BPD - Borderline Personality Disorder

greenfrogs · 04-05-2015 11:53pm

SATSUMA wrote: »

Does anyone know how to get on a waiting list for DBT and how long the wait is in Dublin?

I think you have to be referred by your community mental health team. If you are not already attending them then you need to get referred through your GP. I have no idea about waiting lists though.

Bpd or bipolar? · 11-05-2015 8:37am

I am going to my gp today to tell him I think I have this disorder.
Iv attempted suicide from the age of 14,probably 15 times!
I can't keep a relationship,I suffer extreme mis trust and paranoia ,I flip like a light switch from a loving kind caring person to an absolute devil who I hate and others hate. I'm mainly like this with spouses though.i do not have friends,I can't seem to make any. Though on the outset i appear confident and full of self esteem.
I get sad and cry a lot over the slightest of things then fits of rage where I scream break things and lash out. (I have slapped partners)I push and pull in relationships,I act like I don't care then when they leave me I go into sheer panic begging them back ,however if they do come back I push them away again and the cycle continues. This has meant my last ex got a protective order against me for repeatedly calling him(ashamed of my life) .i have an extreme fear of being ignored and it absolutely kills me,I sit staring at my phone waiting for a reply then bombard someone with texts when they don't respond.I always feel tremendous guilt and self loathe after these episodes but I can't seem to stop them. I hate being like this.i have a divorce behind me and multiple failed relationships. I can't keep losing people I love

Bpd or bipolar? · 11-05-2015 8:39am

I am going to my gp today to tell him I think I have this disorder.
Iv attempted suicide from the age of 14,probably 15 times!
I can't keep a relationship,I suffer extreme mis trust and paranoia ,I flip like a light switch from a loving kind caring person to an absolute devil who I hate and others hate. I'm mainly like this with spouses though.i do not have friends,I can't seem to make any. Though on the outset i appear confident and full of self esteem.
I get sad and cry a lot over the slightest of things then fits of rage where I scream break things and lash out. (I have slapped partners)I push and pull in relationships,I act like I don't care then when they leave me I go into sheer panic begging them back ,however if they do come back I push them away again and the cycle continues. This has meant my last ex got a protective order against me for repeatedly calling him(ashamed of my life) .i have an extreme fear of being ignored and it absolutely kills me,I sit staring at my phone waiting for a reply then bombard someone with texts when they don't respond.I always feel tremendous guilt and self loathe after these episodes but I can't seem to stop them. I hate being like this.i have a divorce behind me and multiple failed relationships. I can't keep losing people I love

freudiangirl · 07-06-2015 10:15am

I have bpd and clinical depression.In the past year, I have had 9 suicide attempts. My most recent being Friday night.
I feel that since I was diagnosed I am being fobbed off by people especially professionals like my gp and psychiatrist.
Before Friday evening, I had been to my gp twice that week and talked to a dbt counsellor. I told them how I had nearly overdosed again on Thursday night etc... my gp. Tells me only I can help myself.

So I felt unsupported, I walked and walked. I stood by river wanting to jump in,life is torture for me.
I was then talked down by a ffriend . gardai were called etc...
I saw southdoc who threatened me with involuntary admission if I didn't go to st micheals.I eventually went voluntarily and sent 3 hours in a& e only to be discharged despute being considered a significant risk to myself.
I self harm . daily.
I am.now home.battling constant suicidal.urges that I will be act on. I am.living minute by minute just to survive.
I did self medicate this morning just for relief but it hasnt helped. I am.struggling and feel as though nobody can help even when I am asking for help.

I feel as.though death is only way out for me.

chinacup · 07-06-2015 10:17am

SATSUMA wrote: »

Does anyone know how to get on a waiting list for DBT and how long the wait is in Dublin?

I know there is one inchicore via the primary care centre there but you have to live in the cachement area (or give an address of someone who does!)

chinacup · 07-06-2015 10:25am

freudiangirl wrote: »

I have bpd and clinical depression.In the past year, I have had 9 suicide attempts. My most recent being Friday night.
I feel that since I was diagnosed I am being fobbed off by people especially professionals like my gp and psychiatrist.
Before Friday evening, I had been to my gp twice that week and talked to a dbt counsellor. I told them how I had nearly overdosed again on Thursday night etc... my gp. Tells me only I can help myself.

So I felt unsupported, I walked and walked. I stood by river wanting to jump in,life is torture for me.
I was then talked down by a ffriend . gardai were called etc...
I saw southdoc who threatened me with involuntary admission if I didn't go to st micheals.I eventually went voluntarily and sent 3 hours in a& e only to be discharged despute being considered a significant risk to myself.
I self harm . daily.
I am.now home.battling constant suicidal.urges that I will be act on. I am.living minute by minute just to survive.
I did self medicate this morning just for relief but it hasnt helped. I am.struggling and feel as though nobody can help even when I am asking for help.

I feel as.though death is only way out for me.

Your case is so extreme that I can't believe they discharged you. Go back to the people who said they would involuntarily admit you and tell them what happened when you tried to voluntarily go. The system has failed you and you need to be strong now and fight against it for your own health & safety. Please don't give up & if you need someone to talk to come on here, ring the samaratins or aware helpline, anything that helps get you through the worst moments. I don't know what else to say to you other than please please try to get help again!

Paarthurnax · 07-06-2015 10:58am

I work in an Acute Psychiatric unit and at any time approximately 25% of or patients have some form of Personality Disorder. It may come as a surprise to people that Personality Disorders are not strictly Psychiatric conditions. We mainly treat the symptoms that come with the personality disorder, such as suicidal ideation, self harm and anxiety. Unfortunately most Acute units in Ireland are not equipped to cater for Personality Disorders so we end up with a revolving door system.

catrin11 · 07-06-2015 1:19pm

chinacup wrote: »

I know there is one inchicore via the primary care centre there but you have to live in the cachement area (or give an address of someone who does!)

Yes, there is one. We found out about it only few days ago. Haven't yet checked it but apparently it is a very good place. Luckily for us we live within its area.

catrin11 · 07-06-2015 2:33pm

Bpd or bipolar? wrote: »

I am going to my gp today to tell him I think I have this disorder.
Iv attempted suicide from the age of 14,probably 15 times!
I can't keep a relationship,I suffer extreme mis trust and paranoia ,I flip like a light switch from a loving kind caring person to an absolute devil who I hate and others hate. I'm mainly like this with spouses though.i do not have friends,I can't seem to make any. Though on the outset i appear confident and full of self esteem.
I get sad and cry a lot over the slightest of things then fits of rage where I scream break things and lash out. (I have slapped partners)I push and pull in relationships,I act like I don't care then when they leave me I go into sheer panic begging them back ,however if they do come back I push them away again and the cycle continues. This has meant my last ex got a protective order against me for repeatedly calling him(ashamed of my life) .i have an extreme fear of being ignored and it absolutely kills me,I sit staring at my phone waiting for a reply then bombard someone with texts when they don't respond.I always feel tremendous guilt and self loathe after these episodes but I can't seem to stop them. I hate being like this.i have a divorce behind me and multiple failed relationships. I can't keep losing people I love

How did it go with the gp? Hope you got some advice and help. Fingers crossed anyway!

freudiangirl · 08-06-2015 2:55am

Thanks to everyone for.your advice and kind words.
Was referred back for assessment again sunday night.....same treatment.
Hoping my gp will refer me to St. Patricks tomorrow as I can't go on as I am.

I feel as if I am cracking up.

freudiangirl · 12-06-2015 1:28pm

Good news for me finally. Rang st Patricks this morning and should be admitted either tomorrow or Sunday for treatment

catrin11 · 12-06-2015 8:17pm

freudiangirl wrote: »

Good news for me finally. Rang st Patricks this morning and should be admitted either tomorrow or Sunday for treatment

Well done! Fingers crossed for you!

freudiangirl · 13-06-2015 1:37pm

Thanks still waiting for call but hoping today for.call for admission.
Thanks to everyone for your support and pms of support.
It was greatly appreciated.
Hopefully only 2 more days before I can start getting back on track and getting my life together.

Feeling fairly overwhelmed today but at least I managed to shower and buy milk.

freudiangirl · 16-06-2015 1:58pm

Still waiting for admission ..am short one bit of paper from dbt counsellor but hoping she will fax it today then I will get date for admission.

freudiangirl · 19-06-2015 6:28pm

Finally being admitted tomorrow at 11. Have had major meltdowns this week and in front of kids which makes me feel worse.
Hoping st patricks can help.

catrin11 · 27-06-2015 9:48pm

Hope all goes well now! Fingers crossed for you :-)

Lady is a tramp · 10-02-2016 1:07pm

I'm so glad I found this thread. I'm on the verge of being diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder. Just waiting for the official confirmation of the diagnosis, but my GP and counsellor are pretty certain of it, so just waiting to see the psychiatrist.

Reading up a bit on both, it would seem I'm a pretty textbook case of both. Only thing is that I've never attempted suicide, which is common in BPD, but uncommon in NCD, so I guess that's why. I have self-harmed quite a few times, and threatened suicide more than once, even though I didn't know why as I was never genuinely suicidal.

The BPD, grand, I can live with. It's actually such a relief to finally get some understanding into why I am the way I am, why I think the way I do and act the way I do. The NPD is harder to accept - who wants to be called a narcissist? But I have to admit, reading up on it, yeah I have a lot of the symptoms. And it seems BPD and NPD often go hand in hand.

Past diagnoses have included alcohol dependence, eating disorders, anxiety, depression, panic disorder, PTSD, can't even remember what else. So I guess all that muddied the waters so much that the personality disorders were never picked up on. From what I've read, it's common for people with BPD to suffer from those as well, although I guess maybe not all of them. I'm a special case.

(See? Narcissistic!)

I had a complete dissociation last week and did a lot of terrible things and it's terrifying. I don't know how common that is. All I know is that the person who did those things wasn't me and I can't identify with them at all.

I have a question ... I've read that there'll be very little support available unless I'm living in Dublin or Cork. I've been living in Dublin the last few years, but was seriously considering a move to another county. Is this true? If so, I'll be more inclined to stay in Dublin for now ...

Lady is a tramp · 16-02-2016 2:50am

Sorry I hope it's OK to bump this. I'd just really love to hear from anyone with similar experiences ... just to know I'm not alone in this.

Something that scared me a little the other day. Apparently - when BPD is actually diagnosed - it's quite treatable. I was saying this to a family member the other day, and she said, "Great - so it might take some time, but you'll be back to your old self."

But she's not right, is she? I'll be a whole new "myself". All of the thoughts, attitudes, relationships, ideas that I thought were normal ... just part of me ... I'll be working to "cure" myself of them.

Who will be the person who will come out the other side?

Gremlinertia · 16-02-2016 3:00am

Lady is a tramp wrote: »

Sorry I hope it's OK to bump this. I'd just really love to hear from anyone with similar experiences ... just to know I'm not alone in this.

Something that scared me a little the other day. Apparently - when BPD is actually diagnosed - it's quite treatable. I was saying this to a family member the other day, and she said, "Great - so it might take some time, but you'll be back to your old self."

But she's not right, is she? I'll be a whole new "myself". All of the thoughts, attitudes, relationships, ideas that I thought were normal ... just part of me ... I'll be working to "cure" myself of them.

Who will be the person who will come out the other side?

I don't ordinarily post here even though this is my diagnosis, think i was feeling spread too thin across other threads. Anyway nevermind. I'm almost through one full year of dbt treatment and seven or eight years of medication and psychiatric outpatient appointments and between observing others on the same course and myself there is a definite change in me, however it's not night and day. I think on good days I'm less agitated, more self-aware. I don't know that anyone would change to someone completely unrecognisable to others to be honest, no treatment seeks to reprogram a person.. Any change friends have commented on is an extension of something. For example 'you seem more confident' it's a slow process too so people you see frequently won't notice some huge change..

Daenarys · 20-02-2016 12:41am

I thought about posting anon for this but I'm feeling brave tonight.

I've told friends that I've anxiety because I'm very reluctant to say that my psychologist says it's highly likely I'm bpd. He doesn't like to label but a label gives me comfort. Yet I don't feel the need to get a formal diagnosis from a psychiatrist.

I don't live in Cork or Dublin anymore so I feel very alone in this. I even have to travel to see my psychologist and can only afford to see him once a month.

I'd love a group or someone to talk to that understands from my perspective. I've a chronic fear of abandonment, it's so bad I sabotage any chance of a good relationship before it begins, I really struggle to form bonds with people. I look at others experiencing joy and love and I haven't been able to feel that with anybody, not family, friends or boyfriends. But anger and sadness I feel those a hundred times worse than your average person

Gremlinertia · 20-02-2016 12:48am

Do you have any supports where you are? Bpd is a very broad term so it may leave your friends confused so naming an aspect of it instead could be a good idea.. Do you think you could find an aware group or talk to a local counsellor?. By the way welcome to the thread, hopefully it'll be of some support to you.

20-02-2016 12:50am

Daenarys wrote: »

But anger and sadness I feel those a hundred times worse than your average person

I don't know your location Daenarys but help does exist outside of Cork and Dublin. I know regarding BPD the treatment of choice tends to be Dialectical Behavioural Therapy but you need to be first given a formal diagnosis before you can embark on this.

Your last sentence there. Am I right in thinking your feelings of anger and sadness are amplified?

Daenarys · 20-02-2016 1:40am

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Do you have any supports where you are? Bpd is a very broad term so it may leave your friends confused so naming an aspect of it instead could be a good idea.. Do you think you could find an aware group or talk to a local counsellor?. By the way welcome to the thread, hopefully it'll be of some support to you.

No not where I am. I know bpd is very broad and not everyone has the same symptoms, that's the reason I don't tell friends because if they read online about it, they would get the completely wrong end of the stick. it always seems to be the more extreme of a illness is more documented online.

Thanks for the welcome

Daenarys · 20-02-2016 1:42am

Deleted User wrote: »

Your last sentence there. Am I right in thinking your feelings of anger and sadness are amplified?

Yes you're right! I don't think I'm alone in that though

Gremlinertia · 20-02-2016 1:45am

That's why I don't tend to say borderline to my friends - google is not your friend then!. Have you spoken with a local doctor?. It's surprising where support springs from in some areas of the country. The likes of men's sheds and aware groups etc.

Daenarys · 20-02-2016 1:53am

Gremlinertia wrote: »

That's why I don't tend to say borderline to my friends - google is not your friend then!. Have you spoken with a local doctor?. It's surprising where support springs from in some areas of the country. The likes of men's sheds and aware groups etc.

Well I was looking online just now and there is a Grow meeting a 40 minute drive from where I live. I'm not really sure what the criteria is for going to a group meeting though. Actually I don't know how I'd feel going there saying Hi I'm D and I THINK I'm borderline....everyone else discussing depression and then I come out with that I would get weird looks. And god what if there was somebody from where I live there. Oh my jesus

My doctor knows I have some anxiety issues but I told her I had a psychologist so she was happy enough with that.

Gremlinertia · 20-02-2016 2:02am

I'm in a group and recognised two on the first day. Swore i wouldn't go back at the start but by the end with the ground rules in place i decided to return and now nearly a year later I'm delighted i did. Don't get me wrong, no walk in the park and my nerves had me on the verge of nausea the first few weeks.

Daenarys · 20-02-2016 2:11am

What happens when you first walk in? I have this idea it will be like al anon?

I've to stop reading about it online myself, some people are so horrible, saying people with these traits never change, that therapists don't even like treating them because they are so manipulative, they never get better.

Jesus I may have days where the world is a bleak black hole but I have other days where I have hope that I will be able to have proper relationships and experience happiness and self love and all that good stuff. Surely there is a light at the end of the tunnel than have this emotional rollercoaster day in day out!!

Gremlinertia · 20-02-2016 2:14am

I haven't been part of Grow, i was in a hospital group. There will be similaritiesg guess as there will be facilitators who will welcome and help to keep new people calm.. It's a tough bloody hurdle, not going to lie it's nerve wracking.. Why don't you call or email them to see what the story is?.

Daenarys · 20-02-2016 2:22am

Yeah I think I'll email them tomorrow. I'm even getting tummy flips just thinking about that!!

I need to do something though, once a month chats with my psych just isn't enough.

Thanks Gremlin

Gremlinertia · 20-02-2016 2:24am

You're more than welcome. I've been through the mill so feel i should share my experiences in case it ever helps.

20-02-2016 9:55pm

Daenarys wrote: »

Yes you're right! I don't think I'm alone in that though

You're not. I feel deeply myself. However problems can arise when those feelings overwhelm us Daenarys. So we need to learn how best to manage them and tolerate them.
It's a lonely place the inside of our heads isn't it?
But help does exist. Sometimes it's a case of trial and error in finding the right treatment but don't give up.

08-03-2016 8:58pm

I'm currently battling a lot of borderline stuff myself, the medication I was on longterm has ceased being very effective recently. I've been referred onto my local mental health services which is great, at the moment it's just trying to get along as I am. When I say I'm battling definite borderline stuff, it's more than depression! The hatred of other people, or myself, in cycles. Very difficult to deal with all day long.

Daenarys · 04-07-2016 6:34pm

Hi all, I just want to ask a question about medication. I've read articles that say medication is almost pointless for someone with BPD. I was put on anti depressants a year ago, the only difference they make is that I'm numb, I don't really cry or experience any other emotion besides anger (not that frequent). I've also gained 20+ lbs in the last year which I hate. Anyway my question is have any of you just gone the therapy route without medication. I'm seriously considering withdrawing from them now, I'm sick of them. I think I'd tolerate the weight gain if I was laughing and happy 3 days out of 7 but jesus I feel nothing except random anger. Feel like I'm coasting along....unable to concentrate for long, foggy headed and lethargic.

Gremlinertia · 04-07-2016 7:21pm

First off, if you do consider changing meds talk to your doc first.
Now to your question, most people i know have been on medications for quite some time before gaining access to talk therapy routes.. I changed types of meds five or six times then dosages for another year before I found my balance, to be honest the whole thing can feel very tiring and pointless at times but ultimately I'm in a much better place mentally..

Of the two people i know that went for non-medical routes (talk therapy) one took some meds during for anxieties brought up at the time.. The other is still pondering their way for now.

Tie Will · 05-12-2016 11:58pm

Hi Tie Will, there is a specific forum for this to be found at Home Topics>Science, Health & Environment >Researcher

LegacyUser · 08-12-2016 11:44pm

I found the same. Haven't been on anything for 2 years,just therapy and was doing well. but recent major stress has exacerbated symptoms so am considering going back on something for a while esp for the anxiety and dissociation. Hate the weight gain though.

Daenarys wrote: »

Hi all, I just want to ask a question about medication. I've read articles that say medication is almost pointless for someone with BPD. I was put on anti depressants a year ago, the only difference they make is that I'm numb, I don't really cry or experience any other emotion besides anger (not that frequent). I've also gained 20+ lbs in the last year which I hate. Anyway my question is have any of you just gone the therapy route without medication. I'm seriously considering withdrawing from them now, I'm sick of them. I think I'd tolerate the weight gain if I was laughing and happy 3 days out of 7 but jesus I feel nothing except random anger. Feel like I'm coasting along....unable to concentrate for long, foggy headed and lethargic.

THEBLACKDEVIL · 26-07-2017 3:48pm

Looking for some advice, my friend who suffers with BPD, accused me of doing something on him which I didn't do, if I was in the wrong I'd apologize. I know in his mind I did do something wrong and he has no control over this. He won't speak to me now but I don't want to isolate him, but if I apologize it will be a lie and I don't see what that would achieve. I know from previous experience that if I try to explain that I did nothing wrong he will argue black is white to win the argument (facts or truth won't come in to it)

Could anyone who recognizes this scenario offer any advice?

THEBLACKDEVIL · 27-07-2017 3:11pm

Hi Again, the situation has been resolved so I won't need any suggestions. Thanks.

margarite · 24-12-2017 3:20pm

catrin11 wrote: »

Triona1
Has your husband taken part in DBT - Dialectical Behaviour Therapy? So far it has been the only one treatment which actually successfully helps people with BPD. It's still a novelty. It was introduced to Ireland only in 2010 (Cork) and 2 years ago in Dublin. There results are very promising

I have DBT and living through distress in St. Pats all to no avail am now trying private treatment which is expensive but after one session is only over still feeling very depressed. Has anyone any ideas of things that might help please am desperate.

RachelDDD · 31-12-2017 1:27am

Hi Margarite, I originally started this thread a long time ago but haven't been following it for a long time. So sorry to hear you are suffering at the moment. You are having the best treatment out there with DBT, and the Living Through Distress program sounds really good too. The thing about BPD (from an outsiders persepective - carer to a daughter) is that its like being on a rollercoaster. Things will work short term and are 'quick fixes' and then the depression or anxiety can take over again. It's a constant battle and I hate to say it, but probably life long, unless you can really master DBT. My daughter and I have done DBT together and it was amazing (even for a non BPD patient), amazing skills etc., but the hard part is remembering to use them in a crisis situation. I spoke to so many people who were on their 3rd & 4th course of DBT and only then realising bits were 'sinking in". It takes a lot of practice to get it right. Not sure if you are on any medication but it might be worth talking about it to your Psychiatrist on next visit as it really makes a difference. Sadly I can't get my daughter back to a second course of DBT, even though she knows she needs it - she suffers with severe insomnia and classes are at 10am so totally out of the question. I hope you get through this bad patch but feel free to PM me if you want to talk more, I'm no means an expert but have 8 years of living with a loved one with BPD.

netflix2018 · 18-02-2018 3:57pm

catrin11 wrote: »

If you are interested I have all the books downloaded, I can email you them.

I'd be very interested in this also

Foweva Awone · 18-02-2018 4:10pm

I've been doing work on The Decider skills recently, anyone ever heard of them? I find it's helping a lot.

Medication was mentioned recently on this thread, Seroquel has absolutely changed my life, really helped with my impulsiveness and other symptoms. I finally feel like I've some choice and control back in my life again.

netflix2018 · 18-02-2018 4:15pm

I have an adult family member who we are all concerned about. He is not a self-harmer as as far as we know, hasn't had suicide ideation but ticks all the rest of the boxes for BPD: fear of abandonment, difficulties with holding down courses or jobs as he struggles to manage his emotions or to do the same thing for any length of time. In friendships and relationships he is either all over someone to the point of smothering them and or he dumps them at the smallest thing. He is manipulative and always believes he is the victim. Prone to manic joy or rages. He struggles with impulse control particularly regarding finances which particularly affects the family financially when he gets himself into a serious bind. To everyone outside it just looks like selfishness or immaturity but we think the issue runs deeper. I've a number of concerns:

- he thinks he's fine and everyone else is at fault. How do you raise something like this with someone who's blissfully unaware of the problem and encourage them to take responsibility?
- all of the treatment advice seems to start with a GP referral. How do you find a GP who is actually DPD-savvy? If the family member doesn't think he has a problem, do you go with him to the GP and explain? Call the GP on their behalf before they come?
- we are based in the midlands and from everything I'm reading, access to DBT is a geographical lottery. Are there other options? And how can we lobby for more treatment options because with the percentage of people who have DPD, it seems outrageous to only have two treatment plans in the country.
- if someone can point me towards support groups for family members of DPD sufferers, that would be appreciated.

Thank you! Very thankful to have found this thread.

margarite · 05-03-2018 12:09pm

netflix2018 wrote: »

I'd be very interested in this also

That would be great thanks. *snip*

looksee · 05-03-2018 12:15pm

Margarite, just a friendly warning that your email address will probably be removed, you are not supposed to post email addresses. Suggest you private message it. (I am not a mod here)

Kurtosis · 05-03-2018 1:00pm

Hi Margarite, I've snipped your email address (mainly to save you from spam

). As looksee suggests, best thing for you to do is exchange private messages.

Starwoman77 · 24-06-2018 12:48pm

Hi does anyone know of meet ups for Bpd sufferers or support organisations.

Gwen Cooper · 29-06-2018 3:42pm

Starwoman77 wrote: »

Hi does anyone know of meet ups for Bpd sufferers or support organisations.

Try shine.ie, I think they have BPD groups

LegacyUser · 29-06-2018 10:49pm

Hi, There is a specific BPD support group being set up in Cork at the moment. The 1st meeting is being held on Monday July 16t in Inniscarrig nursing centre on the western road, cork city. The start time is 6pm. Anyone who has been diagnosed with the BPD diagnosis is welcome to attend. This is a peer led group which will be facilitated by a person in full recovery from BPD.

BPD - Borderline Personality Disorder

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