find very attractive and some men that I find wholly repulsive but I'm with a long term partner that I adore and their genetalia only make ups a small proportion (ahem - in the abstract sense of course!) of what makes them so attractive to me.
    Enjoy this time on your own - I can remember coming out of a long term relationship and just indulging in some serious crushes both male and female - it's a good feeling when you want to get out there and date or non date - just meet people and hangout - with no pressure and expectations. Teeny bit jealous now ;-)


  • #6
    liquoriceall
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 454 ✭✭liquoriceall


    OP I was 30 before I finally admitted to myself and anyone else that I was gay. Like you I had inklings for years but buried them....it is better when you admit to yourself dont worry about anyone else for now!


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  • #7
    Jennifereckle
    Registered Users Posts: 4 ✭Jennifereckle


    makeandcreate wrote: »
    I don't think it is ever too late. I've known both women and men that have reared families in a heterosexual relationship and then when that relationship ended have moved onto relationships with a same sex partner. Sexuality can be very fluid - there are some women that I find very attractive and some men that I find wholly repulsive but I'm with a long term partner that I adore and their genetalia only make ups a small proportion (ahem - in the abstract sense of course!) of what makes them so attractive to me.
    Enjoy this time on your own - I can remember coming out of a long term relationship and just indulging in some serious crushes both male and female - it's a good feeling when you want to get out there and date or non date - just meet people and hangout - with no pressure and expectations. Teeny bit jealous now ;-)

    Oooh that's definitely making me more excited! I'm not sure whether it's the break up or the break out as such that's making me feel like indulging.

    Also nice to know that it's more fluid. I almost feel like once I blurt it out there's no going back and I can never be with a man again (which logically is ridiculous...but in my mind nonetheless).


  • #8
    Jennifereckle
    Registered Users Posts: 4 ✭Jennifereckle


    liquoriceall wrote: »
    OP I was 30 before I finally admitted to myself and anyone else that I was gay. Like you I had inklings for years but buried them....it is better when you admit to yourself dont worry about anyone else for now!

    Thanks liquorice! Think I'm going to need a lot of chocolate to get me through this and a break up. Do you think I could fully wrap myself in cotton wool or would it be a little scratchy??


  • #9
    Aplotemerges
    Registered Users Posts: 8 ✭Aplotemerges


    I found out I had bi inclinations when I was 54 so it's never too late for you! But don't Rush in and throw all your toys out of the pram until you sort out what you really want. Your emotions are all over the place after the break up too so softly softly!


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