Partner being chatted up

05-07-2015 2:41pm

tomwaterford wrote: »

Why wouldn't you ???

Do you not like having the craic etc on a night out??
I do be ending up talking to everyone and anyone the very odd time I go out

I have the craic with the people I'm out with be it friends or my gf, aside from a maybe a brief conversation with another lad at the bar or in the jacks I don't get involved with strangers on night out particularly woman as Id see it as disrespectful to my gf to be talking to random women who aren't friends of mine as unless I'm chatting them up why would I be talking to them.

Maybe you only go out an odd time so feel the need to binge chat to everyone I don't know but I'm out all the time and have I have very little interest in talking with people I don't know.

Ave Sodalis · 05-07-2015 2:53pm

Estrella Calm Sin wrote:

Maybe you only go out an odd time so feel the need to binge chat to everyone I don't know but I'm out all the time and have I have very little interest in talking with people I don't know.

That's you though and only you. You cannot possibly speak for everyone else. Not only are you presuming that because you don't talk to anyone, everyone one else doesn't but you're also presuming that your girlfriend can't tell the difference and that she isn't capable of saying no.

Santa Cruz · 05-07-2015 2:57pm

PTH2009 wrote: »

So its you and your other half and you go to the bar alone to get drinks and when u go back theres some guy or girl trying to get stuck into your partner. What do u do ??

Theres always pests who try and get stuck into girls who are at hen parties etc. I saw a guy dancing with a girl and he keep dancing behind guys who walked past them mocking them, instant punch in the face if someone tried to get a laugh at my expense.

I find those long robes we brought back from Dubai very useful on occasions like that

Fat Christy · 05-07-2015 2:57pm

Brody Deafening Tumor wrote: »

I have the craic with the people I'm out with be it friends or my gf, aside from a maybe a brief conversation with another lad at the bar or in the jacks I don't get involved with strangers on night out particularly woman as Id see it as disrespectful to my gf to be talking to random women who aren't friends of mine as unless I'm chatting them up why would I be talking to them.

Maybe you only go out an odd time so feel the need to binge chat to everyone I don't know but I'm out all the time and have I have very little interest in talking with people I don't know.

I wouldn't find it disrespectful, more friendly and open rather than disrespectful.

I have time for most people once they're nice. Man, woman or goat.

I have had the best chats with randomers on nights out. I do a lot of stuff on my own and have met some fantastic people of both sexes and some amazing couples!

I'm glad they weren't of the same opinion as you or no one would talk to me.

tomwaterford · 05-07-2015 2:58pm

Brody Deafening Tumor wrote: »

I have the craic with the people I'm out with be it friends or my gf, aside from a maybe a brief conversation with another lad at the bar or in the jacks I don't get involved with strangers on night out particularly woman as Id see it as disrespectful to my gf to be talking to random women who aren't friends of mine as unless I'm chatting them up why would I be talking to them.

Maybe you only go out an odd time so feel the need to binge chat to everyone I don't know but I'm out all the time and have I have very little interest in talking with people I don't know.

How is disrespectful to your lack taking to wans you dunno??
Would it bother you if she was taking to people she didn't know??....like I do meet my friends when sober so it's not just hanging out drunk we do be

So you never ended up having just a random conversation with anyone??

Fat Christy · 05-07-2015 2:59pm

Mister Vain wrote: »

Emm...ok, so if you were ugly you'd know for definite they were chatting you up? Otherwise they're just stating a fact?

I was asking the question, you tell me.

I just assumed they were being nice.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 05-07-2015 3:07pm

I usually walk up, grab him by the willy, shift him and then smash a glass over my own head while making sustained eye contact with the godforsaken hoor who dared talk to him. Does the trick most of the time, occasionally I have to strangle them.

Aidric · 05-07-2015 3:13pm

I don't get too stressed about it and regard it as a compliment. Most blokes back off when you tell them she's taken, except maybe for Italian guys.

05-07-2015 3:19pm

tomwaterford wrote: »

So you never ended up having just a random conversation with anyone??

Outside of a few sentences back and forth with some auld lad at the bar while queueing or a few words to someone supporting the same team as me if in a bar watching a match etc no I wouldn't have a full on conversation with a random person, Id actually prefer to avoid getting stuck taking to someone and Id never get into any sort of conversation with random women. I don't think people in relationships should be striking up conversations with random members of the opposite sex when out.

I have the people I'm out with both male and female for talking to.

tomwaterford · 05-07-2015 3:28pm

Brody Deafening Tumor wrote: »

Outside of a few sentences back and forth with some auld lad at the bar while queueing or a few words to someone supporting the same team as me if in a bar watching a match etc no I wouldn't have a full on conversation with a random person, Id actually prefer to avoid getting stuck taking to someone and Id never get into any sort of conversation with random women. I don't think people in relationships should be striking up conversations with random members of the opposite sex when out.

Meh I fail to see the harm....seems a kinda ISIS mindset to have.....Jesus I can't be talking to any wans now I'm in a relationship

Either that or I'm just a weird drunkard :pac:

Ave Sodalis · 05-07-2015 3:30pm

Estrella Calm Sin wrote:

I don't think people in relationships should be striking up conversations with random members of the opposite sex when out.

I don't think you get to dictate that. How do you feel about people in relationships striking up conversations with random members of the same sex? What if they turn out to be gay and are trying to chat up your gf/bf?

Aidric · 05-07-2015 3:32pm

Insecurity vibes about this thread :pac:

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 05-07-2015 3:34pm

It'd be kind of weird if some lad asked you for a lighter or something and you had to go "I can give you a lighter, but as I belong to another man and we haven't been formally introduced, it would be inappropriate for us to exchange a few pleasantries, in fact I may have already spoken to you too much. Here is the lighter, goodbye"

05-07-2015 3:47pm

Brody Deafening Tumor wrote: »

I don't think people in relationships should be striking up conversations with random members of the opposite sex when out.

If there was a prize for the greatest adherence to an insular stereotype, based on your posts, you'd win hands down.

05-07-2015 3:55pm

Candie wrote: »

If there was a prize for the greatest adherence to an insular stereotype, based on your posts, you'd win hands down.

If she talks to someone else she might find out they wash their bedsheets more than once in three months!!

05-07-2015 4:07pm

Candie wrote: »

If there was a prize for the greatest adherence to an insular stereotype, based on your posts, you'd win hands down.

Look an odd few words here and there is ok but people in relationships actively going out having conversations with random members of the opposite sex would have me asking questions and it's certainly not something I see people doing or wanting to do nor a thing that would go down well with people .

bluewolf wrote: »

If she talks to someone else she might find out they wash their bedsheets more than once in three months!!

He.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 05-07-2015 4:10pm

Brody Deafening Tumor wrote: »

Look an odd few words here and there is ok but people in relationships actively going out having conversations with random members of the opposite sex would have me asking questions and it's certainly not something I see people doing or wanting to do nor a thing that would go down well with people .

It's best not to let them watch any TV or films too, I find. There's so many attractive people of the opposite sex in that stuff, leads to impure thoughts

05-07-2015 4:12pm

I spoke to so many people of both sexes last night. I'm such a bisexual little slut!

Fat Christy · 05-07-2015 4:12pm

Brody Deafening Tumor wrote: »

Look an odd few words here and there is ok but people in relationships actively going out having conversations with random members of the opposite sex would have me asking questions and it's certainly not something I see people doing or wanting to do nor a thing that would go down well with people .

I'm bisexual...

You'd want to watch your woman talking to strange women as well.

Can't be caught talking to anyone these days. You're best off not leaving the house with the likes of me on the loose.

05-07-2015 4:13pm

Brody Deafening Tumor wrote: »

Look an odd few words here and there is ok but people in relationships actively going out having conversations with random members of the opposite sex would have me asking questions and it's certainly not something I see people doing or wanting to do nor a thing that would go down well with people .

How many words, and how often, are acceptable for your woman to say to a stranger before you start asking questions? Do you make it clear to her where the line is? It's only fair.

You wouldn't want her saying 20 words, when 19 is the cut off you deem acceptable.

By the way, your opinion ≠ everybodys opinion.

05-07-2015 4:14pm

Just don't get the appeal of taking to a load of strangers on a night out, that's what your friends are for.

05-07-2015 4:16pm

Brody Deafening Tumor wrote: »

Just don't get the appeal of taking to a load of strangers on a night out, that's what your friends are for.

Your mistake is in assuming everybody thinks the way you do.

hynesie08 · 05-07-2015 4:17pm

Candie wrote: »

by the way, your opinion ≠ everybodys opinion.

But everytime he gives one of his outdated opinions, he claims that the "vast majority" agree with him. Bit weird that considering he apparently doesn't talk to anyone.

eternal · 05-07-2015 4:18pm

You can talk to who you like as long as goes no further. How do you know someone might just like chatting and that they have no interest in the person? I've talked to loads of couples and attached people who didn't care what or who I was. Often been with a guy and talked to people on their own too. What happened to society and it's ability to engage individuals. You may as well be branded altogether like cattle.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 05-07-2015 4:22pm

Brody Deafening Tumor wrote: »

Just don't get the appeal of taking to a load of strangers on a night out, that's what your friends are for.

Sure what's the point of going out at all if you're going to be like that? May as well just have a few cans with your friends at home

05-07-2015 4:23pm

Candie wrote: »

Your mistake is in assuming everybody thinks the way you do.

I should have added, unless single and on the pull. Then talking to strangers makes perfect sense.

05-07-2015 4:23pm

Brody Deafening Tumor wrote: »

He.

Is your partner a lad

05-07-2015 4:24pm

bluewolf wrote: »

Is your partner a lad

Sorry though you were referring to me as a she.

Mister Vain · 05-07-2015 4:24pm

Fat Christy wrote: »

I'd approach guys all the time for the chats on nights out.

So you actually approach them and strike up a conversation? A bit of random chit chat is fine, but if you approach a guy and initiate conversation, he may get the wrong idea and think you like him.

Members of the same sex have approached me on nights for the chats and some of them have told me that I'm pretty and vice versa....are they chatting me up now as well?

That's a different thing altogether and you know it. Women compliment each other all the time. If a fella did that to another fella he would probably think he was coming on to him.

05-07-2015 4:25pm

Bethany Tender Tailpipe wrote: »

Sure what's the point of going out at all if you're going to be like that? May as well just have a few cans with your friends at home

I like pubs, much better atmosphere and drink on draught.

Fat Christy · 05-07-2015 4:28pm

Mister Vain wrote: »

So you actually approach them and strike up a conversation? A bit of random chit chat is fine, but if you approach a guy and initiate conversation, he may get the wrong idea and think you like him.

That's a different thing altogether and you know it. Women compliment each other all the time. If a fella did that to another fella he would probably think he was coming on to him.

All the time! I go up to groups or individuals and start chatting. I've chatted away to couples on nights out as well. Anyone who will listen really, I'd talk to a wall.

It's not different, at all. I'm bisexual as I already stated. I've received compliments from both genders and they were just compliments not someone coming on to me.

A Dub in Glasgo · 05-07-2015 4:29pm

Soon after I got married, I was in Edinburgh having a drink with my wife (she is also a Dub) and it was my wife's round so off she went to the bar and a few minutes later I noticed some chap on crutches who was sitting at the bar chatting up my wife. Waited til she came back and she told me that some guy from Cork was talking to her at the bar and he was over for the Celtic v Rangers game but staying in Edinburgh. It was not until we were leaving I spotted it was Roy Keane! this was around 1998

tomwaterford · 05-07-2015 4:30pm

Mister Vain wrote: »

So you actually approach them and strike up a conversation? A bit of random chit chat is fine, but if you approach a guy and initiate conversation, he may get the wrong idea and think you like him.

That's a different thing altogether and you know it. Women compliment each other all the time. If a fella did that to another fella he would probably think he was coming on to him.

:pac:
In all fairness I often end up talking sh1te with random wans on nights out and no way even half of them fancied me...just they came up asking something and kinda end up chatting random sh1te like

As a fellas complimenting each other...the gays wouldn't even have me

2Mad2BeMad · 05-07-2015 4:31pm

I'm kind of a big guy (not the next arnold swagsgneremgsefsmf by any chance)
so I just walk up to my gf and the other guy walks off :L I don't even have an angry look about me he just walks away
have had a few times were the fella would stay their and not say a word
while me and my gf would just chat away with ourselves and it would be just pure awkward with him their, then they walk away.... :L

although one guy was drunk one time and was just hassling my girl even though I was their, I told him in a nice way she was my gf, and he got lippy.
lucky I knew the bouncer so he got thrown out or something serious could of happened, poor guy was like a feather if I had of flicked him he would of fell he could barely stand so I didnt want to get into a fight with him :L

can't stand the creeps in a club though who just try and grind you're girl looking for a kiss :L now their the guys that deserve a box
but I can't help but appreciate them for trying so hard

surely it works sometimes other wise they wouldn't do it

05-07-2015 4:35pm

Mister Vain wrote: »

So you actually approach them and strike up a conversation? A bit of random chit chat is fine, but if you approach a guy and initiate conversation, he may get the wrong idea and think you like him.

This makes me sad. There's something wrong with the world when people consider it a bad idea to chat to someone because they might get the wrong idea.

I don't only talk to men I'm interested in, I just like talking to men, including ones I'm not interested in in that way. Men make good friends as well as cuddlebuddies.

Mister Vain · 05-07-2015 4:40pm

Fat Christy wrote: »

It's not different, at all. I'm bisexual as I already stated. I've received compliments from both genders and they were just compliments not someone coming on to me.

Of course its different. Men don't do it with other men, at least nowhere near to the extent women do. Shur if everyone is just complimenting each other on how gorgeous they are we'd never be able to tell when someone is coming on to us. :pac:

tomwaterford wrote: »

As a fellas complimenting each other...the gays wouldn't even have me

Well it has happened to me a few times and the gaydar goes into overdrive.

Mister Vain · 05-07-2015 4:45pm

Candie wrote: »

This makes me sad. There's something wrong with the world when people consider it a bad idea to chat to someone because they might get the wrong idea.

Well I've lost count of the amount of times I've heard women complain over a guy getting the wrong idea just because she reciprocated the chat with him. It does happen unfortunately.

Fat Christy · 05-07-2015 4:46pm

Mister Vain wrote: »

Of course its different. Men don't do it with other men, at least nowhere near to the extent women do. Shur if everyone is just complimenting each other on how gorgeous they are we'd never be able to tell when someone is coming on to us. :pac:

Well it has happened to me a few times and the gaydar goes into overdrive.

I get all the compliments and I take them all. I would never assume someone is coming on to me just because someone complimented me, I'm not that vain.

And I'd disagree, I do think men compliment other men, in my circle of friends anyway. You'll always hear them telling each other they're looking well or have they been working out or I love that shirt etc etc. All the time.

Mister Vain · 05-07-2015 4:53pm

Fat Christy wrote: »

I get all the compliments and I take them all. I would never assume someone is coming on to me just because someone complimented me, I'm not that vain.

But surely you understand that some guys would be trying to come on to a girl if he complimented her on a night out?

And I'd disagree, I do think men compliment other men, in my circle of friends anyway. You'll always hear them telling each other they're looking well or have they been working out or I love that shirt etc etc. All the time

That's within a group of friends though. It's a bit different complimenting someone you don't know in a bar or club.

Bridge93 · 05-07-2015 4:57pm

While we all say we can't stand the creeps, we can take comfort from the fact they are exactly that. Sad, lonely creeps who will wake up eventually and cringe thinking of what they do.

GLaDOS · 05-07-2015 5:12pm

My girlfriend is away travelling for 6 months.

She has to text me a picture and full description of anyone she wants to talk to before I'll give her my permission.

05-07-2015 5:15pm

ScienceNerd wrote: »

My girlfriend is away travelling for 6 months.

She has to text me a picture and full description of anyone she wants to talk to before I'll give her my permission.

Only right! Demand a word count too!

05-07-2015 5:41pm

Fat Christy wrote: »

All the time! I go up to groups or individuals and start chatting. I've chatted away to couples on nights out as well. Anyone who will listen really, I'd talk to a wall.

The only reason I went up to random women was when I was single and on the pull, if I was talking to a random woman it was to try pull her, chatting just to have a chat wouldn't even enter the equation.

Hence why I have no desire or reason to go up chatting to people now I'm in a relationship.

Fat Christy wrote: »

I would never assume someone is coming on to me just because someone complimented me, I'm not that vain.

If a random woman was complementing me I would automatically assume she was flirting with me and interested, complementing random members of the opposite sex is almost exclusively reserved for when trying to get with them.

05-07-2015 5:43pm

Brody Deafening Tumor wrote: »

The only reason I went up to random women when I was single and on the pull, if I was talking to a random woman it was to try pull her, chatting just to have a chat wouldn't even enter the equation.

Hence why I have no desire or reason to go up chatting to people now I'm in a relationship.

If a random woman was complementing me I would automatically assume she was flirting with me and interested, complementing random members of the opposite sex is almost exclusive reserved for when trying to get with them.

So you basically see no reason to bother speaking to any woman at all, unless you're interested in her.

And the only reason anyone says anything nice to someone else is because they want to get with them.

No wonder you're paranoid about your woman.

Your Superior · 05-07-2015 5:45pm

Brody Deafening Tumor wrote: »

The only reason I went up to random women when I was single and on the pull, if I was talking to a random woman it was to try pull her, chatting just to have a chat wouldn't even enter the equation.

Hence why I have no desire or reason to go up chatting to people now I'm in a relationship.

If a random woman was complementing me I would automatically assume she was flirting with me and interested, complementing random members of the opposite sex is almost exclusive reserved for when trying to get with them.

*in David Attenborough voice*

And here we see an example of the regularly spotted Irishman(or British, but definitely not Mediterranean) who only sees talking to the opposite sex as a way to eventually have sex and/or reproduce. It's quite sad really, as friendships with the opposite sex can actually be very beneficial, but this species cannot see beyond its penis.

Fat Christy · 05-07-2015 6:09pm

Mister Vain wrote: »

But surely you understand that some guys would be trying to come on to a girl if he complimented her on a night out?

Of course, SOME would. The same could be said of women complimenting other women and men complimenting other men on nights out.

But not ALL men would be trying to come on to the girl.

It's not a legitimate reason to not talk to members of the opposite sex just because SOME might come on to you. That's like saying I am never getting into a car because SOME cars crash. It makes no sense.

That's within a group of friends though. It's a bit different complimenting someone you don't know in a bar or club.

You've never got talking to a guy in a bar that gave you a compliment? Ever? Really?

05-07-2015 6:12pm

Candie wrote: »

So you basically see no reason to bother speaking to any woman at all, unless you're interested in her.

And the only reason anyone says anything nice to someone else is because they want to get with them. .

No, I'm referring to the scenario of a night out in a pub or club the only reason to speak to random member of the opposite sex are for 99/100 people to get with them.

Totally different when it's people you are friends with or if your taking with friends of friends around a table etc.

The scenario of getting involved in a random group was very popular among my friends when we were after women, it's basically unheard of now that we all have gf or wife's etc.

Mister Vain · 05-07-2015 7:17pm

Fat Christy wrote: »

Of course, SOME would. It's not a legitimate reason to not talk to members of the opposite sex just because SOME might come on to you.

I'm not saying you shouldn't talk to members of the opposite sex, but there's a difference between randomly chatting to someone who happens to be sitting beside you and actually "approaching" someone and initiating conversation. The latter is something women rarely do from my experience and when men do it they're usually trying to pull.

You've never got talking to a guy in a bar that gave you a compliment? Ever? Really?

A guy complimenting another guy in a bar that he doesn't even know is just weird. As I said, its completely different among friends. Male friends have complimented me on my physique after I started going to the gym, but if some random guy came up to me in a bar and said I've nice pecs... well I'd be getting a bit worried. :pac:

beks101 · 05-07-2015 8:14pm

I actually think a lot of the opinions on this thread are symbolic of this sort of single-sex-school-educated, boys-on-one-side-girls-on-the-other age-old Irish attitude that you can see knocking around the place sometimes.

As if men are from mars and women are from venus and the only reason they would engage is because they want to copulate. I know a few men like this too, they'll assume because you're standing beside them at the bar and smiled at them out of politeness that they get a free-pass into your pants or because you spoke to them as a fellow human being and also happen to possess a vagina and are in a pub-club setting, it means you want to ride them into next week.

It's extremely socially autistic in my view and a stifling way of communicating in any field and it just breeds hostility and sexism and all sorts of negative vibes around that person.

Brody Deafening Tumor wrote: »

Just don't get the appeal of taking to a load of strangers on a night out, that's what your friends are for.

How did you meet your friends in the first place? Most of mine were random encounters of the "jaysus, we'll be queueing here all day" or "any chance you have change for a twenty?" or "are you Irish yourself? Do you know John/Seamus/Sarah/whatever" variety where we were just two people in a sea of people who happened to be in close proximity and suddenly we're having the chats, then making plans, then proper mates and round and round we go.

It's extremely self-limiting and not exactly enriching to live your life with such a narrow world view where a stranger of the opposite sex is off limits just because they happen to be the opposite sex and you happen to not be single and therefore getting into bed with them is not an option. What about human interaction? Learning something about the world? Being a sociable, well-rounded individual?

05-07-2015 9:21pm

beks101 wrote: »

How did you meet your friends in the first place?

I have two main groups of friends. One group are my friends I've grown up with and went to school and college with, that's still my core group which has expanded out to encompass friends other half's and some other friends of theirs. Second group of friends are the people I work with for the last few years. I have no random friends, don't even have friends from undergrad as most of my school friends went to college or university in the same city so we stuck in the same group throughout (obviously we got to know people but never made any lasting friends).

Partner being chatted up

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