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Shyness

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  • 14-02-2008 11:43pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi all,
    Any advice on this problem is greatly appreciated. I have a really bad case of shyness when I'm with a group. I can't seem to speak to the group, I get really flustered and have difficulty speaking. If I'm talking to a group of friends I'm fine, but the work place is completely different. I seem to hit a mental block where I can't voice my opinions. My colleagues are really quick witted and I'm not, so anything I do say usually sounds completely stupid.

    This had a terrible affect on me a few years ago, I literally lost a job I really loved because of bullying from one person. He would point out all the time in front of others that there was something wrong with me. I really need to get over this but I just can't. Help/advice is greatly appreciated, this is really getting me down.


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    #2
    jdivision
    Registered Users Posts: 4,260 ✭✭✭jdivision


    This might sound stupid but prepare a few lines in advance. For things like bullies it works wonders, people answer them back and they back down straight away. I see it all the time


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    #3
    TequilaMockingBird
    Registered Users Posts: 4,392 ✭✭✭TequilaMockingBird


    Try not to worry, I think you'd be amazed at how many people have felt like that. Chill about it, you don't have to be the life and soul, and the more relaxed you become over time, the more you will find yourself loosening up. The more pressure you put on yourself, the harder your making it for yourself.


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    #4
    cochese
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7 ✭cochese


    i say stupid things all the time at work in a group, i used to be very shy when it comes to speaking out in a group. People used to laugh at me at some of the things i said, and they still do. You just got to learn to take it all in your stride, if people put you down, so what, just laugh it off. If you feel your opinions are not been heard, it helps to speak a little louder and more often in a group situation. It's all about practice, the more you speak, the better you get at it, no matter how stupid. The more you think about what you are going to say will prevent you from saying anything, and there's no point being a mute as you are just taking thinks backwards. If you dont agree with something say it, it does'nt have to be witty. Even simple things like saying yes a few times, nodding your head and making alot of eye contact in them situations will help alot.


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    #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I have similar problems. I would say try not to feel necessarily under pressure to talk as much as other people do. Not everyone's the same and you can also serve a useful role in a meeting also by listening (something I think many other people could also do with concentrating on). I'm not saying you need to suppress things if you want to say them, but just understand that people can play different and equally valuable roles in meetings.

    When it comes to saying stuff, it may help to address what you're saying to one person. It's probably not an ideal way of communicating with a group, as some of the others may feel like you're ignoring them a bit, but it may help initially to make you feel a bit more comfortable.

    And don't worry about saying something stupid, there's more crap talked at work meetings than anywhere else, saying stupid stuff won't make you look at all out of place :)


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    #6
    JuliusCaesar
    Registered Users Posts: 4,882 ✭✭✭JuliusCaesar


    http://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Social-Anxiety-Behavioural-Techniques/dp/1854877038


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    #7
    Marksie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,395 ✭✭✭Marksie


    I assume its work meeeting you are talking about?

    If you know the topic then jot down some ideas on what its about and your thoughts and opinions.
    Dont wing it.

    Even if all your points have been covered.

    Its better to say "ah i had jotted down a lot of those points but they have been covered"

    As for somene bullying: well in this case you have to learn to stop it and say that inappropriate or incorrect.


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    #8
    allabouteve
    Closed Accounts Posts: 844 ✭✭✭allabouteve


    A person I used to know suffered really badly from low self esteem as a result of his extreme shyness. He found a hypnotist who deals with this kind of thing and after a few sessions he'd learned the techniques to prevent that nervy feeling when he was put on the spot, at work or socially. He really became more fluent I suppose, but you could see his confidence grow as a result over the weeks. Might be worth looking into.

    The hypnotist also planted various 'suggestions' during the sessions, such as 'I'm in control, I'm calm and not nervous'. It was a while ago now but I was so impressed with the change in him that it always stuck in my mind.


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    #9
    mikemac
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,986 ✭✭✭✭mikemac


    Maybe you need to a few presentations in work. When I was in college they forced us to public speaking. The first time I did I was rubbish and stumbled and stuttered but after a few weeks I was talking away and cracking jokes which was good progress.
    I hated the idea of public speaking at the time but it was very useful looking back now and now I kinda enjoy it.

    Any team meetings coming up OP? Ask your boss can you be chairman so you can run it and give summaries and ask for questions. It's good practice.

    http://www.nlp.ie/
    I ain't schilling as I've never used this crowd. But I have and listened to stuff from Tony Robbins (cheap on ebay ;))and it's good and powerful stuff if you apply it. So maybe they do similar stuff


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    #10
    Mrs OBumble
    Registered Users Posts: 25,709 ✭✭✭✭Mrs OBumble


    If this has been an issue in the workplace for years, but not in your personal life, then you need to see a counsellor about it.

    Advice from the boards, 90% of which (unhelfully) says "just don't worry about it" won't help you sort out what the real problem is and what you can do about it.


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    #11
    mikemac
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,986 ✭✭✭✭mikemac


    JustMary wrote: »
    Advice from the boards, 90% of which (unhelfully) says "just don't worry about it" won't help you sort out what the real problem is and what you can do about it.

    I'm not disagreeing with the point of your post but when say 90% of advice is unhelpful then that's uncalled for. A lot of people and especially the mods spend a lot of time here giving advice.
    Read back over the posts before yours. Are 90% telling the OP not to worry or are they giving suggestions and personal experience?


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    #12
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    JustMary wrote: »
    Advice from the boards, 90% of which (unhelfully) says "just don't worry about it" won't help you sort out what the real problem is and what you can do about it.



    I think the OP knows exactly what the real problem is and described it well.


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