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Repressed memories?? Were you right???

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  • 01-06-2008 11:15pm
    #1
    whatodo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4 ✭


    Really hoping somebody here can help me with something which is knocking me up down and sideways!!

    I'm a guy in his early 30's who about 18months ago started to go for counselling as I wasn't too happy in my life (have to say it really helped) and was really getting back on track. Around Christmas time was out for a few drinks and something came up from the depths - cutting a v long story into a v short one - it was that I was abused when I was younger, don't know who or where, more of a feeling (well a lot stronger than that really). I've been working through it with my counsellor who in fairness seems to know what they're doing and are being v cautious but it's v v frustrating! To be honest I'm less concerned at this stage about who it might have been, just need to know if it's all in my head!

    The question I have is this, I know it's an incredibly personal thing for people but I just wanted to know if anybody might have had an experience of going from having no memories to finding out what happened and being proven right? I know it's asking people to reveal a lot but this just has me unbelievably messed up.


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    #2
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    You may be better of trying here.

    http://www.oneinfour.ie/support/

    There is online support and a forum of people sharing thier experinces and they have group
    theraphy sessions as well.


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    #3
    Wurly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,095 ✭✭✭Wurly


    This may sound a bit airy fairy but basically your psyche does not allow you to feel stuff from the past that is too much for you to cope with. As it gets stronger, the memories begin to leak out. If this has happened to you, basically you have done a good job of burying it in your subconscious as it was too painful to deal with at the time. Or if you were really young - you simply didnt know how to handle it or couldnt understand what was happening.

    I know this is terribly frightening but to put your mind at rest, I feel you should go to talk to someone - maybe get in touch with the org that Thaedydal recommended.

    It is very common for people to supress memories of abuse so you should have no problem in finding someone to help you get to the bottom of this. In my opinion, I think it is unlikely that you have imagined this. But of course, I would not like to say that for definite as I dont know you nor the full extent of your circumstances.

    All I can say is best of luck. Knowledge is power and better to solve this puzzle than to not know for sure. If it has happened to you, you can heal and come to terms with it. A question mark over something like this has to be far worse.x


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    #4
    hoolio
    Closed Accounts Posts: 197 ✭✭hoolio


    To be honest OP i'd take Tri's post with a fairly large grain of salt (no offence man btw). The repressed memory issue is dodgy at best. They aren't common, not remotely. That said they do occur, it's just not that simple as above.

    Work through it with a counsellor or trusted person, and don't let them lead you. Either way.


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    #5
    Carrigart Exile
    Closed Accounts Posts: 994 ✭✭✭Carrigart Exile


    hoolio wrote: »
    To be honest OP i'd take Tri's post with a fairly large grain of salt (no offence man btw). The repressed memory issue is dodgy at best. They aren't common, not remotely. That said they do occur, it's just not that simple as above.

    Work through it with a counsellor or trusted person, and don't let them lead you. Either way.


    +1 comes with a huge caution warning


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    #6
    econ08
    Closed Accounts Posts: 53 ✭✭econ08


    hoolio wrote: »
    To be honest OP i'd take Tri's post with a fairly large grain of salt (no offence man btw). The repressed memory issue is dodgy at best. They aren't common, not remotely. That said they do occur, it's just not that simple as above.

    Work through it with a counsellor or trusted person, and don't let them lead you. Either way.

    I agree. Its one thing to say people try to forget about such experiences and don't talk about them, but to say that you had no conscious awareness of them and now they suddenly pop up at 30 years of age is something different. Its one of those theories that has no evidence base and can never be proven. "You feel this way because you were abused as a child", "No I wasn't ", "You only say that because you have repressed memories." In my opinion it is mostly nonsense and if it does happen at all its very rare.

    Just so you know if you don't get significant benefit after 10-15 sessions of psychotherapy then you've got the wrong therapist. (See Adult Handbook of Clinical Psychology, Carr & McNulty, 2006). Alot of counsellors string people along for years when it is obviously not doing much good.


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    #7
    whatodo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4 ✭whatodo


    Thanks guys. To be honest it's kinda something I always felt but when it came up it was waaay more than just a feeling. In fairness to the counsellor they never raised the issue before it happened and is v conscious of false memories, at this stage all I'm looking for is confirmation either way, even that would be enough for now


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    #8
    Wurly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,095 ✭✭✭Wurly


    I posted what I said because I had suppressed memories from my childhood.

    I worked through them with a counsellor and she informed me of how common they were.

    I did not mean to sound 'airy fairy', rather, I shared my actual experience of it.

    Whether you choose to take my post with a pinch of salt or not OP, its your decision.

    But I was just sharing my experience.

    All the best.


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    #9
    MysticalSoul
    Registered Users Posts: 1,266 ✭✭✭MysticalSoul


    OP, it sounds like you know something happened at a gut level, and in my view, the body never lies. As you have said here, your therapist never raised it, so that to me sounds like she knows what he/she is doing. Don't put yourself under pressure to remember what it is that happened - take it at your own pace. It sounds like you trust your therapist, and this could be the reason why certain aspects of your childhood are starting to resurface now. Also, remember to take it at your own pace, as these things cannot be rushed.


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    #10
    whatodo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4 ✭whatodo


    Tri...I take it when the memories came back to you that they were correct? Really don't mean to sound smart or anything, I really just want to know if it's possible to get the confirmation I need so badly, have to admit it's the conflict between being so sure and so unsure that is messing me up.


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    #11
    Skinfull
    Registered Users Posts: 1,439 ✭✭✭Skinfull


    This isnt the hard part. Its the frustrting part. Its about to get a whole lot worse but then it'll be amazing. Keep looking.


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    #12
    Wurly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,095 ✭✭✭Wurly


    Hi OP, yes they were correct.

    Not knowing has to be worse. As ive said, if the memories are accurate, then you can do something to get through it. Not knowing keeps you in limbo.

    Good luck


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    #13
    whatodo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4 ✭whatodo


    Thanks a million guys for all your posts. The thing that's been really driving me nuts is not believing myself that it's possible to bury these things away and thinking that I must be making it all up. I know it's possible there's nothing there but I think I just need answers no matter how bad they are. It makes things easier knowing that people have buried these things away when they came out they were correct.


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    #14
    AlanD
    Registered Users Posts: 1,491 ✭✭✭AlanD


    Repressed memories are an absolute possibility. Depending on your belief system, there are many ways to describe how it happens.

    But basically, when something traumatic happens to a person, something that the body feels it can't handle, part of their soul separates. By soul, I don't mean what most of you will have learned about in school as some religious entity, but soul as in your body's energy, it's spirit, the electricity that keeps you going. When a piece of the soul separates, it takes with it the whole memory of the experience and so you essentially forget about it.

    Many people will have repressed memories but won't know about it and so will be total skeptics about it and may only see traditional solutions to traditional problems. The thing is, there is a whole world of therapies out there that can help bring the pieces of your soul (memory) back together.

    Counseling is an excellent approach, but it could take years to get those memories back and talking them back may create more problems. Bringing them back through alternate means will bring them back without judgement and you should be able to reconcile with them once back.

    Personally, I know I have some repressed memories from childhood, but have no idea why I can't remember parts of it.

    If you want more information, send me a PM.

    I can recommend a book that will describe exactly what you are experiencing and why it happens and can recommend methods of bringing your repressed memories back.

    I won't post them here because too many people won't understand and will pass judgement where judgement is not needed.

    What you are experiencing is real, so don't let doubters and skeptics change your mind.


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