does he even want to be with me?

I think the fact that you've not seen him in four weeks says it all. If I was in his shoes and work was genuinely getting in the way, I'd be pulling out all the stops to see you at other times. I'm a big believer in paying attention to what a person does, not what they say. This guy's ability to talk the talk doesn't match up with his ability to deliver the goods so to speak.

I'm afraid any online connection you had is meaningless if he's not physically seeing you. I find it hard to believe he couldn't find even a few hours in the last four weeks to see you. Work or no work nobody's ever that busy..

Bear in mind also that "busy at work" is a very old and well worn excuse. I also notice you said he seems to be happy to do other things but not see you.

Are you certain he's single? That could be another reason for the cancellations...

OP I'd have to agree with everyone else here...
But I'd have to add that perhaps in the 10 months you were his crutch during the time he was sorting out his difficulties and now that he has those problems sorted out, he is spending his time differently, meeting new people instead of arranging time online with you (or just happen to be online and you change which platform you use to communicate) and able to box you and the time spent online with you, the closeness with you as part and parcel of him sorting through his issues and no longer necessary now he has sorted things out?

It's not a pleasant thought but maybe you were just part of the sorting out himself process and that's all because it was 10 months online only without ever transferring that friendship offline at any point, and only once meeting up after he had sorted himself out.

Regardless, he has proven unreliable in cancelling on you so many times there is a limit to how many times that is acceptable from a friendship or potential relationship. He would make the time if he valued you, you've only met the once, doesn't sound like you have maintained the pre meeting up communication at all and doesn't sound like there is any plan from him to make formal arrangements to meet up in the near future. I'd say move on and cut your losses.

Ilikepickles wrote: »

age difference. Also his family/friends not approving.... He got over it though ....... if he didn't want to be with me, why put his relationship with his family and friends at risk ?????

Op you came on to ask for advice and have disagreed with every post as far as I can see.
Hopefully you're right and he doesn't gave a wife or girlfriend.

BUT if someone wants to be with you they will make damn sure it happens. Actually most people would think spending time with someone they really like is a good way to relax and unwind....it wouldn't be an excuse to avoid them.

You sound young and inexperienced, probably fairly young if he had to think about dating you for 10 months. That's not how you deserve to be treated- I hope you take some of the comments on board.


Edit - I've just seen your post about his friend disapproving of the age difference. Please please please be careful and keep a distance. If he likes you that much he will understand.

Ilikepickles wrote: »

age difference. Also his family/friends not approving.... He got over it though ....... if he didn't want to be with me, why put his relationship with his family and friends at risk ?????

You are not underage are you?

Or is he much older? And you are youngish?

Ilikepickles wrote: »

he's in film school, so sometimes gets called to work on sets and act in short films or sometimes proper films, work on music videos, etc

He's in college? So early 20's? Yet the age difference is so large that his family and friends would disapprove?
So you're underage.

Ilikepickles wrote: »

... you can be in college at any age .. he didnt go to college straight from secondary school .... dont be so quick to judge and say Im underage ..

What age are you?
And what age is he?

notjustsweet wrote: »

That's true. Though it's odd you haven't denied being underage. And won't say what age you are.

I know you think it doesn't matter but it does, if you're so young that people judge the relationship then it's not a good situation when he's not treating you very well either.

Also if she were only 18 and he were lets say 27 that is a huge emotional gap and the OP can be vulnerable.
Ok from what I gather he is in college. They age gap is large enough for people to object.

He has been talking online to you for ages. But he keeps saying why he can't be with you. He meets you and then keeps saying how busy he is.

OP you are being played I think. He is setting you up.

OP just to say if you are underage he is playing with your head to get you to do what he wants.

You came here asking if he wants to be with you.

So, that straight away tells us you were in doubt as to wwhether he wanted you or not.

Everyone says 'he's playing you,' and all of a sudden you KNOW he wants to be with you.

Did you actually come here for advice, or to hear people say you're wrong, and that he does want to be with you?

Either way, you sound extremely insecure about him.

And sorry, but an age gap isn't a good enough reason for him to refuse to see you for ten months, unless you're underage.

If a grown man can't tell his family to feck off, and date another adult because mammy and daddy will disapprove, it's pretty much telling you that their demands will always over ride your needs.

Ilikepickles wrote: »

he's cancelled on me 4 times, 3 of the times he said it was work related and one he said he was just too tired to do anything after being busy with stuff in the days prior.

I haven't seen him in almost 4 weeks now and what's upsetting me most is that I'm here, dying to see him and it seems like he would rather do other things than see me, despite talking for the last 10 months about how crap it was that we couldn't be together. I'm just confused. Does he want to be with me, or not?

OP to go back to your original post..... a guy who you have invested 10 months of time with online, have met up once with, is leaving you in the position of confusion and insecurity and questioning your self worth. A guy who does that is really not worth a lot, because his behaviour is having an impact and effect on you, that could become an incredibly negative impact on you with consequences for your self esteem, your mental health and your emotional well being. You don't sound like you are being valued, despite the 10 months of communication online, if the personal problem was about an age difference and seeking approval from friends or trying to convince his best friend that it's ok, then why is he still hiding you, hiding your communication on the online platform rather than out in plain view for all the world to see?
OP I am also someone who has had a few friendships and relationships online and I'd be worried for you, not just because my experiences were bad, but because you are unwilling it seems to take on board what posters here are saying. There are a lot of red flags, not just the situation and perhaps maybe the inappropriate online contact between what may be an adult and a minor, or where there is an age gap of someone in their 30s-40s and someone barely 20 but his behaviour towards you, and his change of behaviour towards you since you met, and how it is leaving you feel, leaving you confused and unsure of what is going on or where things are going, and the likelihood that this isn't actually Prince Charming at all but someone who is treating you badly and a lot less than what you deserve.
Be very, very careful OP because I think that you are going to get very hurt and messed around a lot more than you are already. And I actually do think that even if you're not a minor, you still should take into confidence a friend or relative about this situation who can be there for you whatever happens next.