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Will you appraise my songs?

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  • 12-05-2014 5:54pm
    #1
    Saipanne
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,882 ✭✭✭


    Hello, I have been writing songs most of my adult life, but after a two year break I've gotten back into it. I am currently writing and recording demos with a view to getting a band going eventually, but working alone is a new thing for me, so I thought I would go online to get the appraisal of strangers. Feel free to be critical, and maybe point out where I could improve.

    Thanks for your time, I'll try to contribute in other threads too.

    soundcloud.com/saipanne/the-sun-will-rise


Comments

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    #2
    dogmax
    Closed Accounts Posts: 158 ✭✭dogmax


    The Sun Will Rise is a good title name for a song as soon as i seen it on your soundcloud page i was hoping yeah, my thoughts are you need to start with words hold the harmony for the flow to come and then blend it in with the music, just another thought the drum stick tapping, get rid of of it, clarity in words of a song like your only need vocals and the flow of music.

    Nice song post your lyrics.


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    #3
    Saipanne
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,882 ✭✭✭Saipanne


    Thanks for your feedback.

    The lyrics are:

    I've spent some lonely times
    Beneath these stars, my home
    Surrounded by moonlight
    Been discarded on the road

    My love, she left my side
    Her green eyes have turned to stone
    I must collect my pride
    Beneath the bridge made out of stone

    I know the sun will rise
    And natures warmth will fill my soul
    But now I'm terrified
    Of the dreams that I did hold

    I push against the wind
    That was left after her wake
    And for the millionth time
    Swear I won't repeat mistakes


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    #4
    Saipanne
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,882 ✭✭✭Saipanne


    Next up is Gin Palace, which is a bar in Dublin. I always liked the name so I wrote a song containing it.

    Here is the link: soundcloud.com/saipanne/gin-palace


    The lyrics are:

    Ghost stories through the night
    Blood running blue within
    My drink, it may be spiked
    In the Palace Gin

    A pale green new pretender
    Too much weight on his shoulder
    Fell down with a crescendo
    Down, down down down

    This song is for you
    Young lovers in summer
    A thousand year old tune
    Heart beats


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    #5
    dogmax
    Closed Accounts Posts: 158 ✭✭dogmax


    Two very nice songs you have i don't know if you've posted your songs anywhere else but there are some every good songwriting forum on the internet with members who are very helpful with feedback and answering any questions you have, unfortunately as you can see you wont get much feedback here but the main thing is, Enjoy.


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    #6
    Saipanne
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,882 ✭✭✭Saipanne


    dogmax wrote: »
    Two very nice songs you have i don't know if you've posted your songs anywhere else but there are some every good songwriting forum on the internet with members who are very helpful with feedback and answering any questions you have, unfortunately as you can see you wont get much feedback here but the main thing is, Enjoy.

    Thanks. could you recommend one?


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    #7
    dogmax
    Closed Accounts Posts: 158 ✭✭dogmax


    Saipanne wrote: »
    Thanks. could you recommend one?

    To be honest im not to sure which one to recommend two very good songs, im thinking the first one (The Sun Will Rise) the reason is its only 2.45 but in saying that your second song (Gin Palace) kept me interest as well.

    Enjoy and welcome to the Journey :cool:


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    #8
    Saipanne
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,882 ✭✭✭Saipanne


    dogmax wrote: »
    To be honest im not to sure which one to recommend two very good songs, im thinking the first one (The Sun Will Rise) the reason is its only 2.45 but in saying that your second song (Gin Palace) kept me interest as well.

    Enjoy and welcome to the Journey :cool:

    Sorry, I meant to recommend a songwriters forum?


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    #9
    dogmax
    Closed Accounts Posts: 158 ✭✭dogmax


    Saipanne wrote: »
    Sorry, I meant to recommend a songwriters forum?

    Ah damn it i pick the wrong thoughts :D

    It doesn't really matter which one you pick or even join them all but i do understand, songwriterforum.co.uk is a good one to start of with there are members there who really know what they're talking about and are very helpful with giving advice but the same can be said about a few more, songstuff forum is another good one.

    Also all the forums are very helpful with any questions you want to ask just read the rules they're all pretty much straight forward there's also a nice community spirit there which really make you feel as ease.

    Anything else just ask.


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    #10
    sephsleft06
    Registered Users Posts: 103 ✭✭sephsleft06


    Yeah Gin Palace is a good title....

    good, is it a bit short though, lyrics?




    The lyrics are:

    Ghost stories through the night
    Blood running blue within
    My drink, it may be spiked
    In the Palace Gin

    A pale green new pretender
    Too much weight on his shoulder
    Fell down with a crescendo
    Down, down down down

    This song is for you
    Young lovers in summer
    A thousand year old tune
    Heart beats[/QUOTE]


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    #11
    Saipanne
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,882 ✭✭✭Saipanne


    sephsleft06 wrote: »
    Yeah Gin Palace is a good title....

    good, is it a bit short though, lyrics?




    The lyrics are:

    Ghost stories through the night
    Blood running blue within
    My drink, it may be spiked
    In the Palace Gin

    A pale green new pretender
    Too much weight on his shoulder
    Fell down with a crescendo
    Down, down down down

    This song is for you
    Young lovers in summer
    A thousand year old tune
    Heart beats
    [/quote]

    You are right. I've added a new verse since, but not recorded it.


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