Leave sport, or stick with it and face disappointment?

LegacyUser · 06-01-2015 1:19pm #1

My 12yr old (who is very hormonal), loves sport, but isn't very good at it. He is a great team player, but isn't a very fast runner. Over the years, I've encouraged him to be part of both GAA and soccer - he loves both sports, but the training times changed for soccer and I couldn't get him there, so for now, he just plays GAA.
This might sound foolish and apologies if I sound like one of 'those' dads, but he hasn't stepped foot on the pitch for about the past 10 matches. I appreciate that he's not the best player on the team, and that the coach has a large squad, but I had a quiet word with him recently, explaining that my lad was often crying on the way home from a match as he was the only one who didn't get played (there are usually 6/7 subs...). He played him for 15 minutes for the next two matches, but that was it. Just before they broke for Xmas, they were losing a match (getting lashed out of it if I'm honest) and still, he didn't get on the pitch.
On the one hand, I want to encourage my lad to stick with things and to be a team player etc etc - but on the other, I don't want to force him to be part of something when he is obviously getting nothing out of it, only disappointment!
I've just had the first text of the new year from the coach, about this weeks training - I'm tempted to have another word with him, but I'm also tempted to just let my lad leave the team entirely (and yet, I don't want him to admit defeat).....I'd really appreciate any thoughts from other parents who might have experienced something similar?
Thanks, concerned Dad.

The Princess Bride · 12-01-2015 5:45pm

I've experienced similar, you'd think there was thousands of euro at stake the way some coaches manage their teams.
We had added issues when the teammates who were classmates started taunting, making matters worse.
To see your child's self esteem crumble and not be able to do anything is heartbreaking.

Off the top of my head, I can think of at least a dozen children who were deliberately excluded from both GAA and soccer matches- over a 7 year period- simply because they weren't brilliant.

I have to add, I'm not so deluded as to think my children should play every minute of every match, but surely building self esteem at a young age is more important than winning medals?

Rant over -:-(

I wish I could suggest something that worked for me-I can't.
But there are lots of other sports where speed is not as important.
Perhaps discuss these options with your son.He might just excel at something he'd never considered before.

Best of luck.

sReq | uTeK · 14-01-2015 11:33pm

Wow that coach sounds like some peace of work. What a nice message to send out his kids. I come on here as someone who plays a lot of ball and at a good level. The one thing that should be a given is that if you're getting pasted you bring on the subs. It's always been this way, perhaps he didn't get the memo. Talking to him won't do a thing, it will be a quick fix but quickly return to how it was.

If you don't mind I have a few suggestions. Firstly how close is your son to the other players in the team. Are they all school friends ? Is the team your local team.

Secondly does your son have any other friends who play for different teams. If he does I'd suggest moving to a new team.

What position does your son play? There are certain positions that require significantly less skill than other in order to obtain starting spots. For instance being a defender is all about being tight to a man and knocking the ball out of touch or booting it up field... job done.

Gaa is harder in my opinion than soccer at underage level. Is there no possibility he could join a soccer team at a different time that could accommodate your schedule?

Also speed, agility and skill is something that can EASILY be coached. I understand you have a busy schedule but could you give up a couple of hours a week to practice the fundamentals.

Do you yourself play any kick aaround you could introduce him into. I used to play with my dad and his mate at the age of 13 , it was just a bit if crack on the beach but it was good fun and gave me confidence.

Also is there any play for fun leagues around that are not as competitive.

Heart goes out to you, horrible situation to be in.

pwurple · 15-01-2015 1:15pm

Aw that's desperate!

C'mere, I know you don't want to shove him from pillar to post, but is there any rugby club around? The one thing I always liked about kids rugby is that there are different skills required for the different positions, with a space for every sort of shape of person on a team. Fast guys, bulky guys, tall guys, short guys. might suit him better than GAA, where they are all fast!

frisbeeface · 15-01-2015 1:19pm

Coaches like that are terrible. Get him out of that environment asap. Find the sport near you with the most supportive and enlightened coach and get him there. It's all about trying to find the right environment. Talk to other parents or ask in the regional forums here.

Bostonbabe · 17-01-2015 2:36am

We have same problem with our 13 yr old son playing soccer. As much as it pains us to see him not getting his game we have left the decision to stay or leave the team with him and he wants to stay. We changed teams but the same problem occurred, I can't understand why the coach can't give all kids at least a 15 min runout, our lad would never miss a training session or match, So much for teaching our kids that it's all about talking part not just winning!!!

berger89 · 17-01-2015 2:40am

That's sounds terrible for your lad. and he's at that age now where things start happening for him.

what about trying him at a different sport, like karate or something? there's definitely something out there for him, and maybe soccer just isn't one of them. or even something a little more random like archery?

Fatswaldo · 22-01-2015 12:27am

This issue occurs in almost every sports club Soccer/Hurling/Rugby around 12/13 years. The coach has two problems. The first is getting everyone game time. In know from experience that this is easy enough with younger players, most of them accept that they will be subbed at some stage and we used to arrange a 'third half' so that everyone got a game. As the kids get older, the actual leagues become more structured and more serious. This is where the second problem pops up. The better players start to blame the less talented lads for losses - and a division in the team can be formed. If the coach continues to play all comers, he will loose the better players, either to another team or a different sport - most lads who agre good at Soccer will be good at Gaelic etc. They wont stay to take beatings.

Also, In my area, soccer squads are limited to 16 players so if you have 18, 2 miss out completely.

Solutions? My county trialled a great solution at U12 GAA last year. Each game had 3 periods of play, the middle period did not count towards the final score. Everyone got to play. Better players were rested in the middle period so the standard lowered a bit and some younger players also got experiance of playing with the 'big' lads.

At some stage, most kids realise that the sport is not for them and try another - best thing ever - I know!

LegacyUser · 23-01-2015 7:56pm

Thanks alot for all the information guys, it's very much appreciated.
Funny enough, he decided himself that if he didn't get a game in January, he is going to pack it in.
In the meantime, I have found a local soccer team for him and he has had his first training session this week. He loved it. I had a very honest chat with the coach - told him to let me know in a few weeks if he thought my lad would get some pitch-time, and not to take him on if he's going to be a sub forever. Nice bloke, swore he'd have a quiet word with me (the subs for the year are expensive enough too, so I don't want him to sign up and not get a game).
In the meantime, and completely unknown to me, he has been playing basketball in PE for a few weeks now and just last week, got picked for the 1st year basketball team!! He's delighted and so am I.

Thanks again guys. When he was younger, i loved the 'fairness' and camradarie of GAA and really wanted to encourage him to stick with it - but he's old enough to figure it out for himself now. First match is tomorrow morning - I'll post after it and let you all know if he gets a game!

LegacyUser · 29-01-2015 4:38pm

Meant to get back to you - first match under his belt, he played a blinder and scored 2 goals in a 3-0 win for the team!
Thanks again.

Leave sport, or stick with it and face disappointment?

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