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Lonely in relationship

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  • 13-04-2014 8:31pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    My boyfriend and I are due our first baby in a couple of months. I should be enjoying each day, my pregnancy is going well and our baby is growing big and healthy. I can't wait to meet this little one.
    The reason I'm posting is because I've never felt lonelier than I do now. This weekend I'd arranged that we would meet my parents for dinner. My boyfriend agreed but on the morning of it started to change his mind due to tiredness. I told him my dad had already made reservations & that I was looking forward to the evening out of the house. A few hours before we were due to leave to meet them my boyfriend said he needed to drop something to his friends house. Hours passed & he wasn't coming back, I called him and he was drinking with the guys and told me to cancel on my parents. I felt terrible & cried and cried because I felt like he didn't care about doing something with me. He eventually came home after a huge row on the phone and we met my parents late.
    He's gone over to the guys house again now. It's 3 lads who share and all they do is drink.
    I know he came to dinner with me but is it too much to ask him to spend the whole weekend with me just this once?
    He spent all last weekend with them too.
    I'm currently working every hour I can because my boyfriend isn't. I'm exhausted but his reluctance to work is because he needs a rest.
    I'm becoming resentful though, I even had to lend him e500 to pay off a fine and I'm keeping everything in the house going. I cook, and if I don't clean the house just gets disgusting. He went to his friends last weekend and left the bins overflowing. I came home from work to a dreadful smell & he knows I can't lift the bin down the steps. I'm constantly tired & I feel like all I do is work. Then he doesn't even spend time with me when I am off!!
    I probably haven't explained this very well & just sound clingy, I'm really not though. I can't do the things I did pre-pregnancy and I'd like to feel like he's actually in it with me. I even had to fight with him to come to the scan! I'm just not important to him at all it seems. I really need him right now and he's not listening to me.


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    #2
    Neyite
    Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite


    So, he is unemployed, but wont lift a finger around the house, goes drinking with his friends all weekend, wont go to scans unless you nag him, was hugely disrespectful to your parents, and lets not even go into how disrespectful he is to you. You have lent him money and he treats you like this??

    If I were you, I'd get rid of the big baby in your life before you have the little one. It actually sounds like he is trying to get you to dump him so that he wont look like a dick for dumping his pregnant girlfriend. So do both of you a favour and tell him to move in with his friends on a permanent basis. Lets face it, housework will get much easier when its only yourself to clean up after.


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    #3
    Butterface
    Registered Users Posts: 731 ✭✭✭Butterface


    I'm sorry to hear about you insensitive partner, it really is the last thing you need right now. Have you been together long? Have things like this been happening throughout your relationship, or only since the baby was due? I'm asking because if it's the latter, then it could be that the stress of becoming a father is getting to him. Perhaps he's not ready for it and is trying to cling on to his past habits of hanging with the lads and not helping out around the house, and being a general lazy git!

    Whether he's stressed or not, doesn't matter a fig. You need to sit him down and ask him if he is ready to take on this responsibility. Ask him to show a bit of interest in the fact that you are having a child. Ask him to get a job to help you and your future child out. If he is unresponsive to any of your requests, then kindly ask him to leave. You deserve so much better.


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    #4
    fallen01angel
    Registered Users Posts: 335 ✭✭fallen01angel


    Hi OP, have to say I agree with Neyite 100%. Your boyfriend is behaving appalling towards you and there is no way you should accept it!!!! He's spending his weekends with his mates drinking,he reluctantly went for dinner with your parents,came back and went straight back to his mates......I would be livid to put it mildly!!
    Why is he "tired".... And reluctant to find work because he's "tired"??How does he intend to provide for his child,he does realise how expensive babies actually are.
    I think you need to sit down and have a long hard think about how life is going to be with a new baby and the other baby in your life,he doesn't seem to lift a finger to contribute anything doesn't even empty the bins,knowing full well you certainly aren't in a position to do it.
    From what you've shared here I think you'd be better off without the leech to be honest,unless he makes drastic changes to his behaviour and outlook.
    Best of luck.


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