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People who never got to come out

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  • 06-09-2014 1:29pm
    #1
    Spirogyra
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,184 ✭✭✭


    Hi was just thinking the other day about a University Lecturer of mine. He was so camp, so stereotypically gay, and living in a country house alone. Ok one never knows for sure, stereotypes can be misleading, but there was a 99 % chance he was gay. Looking back, a Catholic run institution, he probably had to remain silent, probably had to censor expression of that side of his life, which I'm sure must have been very hard.

    This is the most blatant example I've encountered, but I've wondered about teachers in again my Catholic run second level school. They probably had no choice and in schools it's probably not that easy today either.

    Just a thought, does anyone else relate to it? :)


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    #2
    Slot Machine
    Closed Accounts Posts: 126 ✭✭Slot Machine


    Spirogyra wrote: »
    stereotypes can be misleading, but there was a 99 % chance he was gay

    So on the one hand, stereotypes can be misleading but on the other hand let's just ignore what you've just said in the same sentence and go with the stereotype?


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    #3
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 40,897 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    Oh absolutely

    I know a 70 something old man who never came out to his family and still wont.

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



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    #4
    J_E
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,734 ✭✭✭J_E


    There are many, many men who are married with kids in Ireland who hook up anonymously but will never come out in their lifetime. It seems pretty prevalent here in particular with a certain generation.


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    #5
    Aard
    Registered Users Posts: 4,905 ✭✭✭Aard


    OP, maybe he was out to his nearest and dearest and just didn't feel like sharing it with every single person he met?


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    #6
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    Spirogyra wrote: »
    Hi was just thinking the other day about a University Lecturer of mine. He was so camp, so stereotypically gay, and living in a country house alone. Ok one never knows for sure, stereotypes can be misleading, but there was a 99 % chance he was gay. Looking back, a Catholic run institution, he probably had to remain silent, probably had to censor expression of that side of his life, which I'm sure must have been very hard.

    This is the most blatant example I've encountered, but I've wondered about teachers in again my Catholic run second level school. They probably had no choice and in schools it's probably not that easy today either.

    Just a thought, does anyone else relate to it? :)

    There are so many assumptions in this post. I'm sure if you sat in a lecture of mine you might say the same about me, but let's be honest- it's not exactly relevant to bring up your marital status or sexuality in a lecture hall with your students. You know nothing of the reality of this guys life. And I have met so many camp academics who are truly happily married to women you wouldn't believe. So just don't assume anything.


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    #7
    Cantremember
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,305 ✭✭✭Cantremember


    Cydoniac wrote: »
    There are many, many men who are married with kids in Ireland who hook up anonymously but will never come out in their lifetime. It seems pretty prevalent here in particular with a certain generation.

    You have a point. Even among older gay guys. When you grew up in an environment dominated by criminal law condemnation, church dominance, and then the AIDS outbreak it conditioned you. I suppose it's difficult to break out if that and if it has worked for them then they stay there.


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    #8
    Vojera
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,812 ✭✭✭Vojera


    My friend once told me the really sad story of being out with a gang of friends in the George and seeing his elderly uncle there. Typical country bachelor his whole life, used to take trips to Dublin that no one ever really questioned. My friend left before his uncle saw him because he didn't want to force him into confronting something that he clearly wasn't ready/able to do.


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    #9
    fudy
    Registered Users Posts: 5 ✭fudy


    can be sure there is one in every town


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    #10
    Young Blood
    Closed Accounts Posts: 393 ✭✭Young Blood


    Can the term 'coming out' be misleading?

    Isn't it true that some people can be gay without been consciously aware of it?

    They're not exactly hiding anything are they?


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    #11
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    Young Blood wrote: »
    Can the term 'coming out' be misleading?

    Isn't it true that some people can be gay without been consciously aware of it?

    They're not exactly hiding anything are they?

    Coming out is really a process that begins with coming out to yourself.


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    #12
    Young Blood
    Closed Accounts Posts: 393 ✭✭Young Blood


    baby and crumble wrote: »
    Coming out is really a process that begins with coming out to yourself.

    I can imagine how that conversation would go in front of the bathroom mirror.


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    #13
    SterlingArcher
    Registered Users Posts: 2,767 ✭✭✭SterlingArcher


    With the treaded eyebrows skinny jeans and low cut muscle tops... Can people even tell anymore?


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    #14
    ongarboy
    Registered Users Posts: 5,201 ✭✭✭ongarboy


    SterlingArcher wrote: »
    With the treaded eyebrows skinny jeans and low cut muscle tops... Can people even tell anymore?

    That just about describes most straight under 25 guys these days so no longer a stereotypical clue ...:)


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