Civil ceremony, no guests. Any regrets

Thomas D · 30-07-2014 11:02pm #1

I spent 4-500 on our wedding. Went on our own and pulled out two strangers to sign a book at a registry office. Most of the money went on two nights in a 5 star hotel.
Right now I have zero regrets but I'm wondering will that change. Has anybody done anything similar and regretted it 5 or ten years down the line?
I've since consoled myself with a new CLS AMG but maybe material things aren't everything...

JDxtra · 30-07-2014 11:08pm

If you did it because it was best for you both at the time, then I can't see any reason to regret. It you did it to save money then that's different. Especially since you have consoled yourself with a luxury new car.

Princess Peach · 30-07-2014 11:10pm

If you ever do feel like you missed out on a wedding celebration, it's not too late. Could organise a party for your 1 year, or even 10 year anniversary down the line! Friends a family will celebrate even if it's not a wedding that day.

mrsbyrne · 31-07-2014 12:06am

We were married 18 years ago. 17 guests. married at 11 off on honeymoon at 3pm. If I had to do it again I wouldn't have bothered with either the dress or the hairdo. Or the cake. Or the flowers.
Those are my only regrets.

Millem · 31-07-2014 12:19am

Thomas D wrote: »

I spent 4-500 on our wedding. Went on our own and pulled out two strangers to sign a book at a registry office. Most of the money went on two nights in a 5 star hotel.
Right now I have zero regrets but I'm wondering will that change. Has anybody done anything similar and regretted it 5 or ten years down the line?
I've since consoled myself with a new CLS AMG but maybe material things aren't everything...

This sounds like my dream wedding

Keisha07 · 31-07-2014 8:05am

When I got married it was the two of us ans six friends, after the registry office we had a few drinks and a meal, I never regretted not doing the big wedding its not our thing. Neither family were happy though and any regrets were that they felt upset, had planned to give them a day out for our tenth anniversary but we couldn't face it, pushing out twentieth now. Do what you need to do, and if thats throwing a get together do that, and have no regrets. I wish you both years of happiness

The Diddakoi · 31-07-2014 8:13am

Registry office, 11 guests, including 4 of our children.
Back to the house after for homemade buffet, then out for the evening for champagne and ice cream. Home before the kids woke up, and honeymoon was a week off work together with the kids.
Married 17 years, and still very happy

No regrets, loved the whole thing, wouldn't have changed a second.
Never ever wanted a big wedding, the whole thought of it gave me the willies:P

lazygal · 31-07-2014 8:31am

Thomas D wrote: »

I spent 4-500 on our wedding. Went on our own and pulled out two strangers to sign a book at a registry office. Most of the money went on two nights in a 5 star hotel.
Right now I have zero regrets but I'm wondering will that change. Has anybody done anything similar and regretted it 5 or ten years down the line?
I've since consoled myself with a new CLS AMG but maybe material things aren't everything...

The fact you've felt the need to console yourself with an expensive purchase might suggest some regrets.

mrsbyrne · 31-07-2014 9:17am

lazygal wrote: »

The fact you've felt the need to console yourself with an expensive purchase might suggest some regrets.

I don't think it suggests regrets. The car seems to be a wedding present to themselves, and why not?
From my own experience, I must say there is a definite sense of satisfaction that you are no less married after the €400 wedding then the €30000 wedding. Right now the OP is married to the woman of his dreams AND he has a smart new car. Life is great!
Everybody is different. Some people want one big blowout day with all the bells and whistles and tradition and ceremony.
Some folk find that completely unnecessary.
Some folk are under pressure to have all the bells and whistles and some folk are strong enough to say "bog off".
Live and let live.

lynski · 02-08-2014 10:29am

Ten year on after eloping to a beach while on holidays in Oz, in front of 2 strangers as witnesses brought by the celebrant, the couple we rented the yacht from for our bareboating honeymoon (oh yeah), photos by the witnesses and waiter in the 5* resort we stayed in, absolutely no regrets. We were getting married not having a weddng.

02-08-2014 10:37am

Got married 28 years ago with just priest, 2 friends and photographer. Never a moments regret. It's the marriage that counts, not the wedding. I wore a white dress and my friend wore blue. The men wore their best (only) suits. We had a meal with champagne and went on honeymoon in B&B's around Ireland. The only thing I'd change is the photographer. Waste of money. Only looked at album a few times over the years. The photo hanging on the wall is one my friend took with her poloroid outside church.
We had no money, nor did our families and we didn't want to put them under pressure, so everyone was happy with our decision.

Arbiter of Good Taste · 02-08-2014 11:45am

mrsbyrne wrote: »

I don't think it suggests regrets. The car seems to be a wedding present to themselves, and why not?
From my own experience, I must say there is a definite sense of satisfaction that you are no less married after the €400 wedding then the €30000 wedding. Right now the OP is married to the woman of his dreams AND he has a smart new car. Life is great!
Everybody is different. Some people want one big blowout day with all the bells and whistles and tradition and ceremony.
Some folk find that completely unnecessary.
Some folk are under pressure to have all the bells and whistles and some folk are strong enough to say "bog off".
Live and let live.

The fact that the OP says he's "consoled himself" with car is perhaps the reason why some people have come to that conclusion. Nobody is putting anyone under pressure.

Millem · 02-08-2014 11:50am

Arbiter of Good Taste wrote: »

The fact that the OP says he's "consoled himself" with car is perhaps the reason why some people have come to that conclusion. Nobody is putting anyone under pressure.

I think the OP didn't mean consoled himself in the sense that he was so upset that he didn't have a big wedding that's why he needed to buy the car.!! Maybe it was the wrong choice of words on their behalf. The car he mentioned probably costs three times the price of a big wedding anyway!

partyguinness · 02-08-2014 11:52am

Thomas D wrote: »

I spent 4-500 on our wedding. Went on our own and pulled out two strangers to sign a book at a registry office. Most of the money went on two nights in a 5 star hotel.
Right now I have zero regrets but I'm wondering will that change. Has anybody done anything similar and regretted it 5 or ten years down the line?
I've since consoled myself with a new CLS AMG but maybe material things aren't everything...

Well we thought about doing this or flying off to an exotic location.

We spoke to a friend who had done this i.e. went off to a Caribbean island with just the hubby to be and two strangers as witness. When she turned around after the nuptias, the place was empty and she broke down crying as there was no one there to share their happiness.

With that in mind, we ultimately had a civil ceremony with about 40 close friends and family in a restaurany afterwards. Cost about 10k altogether but 7k was on our 4 week honeymoon to Asia.

One of my friends has repeatedly said it was the best wedding he was at. None of the typical Irish wedding drama- no church, no long wait to dinner in some identikit hotel for chicken and ham and falling into bed at 4am.

partyguinness · 02-08-2014 11:55am

lazygal wrote: »

The fact you've felt the need to console yourself with an expensive purchase might suggest some regrets.

CLS AMG....that is so Celtic Tiger..:(

Why not show some class with an E Type Jaguar that will appreciate in value...:cool:

Onthe3rdDay · 02-08-2014 12:13pm

Thomas D wrote: »

I spent 4-500 on our wedding. Went on our own and pulled out two strangers to sign a book at a registry office. Most of the money went on two nights in a 5 star hotel.
Right now I have zero regrets but I'm wondering will that change. Has anybody done anything similar and regretted it 5 or ten years down the line?
I've since consoled myself with a new CLS AMG but maybe material things aren't everything...

Perhaps I'm wrong but some people are taking the last line far too seriously. I think the OP is being just a little sarcastic and also pointing out that spending the money on a car rather than a wedding was a better Idea, but maybe I'm wrong.

wdmfapq4zs83hv · 02-08-2014 12:15pm

I eloped, no guests. Best decision ever. We had a fantastic few weeks away

Onthe3rdDay · 02-08-2014 12:19pm

Arbiter of Good Taste wrote: »

The fact that the OP says he's "consoled himself" with car is perhaps the reason why some people have come to that conclusion. Nobody is putting anyone under pressure.

Do you live in Ireland? If you do you must have come across those people that are under huge pressure to have a big wedding because
1. All their friends had one
2. The family expect it
3. They have to keep up appearances, if they don't everyone will think they're broke/that they don't want to get married/ it's a shotgun wedding.

Plus a hundred and One other reasons.

Of course there are many that don't have that pressure and others have the cop on to tell the world to F@$K off, but there are some that really feel pressure around their wedding plans.

mrsbyrne · 02-08-2014 12:24pm

Arbiter of Good Taste wrote: »

The fact that the OP says he's "consoled himself" with car is perhaps the reason why some people have come to that conclusion. Nobody is putting anyone under pressure.

Maybe its just me BT I feel the "console myself" expression is ever so slightly tongue in cheek!

Thomas D · 02-08-2014 12:34pm

mrsbyrne wrote: »

Maybe its just me BT I feel the "console myself" expression is ever so slightly tongue in cheek!

It was! Nothing wrong with a CLS either. An F type is hardly suitable with kids and you'd be crackers to think it's going to appreciate in value.

My peers are a few years into weddings now and it appears to be a complete sham. People are inviting each other to stags/hens and weddings when they have little in common and haven't spoken to each other since the last wedding.

partyguinness · 02-08-2014 12:52pm

Thomas D wrote: »

It was! Nothing wrong with a CLS either. An F type is hardly suitable with kids and you'd be crackers to think it's going to appreciate in value.

My peers are a few years into weddings now and it appears to be a complete sham. People are inviting each other to stags/hens and weddings when they have little in common and haven't spoken to each other since the last wedding.

E Type?

But I agree, the whole wedding game is a total sham. The great thing about going abroad is being able to cut out all the crowd you dont like but feel compelled to invite. When you get to your mid-30s, there are 4-5 weddings a year and it costs a fortune.

As vindicative as this sound, I got more pleasure from the invites I did not send out especially neighbours I hated growing up who were already making plans on the assumption they would be invited to the wedding....guess what you ain't getting an invite...parents found it a little awkward but they would never say a word..:D

eviltwin · 02-08-2014 7:20pm

we spent 1000 euros on our wedding and that was in celtic tiger times, my only regret is that we didn't just have ourselves at it but he really wanted his family there. we had a registry office do and a party at home, simple, no fuss and cheap just how I wanted it.

homemadecider · 02-08-2014 7:40pm

partyguinness wrote: »

Well we thought about doing this or flying off to an exotic location.

We spoke to a friend who had done this i.e. went off to a Caribbean island with just the hubby to be and two strangers as witness. When she turned around after the nuptias, the place was empty and she broke down crying as there was no one there to share their happiness.

She wasn't happy enough in the company of her new husband??! After they had just gotten married?? What on earth is wrong with her?

beyondbelief67 · 02-08-2014 9:49pm

I got married first time at 18, totally sure it was right, despite family saying noo !
So only couple of friends at the wedding, no family.
Needless to say totally regretted it, specially not having my grandparents there, and no the marriage didn't last, made sure I did it right the next time.
But still not the same.

pwurple · 03-08-2014 8:44am

I have a friend whos sister did this a few years ago. She was awfully hurt that her only sister didn't want her at her wedding. She had no probs with not having a party afterwards, but couldn't understand why she wasn't even invited to the registry office. That wouldn't have cost them a thing.

Their relationship has changed since, they barely talk anymore.

mrsbyrne · 03-08-2014 9:14am

pwurple wrote: »

I have a friend whos sister did this a few years ago. She was awfully hurt that her only sister didn't want her at her wedding. She had no probs with not having a party afterwards, but couldn't understand why she wasn't even invited to the registry office. That wouldn't have cost them a thing.

Their relationship has changed since, they barely talk anymore.

Was it a case of absolutely no family at the wedding or was your friend "singled out" and not invited when others were?

Frigga_92 · 03-08-2014 9:35am

Got married exactly 1 year 1 day ago and no regrets about our small wedding. We could have very easily had the big shebang, we have the money, all my very large extended family could've been there etc but instead, we chose to have 13 guests (and another handful arrived later on), a small civil ceremony followed by a big meal and then some drinking and dancing and everyone had a brilliant time. There was no family at my wedfing apart from my sister. My husband's parents have both passed away and my own parents were not delighted but they got over it. My brother's wife, who I don't even see once a year was very annoyed and said that she has had 1 wedding, 2 christenings, 2 communions and 2 confirmations and she expected a big day out in return :rolleyes:

nc19 · 03-08-2014 9:42am

Thomas D wrote: »

I spent 4-500 on our wedding. Went on our own and pulled out two strangers to sign a book at a registry office. Most of the money went on two nights in a 5 star hotel.
Right now I have zero regrets but I'm wondering will that change. Has anybody done anything similar and regretted it 5 or ten years down the line?
I've since consoled myself with a new CLS AMG but maybe material things aren't everything...

Id say you'll regret buying that car

Addle · 03-08-2014 9:55am

pwurple wrote: »

I have a friend whos sister did this a few years ago. She was awfully hurt that her only sister didn't want her at her wedding. She had no probs with not having a party afterwards, but couldn't understand why she wasn't even invited to the registry office. That wouldn't have cost them a thing.

Their relationship has changed since, they barely talk anymore.

I read that as a reflection on them personally rather than the choice of party.
Your friend probably wouldn't have been satisfied with her role if they'd had a big to-do either.
You just can't win with some people.

professore · 03-08-2014 10:44am

Personally I would regret not having close family and close friends there - but otherwise modest. To each their own though. I suppose if I didn't get on with my family I might have a different view.

03-08-2014 10:52am

professore wrote: »

Personally I would regret not having close family and close friends there - but otherwise modest. To each their own though. I suppose if I didn't get on with my family I might have a different view.

I did and still do get on with my family. At that time, money was scarce and putting pressure on others in the same situation was not on. We saved them having to splash out on new clothes and a present. However, my family did meet up in a local pub the week before to toast our health. My Husbands side, who we visited on Honeymoon, as they live hours away, had a get together at home. Most gave modest presents, which were much appreciated.

Millem · 03-08-2014 11:00am

professore wrote: »

Personally I would regret not having close family and close friends there - but otherwise modest. To each their own though. I suppose if I didn't get on with my family I might have a different view.

I don't think it has anything to do if you get on with your family or not. Some people just don't want the big day!

eviltwin · 03-08-2014 11:43am

professore wrote: »

Personally I would regret not having close family and close friends there - but otherwise modest. To each their own though. I suppose if I didn't get on with my family I might have a different view.

I get on well with most of my family and get on really well with his, its not about being anti social or avoiding family issues its just that sometimes its nice to have something that is all about you and you don't have to worry about other people. By keeping things small you also save a lot of money which some couples would prefer to use on other things.

Millem · 03-08-2014 11:57am

eviltwin wrote: »

I get on well with most of my family and get on really well with his, its not about being anti social or avoiding family issues its just that sometimes its nice to have something that is all about you and you don't have to worry about other people. By keeping things small you also save a lot of money which some couples would prefer to use on other things.

Let's face it with a lot of families you never hear the end of "they never had soup" or "image it was on a thursday" and "we were starving we only got a few biscuits and had to wait ages for the dinner" and let's not forget "you have to invite x y and z" who really you may have never even met!!

lazeedaisy · 03-08-2014 12:12pm

I think that's sad if all a wedding comes down to, but personally know with time these things are forgotten.

I got married abroad with no family and had a huge party when we came back. No one ever said to me about loosing out, and it was all anyone could talk about in terms of party for ages after. 19 years later no one remembers or its old news.

The problem in this country from all angles is what people think. When we initially were getting married here there was war because his brother was older and told us he had to get married first, and booked his wedding for 2 weeks before we booked, my best friend then booked the week before and every aunt, uncle dog had an opinion.

No one talked to anyone for ages and we forgot what was important. So we cancelled all plans, booked a carribean wedding or 2 and told them as we boarded the plane.

We forgot it was about us, and what we were doing, don't loose sight of that.

endacl · 03-08-2014 12:19pm

Feck. A new AMG CLS? You could have bought one a year old, had just as nice a car, and have money left over to pay for a wedding.

Dunno about regrets, but it wasn't great deployment of financial resources.

mrsbyrne · 03-08-2014 12:56pm

eviltwin wrote: »

I get on well with most of my family and get on really well with his, its not about being anti social or avoiding family issues its just that sometimes its nice to have something that is all about you and you don't have to worry about other people. By keeping things small you also save a lot of money which some couples would prefer to use on other things.

People just don't seem to get this.
There is an assumption that a couple had a very simple wedding with no guests because there were family problems or issues or whatever.
People seem incapable of accepting that some couples just don't want ANY fuss whatsoever.
Nobody was mad at anybody else, nobody wanted to insult anybody, it wasn't meanness, it wasn't a "statement".
If family or friends take offence and huff then without doubt that shows them up for what they really are.
For a girl to stop talking to her sister because she didn't buckle under and have the big day out is very telling.

Civil ceremony, no guests. Any regrets

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