I don't even know where to begin..

Honestly, I don't even know how to start this out.. but I get the feeling it's going to be quite long, so please bear with me. These last couple weeks have been, without a doubt, the worst of my life. My husband of 5 years and I had a falling out about a year ago, I think it when things really starting to go downhill. They hadn't been all rainbows and sunshine before that, but it was really the straw that broke the camel's back. I was in and out of work on a medical leave due to several health issues, and he started lying and seeing another woman behind my back. When I did manage to make it to work, my shift was until midnight at a call center, so I rarely got home before 1am, which means all of his evenings were free for whatever he wanted, which mostly seemed to include cheating on me with this other woman. I even found texts of them detailing a plan for him to bring her over to our home, for her to park around the corner, etc, and a quick exit strategy for her to leg it out the back door in case I came home early. Obviously I found out eventually, and screamed at him to an extent I didn't know I was capable of, that he needed to stop seeing her immediately or that I was gone. He hardly even sorry for it and acted like I was the mum who took his toy away.

I thought it was something we could get over, but his lack of trying to make it better really took a toll. He wouldn't even talk to me about it and still, to this day, has not admitted to the extent of the affair. Then I found out a few months later that they had started texting again and talked nearly all day every day. He opened up to her about everything and anything. I had not told a soul about anything reguarding what had happened, but one day I was just talking to a friend online and it all came flowing out. Up until that point, I hadn't allowed myself to feel angry or really feel anything about it. It was finally real.

Shortly after that, I decided I couldn't do it anymore and needed to get away for a while. I planned a trip to Galway and Dublin to see some friends and be a tourist for a while. It was an amazing trip, and I got to feel what it was like to be happy again, and ultimately made the decision that I didn't think I could be in this relationship anymore. What really cinched it was when I got home, and found he had seen this woman and had her over at the house while I was gone. Not only had they had sex, they had decided that they loved each other. (All of which I confirmed from texts on his phone).

Well.. we had the difficult conversation that I didn't want to be married to him anymore, and that I knew what had happened. He eventually agreed to go stay at his parents' house for a while until we figured out what arrangements to make and next steps from there. I told him to stay away from the house for a while, and he seemed reluctant. That evening, I had a friend come home with me to make sure he wasn't still there, and found he had left his computer behind. I was dying to know what else had happened with this woman, so I turned on his computer to check his emails.

This is where it gets really bad.

Not only did I find more emails back and forth between them, but I also found some awful stuff on his hard drive. Proper bad.. as in, inappropriate photos of underage girls. I was completely taken aback and didn't know what to do. I asked the friend who was with me what she thought I should do, and she said I needed to call the cops about it. We also consulted another good friend of mine, and he said the same thing. That if it was found out another way, that I could me implicated for it as well. Finally, I called my friend who works in the legal field, and she agreed, that I needed to call the police. So, with very, very heavy heart, that's what I did. And they came, took a look, made a few calls to superiors, and took the computer into evidence. They advised the detective put in charge of the case would be calling me to let me know what the outcome was once their lab had a chance to completely scan the computer. I felt sick over the whole sitation.

Since then, my husband was not so keen to stay away from the house, and continued to badger me about when he could come back. I told him I could get him any of the stuff that he needed, and he ignored me and said he was coming to get it himself. His family is made up of some crazy people. I didn't feel safe, and with the help and advice of a few close friends, I changed the locks on the house. Well, lo and behold, while I was at work one day, he and his insane, alcoholic brother, came to the house and broke in the back door. They ransacked the place, not only taking his things, but anything of value, included several of my personal items. They also disabled the garage door and a broke a few other things in anger. He also tore up our wedding photos and broke the frame it was in. I got an angry text about needed to sit down and think about what I had done, and that he wanted his computer back. He was convinced I changed the locks to keep him away from his stuff and lord power over him, and claimed it was his brother that did the ransacking and "looting." Didn't take any responsibility for his actions, or bother to try and talk to me rationally when he discovered the locks had been changed. The past week has been a back and forth of starting to get some of my stuff back, and angry texts.

Yesterday, I got a call from the detective handling the case about the computer. He informed me that they would be calling him in for questioning this week or next, and that he would most likely be getting arrested. I was in shock. I knew it was a good possibilty, but part of me never thought that would actually happen. I'm completely in a tailspin and I don't know what to do with myself. The guilt of turning him in is completely eating away at me, and I don't know how to handle it. I've told a handful of friends for support, who continue to tell me that I did the right thing and that it isn't my fault, but I continue to feel awful. Even after he had cheated on me and betrayed my trust over and over. Like I've condemned him to death.. his life may essentially be over. I feel like I'm the one that betrayed him, and I know that's how he is going to look at it as well. And then there's the other thing of if he actually goes to prison. Real, proper prison. What will happen to the house? I can hardly afford the mortgage on my own. What about divorce at that point?

I'm not looking really for legal advice, but I don't know what to do with myself. I guess I needed to get it all down and out into the universe. It's a burden I've mostly carried on my own, save for a few trusted friends. As I can't really talk about it with many people, any kind wordd, support, or advice would be really great right about now.