Advice with brother

queenie154 · 31-12-2014 12:03am #1

Help I have a fourteen year old brother who I know is not normal but I have no idea what to do with him as everybody else in the family refuse to accept his behaviour is strange and abnormal.
He needs to be told to do everything at least 6 times even things like 'get your shoes on'.
He screams and shouts while doing homework.
He is so lazy that he isn't trusted to wash his hair in a shower or brush teeth.
There are many many nights when he won't sleep alone and he shouts for my father until he sleeps with him.
Never follows instructions-often eats dinner 15 minutes after everybody else as he refuses to turn of Xbox/TV.
Literally drives us demented even when begged to stop bad behaviour.
Has sort of OCD-feels urge to move things slightly to his satisfaction.
Selfish and lazy in general.
Obsession with certain TV shows-ie family guy
Refuses to make eye contact with anybody other than immediate family or friends.
Would rather go hungry than order food in a shop.Hates contact with people.
Can't seem to comprehend warnings-we tell him that he needs to learn things for tests etc he doesn't care less,just shrugs everything off.
That's all I can think of right now. Am I overreacting or does this 14 year old have a problem?

Noobascious · 31-12-2014 12:22am

Wait til he starts drinking and taking drugs then when he's 18 section him into a mental hospital if u hate him that much. Simple modern day concentration camp where people actually make taxpayers money from peoples minor problems. Oh god it must be tough first world problems right here.

rainemac · 31-12-2014 12:31am

queenie154 wrote:

Help I have a fourteen year old brother who I know is not normal but I have no idea what to do with him as everybody else in the family refuse to accept his behaviour is strange and abnormal. He needs to be told to do everything at least 6 times even things like 'get your shoes on'. He screams and shouts while doing homework. He is so lazy that he isn't trusted to wash his hair in a shower or brush teeth. There are many many nights when he won't sleep alone and he shouts for my father until he sleeps with him. Never follows instructions-often eats dinner 15 minutes after everybody else as he refuses to turn of Xbox/TV. Literally drives us demented even when begged to stop bad behaviour. Has sort of OCD-feels urge to move things slightly to his satisfaction. Selfish and lazy in general. Obsession with certain TV shows-ie family guy Refuses to make eye contact with anybody other than immediate family or friends. Would rather go hungry than order food in a shop.Hates contact with people. Can't seem to comprehend warnings-we tell him that he needs to learn things for tests etc he doesn't care less,just shrugs everything off. That's all I can think of right now. Am I overreacting or does this 14 year old have a problem?

This doesn't sound like typically "normal" behaviour, it reads like some form of autism. But even if your family are in denial, why haven't his teachers picked up on this odd behaviour?

queenie154 · 31-12-2014 12:35am

rainemac wrote: »

This doesn't sound like typically "normal" behaviour, it reads like some form of autism. But even if your family are in denial, why haven't his teachers picked up on this odd behaviour?[/quote
He's like a different child in school-very well behaved although they say he is unusually quiet.

queenie154 · 31-12-2014 12:37am

Noobascious wrote: »

Wait til he starts drinking and taking drugs then when he's 18 section him into a mental hospital if u hate him that much. Simple modern day concentration camp where people actually make taxpayers money from peoples minor problems. Oh god it must be tough first world problems right here.

Woah jumping to conclusions much!!he's not hated-I'm merely concerned that he can't even ask for something in a shop and I tried to give as much info about his character as possible!!

Orion · 31-12-2014 12:40am

Noobascious wrote: »

Wait til he starts drinking and taking drugs then when he's 18 section him into a mental hospital if u hate him that much. Simple modern day concentration camp where people actually make taxpayers money from peoples minor problems. Oh god it must be tough first world problems right here.

Unhelpful posts like this are not welcome here. Please read the charter before posting again.

Plates · 31-12-2014 12:41am

You've already diagnosed him as "crazy" in the title of your post. What more are you expecting to hear?

legomanx51v · 31-12-2014 12:42am

That sounds very much like autism. He may be trying to cope in school by staying quiet, but when he's home he behaves what is "normal" for him.
I'd be surprised if your parents didn't know about this already. If they don't, read about it yourself and show them some of the information.
It can be hard to tell the difference between autistic behaviour vs. just being bold if you don't know much about it.

queenie154 · 31-12-2014 12:44am

Plates wrote: »

You've already diagnosed him as "crazy" in the title of your post. What more are you expecting to hear?

ADVICE! That's what I was expecting to hear.Preferably from people with children with experience!

rainemac · 31-12-2014 12:47am

Not unusual to be OK with school I guess, school can offer the routine needed for a child with autism (not saying your brother has it) and does he socialise/ have friends?! Would he initiate activies/ interaction with family/friends. The not falling asleep on his own at 14 is the main indicator that something is a little off. Do some research on his "symptoms" and approach one parent (the most reasonable) that they'll at least hear you out. they're doing him no favours if there is something that needs addressing so as he can become a fully functioning adult (not least his bad behaviour needs addressing if there is nothing else underlying)

Plates · 31-12-2014 12:49am

queenie154 wrote: »

ADVICE! That's what I was expecting to hear.Preferably from people with children with experience!

It might have been better to have a title along the lines of "Advice needed with brothers behaviour" or similar. Otherwise it looks like you've already made up your mind. Or maybe if you'd done some research of his symptoms first and stated that "from researching online I think it might be A, B, C - what do you think". As it is, it comes across as a rant about someone who clearly needs some professional help and more importantly, support and understanding from his family. Not labels.

queenie154 · 31-12-2014 12:51am

rainemac wrote: »

Not unusual to be OK with school I guess, school can offer the routine needed for a child with autism (not saying your brother has it) and does he socialise/ have friends?! Would he initiate activies/ interaction with family/friends. The not falling asleep on his own at 14 is the main indicator that something is a little off. Do some research on his "symptoms" and approach one parent (the most reasonable) that they'll at least hear you out. they're doing him no favours if there is something that needs addressing so as he can become a fully functioning adult (not least his bad behaviour needs addressing if there is nothing else underlying)

He has a group of friends and doesn't stray from them.he will spend time at his friends house and he is very interactive among myself, parents and our sister but no other family member over the age of 8.

Orion · 31-12-2014 12:55am

Plates wrote: »

It might have been better to have a title along the lines of "Advice needed with brothers behaviour" or similar. Otherwise it looks like you've already made up your mind. Or maybe if you'd done some research of his symptoms first and stated that "from researching online I think it might be A, B, C - what do you think". As it is, it comes across as a rant about someone who clearly needs some professional help and more importantly, support and understanding from his family. Not labels.

ok - lets not focus on one word in a subject line. Try to be constructive and helpful instead of critical

queenie154 · 31-12-2014 12:57am

Plates wrote: »

It might have been better to have a title along the lines of "Advice needed with brothers behaviour" or similar. Otherwise it looks like you've already made up your mind. Or maybe if you'd done some research of his symptoms first and stated that "from researching online I think it might be A, B, C - what do you think". As it is, it comes across as a rant about someone who clearly needs some professional help and more importantly, support and understanding from his family. Not labels.

I've literally just been listening to him shout for the last hour for somebody to share his bed. Believe it or not,I know I'm ranting.My famiy is awake at six tomorrow morning and now we're wide awake and annoyed.If he does have a problem to explain his constant behaviour,fine.

Plates · 31-12-2014 12:58am

Orion wrote: »

ok - lets not focus on one word in a subject line. Try to be constructive and helpful instead of critical

"someone who clearly needs some professional help and more importantly, support and understanding from his family. Not labels."

That's my constructive advice. Unfortunately I find it hard to be "understanding" of the attitude of the OP.

rainemac · 31-12-2014 1:01am

It's hard to know but I think it's worth looking into autism and speaking to your parents calmly and not in a busy house and separate from your siblings but ultimately it's your parents that need to look into this further, if they choose denial there's not alot u can do....

Plates · 31-12-2014 1:02am

Orion wrote: »

ok - lets not focus on one word in a subject line. Try to be constructive and helpful instead of critical

And that "one word" is an unacceptable label for someone who (judging by the Op's description) clearly has mental health issues. I assumed Boards held higher standards when it came to this subject.

Orion · 31-12-2014 1:04am

Plates wrote: »

And that "one word" is an unacceptable label for someone who (judging by the Op's description) clearly has mental health issues. I assumed Boards held higher standards when it came to this subject.

I'm going to assume (hope) that the infraction and this post crossed. If you have a problem with a mod instruction take it to pm as per the charter.

Orion · 31-12-2014 1:17am

Thread title changed to more sensitive phrasing. As a general rule please report posts and/or threads and let us deal with them rather than being argumentative on thread.

31-12-2014 1:18am

The behaviours you describe are a bit outside the normal range for a 14 year old. Apart from what could be described as typical bad behaviour, the following stand out:
1. Lack of eye contact
2. Unable to sleep on his own
3. Social Interaction

Other things you should look at:
Are these symptoms long standing since he was young and have they got worse?
You say he has a small group of friends. Are these from Primary school or has he made any new friends since starting secondary?
No problems at school, so what are his test results like in school. What were his Drumcondra scores in 5th and 6th class. Basically is he quite intelligent?

You won't get a valid answer to your question here but you need to compile a list of symptoms yourself and encourage one or both of your parents to talk to your GP about him and perhaps get a referral to Child Psychologist or the Adolescent Psychiatric services depending on where you live.

I have a child with aspergers and 5 nieces and nephews with Autistic spectrum disorders which go from quite mild to severe. Only your GP will be able to give your parents the advice needed to determine if a diagnosis or assessment is necessary.

owenc · 04-01-2015 5:00pm

queenie154 wrote: »

Help I have a fourteen year old brother who I know is not normal but I have no idea what to do with him as everybody else in the family refuse to accept his behaviour is strange and abnormal.
He needs to be told to do everything at least 6 times even things like 'get your shoes on'.
He screams and shouts while doing homework.
He is so lazy that he isn't trusted to wash his hair in a shower or brush teeth.
There are many many nights when he won't sleep alone and he shouts for my father until he sleeps with him.
Never follows instructions-often eats dinner 15 minutes after everybody else as he refuses to turn of Xbox/TV.
Literally drives us demented even when begged to stop bad behaviour.
Has sort of OCD-feels urge to move things slightly to his satisfaction.
Selfish and lazy in general.
Obsession with certain TV shows-ie family guy
Refuses to make eye contact with anybody other than immediate family or friends.
Would rather go hungry than order food in a shop.Hates contact with people.
Can't seem to comprehend warnings-we tell him that he needs to learn things for tests etc he doesn't care less,just shrugs everything off.
That's all I can think of right now. Am I overreacting or does this 14 year old have a problem?

It sounds like he has autism.

lulu1 · 09-01-2015 7:33pm

Plates wrote: »

You've already diagnosed him as "crazy" in the title of your post. What more are you expecting to hear?

The poster is concerned about their brother Why bother answering if you have nothing better to say.

lulu1 · 09-01-2015 7:35pm

Noobascious wrote: »

Wait til he starts drinking and taking drugs then when he's 18 section him into a mental hospital if u hate him that much. Simple modern day concentration camp where people actually make taxpayers money from peoples minor problems. Oh god it must be tough first world problems right here.

That is a really helpful comment (not)

Plates · 09-01-2015 7:40pm

lulu1 wrote: »

The poster is concerned about their brother Why bother answering if you have nothing better to say.

Maybe take a moment to read the full thread then reflect on the irony of what you've said above.

Plates · 09-01-2015 7:40pm

lulu1 wrote: »

That is a really helpful comment (not)

As is this comment (not)

lulu1 · 09-01-2015 7:43pm

Plates wrote: »

"someone who clearly needs some professional help and more importantly, support and understanding from his family. Not labels."

That's my constructive advice. Unfortunately I find it hard to be "understanding" of the attitude of the OP.

IMO the poster is telling it as it is and you are twisting is as much as you can

Plates · 09-01-2015 7:47pm

lulu1 wrote: »

IMO the poster is telling it as it is and you are twisting is as much as you can

Let's agree to disagree so you can focus on the advice you're about to give.

lulu1 · 09-01-2015 7:57pm

I am not going to give any advice because I am not in a position too, but I hope the op gets help for her brother so that they all can have a better quality off life

Advice with brother

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