Pulling the plug

LegacyUser · 31-05-2008 2:28pm #1

Gonna go anonymous for this one as Im a private man.

My grandfather has been on deaths door for over 20 years. In fact the doctors have told him he should have been dead by rights a long time ago. But he is a survivor. He's got emphysema.
Few days ago he had complications involving tripping, broken bones and a heart attack to ice the cake. He's on life support and the plug is being pulled today. He has suffered for so long and this is a release...but I don't know how to feel. Not sure what I hope to achieve here, to vent I guess. Anyone with any advice?

bronte · 31-05-2008 8:24pm

God, I'm sorry to hear that.
One thing that did bring me peace when my aunt died a few years ago was the thought that she was no longer suffering and was in a better place.
Look after yourself, it does get a bit easier with time.

pvt.joker · 31-05-2008 8:28pm

Mourning wrote: »

Anyone with any advice?

Yes. Get off the internet and go and spend his last day with him

LegacyUser · 31-05-2008 8:37pm

pvt.joker wrote: »

Yes. Get off the internet and go and spend his last day with him

Thanks Bronte, I'd like to say I hope I'll feel better but I don't feel anything much at the mo. I don't think it's registered yet.

pvt.joker - Of course I was there for it and btw he was totally comatose so I was no great comfort to him, it's not called life support for no reason. Try not to be so f*cking insensitive.

oil painting · 31-05-2008 8:57pm

pvt.joker wrote: »

Yes. Get off the internet and go and spend his last day with him

how could you be so insensitive???? why bother posting if you have nothing respectful to say!!!!

op... i lost my granddad recently too and we were very close... the amazing thing is you feel closer to them when they die-you can feel their presence with you always.... it is the end of his suffering and of his natural life... lovely to see how much you loved him... take care xxxx

bronte · 31-05-2008 11:49pm

Hey, it's fairly normal to feel a bit numb right now, and it will take a bit of time for you to process it all.
Agree with oil painting too, my grandad died when I was 10, 14 years ago now.
I honestly still feel very close to him and his presence is always around.
It's strange how that can happen, but lovely too.
I hope you're okay, be with the family, you'll need each other's support.

deisemum · 01-06-2008 2:31am

Ah Mourning it's a tough time. My Dad will be dead 5 years tomorrow and his anniversary mass is later today (Sunday morning) so he's very much on my mind this week.

He really suffered in his last 6 months and it was shocking to see the physical effects of cancer. He slipped into a coma and lasted another 24 hours approx. We knew there wasn't any hope left for him and knew it was kinder for him than see him suffer so much.

While he was in the last few hours of his coma before he died one part of me just wished he'd take his last breathe as we knew there wasn't any possible hope and then I'd be immediately feeling guilty for even thinking such a thing. Most of my family experienced the same sort of thing.

My aunt, his sister was telling him that their mum, dad and other deceased siblings were waiting for him and to go to him. At least believing that he was going to be reunited with his deceased family was a comforting thought.

The next few days will be strange to say the least. We had a wake for my dad which was what he wanted. We found that comforting. As you can imagine there were lots of tears but as people called and paid their respects and discussed so many things about my dad a lot of which were very funny we'd be in stitches laughing at them.

I knew my dad from a child's point of view and even as an adult he was still my dad. We got to hear so many things about him that we hadn't ever heard before and got another insight about him, the type of friend he was to others, some of the mad or funny things he did before he had a family etc.

Your parent who is his child will need as much support and care as possible not forgetting the rest of your family. After my dad died my body physically hurt for weeks plus I was very forgetful. I'd start to say something and then in the middle of a sentance I'd forget what I was saying and couldn't concentrate.

I didn't mean to waffle on it's just on my mind at the moment.

Be kind to yourself and a big cyber hug across the internet to you

Overheal · 01-06-2008 5:38am

Its not so much about how you should feel OP. I myself was pretty numb when my stepmom died; it could hit you a few days, weeks, or months from now, or it may never.

I suggest you don't spend too much time worrying about how you should be feeling and just go on feeling whatever it is you are feeling.

Toots · 01-06-2008 12:44pm

OP sorry to hear about your Grandad, I know it's hard, but at least he's not suffering anymore. You may feel like you're on an emotional rollercoaster after this, but just ride it out. If you want to cry, then cry. Also talk to someone if you feel it helps. Just don't bottle everything up cos that's not going to do you any good in the long run. You might not feel anything now, and that's ok too, lots of people feel numb after a loved one passes away. Look after yourself.

chuci · 01-06-2008 5:13pm

op im so sorry for your loss, as everyone else said at least he is not suffering any more and has gone on to a happier place. be there for your parents too especially his child they will need all the love and support around them. dont act like the way you should think you should act grief is a very powerful thing and it affects people differently so deal with it as it comes.

Pulling the plug

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