Being a short man

25-05-2015 4:01pm

I'm just under 5ft.

You're all giants to me.

UCDVet · 25-05-2015 4:05pm

Greenmachine wrote: »

Who is to say it is your height that is letting you down. Could be your profile pic. Your description, how you message people etc. Maybe your an 8 in the looks department but are only messaging 6 foot girls who are a 10 in the looks department. People will say that girls are not interested in looks, but at least online it is the first thing they will look at.

A lot of women will explicitly give a minimum height. I'm pretty sure some dating sites even let you enter it as a requirement for their generated matches.

beks101 · 25-05-2015 4:06pm

Bob.Carcass wrote: »

But jesus If a guy is good looking and has a great personality but a woman turns them down because they're 5'7 or 5'5 or whatever then It's her loss really.

When I lived in Canada I dated a guy who was good looking with a great personality but I just couldn't get over the height thing so I ended it.

I'm an absolute short arse myself, barely five foot on a good day, but perpetually in heels and this guy was about 5"3, so shorter than me in heels and the dynamic was just all wrong. The perspective while kissing him felt wrong. It felt like I was hanging out with my little brother or something. It didn't inspire any sexual feelings in me whatsoever, despite him being really goodlooking and a really really decent lovely chap.

Of course, on his dating profile he was 5"8.

So yeah. Dating is about sexual attraction first and foremost. And sexual attraction isn't up for debate. It's either there or it's not. You either want to kiss the face off them or you don't, and these things are determined by things that are largely out of our control.

I've equally met men who were "my type" on paper but for whom I had zero chemistry or desire to get physical with, and again, that's just dating. More often than not IME you can pinpoint these things though - as with the forementioned guy, it was definitely the height dynamic. With other guys, it might have been a lack of sense of humour; with one guy it was his tone of voice.

Absolutely everyone has their physical preferences, whether they are willing to be honest about it or not, and I don't think they should be crucified or antagonized over them because by and large this is how the world works.

The problem arises when someone decides to be an absolute cnut about it - "no shorties please!" "Fat women are disgusting!" etc. I don't think it's too much to ask of people to go about dating other people they're attracted to while being subtly selective about it and without offending those who don't tick their own personal boxes.

Ken Shamrock · 25-05-2015 4:20pm

beks101 wrote: »

When I lived in Canada I dated a guy who was good looking with a great personality but I just couldn't get over the height thing so I ended it.

I'm an absolute short arse myself, barely five foot on a good day, but perpetually in heels and this guy was about 5"3, so shorter than me in heels and the dynamic was just all wrong. The perspective while kissing him felt wrong. It felt like I was hanging out with my little brother or something. It didn't inspire any sexual feelings in me whatsoever, despite him being really goodlooking and a really really decent lovely chap.

Of course, on his dating profile he was 5"8.

So yeah. Dating is about sexual attraction first and foremost. And sexual attraction isn't up for debate. It's either there or it's not. You either want to kiss the face off them or you don't, and these things are determined by things that are largely out of our control.

I've equally met men who were "my type" on paper but for whom I had zero chemistry or desire to get physical with, and again, that's just dating. More often than not IME you can pinpoint these things though - as with the forementioned guy, it was definitely the height dynamic. With other guys, it might have been a lack of sense of humour; with one guy it was his tone of voice.

Absolutely everyone has their physical preferences, whether they are willing to be honest about it or not, and I don't think they should be crucified or antagonized over them because by and large this is how the world works.

The problem arises when someone decides to be an absolute cnut about it - "no shorties please!" "Fat women are disgusting!" etc. I don't think it's too much to ask of people to go about dating other people they're attracted to while being subtly selective about it and without offending those who don't tick their own personal boxes.

Which begs the question why were you with him?

If he said he was 5'8 and when you met him he was 5'3 did not start alarm bells ringing? Dishonesty is something that is top of my Imaginary list.

Couldn't agree more on that, If you have great chemistry with someone and love their personality then that's a great basis for a relationship, If there is no sexual attraction there then the relationship will most likely be friends. If you are attracted to each other It opens the door to a sexual relationship. Most people look at It the other way around, "Oh she/he is hot" 2 weeks later It turns out you have nothing in common and can't stand each other.

I don't think your situation is one where you were a bitch about his height I just think It was one that you jumped into too quickly which is all too common. Whether It was his height or his taste in music that broke It is irrelevant IMO.

stoneill · 25-05-2015 4:28pm

Wang King wrote: »

You're both only an inch taller than Napoleon....do ye like wearing pointy hats, swearing in French and invading england?

Wasn't Napoleon taller than Wellington? Not the monument, the bloke?

BUBBLES1978 · 25-05-2015 4:34pm

I am 5"3 so the burning question is..are you good looking???

Doctor Jimbob · 25-05-2015 4:44pm

stoneill wrote: »

Wasn't Napoleon taller than Wellington? Not the monument, the bloke?

Well wellingtons wouldn't be very good if they were taller than you, would they?

beks101 · 25-05-2015 4:58pm

Bob.Carcass wrote: »

Which begs the question why were you with him?

If he said he was 5'8 and when you met him he was 5'3 did not start alarm bells ringing? Dishonesty is something that is top of my Imaginary list.

Couldn't agree more on that, If you have great chemistry with someone and love their personality then that's a great basis for a relationship, If there is no sexual attraction there then the relationship will most likely be friends. If you are attracted to each other It opens the door to a sexual relationship. Most people look at It the other way around, "Oh she/he is hot" 2 weeks later It turns out you have nothing in common and can't stand each other.

I don't think your situation is one where you were a bitch about his height I just think It was one that you jumped into too quickly which is all too common. Whether It was his height or his taste in music that broke It is irrelevant IMO.

Nah it was definitely the height. We had about three or four dates if I remember correctly.

The second because of my own inner conflict, "ah come on Beks! He's sound as a pound! And good looking! Give him another shot..." etc and the third/fourth I was chased and chased into.

I was brand new to online dating too, and relatively naive about the tendency to lie or 'stretch the truth' and I think that can play with your conscience a bit. As in, "this lad clearly has hang ups about his height if he's willing to lie about it, he seems cool and I don't want to add to his issues...maybe it's not a big deal?" etc. Actually thinking about it, that's probably why I lasted about 5 minutes in the online thing - far too often there's just this grand old disconnect between the person you meet online and the person you meet in real life.

OR...they're lovely. But you don't want to fcuk them. And vice versa. In real life you decipher these things in five seconds flat, whereas online, you can waste weeks on it.

25-05-2015 5:00pm

beks101 wrote: »

The second because of my own inner conflict, "ah come on Beks! He's sound as a pound! And good looking! Give him another shot..." etc and the third/fourth I was chased and chased into.

You gave him a fair go, no one can ask more of you than that.

Ken Shamrock · 25-05-2015 5:14pm

beks101 wrote: »

Nah it was definitely the height. We had about three or four dates if I remember correctly.

The second because of my own inner conflict, "ah come on Beks! He's sound as a pound! And good looking! Give him another shot..." etc and the third/fourth I was chased and chased into.

I was brand new to online dating too, and relatively naive about the tendency to lie or 'stretch the truth' and I think that can play with your conscience a bit. As in, "this lad clearly has hang ups about his height if he's willing to lie about it, he seems cool and I don't want to add to his issues...maybe it's not a big deal?" etc. Actually thinking about it, that's probably why I lasted about 5 minutes in the online thing - far too often there's just this grand old disconnect between the person you meet online and the person you meet in real life.

OR...they're lovely. But you don't want to fcuk them. And vice versa. In real life you decipher these things in five seconds flat, whereas online, you can waste weeks on it.

No sorry I didn't mean the height wasn't the reason you broke it off. The point I was trying to make (badly) was that the height was only an issue because you's jumped in too soon.

For example If you met him before (a friend of a friend or something) and you knew him even vaguely you probably would have never even went on a date because as you said you weren't attracted to him and It felt like he was your little brother.

Those are things you can't find out online until you actually meet them. The disconnect you talk about is the biggest problem with online dating IMO. I think It's so superficial and false. Don't get me wrong I don't belittle anyone for using It and I know many people who are in relationships from It. It's just not for me.

NachoBusiness · 26-05-2015 12:21am

All's not lost..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_foERnCw7E

Mister Vain · 26-05-2015 1:25am

NachoBusiness wrote: »

All's not lost..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_foERnCw7E

Jaysus the jugs on yer one in the pink dress. :eek:

Being a short man

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