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First year of marriage

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  • 10-11-2013 11:40pm
    #1
    liliq
    Registered Users Posts: 2,242 ✭✭✭


    I'm almost a year married.
    Apparently the first year is the hardest. Im guessing that people who say that are assuming it doesn't end it bitter divorce further down the line.
    Excluding that possibility, what are the most challenging things about marriage/ 'partnerships' after the first year?


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    #2
    Timmyctc
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,825 ✭✭✭Timmyctc


    When the mistress finds out about your girlfriend. The wife HATES that.


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    #3
    WilyCoyote
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,059 ✭✭✭WilyCoyote


    liliq wrote: »
    I'm almost a year married.
    Apparently the first year is the hardest. Im guessing that is assuming it doesn't end it bitter divorce further down the line. Excluding that possibility, what are the most challenging things about marriage/ 'partnerships' after the first year?

    Getting the ride every night and twice on Sundays


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    #4
    petrolcan
    Registered Users Posts: 898 ✭✭✭petrolcan


    Children!


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    #5
    weisses
    Registered Users Posts: 9,446 ✭✭✭weisses


    liliq wrote: »
    what are the most challenging things about marriage/ 'partnerships' after the first year?

    The following year ..... over and over


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    #6
    Shivers26
    Closed Accounts Posts: 639 ✭✭✭Shivers26


    Husband fecking off with someone else around the 18 months mark. Good times


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    #7
    LETHAL LADY
    Registered Users Posts: 3,145 ✭✭✭LETHAL LADY


    liliq wrote: »
    I'm almost a year married.
    Apparently the first year is the hardest. Im guessing that people who say that are assuming it doesn't end it bitter divorce further down the line.
    Excluding that possibility, what are the most challenging things about marriage/ 'partnerships' after the first year?

    Did ye live together before getting married?


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    #8
    liliq
    Registered Users Posts: 2,242 ✭✭✭liliq


    LETHAL LADY wrote: »
    Did ye live together before getting married?

    Yeah. Got all the serious stuff over & done with fairly quickly...
    Met, moved in almost immediately, pregnant & engaged within a year, house & baby within another 6ish months, married after 2.5 years total.
    I'm one of those people I used to think was an idiot.

    (Am I am idiot for not realising that first year being the hardest applies more now to the first year of living together?)


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    #9
    Kylo Ren
    Registered Users Posts: 10,364 ✭✭✭✭Kylo Ren


    liliq wrote: »
    what are the most challenging things about marriage/ 'partnerships' after the first year?

    Anal.


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    #10
    Fr_Dougal
    Registered Users Posts: 9,167 ✭✭✭Fr_Dougal


    liliq wrote: »
    Yeah. Got all the serious stuff over & done with fairly quickly...
    Met, moved in almost immediately, pregnant & engaged within a year, house & baby within another 6ish months, married after 2.5 years total.

    Oooh...this will end well.


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    #11
    The Big Smoke
    Closed Accounts Posts: 402 ✭✭The Big Smoke


    Like most relationships, you'll get sick of each other and **** other people. Unless you become swingers, practically the same thing anyway. :D


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    #12
    jester77
    Registered Users Posts: 11,262 ✭✭✭✭jester77


    liliq wrote: »
    Yeah. Got all the serious stuff over & done with fairly quickly...
    Met, moved in almost immediately, pregnant & engaged within a year, house & baby within another 6ish months, married after 2.5 years total.
    I'm one of those people I used to think was an idiot.

    (Am I am idiot for not realising that first year being the hardest applies more now to the first year of living together?)

    wow, why the mad rush?


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    #13
    anncoates
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,925 ✭✭✭✭anncoates


    If you've cohabited before marriage, what could possibly be so "hard" about the first year of living the exact same life except that you're married?


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    #14
    FreshKnickers
    Registered Users Posts: 343 ✭✭FreshKnickers


    Good first year of marriage: Not sick of the sight of each other yet, lots of sex, holding in the odd fart.

    Not-so-good first year of marriage: Asking other people how theirs went. :o


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    #15
    Abigayle
    Registered Users Posts: 108 ✭✭Abigayle


    liliq wrote: »
    what are the most challenging things about marriage/ 'partnerships' after the first year?
    Why is the first year significant though? The only chance a marriage or parnership has is a mutual respect for one another, and the committment from both parties to work on their unions; through thick and thin.

    It's unfortunate however, that the both seem to fall by the wayside even prior to event for a lot of people.


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    #16
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    anncoates wrote: »
    If you've cohabited before marriage, what could possibly be so "hard" about the first year of living the exact same life except that you're married?


    agree with this, if you live together first its business as usual.


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    #17
    LETHAL LADY
    Registered Users Posts: 3,145 ✭✭✭LETHAL LADY


    liliq wrote: »
    Yeah. Got all the serious stuff over & done with fairly quickly...
    Met, moved in almost immediately, pregnant & engaged within a year, house & baby within another 6ish months, married after 2.5 years total.
    I'm one of those people I used to think was an idiot.

    (Am I am idiot for not realising that first year being the hardest applies more now to the first year of living together?)

    Contact Saul Goodman, he knows how to make you disappear from the realisation that this is your lot. :p


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    #18
    The Big Smoke
    Closed Accounts Posts: 402 ✭✭The Big Smoke


    LETHAL LADY wrote: »
    Contact Saul Goodman, he knows how to make you disappear from the realisation that this is your lot. :p

    Ask him for the Belize package.:D


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    #19
    smcgiff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,943 ✭✭✭smcgiff


    Abigayle wrote: »

    It's unfortunate however, that the both seem to fall by the wayside even prior to event for a lot of people.


    Realising you've still got €20k to pay off for having the perfect day is a bit of a sickener.


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    #20
    darced
    Registered Users Posts: 7,056 ✭✭✭darced


    This post has been deleted.


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    #21
    NuckingFacker
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,221 ✭✭✭NuckingFacker


    17 years married. Still reckon shes a doll and spend ages gooing at her. Like most stereotypes, the "first year is the hardest" is a stereotype. Ours was a laugh and a struggle. Pretty much like every year since. Up, downs, whatever. If someones right for you and you're right for them, every years a good year as long as they're still around.


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    #22
    LETHAL LADY
    Registered Users Posts: 3,145 ✭✭✭LETHAL LADY


    smcgiff wrote: »
    Realising you've still got €20k to pay off for having the perfect day is a bit of a sickener.

    Some folks I've met think that the big day will pay for itself through cash gifts. It always reminds me of the Goodfellas Henry and Karen wedding scene except in Ireland this does not happen.


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    #23
    Piliger
    Registered Users Posts: 6,741 ✭✭✭Piliger


    liliq wrote: »
    Yeah. Got all the serious stuff over & done with fairly quickly...
    Met, moved in almost immediately, pregnant & engaged within a year, house & baby within another 6ish months, married after 2.5 years total.
    I'm one of those people I used to think was an idiot.

    (Am I am idiot for not realising that first year being the hardest applies more now to the first year of living together?)

    No I don't agree. Everyone is completely and utterly different. I was married 25 years.... which may mark me as a failure to some, or experienced to others :) The hardest years come later.

    I think for a guy in your position there are two challenges, to start off with. The self torturing question of 'could I have gotten someone better' is many men's first difficult issue as soon as any major hurdles arise. It's a dumb question because 'better' is too often associated with looks and body. Neither matter a damn in a marriage. The second challenge is going from number one in her eyes, to number two. Or one might even see it as 'last place'. It's hard when everything is about the baby ... for a very long time. And if it's not about the baby ... then it's about the mother. The mother suffers from work overload and fatigue, and the guy feels lessened and unimportant.
    Ime the solution is in gaining perspective on the bigger picture, what happiness really is, and identifying the journey that you are on together.
    Apart from that, people are just waaaaay too different to generalise on when the biggest difficulties arise imho.


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    #24
    flutered
    Registered Users Posts: 6,672 ✭✭✭flutered


    have you suffered from pms yet, you know the story, she gets it, you fcuken suffer.


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    #25
    Abigayle
    Registered Users Posts: 108 ✭✭Abigayle


    smcgiff wrote: »
    Realising you've still got €20k to pay off for having the perfect day is a bit of a sickener.
    Sorry, but that's a whole thread of it's own because it's that stupid.


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    #26
    Boombastic
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,496 ✭✭✭Boombastic


    problems in the first year of marriage...lol, that's the best year...it's all downhill from here! sorry to be the bearer of bad news


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    #27
    wexie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,480 ✭✭✭wexie


    Abigayle wrote: »
    Why is the first year significant though?

    Cause you're still only a couple of shots of tequila away from ****ing the whole thing up.


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    #28
    BillyMitchel
    Registered Users Posts: 3,324 ✭✭✭BillyMitchel


    Chick I'm sort of seeing now was married for just over 2 years. I'm always laughing and taking the piss. Think she'll be dumping me soon.

    Next.


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    #29
    smcgiff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,943 ✭✭✭smcgiff


    20 years later...
    BillyMitchel wrote: »

    Next. No? No one? okay

    :p


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    #30
    seamus
    Registered Users Posts: 68,317 ✭✭✭✭seamus


    anncoates wrote: »
    If you've cohabited before marriage, what could possibly be so "hard" about the first year of living the exact same life except that you're married?
    This. I suspect one aspect of the "hardest year" myth is from people who only move in together after getting married.

    There would also be the buyer's remorse aspect. An incredible amount of people spend years going out, then get married and quickly realise that they were just going through the motions, they didn't want to marry their partner at all. This just happened to a family friend, he walked out 4 weeks before their first anniversary despite a 16 year relationship.

    Then there's children. If there's one thing you need before you have a child, it's a solid relationship. Cos there's nothing like sleepless nights and relentless hard work 24/7 to bring out the worst in people. If you're not sure that your partner actually loves you and wants to be with you, the first six months with your first child will play havoc with your head. Some weeks you are little more than colleagues working on the same project.

    So in conclusion, live together first, make sure you really want to be married, and wait a couple of years before having children and the first year of marriage is a complete breeze.


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    #31
    Canis Lupus
    Registered Users Posts: 9,893 ✭✭✭Canis Lupus


    Pregnant and engaged within a year....

    At the ripe old age of 32 I reckon (for whatever marriage is worth) you shouldn't think about getting engaged till around the 4 year mark. You simply can't say 'this is the one' within a year and anyone who thinks otherwise is watching too many Hollywood movies.


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