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He's asking for time...is he just fobbing me off??

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  • 01-10-2014 7:35pm
    #1
    goosey gander
    Closed Accounts Posts: 35 ✭


    Hi guys hoping to get others opinions on my situation
    So after a stupid argument I stupidly dumped my boyfriend of a year. we'd had a tough month with both of us stressed at work and hadn't been getting on great at all and had all issues had been completely blown out of proportion and in the heat of an argument I ended it.
    I
    t was a stupid mistake and I regretted it and text him and apologised I apologised for my mistakes I apologised for being a cra p girlfriend . I asked him to give me another chance and he asked me to give him time that he can't deal with it all that he's paranoid about it all.

    I told him I'd give him space and told him we wouldn't phone or talk till next week but he told me I was being re divulges that he'd give me a ring during the week!!

    Here's the thing I asked him what he needs to think about and he can't answer surely if he wants to be with me there's nothing to talk about!?

    I'm hurting and feel like I'm living in limbo :(


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    #2
    CaraMay
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭CaraMay


    You gambled and you lost op. He might be seeing how he gets in without you or he might be just punishîng you and teaching you a lesson.

    You've done all you can. The only thing to do now is wait and learn from your mistakes


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    #3
    strobe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,872 ✭✭✭strobe


    Seems fairly likely that what he needs to think about is if he wants to give you another chance, or if he'd just be setting himself up for heartbreak for the next time you two have a fight and you dump him again.

    Sorry, but do you really have to ask?

    You kinda screwed the pooch. You pretty much have to leave the ball in his court for the time being and stop with the pressure if you really want there to be a chance of you two getting back together.


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    #4
    goosey gander
    Closed Accounts Posts: 35 ✭goosey gander


    I know I messed up so so badly and believe me I'm feeling the pain my heart is broken... There was two of us in it I just got so overwhelmed and it was just a spur of the moment thing

    Thank you to both of for taking the time to reply

    I'm truly devastated I've lost him and I have to live with that I just don't want to be left in limbo with false hope.

    Thank you its great to see it from other perspectives


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    #5
    IHeartShoes
    Registered Users Posts: 111 ✭✭IHeartShoes


    I think he has a couple of things to think about even if he can't articulate them as yet. First thing is, could your original decision to finish things have been the right one despite your changing your mind? He might think after consideration that your original thinking was sound and breaking up might be the right thing for you both even if you couldn't carry it through.

    Secondly, I imagine he was very hurt by your finishing with him. Its unlikely that he will want to suffer that pain a second time. He could be taking time to think about how likely it is that you will revise your decision again, finish with him again after the initial panic that it was over, is gone.

    I think you are doing the right think by giving him space with no contact for a while. Give him a change to miss you despite his thinking...

    I hope it works out for you.

    S


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    #6
    goosey gander
    Closed Accounts Posts: 35 ✭goosey gander


    I heart shoes I'm giving him space but he says he wants to ring me during the week...but still wants his space!! I don't know what to think I wish I could wish this week away


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    #7
    iMac_Hunt
    Registered Users Posts: 162 ✭✭iMac_Hunt


    CaraMay is spot on with her advice. You gambled and lost. You can't just dump someone in the heat of the moment. Valuable lesson learned. I do hope it works out for you but give him time. He will call when he's ready. Don't pressure him, he has told you he will call and if you pressure him, that may finish it altogether.


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    #8
    louisenf2014
    Registered Users Posts: 30 ✭louisenf2014


    The fact that he said he will talk to you is positive. Also, he has the luxury of knowing that you regret your dumping move. So, he is not going through the same emotions as you. He can have a stress free evaluation of the relationship as he knows he can have it back.

    That said, breaking up without thinking it through is pretty damaging even if you do make it back together, having been on the receiving end of that, it's pretty difficult to convince yourself the r/ship is as valuable as it was before the break-up. Even if the person acknowledges they made a mistake it's really difficult sometimes to process that for a moment, you weren't as important to that person as possibly they were to you...and that can have a lasting effect on things.

    If you can do anything positive, try to see it from his perspective, and if you guys do give things another go, understand that it won't be as it was before for a while.

    Best of luck


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    #9
    skallywag
    Registered Users Posts: 2,987 ✭✭✭skallywag


    My guess is he is trying to let you stew for a while, which may be a good thing, there wouldn't be much of a lesson learned if he just took you back at the drop of a hat.


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    #10
    IHeartShoes
    Registered Users Posts: 111 ✭✭IHeartShoes


    goosey gander wrote: »
    I heart shoes I'm giving him space but he says he wants to ring me during the week...but still wants his space!! I don't know what to think I wish I could wish this week away

    I know its hard:( It takes over your every thought and you can't concentrate on anything else. Best thing to do though is keep busy. Go and vent to a friend(s). Write it all down and then burn it. Do what you need to do to distract yourself but leave him be to work things out for himself.

    I would also suggest that you stop torturing yourself. So you made a mistake. Who hasn't? You can't use it as a stick to beat yourself with and you shouldn't allow anyone else to do so. Hopefully you will resolve it but as part of the processs talk it all through with him, let him get all the hurt and resentment off his chest in one fell swoop. But don't keep revisiting it. Move forward.

    Equally if it doesn't work out and he can't get past it, don't torture yourself then either. These things happen for a reason. If the worst happens it won't seem like it, but you will most definitely be happy again.

    Best of luck!!


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    #11
    goosey gander
    Closed Accounts Posts: 35 ✭goosey gander


    Thank you so much scally wag and I heart shoes I really appriciate yee making the effort to reply it's been three days and I've heard nothing.. The hard thing is he knows I've anxiety issues and he knows that I'd struggle very badly with this.

    I messed up in the heat of the moment but he's had three days and surely he must know this is destroying me


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    #12
    teggers5
    Registered Users Posts: 445 ✭✭teggers5


    Goosey Gander I know you're going through a tough time with not knowing and whatever but don't play the 'I suffer from anxiety' card.
    You got yourself in this situation don't try and make your boyfriend feel guilty over something you started.
    I'm speaking from experience here. My ex suffered from depression, anxiety and panic attacks. Anytime we had a row or disagreement he used that line.. and the original issue( reason for argument) was bypassed because of it. I put up with for 4 years before I opened my eyes!


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    #13
    goosey gander
    Closed Accounts Posts: 35 ✭goosey gander


    Please don't think I'm using that as excuse I don't believe in bypassing the argument but I was to talk about it I want the opportunity to talk to him and I'm not trying to justify my actions in an way I messed up I want to talk it through.

    I deserve his anger but I do not deserve to be ignored


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    #14
    CaraMay
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭CaraMay


    You are being ignored because you dumped him and obviously hurt him badly in the process.


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    #15
    teggers5
    Registered Users Posts: 445 ✭✭teggers5


    He's asked for time. 3 days is not a huge amount of time. Give him space to think.


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    #16
    goosey gander
    Closed Accounts Posts: 35 ✭goosey gander


    I know I just miss him that's all 😢


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    #17
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    goosey gander wrote: »
    I know I just miss him that's all 😢

    You're saying that YOU made a mistake, YOU have anxiety, YOU want to talk to him, YOU don't deserve to be ignored, YOU miss him.

    What about him? You might be in pain, but you dumped him. It's of your own doing. I'd imagine he's in worse pain, knowing that an argument was all it took for you to dump him. Of course he needs time! If I were in his position, I'd think you don't love me.

    You need to stop focusing on YOU and respect what he asked for.


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    #18
    DoYouEvenLift
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,188 ✭✭✭DoYouEvenLift


    You made your decision, you'll have to deal with the consequences. He's got the choice now so it's up to him to decide so you should probably leave him a bit of room so he's not put off by you pressuring him more.

    Next time practice not letting your emotions cloud your judgement into making spur of the moment decisions you end up regretting. You could've easily left the argument and taken a little while to calm down and think about things and then returned and asked him to have a rational, calm conversation in which you both acted and discussed things like adults.


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    #19
    Stavro Mueller
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,673 ✭✭✭Stavro Mueller


    goosey gander wrote: »
    So after a stupid argument I stupidly dumped my boyfriend of a year. we'd had a tough month with both of us stressed at work and hadn't been getting on great at all and had all issues had been completely blown out of proportion and in the heat of an argument I ended it.

    It's possible the tough month you've mentioned is very much on his mind. He might be enjoying the peace and quiet and wondering is it really worth it? If you'd not had this blow-out would the pair of you still be at each other's throats in a month's time? Two months? This month of not getting on well might be a bigger red flag for your boyfriend than it is for you. If you do get back together you really need to work on this.


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