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Embarresed about a girl I had sex with and I'm scared my mates will find out

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  • 01-09-2014 11:20pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    A couple a weeks ago I got way too drink in a nightclub and ended up sleeping with a girl I never would have sober. I just know that if my mates find out about this I'll never hear the end of it but since I live in a small town it just feels inevitable that it will eventually get around. There is one guy who was with me who knows but I don't know if he plans to tell people.

    Yes, I know it seems shallow on my end but I'm a pretty shy person. I just don't want to be the center of attention and target of endless slagging.

    The thing is the girl was actually kinda nice and has my number so I'm not sure how to handle bumping into her.


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    #2
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    She deserves better. Hopefully she realises that.
    Maybe don't get so drunk in future. You don't sound like a prize anyway.


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    #3
    owenc
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 5,524 ✭✭✭owenc


    iknowitsoundsbad wrote: »
    A couple a weeks ago I got way too drink in a nightclub and ended up sleeping with a girl I never would have sober. I just know that if my mates find out about this I'll never hear the end of it but since I live in a small town it just feels inevitable that it will eventually get around. There is one guy who was with me who knows but I don't know if he plans to tell people.

    Yes, I know it seems shallow on my end but I'm a pretty shy person. I just don't want to be the center of attention and target of endless slagging.

    The thing is the girl was actually kinda nice and has my number so I'm not sure how to handle bumping into her.

    What a shallow indivdual. As if you can pick who you go out with, who are you lord muck. :rolleyes:

    As if anyone cares who you had sex with.


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    #4
    Tokyo
    Politics Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,655 Mod ✭✭✭✭Tokyo


    OP, can I ask why you are embarrassed at having been with this girl, when you also say that she is "actually kinda nice"?


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    #5
    Aint Eazy Being Cheezy
    Registered Users Posts: 4,629 ✭✭✭Aint Eazy Being Cheezy


    mike_ie wrote: »
    OP, can I ask why you are embarrassed at having been with this girl, when you also say that she is "actually kinda nice"?

    Do you mean looks-wise?


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    #6
    A Greedy Algorithm
    Registered Users Posts: 252 ✭✭A Greedy Algorithm


    You are a beta male.


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    #7
    Tokyo
    Politics Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,655 Mod ✭✭✭✭Tokyo


    Sam Mac - while you may not agree with the OP's line of thinking, using this thread to get a boot in will not be tolerated. If you can't post in accordance with the forum rules, please don't post at all. That extends to all future posters here.

    Regards,
    Mike


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    #8
    J_E
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,734 ✭✭✭J_E


    iknowitsoundsbad wrote: »
    A couple a weeks ago I got way too drink in a nightclub and ended up sleeping with a girl I never would have sober. I just know that if my mates find out about this I'll never hear the end of it but since I live in a small town it just feels inevitable that it will eventually get around. There is one guy who was with me who knows but I don't know if he plans to tell people.

    Yes, I know it seems shallow on my end but I'm a pretty shy person. I just don't want to be the center of attention and target of endless slagging.

    The thing is the girl was actually kinda nice and has my number so I'm not sure how to handle bumping into her.
    It is shallow and I think you realise that. I think this might be a good time to reflect on why you see it as such an issue. Do you see it as lowering a 'standard'? You also have to realise how unfair that's on the woman you slept with. You did hop into bed with her, drunk or not. You can't just back away and act like it was her fault for not being good enough for you. Stop freaking out about it - chances are nothing will happen, if they slag you about it they'll forget it about next week. I think you are putting too much importance on this. Stop letting your social anxiety get in the way of an 'actually kinda nice' person.


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    #9
    CaraMay
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭CaraMay


    And stop sleeping around til you are mature finish to handle it


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    #10
    nc19
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,395 ✭✭✭nc19


    LexieOnRale wrote: »
    She deserves better.

    How the hell do you know that?

    You dont know the first thing about the girl.


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    #11
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    nc19 wrote: »
    How the hell do you know that?

    You dont know the first thing about the girl.

    I know this because the OP admits she is "kinda nice" but yet he's "embarrassed" about having had sex with her and is "worried" his friends will find out and is "nervous" about bumping into her because he won't know what to do. So, my interpretation of that is, the kinda nice girl was grand to get his leg over but god forbid anyone else find out about it because he could do better.

    Not the case. She's the one that could do better. Lets hope the next person she sleeps with shows a bit more respect to her.


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    #12
    Chance The Fapper
    Closed Accounts Posts: 628 ✭✭✭Chance The Fapper


    iknowitsoundsbad wrote: »
    A couple a weeks ago I got way too drink in a nightclub and ended up sleeping with a girl I never would have sober. I just know that if my mates find out about this I'll never hear the end of it but since I live in a small town it just feels inevitable that it will eventually get around. There is one guy who was with me who knows but I don't know if he plans to tell people.

    Yes, I know it seems shallow on my end but I'm a pretty shy person. I just don't want to be the center of attention and target of endless slagging.

    The thing is the girl was actually kinda nice and has my number so I'm not sure how to handle bumping into her.

    If you're getting a slagging just take it head on, they'll drop it fairly quickly


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    #13
    nc19
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,395 ✭✭✭nc19


    LexieOnRale wrote: »
    I know this because the OP admits she is "kinda nice" but yet he's "embarrassed" about having had sex with her and is "worried" his friends will find out and is "nervous" about bumping into her because he won't know what to do. So, my interpretation of that is, the kinda nice girl was grand to get his leg over but god forbid anyone else find out about it because he could do better.

    Not the case. She's the one that could do better. Lets hope the next person she sleeps with shows a bit more respect to her.

    It is indeed your interpretation of the situation however you are basing everything off the OP saying she is "kinda nice"

    the OPs definition of "kinda nice" may differ wildly from your own. His "kinda nice" may well be your "kinda horrible"

    the OP may well be leaps and bounds above what she "deserves" for all you know


    Pfft, wimins.....


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    #14
    owenc
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 5,524 ✭✭✭owenc


    I've went to school with this type. Theres no sugar coating anything.


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    #15
    retro:electro
    Registered Users Posts: 21,039 ✭✭✭✭retro:electro


    If they find out about it and slag you just say do ya know what lads she was actually pretty nice. Nothing is guaranteed to get them to slag you more about it than if they see how embarrassed/mortified you are. You seem to have an awfully high opinion of yourself, in future learn to treat women with a bit more respect.


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    #16
    tenifan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 523 ✭✭✭tenifan


    Just deny everything to your mates.
    As for the guy who knows, just say "nothing happened" (apart from what he saw).
    As for the girl, if she texts you a "who is this?" reply, followed by a "oh, I was drunk. crazy night. can't really remember anything"


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    #17
    beks101
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,802 ✭✭✭beks101


    Why will you ‘never hear the end of it’? Is she not physically up to scratch? Is she fat? Unattractive? Weird? Crazy?

    OP, I know that you’re young as this kind of thing is usually reserved for frat-types in secondary school or college, but now is as good an opportunity as you will ever have to better yourself and develop your character a bit, become a bit more of a man.

    This kind of ‘slagging’ and mortification over getting intimate with some girl who’s not ‘hot’ enough for your friends is really an unappealing quality in anyone and makes you look like an emotionally immature school boy who has no respect for women and isn’t clear of his convictions. That’s not going to take you far in life. That’s going to attract more of the same tbh.

    Be bigger than it. So you got drunk and slept with someone you wouldn’t have sober. You’re obviously attracted to her on some level because otherwise it would have been mechanically impossible, if you get my drift - and turns out she’s ‘kinda nice’ to boot. Don’t join your dickhead friends in slagging her off or feeling shameful for your behaviour - what would be so wrong about owning your actions instead? Telling your mates that she’s sound and you had a good night with her? Saying ‘hi’ and stopping for a chat the next time you see her out? Treating her with a bit of respect?

    Are you capable of setting your ego and your ‘reputation’ aside in order to be a good, upstanding person here?


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    #18
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Lets swap the people involved. Lets say someone slept with the OP and they felt embarrassed about it, for whatever belittling reason. Then the OP finds out.

    How would you feel then? Would you be so cavalier about ONS again? Would the word get round?

    I really hope she finds out. For her own sake. To find out what a selfish degrading attitude shes dealing with. I hope she tells her close friends about that attitude and the word spreads like wildfire. Might knock some manners and respect in


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    #19
    emmabrighton
    Registered Users Posts: 582 ✭✭✭emmabrighton


    I would like to add that if your friends are only sleeping with perfect-10's then they are unlikely to be getting much action.

    Or, if you restrict your options to perfect-10 but could only manage a girl with an easy-on-the-eye-rating of 3 last weekend, you will most definitely condemning yourself to celibacy for an indeterminable amount of time. You really have to ask yourself why could you not score a better looking girl last weekend? Perhaps you are not good looking enough to get the hot girls.

    Just my two cents but I agree with the other posters...

    Just stay away from the ladies until you have the maturity to handle the aftermath of a romp in the sack


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    #20
    Rubberchikken
    Registered Users Posts: 5,083 ✭✭✭Rubberchikken


    If you're man enough to sleep with her and mature enough to realise that she is nice, then you're big enough to take the slagging. or how about this, tell them to grow up and cop on.

    There comes a time a person has to stand up and be counted. Don't know if that's this occasion, only you know that.


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    #21
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    i think the posters are being a bit hard on the op its not so much that he is ashamed of her its more i think that he is to shy to be slagged off about it rather than being ashamed of her

    OP if you are embarrased by this it will maj=ke the slagging worse it happened to a friend of mine who was sleeping with an older woman who was a bit crazy her told her not to tell but she told everyone and he was unmercifully slagged over it. she slep with a few others but they didnt make a big deal over it and nothing happened


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    #22
    The Friendly Newcomer
    Closed Accounts Posts: 152 ✭✭The Friendly Newcomer


    No girl is 'embarrassing'. They are all wonderful in their own specific way. OP, I think you need take responsibility for your actions. As someone already said, you should take it in your stride and say she is a lovely girl. Make her feel good about herself. What's better than doing that for a lady?


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    #23
    P_1
    Registered Users Posts: 14,681 ✭✭✭✭P_1


    OP you had a sex with a lady that you clearly had an attraction to, there's no shame in that whatsoever. If your friends do decide to mock you over it a witty retort highlighting the fact that you got your leg over and enquiring as to how they got on with Pam and her 5 sisters should shut them up fairly sharpish.

    It takes time for us to realise that looks are not the be all and end all of things and hopefully this will help you to realise that. Now the lady in question doesn't deserve to be the butt of any jokes or indeed to receive any childish blanking over it. It's natural for things to be a bit awkward after a one night stand but sure what have you got to lose by asking her out for a coffee and a chat to see if it was more than a one night stand. I'm sure your skin is thick enough to be able to resist any childish comments about the lady if things do end up clicking.


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    #24
    strobe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,872 ✭✭✭strobe


    iknowitsoundsbad wrote: »
    A couple a weeks ago I got way too drink in a nightclub and ended up sleeping with a girl I never would have sober. I just know that if my mates find out about this I'll never hear the end of it but since I live in a small town it just feels inevitable that it will eventually get around. There is one guy who was with me who knows but I don't know if he plans to tell people.

    Yes, I know it seems shallow on my end but I'm a pretty shy person. I just don't want to be the center of attention and target of endless slagging.

    The thing is the girl was actually kinda nice and has my number so I'm not sure how to handle bumping into her.

    I think you're being unfairly pilloried in the thread tbh. People are going way overboard so take the posts here with a pinch of salt man.

    Just shrug your shoulders "meh, whatever, was hammered drunk lads, you know how it goes", people only get a buzz out of slagging about stuff like this if it get's a reaction. Lots of guys (and girls) will end up hooking up with someone while drunk they wouldn't have sober at some point, chances are at least some of your mates will have been in the same position, it's not a big deal unless you make it one.


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    #25
    mrty
    Registered Users Posts: 139 ✭✭mrty


    Poor girl.


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    #26
    Macavity.
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,745 ✭✭✭Macavity.


    I can't fathom why the OP is being attacked like this. Obviously there are a lot of insecure people on this forum and what you said has hit a nerve with them?

    Anyway, as others have said you'll just have to ignore it. Hopefully the slagging won't last long.
    P_1 wrote: »
    OP you had a sex with a lady that you clearly had an attraction to,

    You ever been drunk?


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    #27
    owenc
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 5,524 ✭✭✭owenc


    Nobody is insecure.


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    #28
    nc19
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,395 ✭✭✭nc19


    mrty wrote: »
    Poor girl.

    Ridiculous leap.

    how the fcuk do you know anything about this girl????

    for all you know she could be jumping from one bed to another every night.

    all your basing your opinion on is the OPs description of the events and the girl. He says shes not great looking and hes embarrassed by her and the fact he shagged her.

    my best mate loves fatties. His ex was horrible imo. If I had a bag of mickeys I wouldnt give her one but my mate thought she was a model.
    I have another mate that doesnt like skinny girls. If they're a size 10 or less he wont even look.

    my point is this girl could be a ride for all you know and wouldnt want your pity.


    a woman hears something negative about a woman and its "poor girl"
    A woman hears something negative about a guy and its "the bastard probably deserves it"


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    #29
    DeltaWhite
    Registered Users Posts: 666 ✭✭✭DeltaWhite


    Wow so many appealing males on this thread... :rolleyes:

    Makes me wonder why I'm with my OH when there's such potential out there :pac:

    Honestly OP, I've done same when I was younger. But it was myself with the issue, I just hated people knowing if I'd slept with someone who wasnt considered good looking or sound or whatever ridiculous reason it was. Seriously though, you need to stop caring about what your friends think. It's such immature behaviour to be carrying on like that. Just do what you want to do and take the 5min slagging and get on with life. Cant understand why you're getting so hung up on something that will be forgotten about next week.


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    #30
    Lux23
    Registered Users Posts: 7,134 ✭✭✭Lux23


    This is going to sound gross, but there is a way to deal with slagging from friends like this. Why don't you just say something like 'I had to get my hole the other night and she was up for it, and she was great in the sack'.

    They might be a little jealous that you had a great night of passion while they went home to w**k in their socks.


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