Not too far now. But who will call it first?

boardinwork · 21-04-2009 10:45am #1

Ahhh Tit Tuesday. It's not that far off now gentlemen. Don’t pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about. You know? That glorious day when, heading into work on the bus, or walking to the Dart, or sitting on the Luas, you find yourself suddenly chirpier than you have been in months. You find yourself smiling at strangers again. There is a mild involuntary tumescence in your trousers (no, not your mobile) that comes and goes throughout the morning with the comforting regularity of a heartbeat.

And then you get a text around lunchtime from a mate or a colleague that reads: “At last, Tit Tuesday!” And you instantly understand why you are so happy.

For Tit Tuesday is that special day in the year when, for the first time, the temperature rises above that magical point which causes hens getting dressed in the morning to decide to show a bit of skin. After months of dull colours and chunky knits, the world's birds suddenly dive into last summer's wardrobe (the recession means they've not had a chance to buy this season's stuff) and chuck it on without a thought. Your urban landscape is suddenly lightened with acres of naked arm and leg and, after many dark months of burrowing, breasts rising to the surface like moles at dusk. In other words – it’s about to become a flesh-fest out there lads.

Big breasts in white work shirts straining at the buttons. Small breasts braless in vest tops, the nipples frotted by ribby fabrics. Breasts in summer dresses bouncing in the distance so that they catch your eye before you even notice there is someone wearing them. Breasts nudging out from the crowd at traffic islands, quivering to cross the road... and you know it is nearly summer.

You’ve heard of the X-Factor, well how about the W-Factor? If going to college taught me anything it’s that Marketing can be summed up by the 4Ps – Product, Price, Place and Promotion. If getting hitched taught me anything it’s that diamonds can be summed up by the 4Cs – Cut, Clarity, Carat and Colour. Well lads, if Tit Tuesday has taught me anything it’s that boobies, bajongas and airbags can be summed up by the 4Ws – Weight, Width, Wobbly-ness and my personal favourite Would ya?-ness.

For previous,the arrival of spring was heralded by the sound of the first cuckoo. For the rest, the young uns - it is Tit Tuesday.

Not that it always falls on a Tuesday. Easy there tiger. Like Easter, Tit Tuesday is a moveable feast. Last year it fell on a Wednesday. 23rd April, to be precise, when temperatures maxed out at 22.1C after nothing much above 16C all year. As I’m sure most of you are aware, ya scamps, it last fell on a Monday in 2004, when temperatures leapt to 22C on 24 April.

And then, of course, there is Tit Tuesday Night. You see, in early summer, temperatures drop off very dramatically when night falls (Tit Friday 2005 dropped away to a parky 11.8C). But the hens are not prepared. Slightly stunned by the morning heat, they drag out the summer clothes but forget to bring a cardy (a mistake they will not make again until next year so savour it), so that when they're all standing out the back of the pub after work celebrating the arrival of spring, their barely covered nipples have no protection from the cold. It's like a Bring-and-Buy sale where everyone has brought hat pegs. It's like a Lionel Richie gig in the O2 where, instead of lighters, everyone is holding up nipples.

So when will Tit Tuesday fall this year? Will you be the first to text your mates or colleagues with the announcement? Do not shoot your load too early. There will be false starts. You will smell fresh cut grass and see a couple of early starters and feel compelled to declare Tit Tuesday. But your more level-headed friends will tell you to hold your horses, keep your powder dry, don't fire until you see the whites of their bra straps.

As the Dalai Lama once famously said: One bold Talbot Street slapper in a bikini top doth not a summer make.

Queen-Mise · 21-04-2009 10:47am

oh god, here we go again.

Bring it on boys

AnonoBoy · 21-04-2009 10:50am

Jaysus that was a long post.

I skimmed through it and will shorten it thusly for people who don't have time to read the whole thing:

boardinwork wrote:

I like breasts

OldGoat · 21-04-2009 10:52am

boardinwork wrote: »

the nipples frotted by ribby fabrics.

I'm going to steal this phrase and use it at least twice today. Magnificent!

shenanigans1982 · 21-04-2009 10:52am

I'm not reading that can someone summarize it?

Thanks AnonoBoy.

Vain · 21-04-2009 10:52am

Titursday 7/05/09

CHD · 21-04-2009 10:53am

So you don't get any then?

conolan · 21-04-2009 10:54am

Regardless of Tit Tuesday or any other sign ....

I declare that twice over the last three days I was found supping pints in the sunshine outside the Strand Inn in Dunmore East catching those last rays of sunshine before the dinner. Would have made it three in a row, but Sunday was sitting on the deck at the back of the hosue sipping champagne instead (long story, but relates to future father and mother-in-law visiting)

THEREFORE summer has arrived.

Kiera · 21-04-2009 10:54am

Boobs and fannies. Have i jumped back into 3rd year? :rolleyes:

shenanigans1982 · 21-04-2009 10:56am

Kiera wrote: »

Boobs and fannies. Have i jumped back into 3rd year? :rolleyes:

Wish I went to your school.

OldGoat · 21-04-2009 10:58am

Kiera wrote: »

Boobs and fannies. Have i jumped back into 3rd year? :rolleyes:

"I've got a lovely bunch of Coconuts"

Kiera · 21-04-2009 11:01am

shenanigans1982 wrote: »

Wish I went to your school.

You didnt talk about these when you 15?

OldGoat wrote: »

"I've got a lovely bunch of Coconuts"

Its a song

Naos · 21-04-2009 11:25am

Didn't talk about them when I was 15?

I still talk about them now, they're teh awesome

funk-you · 21-04-2009 11:29am

Kiera wrote: »

Boobs and fannies. Have i jumped back into 3rd year? :rolleyes:

Yes, yes you have....NORKS!

-Funk

Mr.Lizard · 21-04-2009 11:29am

If the temp for Tit Tuesday in Ireland is 22.1C then what is it in Iran? 150C?

Roadend · 21-04-2009 11:34am

Mr.Lizard wrote: »

If the temp for Tit Tuesday in Ireland is 22.1C then what is it in Iran? 150C?

Beheading Wednesday follows tit Tuesday in Iran

m@cc@ · 21-04-2009 11:38am

Kiera wrote: »

Boobs and fannies. Have i jumped back into 3rd year? :rolleyes:

What kind of bees make milk? Boobies!

AnonoBoy · 21-04-2009 11:39am

m@cc@ wrote: »

What kind of bees make milk? Boobies!

Oh Dear Lord.

themadchef · 21-04-2009 11:45am

Christ, i wash men actually had boobs, then we really would take over the world. You'd never take your hands off them! Yee have a hard enough time focusing without them

Kiera · 21-04-2009 11:47am

m@cc@ wrote: »

What kind of bees make milk? Boobies!

^^^^^ I rest my case.

Kinetic^ · 21-04-2009 11:49am

Kiera wrote: »

Boobs and fannies. Have i jumped back into 3rd year? :rolleyes:

You're delusional. You could be in a masters course on physics and all straight men would be talking about funbags & gash.

Mr.Lizard · 21-04-2009 11:50am

Roadend wrote: »

Beheading Wednesday follows tit Tuesday in Iran

Really? I thought it went Whipping Wednesday, Torture Thursday, Flagellation Friday, Sodomy Saturday and finally Slaying Sunday?

I must recheck my diary.

m@cc@ · 21-04-2009 11:51am

Kiera wrote: »

^^^^^ I rest my case.

Not too far now. But who will call it first? > Kerry Katona Divorce

Pighead · 21-04-2009 11:52am

Kiera wrote: »

^^^^^ My chest is ace.

Don't encourage him Kiera.

Agamemnon · 21-04-2009 11:53am

themadchef wrote: »

Christ, i wash men actually had boobs, then we really would take over the world.

True - if I had tits I would never get out of bed. Who cares about the world when you have everything you want right there?

Kiera · 21-04-2009 11:54am

m@cc@ wrote: »

Not too far now. But who will call it first? > Kerry Katona Divorce

I have no idea what you are spouting on about?

themadchef · 21-04-2009 11:54am

At what point though do bewbs become forgetable?

Marriage? ... no
middle age? definitely not
Pension age? Hmm maybe. Wonder do the pensioners walking down the street on seeing a DD vision of loveliness go "fwarr" in their minds.... actually, i bet they do.

Lads, I'm thinking yee will take it to the grave.

m@cc@ · 21-04-2009 11:56am

Kiera wrote: »

I have no idea what you are spouting on about?

Thread quality.

Agamemnon · 21-04-2009 11:57am

Mr.Lizard wrote: »

Really? I thought it went Whipping Wednesday, Torture Thursday, Flagellation Friday, Sodomy Saturday and finally Slaying Sunday?

Don't forget Moan about the Jews Monday, the most important day of the Iranian week.

themadchef wrote:

At what point though do bewbs become forgetable?

When breathing becomes forgettable.

OldGoat · 21-04-2009 12:06pm

themadchef wrote: »

Christ, i wash men actually had boobs, then we really would take over the world. You'd never take your hands off them! Yee have a hard enough time focusing without them

I has bewbies.

(Credits @ Kiera)

120_Minutes · 21-04-2009 12:36pm

boardinwork wrote: »

Ahhh Tit Tuesday. It's not that far off now gentlemen. Don’t pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about. You know? That glorious day when, heading into work on the bus, or walking to the Dart, or sitting on the Luas, you find yourself suddenly chirpier than you have been in months. You find yourself smiling at strangers again. There is a mild involuntary tumescence in your trousers (no, not your mobile) that comes and goes throughout the morning with the comforting regularity of a heartbeat.

And then you get a text around lunchtime from a mate or a colleague that reads: “At last, Tit Tuesday!” And you instantly understand why you are so happy.

For Tit Tuesday is that special day in the year when, for the first time, the temperature rises above that magical point which causes hens getting dressed in the morning to decide to show a bit of skin. After months of dull colours and chunky knits, the world's birds suddenly dive into last summer's wardrobe (the recession means they've not had a chance to buy this season's stuff) and chuck it on without a thought. Your urban landscape is suddenly lightened with acres of naked arm and leg and, after many dark months of burrowing, breasts rising to the surface like moles at dusk. In other words – it’s about to become a flesh-fest out there lads.

Big breasts in white work shirts straining at the buttons. Small breasts braless in vest tops, the nipples frotted by ribby fabrics. Breasts in summer dresses bouncing in the distance so that they catch your eye before you even notice there is someone wearing them. Breasts nudging out from the crowd at traffic islands, quivering to cross the road... and you know it is nearly summer.

You’ve heard of the X-Factor, well how about the W-Factor? If going to college taught me anything it’s that Marketing can be summed up by the 4Ps – Product, Price, Place and Promotion. If getting hitched taught me anything it’s that diamonds can be summed up by the 4Cs – Cut, Clarity, Carat and Colour. Well lads, if Tit Tuesday has taught me anything it’s that boobies, bajongas and airbags can be summed up by the 4Ws – Weight, Width, Wobbly-ness and my personal favourite Would ya?-ness.

For previous,the arrival of spring was heralded by the sound of the first cuckoo. For the rest, the young uns - it is Tit Tuesday.

Not that it always falls on a Tuesday. Easy there tiger. Like Easter, Tit Tuesday is a moveable feast. Last year it fell on a Wednesday. 23rd April, to be precise, when temperatures maxed out at 22.1C after nothing much above 16C all year. As I’m sure most of you are aware, ya scamps, it last fell on a Monday in 2004, when temperatures leapt to 22C on 24 April.

And then, of course, there is Tit Tuesday Night. You see, in early summer, temperatures drop off very dramatically when night falls (Tit Friday 2005 dropped away to a parky 11.8C). But the hens are not prepared. Slightly stunned by the morning heat, they drag out the summer clothes but forget to bring a cardy (a mistake they will not make again until next year so savour it), so that when they're all standing out the back of the pub after work celebrating the arrival of spring, their barely covered nipples have no protection from the cold. It's like a Bring-and-Buy sale where everyone has brought hat pegs. It's like a Lionel Richie gig in the O2 where, instead of lighters, everyone is holding up nipples.

So when will Tit Tuesday fall this year? Will you be the first to text your mates or colleagues with the announcement? Do not shoot your load too early. There will be false starts. You will smell fresh cut grass and see a couple of early starters and feel compelled to declare Tit Tuesday. But your more level-headed friends will tell you to hold your horses, keep your powder dry, don't fire until you see the whites of their bra straps.

As the Dalai Lama once famously said: One bold Talbot Street slapper in a bikini top doth not a summer make.

I am compelled to quote the OP as this, in my opinion is a work of greatness. you sir, have earned my respect and admiration.

Not too far now. But who will call it first?

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