The thread of vanity and conceitedness.

Pighead was late, very very very late. Was due to meet Miss Piggy for brunch at 11 O' Clock in town and it was now fast approaching 10.47. The fact that her last words the previous evening were "Don't be late or I'll burn all your fully completed Panini Football sticker albums 87-92 inclusive" and also the fact the coffee shop was a 15 minute walk away meant that this was fast approaching disaster status.

Pighead done a Superman in a telephone box job and got his clothes on in about 0.4 of a second. Started humming the Superman tune, made a little S in his fringe and put a tea towel around his neck before giggling for a couple of minutes at the fun of it all. Snapped out of it quicksmart when the phone started ringing. Pighead recognised that ringtone alright. He'd been here before plenty of times. Too many times. It was a "ringtone of rage" and upon answering it the ringtone of rage manifested itself into words of rage, many of them beginning with F and C.

It was now 10.51 and Pighead was running. Running faster than a penguin but slower than a dog. Probably somewhere circa the 9MPH mark. Not great admittedly but not bad either if you brought the wind factor into account. And then he stopped. He had just caught a glimpse of his jeans in one of the window fronts. He was wearing the jeans Mama Pighead had bought for him way back in the Christmas of 97. The one's he had never worn before because they looked like something one of the members of Bros would have rejected on the grounds of bad taste. They weren't too dissimilar to these

Obviously, Pighead turned right around and headed back to his house. There was no way he was heading any further into town wearing those denim disasters. Vanity had overcome the fear of the wrath of Miss Piggy. Have just changed the jeans and just about managed to stop crying. The phones turned off and Pigheads hoping against all hope that Miss Piggy doesn't remember where his house is. It's doubtful she'll forget though as she's been here thousands of times before.

So what's the vainest most conceited thing you've done before?