First year of marriage

liliq · 10-11-2013 11:40pm #1

I'm almost a year married.
Apparently the first year is the hardest. Im guessing that people who say that are assuming it doesn't end it bitter divorce further down the line.
Excluding that possibility, what are the most challenging things about marriage/ 'partnerships' after the first year?

Timmyctc · 10-11-2013 11:41pm

When the mistress finds out about your girlfriend. The wife HATES that.

WilyCoyote · 10-11-2013 11:41pm

liliq wrote: »

I'm almost a year married.
Apparently the first year is the hardest. Im guessing that is assuming it doesn't end it bitter divorce further down the line. Excluding that possibility, what are the most challenging things about marriage/ 'partnerships' after the first year?

Getting the ride every night and twice on Sundays

petrolcan · 10-11-2013 11:42pm

Children!

weisses · 10-11-2013 11:43pm

liliq wrote: »

what are the most challenging things about marriage/ 'partnerships' after the first year?

The following year ..... over and over

Shivers26 · 10-11-2013 11:45pm

Husband fecking off with someone else around the 18 months mark. Good times

LETHAL LADY · 10-11-2013 11:46pm

liliq wrote: »

I'm almost a year married.
Apparently the first year is the hardest. Im guessing that people who say that are assuming it doesn't end it bitter divorce further down the line.
Excluding that possibility, what are the most challenging things about marriage/ 'partnerships' after the first year?

Did ye live together before getting married?

liliq · 10-11-2013 11:50pm

LETHAL LADY wrote: »

Did ye live together before getting married?

Yeah. Got all the serious stuff over & done with fairly quickly...
Met, moved in almost immediately, pregnant & engaged within a year, house & baby within another 6ish months, married after 2.5 years total.
I'm one of those people I used to think was an idiot.

(Am I am idiot for not realising that first year being the hardest applies more now to the first year of living together?)

Kylo Ren · 10-11-2013 11:52pm

liliq wrote: »

what are the most challenging things about marriage/ 'partnerships' after the first year?

Anal.

Fr_Dougal · 10-11-2013 11:55pm

liliq wrote: »

Yeah. Got all the serious stuff over & done with fairly quickly...
Met, moved in almost immediately, pregnant & engaged within a year, house & baby within another 6ish months, married after 2.5 years total.

Oooh...this will end well.

The Big Smoke · 10-11-2013 11:57pm

Like most relationships, you'll get sick of each other and **** other people. Unless you become swingers, practically the same thing anyway.

jester77 · 10-11-2013 11:58pm

liliq wrote: »

Yeah. Got all the serious stuff over & done with fairly quickly...
Met, moved in almost immediately, pregnant & engaged within a year, house & baby within another 6ish months, married after 2.5 years total.
I'm one of those people I used to think was an idiot.

(Am I am idiot for not realising that first year being the hardest applies more now to the first year of living together?)

wow, why the mad rush?

anncoates · 10-11-2013 11:59pm

If you've cohabited before marriage, what could possibly be so "hard" about the first year of living the exact same life except that you're married?

FreshKnickers · 10-11-2013 11:59pm

Good first year of marriage: Not sick of the sight of each other yet, lots of sex, holding in the odd fart.

Not-so-good first year of marriage: Asking other people how theirs went.

Abigayle · 11-11-2013 12:01am

liliq wrote: »

what are the most challenging things about marriage/ 'partnerships' after the first year?

Why is the first year significant though? The only chance a marriage or parnership has is a mutual respect for one another, and the committment from both parties to work on their unions; through thick and thin.

It's unfortunate however, that the both seem to fall by the wayside even prior to event for a lot of people.

eviltwin · 11-11-2013 12:01am

anncoates wrote: »

If you've cohabited before marriage, what could possibly be so "hard" about the first year of living the exact same life except that you're married?

agree with this, if you live together first its business as usual.

LETHAL LADY · 11-11-2013 12:02am

liliq wrote: »

Yeah. Got all the serious stuff over & done with fairly quickly...
Met, moved in almost immediately, pregnant & engaged within a year, house & baby within another 6ish months, married after 2.5 years total.
I'm one of those people I used to think was an idiot.

(Am I am idiot for not realising that first year being the hardest applies more now to the first year of living together?)

Contact Saul Goodman, he knows how to make you disappear from the realisation that this is your lot.

The Big Smoke · 11-11-2013 12:04am

LETHAL LADY wrote: »

Contact Saul Goodman, he knows how to make you disappear from the realisation that this is your lot.

Ask him for the Belize package.:D

smcgiff · 11-11-2013 12:05am

Abigayle wrote: »

It's unfortunate however, that the both seem to fall by the wayside even prior to event for a lot of people.

Realising you've still got €20k to pay off for having the perfect day is a bit of a sickener.

darced · 11-11-2013 12:08am

This post has been deleted.

NuckingFacker · 11-11-2013 12:11am

17 years married. Still reckon shes a doll and spend ages gooing at her. Like most stereotypes, the "first year is the hardest" is a stereotype. Ours was a laugh and a struggle. Pretty much like every year since. Up, downs, whatever. If someones right for you and you're right for them, every years a good year as long as they're still around.

LETHAL LADY · 11-11-2013 12:11am

smcgiff wrote: »

Realising you've still got €20k to pay off for having the perfect day is a bit of a sickener.

Some folks I've met think that the big day will pay for itself through cash gifts. It always reminds me of the Goodfellas Henry and Karen wedding scene except in Ireland this does not happen.

Piliger · 11-11-2013 12:16am

liliq wrote: »

Yeah. Got all the serious stuff over & done with fairly quickly...
Met, moved in almost immediately, pregnant & engaged within a year, house & baby within another 6ish months, married after 2.5 years total.
I'm one of those people I used to think was an idiot.

(Am I am idiot for not realising that first year being the hardest applies more now to the first year of living together?)

No I don't agree. Everyone is completely and utterly different. I was married 25 years.... which may mark me as a failure to some, or experienced to others

The hardest years come later.

I think for a guy in your position there are two challenges, to start off with. The self torturing question of 'could I have gotten someone better' is many men's first difficult issue as soon as any major hurdles arise. It's a dumb question because 'better' is too often associated with looks and body. Neither matter a damn in a marriage. The second challenge is going from number one in her eyes, to number two. Or one might even see it as 'last place'. It's hard when everything is about the baby ... for a very long time. And if it's not about the baby ... then it's about the mother. The mother suffers from work overload and fatigue, and the guy feels lessened and unimportant.
Ime the solution is in gaining perspective on the bigger picture, what happiness really is, and identifying the journey that you are on together.
Apart from that, people are just waaaaay too different to generalise on when the biggest difficulties arise imho.

flutered · 11-11-2013 12:17am

have you suffered from pms yet, you know the story, she gets it, you fcuken suffer.

Abigayle · 11-11-2013 12:19am

smcgiff wrote: »

Realising you've still got €20k to pay off for having the perfect day is a bit of a sickener.

Sorry, but that's a whole thread of it's own because it's that stupid.

Boombastic · 11-11-2013 12:33am

problems in the first year of marriage...lol, that's the best year...it's all downhill from here! sorry to be the bearer of bad news

wexie · 11-11-2013 12:36am

Abigayle wrote: »

Why is the first year significant though?

Cause you're still only a couple of shots of tequila away from ****ing the whole thing up.

BillyMitchel · 11-11-2013 3:06am

Chick I'm sort of seeing now was married for just over 2 years. I'm always laughing and taking the piss. Think she'll be dumping me soon.

Next.

smcgiff · 11-11-2013 8:24am

20 years later...

BillyMitchel wrote: »

Next. No? No one? okay

seamus · 11-11-2013 9:09am

anncoates wrote: »

If you've cohabited before marriage, what could possibly be so "hard" about the first year of living the exact same life except that you're married?

This. I suspect one aspect of the "hardest year" myth is from people who only move in together after getting married.

There would also be the buyer's remorse aspect. An incredible amount of people spend years going out, then get married and quickly realise that they were just going through the motions, they didn't want to marry their partner at all. This just happened to a family friend, he walked out 4 weeks before their first anniversary despite a 16 year relationship.

Then there's children. If there's one thing you need before you have a child, it's a solid relationship. Cos there's nothing like sleepless nights and relentless hard work 24/7 to bring out the worst in people. If you're not sure that your partner actually loves you and wants to be with you, the first six months with your first child will play havoc with your head. Some weeks you are little more than colleagues working on the same project.

So in conclusion, live together first, make sure you really want to be married, and wait a couple of years before having children and the first year of marriage is a complete breeze.

Canis Lupus · 11-11-2013 10:21am

Pregnant and engaged within a year....

At the ripe old age of 32 I reckon (for whatever marriage is worth) you shouldn't think about getting engaged till around the 4 year mark. You simply can't say 'this is the one' within a year and anyone who thinks otherwise is watching too many Hollywood movies.

mad m · 11-11-2013 10:43am

Make sure you change the jacks roll and put down the seat, once you do these tasks your life will be much happier!!!!

Oh and make sure you do a crap job on the ironing, she will never ask you to do it again.:)

General General · 11-11-2013 10:44am

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQEDr105HwE

cali_eire · 11-11-2013 10:49am

You sound like this that's been doing the rounds on social media http://sethadamsmith.com/2013/11/02/marriage-isnt-for-you/

keano_afc · 11-11-2013 11:10am

Our first year was tough. Got home from honeymoon and our apartment wasnt ready to move in to. Had to spend our first night home in her mums. Found it really hard living with someone after being pretty much on my own up to marriage. She was unemployed as well and her mood was in her boots. We spent a long time fighting.

Looking back, it galvanised us. We got through some very tough times.

sbsquarepants · 11-11-2013 11:17am

NuckingFacker wrote: »

17 years married. Still reckon shes a doll and spend ages going at her.

The family that sprays together, stays together:D

DexyDrain · 11-11-2013 11:41am

I think men in the first year of marriage were one of the 'risk groups' identified in Durkheim's study on suicide, the sudden realisation that they have lost a significant amount of personal autonomy and opportunity for the rest of your life sometimes leads to fatalistic suicide. His analysis was published in 1897 though so perhaps the increase in co-habitation and separation/divorce has had an impact on the phenomenon.

Legs.Eleven · 11-11-2013 11:56am

Can't imagine how it'd be difficult if you were living together before.

Dolbert · 11-11-2013 12:00pm

The first year living together is the adjustment period, whether it happens before or after you get married. Though I'd imagine you've been through the biggest adjustment of all with a baby!

Lando Griffin · 11-11-2013 12:18pm

Lando and his missus had a wonderful romantic 1st year.
Wheter it be cold winter evenings snuggled on the couch; fresh spring days walking hand in hand through natures rebirth, gazing spellbound into each others eyes on hazy summer days, playfully tickling each other in the park during autumns colourful canopies.
That is true love.

LizT · 11-11-2013 12:35pm

Mod

Posts by a rereg troll and subsequent responses have been deleted.

BillyMitchel · 11-11-2013 2:38pm

smcgiff wrote: »

20 years later...

Never happen! I pick up with women easier than a bin man picks up rubbish!

If I find someone I know that ill be committed to 100% and the feeling is mutual then ill consider settling down but until then I don't see the point.

I am pie · 11-11-2013 2:46pm

Went directly from honeymoon to moving to another country, if anything the few months before the wedding were a bigger test than the 1st year...all the stress of organising it, deciding who to invite and who not to invite, shipping all our stuff over here, leaving work whilst trying to sort jobs over here and throwing out or giving away loads of stuff from the apartment.

First yr was a pleasure after all that concentrated madness!

I Heart Internet · 11-11-2013 2:50pm

Different for everyone, I guess, but the arrival of children - if that's for you - is a challenge when it comes to time/sleep/energy/alone time.

Great to have children but make sure all your travels/partying together are done first - you'll have a few busy. tiring years after the kids arrive.

smcgiff · 11-11-2013 2:52pm

BillyMitchel wrote: »

Never happen! I pick up with women easier than a bin man picks up rubbish!

Rather shamefully, and with regret as to how his dreams never came to fruition?

paulbok · 11-11-2013 2:52pm

FreshKnickers wrote: »

Good first year of marriage: Not sick of the sight of each other yet, lots of sex, holding in the odd fart.

Not-so-good first year of marriage: Asking other people how theirs went.

There is your problem. If you still feel you need to do this, you weren't ready for marraige

witchgirl26 · 11-11-2013 3:01pm

Canis Lupus wrote: »

Pregnant and engaged within a year....

At the ripe old age of 32 I reckon (for whatever marriage is worth) you shouldn't think about getting engaged till around the 4 year mark. You simply can't say 'this is the one' within a year and anyone who thinks otherwise is watching too many Hollywood movies.

I don't think this is true. My parents met, got engaged & were married within a year and 11 months later had a baby. They were together 32 years before my dad passed away. It wasn't a walk in the park for them but their attitude was if they knew that this was the person for them, then why beat around the bush & just go for it?

I think sometimes problems arise when people wait too long to decide if the person they're with is the one for them. I don't mean marriage as I don't think that has to be the outcome but some form of proper commitment. If you're still questioning if they're the person for you after a few years together, then maybe they aren't.

April O Neill · 11-11-2013 3:08pm

anncoates wrote: »

If you've cohabited before marriage, what could possibly be so "hard" about the first year of living the exact same life except that you're married?

I reckon financial issues might be a big cause of the stress, the problems may have begun to store up before the wedding, but you have an end goal there. Once it's over, they might hit home.

dodzy · 11-11-2013 3:11pm

WilyCoyote wrote: »

Getting the ride every night and twice on Sundays

Though not with the wife I wager.

BillyMitchel wrote: »

Never happen! I pick up with women easier than a bin man picks up rubbish!

You chose your username well.

JayRoc · 11-11-2013 3:12pm

paulbok wrote: »

There is your problem. If you still feel you need to do this, you weren't ready for marraige

Nonsense. Nothing wrong with being respectful around women, even if it's your wife.

Anyone who says they behave in front of their spouse as if they were alone, is either full of ****, or a pig.

Piliger · 11-11-2013 4:34pm

paulbok wrote: »

There is your problem. If you still feel you need to do this, you weren't ready for marraige

No. It's called courtesy and consideration.

First year of marriage

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