Anxiety and/or depression discussion.

scrimshanker · 29-05-2015 10:44pm

guitarzero wrote: »

Lexapro is the antidepressant of the day, how you have gone this far as someone with anxiety without hearing of this drug is very impressive

If it works

I'm off my zopiclone and xanax now (tapered carefully), still on 20mg of lexapro and the insomnia is the exact same as before going on the xanax and zopiclone. Tired at this stage. I'll admit, I'm not as intensely anxious (no longer spending the day hyperventilating-crying, unable to stomach food) as when I was on the 10mg, but god, the lexapro really hasn't worked for me. Typical of me, I would be THE one it doesn't work for. There's always one

greenfrogs · 29-05-2015 10:58pm

One of the side effects of lexapro is insomnia. I found I get drowsy on it at times but not enough for it to be a major issue. Actually reading the side effects is quite interesting. I have seem to get a runny nose constantly. Apparently it's a side effect of lexapro.

Hugo Stiglitz · 29-05-2015 11:19pm

One wonders at times do any of them truly work. :-/

the block · 29-05-2015 11:29pm

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

One wonders at times do any of them truly work. :-/

to a certain extent they work.then your tolerance builds up.jus for the record i got my script and took a few.and im feeling nice and relaxed

4Ad · 29-05-2015 11:37pm

Am I depressed ?
Life is just pure ****e at the moment..
Only for my poor Father is alive I would be gone in the morning !
I have told no one how I feel..
I have a great brother, a few friends..no enemies ( I think)
Split from cheating wife 2 years ago and my poor Mother died a year ago..
Alot going on, I guess..
Not drinking much, keeping fit, working away..but on sleeping tablets..
I dont know what to do or Who to turn to. GP not great..
Any help/advice would be appreciated.
If I disappeared now No one would miss me !!

greenfrogs · 29-05-2015 11:47pm

4Ad wrote: »

Am I depressed ?
Life is just pure ****e at the moment..
Only for my poor Father is alive I would be gone in the morning !
I have told no one how I feel..
I have a great brother, a few friends..no enemies ( I think)
Split from cheating wife 2 years ago and my poor Mother died a year ago..
Alot going on, I guess..
Not drinking much, keeping fit, working away..but on sleeping tablets..
I dont know what to do or Who to turn to. GP not great..
Any help/advice would be appreciated.
If I disappeared now No one would miss me !!

Could you go to another GP? You have had a tough time of it. To lose a parent at any age is extremely hard. Marriage breakups are also very tough. Could you speak to your brother about how you are feeling. It's great that you aren't drinking a lot and are keeping fit. Fair play to you for doing those things.

mg1982 · 29-05-2015 11:48pm

scrimshanker wrote: »

If it works

I'm off my zopiclone and xanax now (tapered carefully), still on 20mg of lexapro and the insomnia is the exact same as before going on the xanax and zopiclone. Tired at this stage. I'll admit, I'm not as intensely anxious (no longer spending the day hyperventilating-crying, unable to stomach food) as when I was on the 10mg, but god, the lexapro really hasn't worked for me. Typical of me, I would be THE one it doesn't work for. There's always one

Lexapro didnt work for me either. Have tried 5 different anti depressants and i dont like they way they make me feel. Anti Psychotics work better but the side effects are awful. Might try a mood stabiliser at some point but not Lithium if i can help it.

4Ad · 29-05-2015 11:56pm

I cant burden my brother..
I keep the Happy side out.
I look forward to work..
I was seeing a girl for a good while but I couldn't commit.
I hate the night time, Thank God for Stillnoct...

greenfrogs · 29-05-2015 11:58pm

4Ad wrote: »

I cant burden my brother..
I keep the Happy side out.
I look forward to work..
I was seeing a girl for a good while but I couldn't commit.
I hate the night time, Thank God for Stillnoct...

Well keeping your feelings to yourself is not a good idea in the long term. I would suggest another GP. What about counselling? Would it be something that appeals to you? Your GP could advise you on this.

4Ad · 30-05-2015 12:09am

Counselling could be the answer....
Thanks for the reply..means alot.

greenfrogs · 30-05-2015 12:13am

4Ad wrote: »

Counselling could be the answer....
Thanks for the reply..means alot.

Counselling can be very beneficial. Especially if you feel reluctant to talk to your friends and family re how you are feeling. I'm so glad you are open to the idea. Sometimes just talking about an issue or situation can bring a lot of clarity to it. This forum is also very good. So feel free to post here whenever you feel the need to.

Hugo Stiglitz · 30-05-2015 12:21am

4Ad wrote: »

Counselling could be the answer

Check out if your employer has something like VHI's EAP (employee assistance programme) which might get you free counselling.

scrimshanker · 30-05-2015 12:23am

greenfrogs wrote: »

One of the side effects of lexapro is insomnia. I found I get drowsy on it at times but not enough for it to be a major issue. Actually reading the side effects is quite interesting. I have seem to get a runny nose constantly. Apparently it's a side effect of lexapro.

Funny enough, I also have had a constantly runny nose on it! I was also finding it makes me drowsy. Enough to interfere with college so I moved the dose time to night. Sadly not enough to keep me asleep. Going to have a good talk with GP after my holidays. Sleep deprivation is not sustainable...

greenfrogs · 30-05-2015 12:45am

scrimshanker wrote: »

Funny enough, I also have had a constantly runny nose on it! I was also finding it makes me drowsy. Enough to interfere with college so I moved the dose time to night. Sadly not enough to keep me asleep. Going to have a good talk with GP after my holidays. Sleep deprivation is not sustainable...

I was actually too embarrassed to mention it to my GP. It's so annoying. At least I know what it is now.

Sleep deprivation sounds horrible. Are you looking forward to your holidays?

Hugo Stiglitz · 30-05-2015 12:48am

scrimshanker wrote: »

Sleep deprivation is not sustainable...

Hope that changes for you soon Scrim.

Gongoozler · 30-05-2015 12:58am

Does anybody else feel less and less confidence from working through your issues?

My self esteem, what little I had, has taken a massive blow due to being told I'm doing everything wrong.

I wonder is that me being sensitive

greenfrogs · 30-05-2015 1:01am

Gongoozler wrote: »

Does anybody else feel less and less confidence from working through your issues?

My self esteem, what little I had, has taken a massive blow due to being told I'm doing everything wrong.

I wonder is that me being sensitive

It sounds understandable. Sometimes it can be hard to take on board that you have a lot of changes to make. Who is telling you that you are doing everything wrong.

Gongoozler · 30-05-2015 1:04am

My boyfriend, not in so many words

Gremlinertia · 30-05-2015 4:34am

Gong, tell your bf that the way he's phrasing it isn't helpful. Until someone has felt the impact of this illness or at least trained medically to deal with it they won't really have a good idea of what this is and how sensitive it can make you.

mocha please! · 30-05-2015 4:57am

I get where you're coming from on that one.

I sort of feel like, now that my boyfriend, friends and family are all aware of my problems ... they're all being supportive, but I often get the vibe from them, "Well you know what's wrong with you now, so just stop being that way and get better!" I know it must be frustrating for them, I'd be frustrated in their position too, but in all fairness it's worse being the one living with these issues!

mocha please! · 30-05-2015 5:06am

After spending a week in the care of my parents, I asked them to let myself and my baby return home for a night or two before I am admitted to hospital for diagnosis and treatment. I just wanted to be in my own home, with my partner and baby, before going in. Who knows how long I'll be in there.

They agreed, eventually, and drove us home yesterday - I wasn't permitted to get the train - but I had to talk my mother down from a panic attack over the phone last night because they're so worried about me/us and she thought she'd done the wrong thing by letting us return home. (We live three hours away.) Also they're insisting on driving up AGAIN on Sunday morning to physically deliver me to the hospital. I don't see the point. I'm 29 for gods sake, I might be having problems right now but I wish she wouldn't worry so much. She's been off on certified sick leave for the past week as well as me, just to look after us - she's on the verge of retirement, and she informed me she's never in her entire career had to take a sick day from work until now! My dad is ill himself (physically rather than mentally) and I feel so bad about all the cross-country driving he's having to do because of me. He doesn't have the stamina for it.

The guilts!

Gremlinertia · 30-05-2015 5:28am

Hey there mocha, could your partner talk to them?. Reassure them that they will bring you to save such a journey?

mocha please! · 30-05-2015 5:39am

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Hey there mocha, could your partner talk to them?. Reassure them that they will bring you to save such a journey?

He doesn't drive. So it would be a bit of a trek for us on public transport. Which is fine by me. I'd rather no one brought me in, I'd rather just get up Sunday morning and make my own way there. It's my decision to go in. I don't see the point of them driving all the way across the country, and me feeling obliged to tidy up the house and sort out tea etc for them, and trying to work out on the sat nav how to get there because they don't know Dublin and my dad's not used to city driving. (I know exactly how to get there on public transport, and would much prefer it.) And for what? It's not like they'll be coming in with me for the assessment etc, it's literally a case that they'll both be trekking across the country and stressing themselves out over nothing, just to turn around and go home again.

I might ask my sister to talk to them. They're being so good to me though and I don't want to seem ungrateful. My mum's so upset over all of this, they both are. So I know she really wants to see me again before I go into hospital ... but I'm not sure it'll give her any reassurance, if anything she'll probably be more upset on the way home.

Gremlinertia · 30-05-2015 5:46am

Ah it I see. Do ask your sister.. The last thing anyone here wants is extra stress tomorrow morning. If nothing else at least appeal on behalf of you dad. It's a lot of driving maybe she'll go with that..

Gongoozler · 30-05-2015 9:34am

I generally have a good awareness, or have it in the back of my mind that we're all going to die. Every few days it hits me again. So it sometimes upsets me, but mostly makes me refocus on what I want to be doing with my life. in the last while it's really been good for me, getting me more and more relaxed about everything, because things will often just work out, and often things just are out of your control. So, it's helping me to relax and focus.

So I look at all the things that upset me, and I think fcuk it. Just enjoy what you do have, take the opportunities that come up, do the things that you want to do.

But then, this would involve ignoring one of my worries about my boyfriend, how he treats me and watching for if I need to get out because it's not working for me anymore. This all is pretty normal to a point. but I am hyper aware of issues that may not even be issues. constantly watching out for things that I'm feeling aren't quite right. I've gotten better at ignoring some things, but it depends on a number of factors as to whether or not I can do it. I don't want to spend (waste) my time being with someone who is not very nice to me.

Except this hyper vigilance doesn't seem to get me anywhere.

When I bring up something that upset me, the majority of the time he'll tell me I'm wrong and that it doesn't mean what I think / feel.

This gets interpreted by

Gongoozler · 30-05-2015 9:47am

.... me as you're wrong to feel that way. And because I'm nearly always being told I'm wrong, and because I'm aware of how hyper vigilant I can be, it makes me feel **** about myself. I don't know who or what to trust. I can't trust my own judgement. But obviously I can't just blindly trust someone else, who's unlikely to bring up when he's done something, cause who does that. The something is always in the context of the person it's being done to as to how they feel about it.

So I'm left with poor judgement and a boyfriend who's sick of dealing with all the things that I bring up. Sick of dealing with me. That's the way he spoke to me last night, like he has to make a massive effort to not be angry and annoyed with me. Like he's just done.

So I'm left trying to work out, as I am every time we fight, whether he's being a dick, or he's right. Because him being right is what comes of this the majority of the time.

I don't know my own mind.

scrimshanker · 30-05-2015 10:58am

I got an app called whatsmyM3... Some of you might find it handy for tracking how you're doing. Only takes a minute or two to fill out. I'm finding it handy because I tend to lack perspective and always feel at my very worst iykwim.

mg1982 · 30-05-2015 12:50pm

Gongoozler wrote: »

.... me as you're wrong to feel that way. And because I'm nearly always being told I'm wrong, and because I'm aware of how hyper vigilant I can be, it makes me feel **** about myself. I don't know who or what to trust. I can't trust my own judgement. But obviously I can't just blindly trust someone else, who's unlikely to bring up when he's done something, cause who does that. The something is always in the context of the person it's being done to as to how they feel about it.

So I'm left with poor judgement and a boyfriend who's sick of dealing with all the things that I bring up. Sick of dealing with me. That's the way he spoke to me last night, like he has to make a massive effort to not be angry and annoyed with me. Like he's just done.

So I'm left trying to work out, as I am every time we fight, whether he's being a dick, or he's right. Because him being right is what comes of this the majority of the time.

I don't know my own mind.

I know how you feel when you say you can no longer trust your own judgment or mind. I feel my judgment gets more impaired the worse i feel so i just have to rely on gut instinct. If your gut is telling you that your BF isnt treating you well and you want to get out than you should go with that and dont let anyone bully you.

Call Me Jimmy · 30-05-2015 12:53pm

mocha please! wrote: »

He doesn't drive. So it would be a bit of a trek for us on public transport. Which is fine by me. I'd rather no one brought me in, I'd rather just get up Sunday morning and make my own way there. It's my decision to go in. I don't see the point of them driving all the way across the country, and me feeling obliged to tidy up the house and sort out tea etc for them, and trying to work out on the sat nav how to get there because they don't know Dublin and my dad's not used to city driving. (I know exactly how to get there on public transport, and would much prefer it.) And for what? It's not like they'll be coming in with me for the assessment etc, it's literally a case that they'll both be trekking across the country and stressing themselves out over nothing, just to turn around and go home again.

I might ask my sister to talk to them. They're being so good to me though and I don't want to seem ungrateful. My mum's so upset over all of this, they both are. So I know she really wants to see me again before I go into hospital ... but I'm not sure it'll give her any reassurance, if anything she'll probably be more upset on the way home.

I say this as someone in a very similar situation (and age), you said yourself you're 29. The only way to resolve this is to say it to them yourself, that you appreciate it and know they want to help but it would help you most if you could make your own way there etc. Don't ask your sister to do it, they will just fob her off. Also, say they did listen to your sister, they are still going to feel as bad as if you told them, so there's little reason to solicit her.

Just chiming in cause ive got a similar problem myself. The worst thing to do at this time where you're trying to get better is to leave stuff like this festering in your head. Instead pull the plaster off and have maybe what 15 minutes of unpleasantness and then it is resolved.

I think it would not only have the direct affect of sorting this issue in your mind, but would be the beginning of tackling a more long term issue of the nature of your relationship with your parents.

Call Me Jimmy · 30-05-2015 1:07pm

On second thought, this time maybe if its less stressful then let your sister tell them. I was just coming at from the perspective of, I know my parents prefer when I talk to them directly, no matter what it is, they end up being somewhat glad that I felt I could talk to them. It actually hurts them a bit if I feel I can't just say something to them.

So whatever makes you comfortable at the moment do it. I was thinking more of the long game

Anxiety and/or depression discussion.

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