separation mess

wakeboarding · 09-09-2014 9:37pm #1

I've been separated for 4 years (5 years actually including the year he was in the spare room) since then I have had no maintenance from him. He seems to think he's well within his rights not to pay for his kids as I have no mortgage on the family home and he has to pay rent so therefore thinks I'm better off than him! Back to school costs was the straw that broke the camels back for me - i sent him a breakdown of what he owed me and the reply I got was he has been to citizens advice and they have told him he does not have to give me anything as he pays out €80 plus per month on one of our children's out of school activities which he has always held in high regard but has never had and never will have any intention of helping me to put shoes on our children's feet and clothes on there backs!! So I am taking out a maintainace order out against him - should have done it long ago but wasn't strong enough as he is very controlling/bully. I've applied for legal aid but obviously this will take time so my question is....when we appear in front of the judge for the maintaince order I am soooo scared he will talk me down and reduce me to a blithering wreck! Can you have someone acompany in with you?

Jamaican Me Crazy · 15-09-2014 12:39pm

Nobody can accompany you into the courtroom, only a solicitor. You have not mentioned if you are legally separated, if not your case can be heard in the District Court and if you can present yourself at the legal aid office in Dublin (if that is where you live) they can issue a legal aid certificate on the day and you can take this to any solicitor registered on the panel. I'm not sure how it works in offices outside of Dublin.

Why not just apply for a divorce at this stage? Get all of the formalities sorted out and get on with your life. He is legally obliged to maintain his children, end of discussion.

wakeboarding · 15-09-2014 2:03pm

Jamaican Me Crazy wrote: »

Nobody can accompany you into the courtroom, only a solicitor. You have not mentioned if you are legally separated, if not your case can be heard in the District Court and if you can present yourself at the legal aid office in Dublin (if that is where you live) they can issue a legal aid certificate on the day and you can take this to any solicitor registered on the panel. I'm not sure how it works in offices outside of Dublin.

Why not just apply for a divorce at this stage? Get all of the formalities sorted out and get on with your life. He is legally obliged to maintain his children, end of discussion.

Thanks for reply. I have applied for a maintaince order and have a date for early November, i went to see a solicitor this morning as i'm not comfortable going into a courtroom by myself. I have applied for legal aid in respect of the divorce. So things are finally moving along - it was just down to me taking the bull by the horns to get this sorted once and for all!

Jamaican Me Crazy · 15-09-2014 2:05pm

I feel your pain! You will be all the better for it. It is daunting going into court so it is good knowing you have the support of a solicitor.

tyview · 16-09-2014 9:18pm

wakeboarding wrote: »

Thanks for reply. I have applied for a maintaince order and have a date for early November, i went to see a solicitor this morning as i'm not comfortable going into a courtroom by myself. I have applied for legal aid in respect of the divorce. So things are finally moving along - it was just down to me taking the bull by the horns to get this sorted once and for all!

Best of luck for November! I'm dealing with exactly the same sort of man. I filed a maintenance order against him and got december date. I was looking forward to that but then he went one better and asked for a divorce in the circuit court. Difference is we're only separated 3 years next month :rolleyes:

wakeboarding · 16-09-2014 11:08pm

Thanks for replies! I went the whole hog and got solicitor to deal with paperwork and appear with me on the day. I know its gonna cost 200 -300 euro which I will have to borrow but you know what it will be worth it seeing the look on his face! I'm not a nasty person at all but all he's put me through and all the threats of 'I'm not giving you any money' will be worth it. I (& my parents) have bailed him out many times (financially and mentally) over the past 4 years and it has been thrown back in my face on many occasion! I have to say I'm dreading the text telling me he's received the maintained order.......I'll get over it ☺

Sala · 17-09-2014 9:38am

wakeboarding wrote: »

Thanks for replies! I went the whole hog and got solicitor to deal with paperwork and appear with me on the day. I know its gonna cost 200 -300 euro which I will have to borrow but you know what it will be worth it seeing the look on his face! I'm not a nasty person at all but all he's put me through and all the threats of 'I'm not giving you any money' will be worth it. I (& my parents) have bailed him out many times (financially and mentally) over the past 4 years and it has been thrown back in my face on many occasion! I have to say I'm dreading the text telling me he's received the maintained order.......I'll get over it ☺

He has an obligation to maintain his children so you are well within your rights to seek maintenance. How much you get will depend on what he earns but you can't end up worse than you are now with nothing!

Jamaican Me Crazy · 17-09-2014 10:17am

If he sends you anything abusive do not answer it. People like that feed off the reaction. Don't give him one. He is obliged to maintain his children the same as you are, you are doing nothing wrong here.

byronbay2 · 17-09-2014 11:11am

wakeboarding wrote: »

Thanks for replies! I went the whole hog and got solicitor to deal with paperwork and appear with me on the day. I know its gonna cost 200 -300 euro which I will have to borrow but you know what it will be worth it seeing the look on his face! I'm not a nasty person at all but all he's put me through and all the threats of 'I'm not giving you any money' will be worth it. I (& my parents) have bailed him out many times (financially and mentally) over the past 4 years and it has been thrown back in my face on many occasion! I have to say I'm dreading the text telling me he's received the maintained order.......I'll get over it ☺

Any man who prefers to keep his money for himself rather than providing for his children is a bloody disgrace - don't waste any more time worrying about this low-life!

Taltos · 17-09-2014 11:23am

Mod Note

Hi all

normally we try to keep this forum light touch moderation as most posters are genuinely here to offer supportive advice. In this instance though we have had to infract one user with a threat of a ban should they repeat such off topic or personal attacks, that post has been deleted. Jamaican - I have also removed your post as you are quoting that post.

For everyone who reported this offending post thank you, appreciate the heads up.
italodisco - repeat this type of post or even approach this level of posting and we will have no choice but to ban you immediately. Posters here are gong through enough anguish without it being added to by baseless accusations.

Thanks
Taltos

separation mess

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