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She's madly in love with me, I'm not there yet, how do I handle it?

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  • 14-04-2014 8:35pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    So I started seeing this South American girl about 2 months ago. Absolutely beautiful, very sweet and nice, however her English is pretty limited. I like her and enjoy her company, we get on well and she just loves being with me no matter what we do, and the sex is out of this world. Communicating can be tricky, I have to explain a lot, but overall we have fun. However in the last week or two, its obvious that she's basically completely head over heels in love with me. She started whispering it in bed, I ignored it or said 'I really like you too' - now she said it all the time, but I am not going to say I love you if I don't mean it. With previous girlfriends it was about 6 months before the L word is used. I'm not going to lie to her.

    Obviously I need to have a talk with her and I'll do that this week. But here's my dilemma. I really want to continue seeing this girl - but also I don't want to break her heart.. I'd love to spend the summer with her, be together, go places etc - but I'm not sure if this is going to get very very serious - and I don't want to hurt her.

    Am I an asshole to want to have my cake and eat it? I just want to slow things down and not think that far forward. She asked me would I come visit her when she left Ireland, I said Yes. Then she said "Maybe I'll stay in Ireland forever and ever with you...".. Whoa there horsey - I'm not ready for that. I am being unfair?

    Thing is, I do like her, but do I love her? No. Will I? Maybe, I'm not sure. But it's going to take a good while. I'm sure she wont want to let go, but I want to be with her for the next while and see how things go. But if I decide its not for me, I'll break her heart!

    I'm going to talk to her in the next few days, but what do you guys think?
    Thanks for reading.


Comments

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    #2
    Tokyo
    Politics Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,655 Mod ✭✭✭✭Tokyo


    I think that you need to tell her pretty much what you've told us here - i.e. make it clear to her that you care about her a lot and that you were enjoying the way that the relationship is developing, but that it takes you longer to fall in love and that you want to be sure about your feelings before you say it. But that when you think of her you think of spending the summer together, traveling together, etc, and you can't see yourself with anybody else right now.

    Telling someone that you love them should never come with expectations or strings attached, and her reaction will give you an indication of the future you have together. Hopefully she will understand, but it may be a case that this imbalance doesn't work for her, which would be sad, but it's better to know early on. Definitely don't feel pressured to respond in kind - it would be misleading for her and it sounds like you wouldn't be happy either.


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    #3
    iusedtoknow
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,698 ✭✭✭iusedtoknow


    I'm gonna put a slightly different spin on this, having being married to a spanish speaker for years (and pretty fluent)She could be translating, or mistranslating as the case may be words that have different meaning.

    Te amo - I love you, said to a partner/family member
    Te quiero- I love you, said to friends.

    I'm not sure of the specifics, but portuguese has the same issue (ie if she's brazilian)

    We don't have anything similar to te quiero in english. However, it could be she's translating this into english directly without fully understanding the meaning of the word. My wife said it to me in passing before I was expecting it - it was then I learned the difference between the "loves". She also cannot say it to me in English, as to her, it sounds more sincere in her mother tongue.

    It does sound like she likes you a lot, but you also need to give a little bit of leeway in the language department as well


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    #4
    WhyTheFace
    Registered Users Posts: 462 ✭✭WhyTheFace


    She's South American, that's just the way they act. Very passionate but possibly without meaning it deep down. It's a cultural thing and shows up the difference between them and the emotionally inept Irish (when sober at least). Don't read too much into it and don't let it inflate your ego.


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    #5
    Dellnum
    Registered Users Posts: 262 ✭✭Dellnum


    Make sure you have safe sex as you don't want a permanent relationship with this girl and you don't want any surprises.


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    #6
    Emme
    Registered Users Posts: 4,055 ✭✭✭Emme


    WhyTheFace wrote: »
    She's South American, that's just the way they act. Very passionate but possibly without meaning it deep down. It's a cultural thing and shows up the difference between them and the emotionally inept Irish (when sober at least). Don't read too much into it and don't let it inflate your ego.

    My experience of Latin men is similar. They're very demonstrative and say things after 2 dates that Irish men wouldn't say after 2 years.

    Even so I would follow the advice to be extra careful with contraception.

    If you're not madly in love with the girl be honest, tell her you don't want anything more than a casual relationship at the moment. Then she can look for someone who wants something more serious.


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    #7
    Legs.Eleven
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,987 ✭✭✭Legs.Eleven


    Yep, Latin Americans tend to say "I love you" very soon and it doesn't necessarily have the same level of seriousness as it would in English. Te quiero can simply mean I like you depending on the context. I had 2 Argentinian guy tell me he loved me after a few dates, a Colombian tell me he loved me the first night I met him, a Chilian fairly early on too (I spent 11 months over there.) After this happened a few times, I took it with a pinch of salt from then on.


    As someone else said, in Latin America, "Te amo" would be the "I love you" for partners generally (not in Spain).


    Confusing stuff but I'd take it all with a pinch of salt from my experience.


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    #8
    SteelyDanJalapeno
    Registered Users Posts: 14,240 ✭✭✭✭SteelyDanJalapeno


    Yep same as the rest, make sure you wear a condom


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