Financial rut situation

SunshineOrange · 31-10-2014 6:26am #1

Hi everyone, sorry if this is in the incorrect place, first Time poster. This may be a long post so please bear with me. I've been with my partner for almost seven years now, when we first got together I was fresh out of school and I got pregnant about a year into the relationship. Our son is almost five now. We've had a hard time financially over the years, especially since our son was born, so we've had to move several times due to not being able to afford the rent and bills. We've been in the house we live in over a year and we were on top of rent and bills for the first while until my partner would find seemingly more important things to spend rent money on, and had to start clearing a large debt he owed a landlord since before we were together. Since we're behind again the landlord needs her money for the rent asap, and we can't afford it. We pay half of the amount of the rent each and although my BTEA is 100 a week and he earns three times that, I always have my rent and he is getting large bills he racked up from when he was younger every few weeks so his portion of the rent is after adding up now and here we are in debt again. I feel like I'm the only responsible one sometimes! I want a stable environment for my child and not to be moving around and constantly getting kicked out of places and have parents that are in debt at such a young age. I've spoken to my boyfriend and he's usually kind and apologetic and promised to try his best which I think he does, but I can't take the uncertainty of not knowing if my home is stable or not. I figured I would be better off financially alone as I would get rent allowance so at least I know that would be paid until I am earning myself when I'm qualified. I am stressed out here at the thought of loosing another home, I need some opinions here about the situation, I love my partner a lot, we're engaged, but I feel like I couldn't marry him I'm the future as I think he could try harder to help me provide a nice stable comfortable home for our child, I feel like he puts other things first financially. I don't expect him to pick up the tab for everything, just pay his part so I'm not constantly worried about this. Should I leave him for something like this? I've been thinking about it a lot lately. Honest opinions, and please be kind. Thanks guys.

SunshineOrange · 31-10-2014 6:41am

Also aware this is posted in the wrong section! How do I switch?

hullaballoo · 31-10-2014 12:01pm

Ok, I'm not entirely sure where the most appropriate place for this is either but it seems like Personal Issues might be at least useful.

Moved to Personal Issues, the local charter now applies. Apologies to PI mods if this is inappropriate.

ABajaninCork · 31-10-2014 1:19pm

You poor little mare. The stress must be terrible right now. You're right. You DO need a stable place to live and bring up your baby. It's not good for either you or the little one to be shifting about from place to place.

Does your partner work? What is he spending his money on that the rent cannot be paid? Do you pool your money together? If you do, that needs to STOP!!

First things first. Make a list of all debts you owe - JOINTLY. His debts are his own concern, I'm afraid. Make an appointment to see MABS. Depending on where you live, there might be a bit of a wait for an appointment, so get that ball rolling today. MABS will help you prioritise your debts and help you come to an arrangement with your creditors. They will also help you draw up a suitable household budget.

The bills that need to be paid straight away in order of priority are:

RENT!! You need a roof over the baby's head.
Food.
Utilities - Gas, Leccy, water (when it comes along). Do what I do - when you draw your money at the PO, pay E10-20 on the gas/electric. Are you entitled to the Fuel Allowance? I'd apply for that now. It's E20, but will make all the difference to the winter bills if you budget carefully.

And yes - I think you should give serious consideration to splitting up. You're too young to be dealing with the stress of debt and moving around. Your man needs to grow up and realise his responsibilities. He has a baby that he needs to be taking care of. And NO, He isn't doing that. No matter how kind and loving he is...

Is there any possibility of you moving back with family until you can get yourself sorted?

Hope you find a solution soon.

m'lady · 31-10-2014 1:43pm

Can really add much more to the fantastic advice that ab'cork has given you OP. It sounds like a very stressful situation that your in, and your partner doesn't sound very responsible. Just wondering are you on the housing list? If your not maybe you could get on that? It's a long wait, but at least you'd be on it..

ShowMeTheCash · 31-10-2014 3:12pm

I think ABajaninCork gives good advice.

I think if financially it makes sense perhaps you and your partner should seperate or at least ask him to move out until he gets his finances in order!
Does not mean you do not love him just means you are putting the child first there is no shame in that!

This however is a difficult situation as Ireland is run by a fleat of @rseh0les who actually do not care about your relationship worries!

In order to get assistance you will probably have to sign on for single parent support and get interrogated by the local social welfare enforcement officer on your current "relationship status" and be told you are lying and suffer threats of "If we find your boyfriend staying even one night then we will take you to court etc etc"....

I say this as I experienced this from the other side.
When I started dating my girlfriend who was already a single mother she was put under a lot of pressure by the social welfare officer as he believed we lived together even though I lived and worked 100 miles from her.

ABajaninCork · 31-10-2014 9:17pm

It's a very good point m'lady makes about the housing list. You need to be on it in order to get the RA, so you need to make that a priority if you're not already on it, OP.

Financial rut situation

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