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Very confused

  • 20-05-2015 9:01pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Pretty sure I know what every1 is gonna reply here but im very confused.

    Was seein a girl for a few months,mad about her,thought tings were going brilliantly with both of us. Was supposed to meet her friends and family.Anyway,i was out with her 3 weeks ago,she basically told me she loved me and wanted to make it official. Da next day she said she didnt want to put a label on us.Fast forward 2 days and she said that she didnt have a good feelin about us,wanted to end it.Ordinarily id say fair enough,id understand if I didnt think there was potential for us.Now I'm very confused cos I thought we were going places and the fact she told me she nearly loved me.dont know wat to do now, keep givin her time and space, it was 3 weeks ago or chance textin her.


Comments

  • #2
    strobe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,872 ✭✭✭strobe


    If I had to guess. I'd say she's doing the "you're amazing let's be together - but maybe not - nah let's break up - now please chase after me begging me to be with you so I feel special" routine.

    So I reckon she wants you to come chasing after her. I also reckon there is no way in hell you should do that, just move on. If that is what she's at, expect there to be constant repeats. God I'm exhausted even describing it.

    Nah, dude, bail. Consider it a lucky escape.


  • #3
    kylith
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,736 ✭✭✭✭kylith


    She broke up with you, leave it at that and move on.

    Look at it this way; why would someone who said they had strong feelings for you break up with you? Either they were lying about their feelings or they're being needlessly cruel. Either way you don't want to be with someone like that.


  • #4
    orthsquel
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 563 ✭✭✭orthsquel


    Sounds like it was all a little fickle and a bit of a whirlwind going at light speed... and a head wreck. In a space of a week she went from saying she loved you, to not wanting to put a label on the relationship, to saying she had a bad feeling about it.... and only after going out a couple of months? Either she's immature or playing a game.

    I think the best for you OP is move on and forget about her.


  • #5
    danslevent
    Registered Users Posts: 893 ✭✭✭danslevent


    I think maybe she said the "I love you" might have been because of the influence of alcohol because you said you guys were on a night out? It seems she began to back track after making such a strong statement and maybe didn't really feel that way sober


  • #6
    Saralee4
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,077 ✭✭✭Saralee4


    Agree with other posters, sounds a bit mad but what did you say when she told you that she loved you?


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  • #7
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Saralee4 wrote: »
    Agree with other posters, sounds a bit mad but what did you say when she told you that she loved you?

    Op here again.i said I was mad about her,the love thing was all initiated by her.she def doesnt seem da type whod be causin drama for no reason. She did say that she loves spending time with me and really wants to do that in future if I wanted. We did get on amazingly,I know she was attracted to me and I always treated her well,thats why im so confused.


  • #8
    Saralee4
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,077 ✭✭✭Saralee4


    Not sure what you have said to her already after she confirmed her doubts but if you haven't had a proper talk with her about how you feel since she dropped these on you, you could meet with her.

    Tell her that you really like her. Tell her that she is giving you mixed messages and you don't think that is fair. That you are not looking for someone who is going to play games with you, that kind of superficial relationship does not interest you and you prefer to get to know people and have fun in relationships rather than constant unnecessary drama. Tell her that you are willing to go back to the way things were (if you are) but your not interested in being messed around and if she doesn't want that, then that's grand and you can move onto to someone who does. You are not going to wait for her. Tell her that there is no pressure to 'be in love' but you are not going to deal with someone going back and forth with you.

    (I don't mean to tell you exactly what to say, I just mean be honest and upfront and don't take any crap from her) If you have this kind of talk with her, her response will probably give you a good idea what shes about. If she doesn't respond positively and starts playing more games or twisting or not being clear then let her go and be done with it and no going back.

    She might just be a bit immature and scared of an intimate serious relationship or she might be a nightmare ego attention seeking person , damaging your self esteem in the process.


  • #9
    kylith
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,736 ✭✭✭✭kylith


    Confusedanddumped wrote: »
    Op here again.i said I was mad about her,the love thing was all initiated by her.she def doesnt seem da type whod be causin drama for no reason. She did say that she loves spending time with me and really wants to do that in future if I wanted. We did get on amazingly,I know she was attracted to me and I always treated her well,thats why im so confused.

    She sounds like a total headwreck, tbh. "I love spending time with you, but I don't want to be 'with' you, but I want us to hang out, and I think you're really attractive". I have to say that it sounds to me like she's keeping you on the back burner and keeping you interested until she decides whether she wants you or not. This kind of nonsense is designed to stop you from moving on in case she decides to pick you up again later.

    I recommend cutting all contact for at least 3 months to sort your head out and move on from this. Then, once your head is settled, you can decide if you want to try 'friends', though personally I don't recommend it.


  • #10
    Potatoeman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,368 ✭✭✭Potatoeman


    Confusedanddumped wrote: »
    Op here again.i said I was mad about her,the love thing was all initiated by her.she def doesnt seem da type whod be causin drama for no reason. She did say that she loves spending time with me and really wants to do that in future if I wanted. We did get on amazingly,I know she was attracted to me and I always treated her well,thats why im so confused.

    So did you tell her you loved her too?


  • #11
    Saralee4
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,077 ✭✭✭Saralee4


    Potatoeman wrote: »
    So did you tell her you loved her too?

    yea like is it that she actually said the words 'I love you' and you replied with 'I am mad about you'?


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  • #12
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I told her I was absolutely crazy about her,dat i want us to b goin out and id be really disappointed if this ever finished.i said I was crazy about her and that i could see us goin a long way.she said she wanted us to b goin out,that she constantly thinks of me and that she thinks she might be in love with me.i felt it was too soon to be say love so i didnt say it but I didnt say that to her either.that was a Friday night,she said that maybe it wudnt be right to put a label on us Saturday,mentioned me to her parents on the Sunday and then text me Monday sayin she thought some things dont feel right. I said right. I dont fight for someone if they want to dump me.den she text saying about hangin out sometime,i didnt reply to dat.im very lost and confused about why she changed like that.


  • #13
    Saralee4
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,077 ✭✭✭Saralee4


    The Poster always knows more than the people giving advice but after your last post and piecing it together I would say that it sounds like she might have over reacted that you didn't say you love her too? Nobody can force you to say that and you are right not to say it back if you are not in that place but maybe she felt a bit put out or vulnerable after saying it and not having it returned so she decided to cool it to see what your reaction would be and you called her bluff by saying that you don't fight for someone if they want to dump you.

    Maybe then she felt like she made a mistake or thought that she lost you and tried to get things going again by suggesting hanging out again.


  • #14
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Saralee4 wrote: »
    The Poster always knows more than the people giving advice but after your last post and piecing it together I would say that it sounds like she might have over reacted that you didn't say you love her too? Nobody can force you to say that and you are right not to say it back if you are not in that place but maybe she felt a bit put out or vulnerable after saying it and not having it returned so she decided to cool it to see what your reaction would be and you called her bluff by saying that you don't fight for someone if they want to dump you.

    Maybe then she felt like she made a mistake or thought that she lost you and tried to get things going again by suggesting hanging out again.

    Well the suggesting hanging out was literally straight away after dumpin me. Also,she has said once or twice on the Sunday dat she normally didnt go for nice guys like me.i really want to text her cos I miss her so much.


  • #15
    Potatoeman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,368 ✭✭✭Potatoeman


    Well if she didn't explicitly say she loved you either then it shouldn't be that. You said that you would be really disappointed if it ever ended then she breaks up with you the next day and that she doesn't usually go for nice guys like you. Is she sh*t testing you? (Where someone gives you sh*t to see how you will react.)


  • #16
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    dont think she is,she hasnt texted me or anything.i text her today and said that id like to be friends,she said she wud always have time for a drink or a coffee with me,so i guess that means she doesnt want to get back together.im heartbroken.I cant understand how someone could say there mad about someone with such purpose,then 5 days later say things arent working out and just move on.


  • #17
    Potatoeman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,368 ✭✭✭Potatoeman


    confusedanddumped wrote: »
    dont think she is,she hasnt texted me or anything.i text her today and said that id like to be friends,she said she wud always have time for a drink or a coffee with me,so i guess that means she doesnt want to get back together.im heartbroken.I cant understand how someone could say there mad about someone with such purpose,then 5 days later say things arent working out and just move on.

    It might be for the best. Erratic behaviour and 'not going for nice guys like you'. Seems like she makes bad choices and I doubt its limited to relationships.

    From what you have said about her she seems like the kind of girl that wants her partner to be wanted and have options. If you do want to reconnect, move on fast. Don't meet as friends or put it off for a week or two then tell youre seeing someone casually.


  • #18
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Potatoeman wrote: »
    It might be for the best. Erratic behaviour and 'not going for nice guys like you'. Seems like she makes bad choices and I doubt its limited to relationships.

    From what you have said about her she seems like the kind of girl that wants her partner to be wanted and have options. If you do want to reconnect, move on fast. Don't meet as friends or put it off for a week or two then tell youre seeing someone casually.

    Sorry,do you mean play games with her? I wudnt be into that sort of thing.I was thinking of giving her a month or two,see can i get over her,if i still feel the same then,then maybe try meet up with her for a coffee and see if anything develops there.


  • #19
    Potatoeman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,368 ✭✭✭Potatoeman


    confusedanddumped wrote: »
    Sorry,do you mean play games with her? I wudnt be into that sort of thing.I was thinking of giving her a month or two,see can i get over her,if i still feel the same then,then maybe try meet up with her for a coffee and see if anything develops there.

    Sure, games are the type of thing most people avoid but if she's into them and you still want her you might have to adapt.

    In any case youre only going out a few months so don't wait around for the chance she might change her mind.


  • #20
    Donnielighto
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,761 ✭✭✭Donnielighto


    Confusedanddumped wrote: »
    Op here again.i said I was mad about her,the love thing was all initiated by her.she def doesnt seem da type whod be causin drama for no reason. She did say that she loves spending time with me and really wants to do that in future if I wanted. We did get on amazingly,I know she was attracted to me and I always treated her well,thats why im so confused.


    I've been in the same boat. Get away


  • #21
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    OP here again,

    So I was talking to her last week,she said she shouldnt have said she loved me but instead that she really really liked me and still does.But somethin didnt feel right.She really wants to meet up for a coffee sometime but I got the feelin that thats as friends.
    Ive since heard from a fella who knows her best friend and apparently its something shes done before,got mad into a guy and then just change for some reason.I suppose what Im thinkin now is am I just holdin out for somethin thats never gonna happen?


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  • #22
    orthsquel
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 563 ✭✭✭orthsquel


    You could be hoping for something that isn't going to happen. She could be trying to initiate friendship or something more casual than a relationship without ever letting you know what the story is.

    In your shoes, I'd be very wary and I would need to know where I would stand with her. I get the impression she is someone who will faff about saying that you're friends but either treat you like furniture or treat you like you're sort of a couple but without actually either talking with you about it, and without knowing where you stand about it. Regardless I can see this is going to be a confusing headwreck for you with her unless you both know that you are only going to be, only could be, strictly platonic friends and free to start a relationship with someone else if you both so wished it to be.

    For your own sanity you need to know where you stand with her. Otherwise, don't drive yourself mad with someone who will lead the impression of being friends, give the impression of friends, but say things like "oh, we're so close" or "I've bonded with you" or something that indicates relationship or a desire to be in a relationship with you but then at a split second, shrugging you off as friends when it suits.


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