Soft and Hard Mathematics

First drink


I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons and memories came flooding back of the time I took my son out for his first pint.
Got him a Fosters ...... he didn't like it - I had it.
Then I got him Carlsberg, he didn't like it so I had it.
It was the same with Guinness and Cider.
By the time we got down to the whiskey I could hardly push the bloody pram.

A guy looking for a place to sit in a crowded university library asked a girl:
"Do you mind if I sit beside you?"
The girl replied in a very loud voice:
"HOW DARE YOU?!
I DO NOT EVEN KNOW YOU AND YOU ARE ASKING ME TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU! ARE YOU CRAZY? OR WHAT?

All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed and moved to another table.

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and said with a laugh: "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?"

The guy then responded in a loud voice:
"WHAT?! $500 FOR ONE NIGHT? . . . THAT'S TOO MUCH!"

All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock. Then the guy whispered to her:
"I study law, and I know how to screw people.

Understanding Engineers #1

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"�The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."�The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway.

"Understanding Engineers #2

To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers #3

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.�The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"�The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"�The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"�The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, �yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!"�The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."�The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if here's anything she can do for them."�The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?

"Understanding Engineers #4

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers #5

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"�The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"�The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"�The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?”

Understanding Engineers #6

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.�One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."�Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."�The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Understanding Engineers #7

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers #8
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."�He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.�The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."�The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.�The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want."�Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.�Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"�The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."

And Finally Two engineers???

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top.A woman walked by and asked what they were doing."We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"Both engineers have since quit their engineering jobs and are currently serving in the United States Congress.

A farmer named Sam was overseeing his herd in a remote hilly pasture in Hereford when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the farmer, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"
Sam looks at the man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing animals and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell® notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3® cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop® and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany ...
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot® that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL®
database through an ODBC connected Excel® spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry® and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet® printer, turns to the Farmer and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Sam.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then Sam says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a Member of the European Parliament", says Sam.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." answered Sam. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of pounds worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep.
Now give me back my dog.
AND THAT FRIENDS IS WHAT THE PROBLEM IS WITH THE EU

Should children witness childbirth?
Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call.
The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a torch high over her mummy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.
Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked.Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born.
The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom.
Connor began to cry.
The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Kathleen quickly responded,
"He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place ....smack his arse again!"

If you don't laugh at this one there is no hope for you

Walking can add minutes to your life.
This enables you at 85 years old
to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing
home at $4,000 per month.


My grandpa started walking
five miles a day when he was 60.
Now he's 97 years old
and we have no idea where the hell he is.

I like long walks,
especially when they are taken
by people who annoy me.

An Aussie trucker walks into an outback cafe with a full-grown emu behind him.

The waitress asks them for their orders.

The trucker says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke,' and turns to the emu, 'What's yours?'
'Sounds great, I'll have the same,' says the emu.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change and pays.

The next day, the man and the emu come again and he says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke.'
The emu says, ' Sounds great, I'll have the same.'

Again the trucker reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.

'No, it's Friday night, so I'll have a steak, baked potato and a
salad,' says the man..
'Same for me,' says the emu.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be
$32.62.'


Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me mate, how do you manage to always pull the exact change from your pocket every time?'

'Well, love' says the trucker, 'a few years ago, I was cleaning out the back shed, and found an old lamp. When I cleaned it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.

My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'

'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want, for as long as you live!'

'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there.' says the man.
Still curious the waitress asks, 'What's with the bloody emu?'

The trucker pauses, sighs, and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall bird with a big bum and long legs who agrees with everything I say.

A father put his 3 year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying, "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."

The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?'... The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do." The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.

A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this, "God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma."

The next day the grandmother died. "Holy crap" thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side."

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed, the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."

He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock.

He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee,

looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home. When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late.

What's the matter?" He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."

She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning my golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson!"

Bill and his assigned caddie started off the first tee of the fancy resort course Bill was playing. It was his first time using a caddie, and he was excited.

But by the eighth hole, Bill was already 24 over par. He had lost 9 balls in water hazards. And trying to hack his way out of the rough, Bill had dug a trench a foot deep.

Then, on the No. 9 green, Bill was standing over a one foot putt when his caddie coughed right in the middle of his stroke. Bill exploded.

"You must be the worst caddie in the history of golf!" Bill screamed.

"I doubt it," the caddie replied. "That'd be too much of a coincidence."

Complete set of encyclopedia Britannica for sale.
45 Volumes. Excellent condition.
€100 or best offer.

Reason for sale:- No longer required.
Got married last weekend.
Wife knows everything.

An old man went to the Doctor complaining that his wife could barely hear. The Doctor suggested a test to find out the extent of the problem. “Stand far behind her and ask her a question, and then slowly move up and see how far away you are when she first responds.” The old man excited to finally be working on a solution for the problem, runs home and sees his wife preparing supper. ” Honey” the man asks standing around 20 feet away “whats for supper?” After receiving no response he tried it again 15 feet away, and again no response. Then again at 10 feet away and again no response. Finally he was 5 feet away “honey whats for supper?”
She replies “For the fourth time it’s lasagna!”

Mick walked over to the Priest after Mass, “You know Father, I am really stuck in a quandary I would like to attend church next week but I just can’t miss the big game in Old Trafford next Sunday, it’s just out of the question.” “Oh Mick, Mick” said the Priest putting his arm around Mick, “don’t you know? it can be recorded.” Mick’s face lit up “you mean I could record your sermon?”

Jim, was in the hospital on his death bed. The family called the Priest to be with him in his final moments. As the Rev. Father stood by the bed, Jims’s condition seemed to deteriorate, and Jim motioned for someone to quickly pass him a pen and paper. The Priest quickly got a pen and paper and lovingly handed it to Jim. But before he had a chance to read the note, Jim died. The Priest feeling that now wasn’t the right time to read it put the note in his jacket pocket. It was at the funeral while speaking that he suddenly remembered the note. Reaching deep into his pocket the Priest said “and you know what, I suddenly remembered that right before Jim died he handed me a note, and knowing Jim I’m sure it was something inspiring that we can all gain from. With that introduction he ripped out the note and opened it.

The note read “HEY, YOU ARE STANDING ON MY OXYGEN TUBE!”

My daughter sure showed me what a back seat driver I am! On our way to the shop today, I stopped short at a red light causing the car to jolt. As soon as I jerked my 3 year old in the back seat hollered Daaaaave. Not sure why she had called my husband’s name, I asked her why she had said what she did. ”That’s what you say when someone stops like that”, she innocently replied.

Two guys were playing golf, one of them was about to swing the golf club when he noticed a funeral procession going by on the street. The man stopped in mid-swing and closed his eyes and said a short prayer. The other man truly inspired, remarked, clearing his throat, “wow that was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen.” “Well”, the other man said “I was married to her for 35 years.”

Recently, Germany conducted some scientific exploration involving their best scientists. Core drilling samples of earth were taken to a depth of 50m and during the core examinations, small pieces of copper were discovered. After running many arduous tests on these samples, the German government announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nationwide telephone network.

Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. So they ordered their own scientists to take their core samples at a depth of 100m. From these samples, they found small pieces of glass and soon announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years ago already had a nationwide optical fibre network.

Irish scientists were outraged. So immediately after this announcement, they ordered their scientist to take samples at a depth of 200m but found absolutely nothing. They concluded that the ancient Irish 55,000 years ago were an even more advanced civilisation, as they already had a mobile telephone network in place.

Police Officer Test

How do you tell the difference between an English Police Officer, a Canadian Police Officer, an American Police Officer and a Scottish police officer?

QUESTION: You're on duty by yourself (don't ask why, you just are, and your Sergeant hates you) walking on a deserted street late at night.
Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife and lunges at you.
You are carrying your baton and are an expert in using it. However, you have only a split second to react before he reaches you. What do you do ?

ANSWER:

British Police Officer:

Firstly, the Officer must consider the man's human rights.

1) Does the man look poor or oppressed ?

2) Is he newly arrived in this country and does not yet understand the law ?

3) Is this really a knife or a ceremonial dagger ?

4) Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack ?

5) Am I dressed provocatively ?

6) Could I run away ?

7) Could I possibly swing my baton and knock the knife out of his hand ?

8) Should I try and negotiate with him to discuss his wrong-doings ?

9) Why am I carrying a baton anyway and what kind of message does this send to society ?

10) Does he definitely want to kill me or would he be content just to wound me ?

11) If I were to grab his knees and hold on, would he still want to stab and kill me ?

12) If I raise my baton and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed if he falls over, knocks his head and kills himself ?

13) If I hurt him and lose the subsequent court case, does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and the loss of my family home ?


Canadian Police Officer:

BANG !


American Police Officer:

BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !

'Click'...Reload...

BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !


Glasgow Police Officer:


"Haw, Jimmie.. Drop the knife, noo, unless you want it stuck up yer arse!"

A doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work and go fishing, so he approached his assistant ."Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients".

Yes, sir!" answers Murphy. The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day and asks: "So, Murphy, how was your day?" Murphy told him that he took care of three patients. "The first one had a headache so he did, I gave him Paracetamol."

"Bravo Murphy lad, and the second one?" asks the doctor. "The second one had indigestion and I gave him Gaviscon, so I did sir" says Murphy."Bravo, bravo!

You're good at this and what about the third one?" asks the doctor. "Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door flies open and a young gorgeous woman bursts in so she does. Like a bolt outta the blue, she tears off her clothes, taking off everything including her bra and her knickers and lies down on the table, spreading her legs and shouts: 'HELP ME for the love of St Patrick! For five years I have not seen any man!'"

"Thunderin' lard above in Heaven, Murphy, what did you do?" asks the doctor! "I put drops in her eyes."

Paddy and Mick go to London to donate sperm.
It was a disaster!
Paddy missed the tube and Mick came on the bus!

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A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane.
Paddy ordered a whisky.
The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.
He replied in disgust "I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!"
Paddy handed his drink back and said
"Me too, I didn't know we had a choice!" \\\|///

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Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight.
The operator asks "How many people are flying with you?"
Paddy replies "I don't know! It’s your f***ing plane!"

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Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site.
Paddy says to Murphy "I'm gonna have the day off,
I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!"
He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down and shouts

"I'M A LIGHTBULB! I'M A LIGHTBULB!"

Murphy watches in amazement!
The Foreman shouts "Paddy you're mad, go home"
So he leaves the site.
Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.
"Where the hell are you going?" asks the Foreman.
"I can't work in the friggin' dark!" says Murphy.

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Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night.
After 3 hours of amazing sex, Paddy says "I wonder how the girls are getting on".

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Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night.
She undresses, lies on the bed spread-eagled and says
"You know what I want, don't you?"
"Yeah," says Paddy. "The whole feckin' bed by the looks of it!"

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Paddy, the electrician, got sacked from the U...S. prison service for not servicing the electric chair.
He said in his professional opinion it was a death trap!

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Paddy and his wife are lying in bed and the neighbours' dog is barking like mad in the garden.
Paddy says "To hell with this!" and storms off.
He comes back upstairs 5 minutes later and his wife asks "What did you do?"
Paddy replies "I've put the dog in our garden. Let's see how they like it!"

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Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have Bluetongue.
"Be Jeysus!" he said, "I didn't even know they had mobile phones!"\\\|///

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Mick and Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery.
Mick says "Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!"
Paddy says "What's his name?"
Mick replies "Miles, From London !

Bob received the following text from his neigbour:

"I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess.
I have been tapping your wife day and night when you're not around.
I'm not getting it at home, but that's no excuse.
I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again."

Bob, feeling anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.

A few moments later, a second text came in from the neigbour:

"Damn spell check, I meant 'wifi', not 'wife'. "

Last night I reached for my liquid Viagra and accidentally swigged
from a bottle of Liquid Paper.
I woke up this morning with a huge correction.

My girlfriend said she was leaving me due to my obsession with the
60's rock group The Monkees.
I thought she was joking ......... And then I saw her face......

My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a little splint out of a
couple of Redhead matches.
His little face lit up when he tried to walk... unfortunately, I had
forgotten to remove the sandpaper from the bottom of his cage.

I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen, the
ungrateful bastards.
All I said was, 'Hurry up for Christ's sake ............ Some of us
have got homes to go to!'

Women should be like golf caddies, either holding your balls or getting
your bloody tee ready!

Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my
wife's voice from the kitchen, 'What do you feel like for dinner my
love chicken, beef or lamb?' I said, 'Chicken, please.'
She replied, 'You're having soup you fat bastard, I was talking to the
cat!'

Got myself a new Jack Russell puppy, he's mainly black and brown with
a small white patch, so I've named him England...

Last year, I replaced, like, all the windows in my house with those expensive, double-pane, energy-efficient kind. Today, I, like, got a call from the contractor who installed them. He complained that the work had been completed a year ago and I still hadn't, like, paid for them. OMG! Hellloooo,............ Just because I'm Blondie, doesn't mean that I'm, like, automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last year; that these windows would, like, pay for themselves in a year!Helllooooo? It's been a year, so they're, like, paid for, I told him. There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot.

5-Minute Management Course

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel..'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and
goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.



Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg..
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.' 'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.



'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4:

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.



Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.' 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:

Bull **** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..

Lesson 6:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate..
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.



Morals of the story:

(1) Not everyone who ****s on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of **** is your friend..
(3) And when you're in deep ****, it's best to keep your mouth shut!


THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE…