Bored in relationship

LegacyUser · 03-06-2008 1:29am #1

Hi,
I am going to be very honest in this post, since I am anonymous.

I met my boyfriend at a party last summer. We were both drunk and I remember thinking he seemed nice. He seemed very interested. I took his number and he went home, we went to the cinema a week later. After he said he would ring me during the week and we would arrange to meet up again- he texted the next day wanting to meet up that night. In the end we started going out and have been together 11 months now.

But I am getting so bored. Don't get me wrong- the relationship between the two of us is not boring- we fight a LOT and have had some really awful arguments. But I am getting so bored with him. Unless we are fighting, we spend every day together. I enjoy my time with him but he is just so... nice. Even when we first started going out, it was never "god this guy is so hot/sexy/cool" etc, I only ever remember thinking "he is so nice". I know he is really in love with me, I have never doubted that. I feel bad saying it but I would love someone a bit more exciting. Even in bed- his favourite position is missionary which does hardly anything for me. I find myself wishing I could just go out and score randomly like I used to- I have even been thinking about going behind his back which I feel awful about as he is my 3rd boyfriend and I have never cheated on anyone. To top things all off he has attempted suicide before (before I knew him) and he had depression since about November. He has just come off his antidepressants a few weeks ago and he has been very argumentative since which is making me feel worse. I don't think I love him- I tell him I do but I never feel it. Having said that I am the type of person that doesn't realise how they feel about someone until I don't have them anymore.

Can anyone offer any advice?

b3t4 · 03-06-2008 2:13am

You've two options

1. spice things up by talking to your partner
2. get out.

I'd advise you take option two as you don't seem overly won with this relationship. I don't believe it's fufilling you're needs and wants therefore I can't see how you'd be happy in this relationship for the long run. (I mean you're contemplating cheating on the guy, somethings wrong here, right?)

Forget about his depression here as this is something he has to deal with and not you. Yes, he might throw the 'i'll commit suicde if you leave' line when you do decide to end things. All you can do in this instance is to highlight how he's feeling to a mate of his so that they can keep a watchful eye over him.

Can you see a future for this relationship? If not, then get out. Else you are wasting his time and yours.

A

MagicMarker · 03-06-2008 5:12am

PinknBlack wrote: »

Hi,
I am going to be very honest in this post, since I am anonymous.

I met my boyfriend at a party last summer. We were both drunk and I remember thinking he seemed nice. He seemed very interested. I took his number and he went home, we went to the cinema a week later. After he said he would ring me during the week and we would arrange to meet up again- he texted the next day wanting to meet up that night. In the end we started going out and have been together 11 months now.

But I am getting so bored. Don't get me wrong- the relationship between the two of us is not boring- we fight a LOT and have had some really awful arguments. But I am getting so bored with him. Unless we are fighting, we spend every day together. I enjoy my time with him but he is just so... nice. Even when we first started going out, it was never "god this guy is so hot/sexy/cool" etc, I only ever remember thinking "he is so nice". I know he is really in love with me, I have never doubted that. I feel bad saying it but I would love someone a bit more exciting. Even in bed- his favourite position is missionary which does hardly anything for me. I find myself wishing I could just go out and score randomly like I used to- I have even been thinking about going behind his back which I feel awful about as he is my 3rd boyfriend and I have never cheated on anyone. To top things all off he has attempted suicide before (before I knew him) and he had depression since about November. He has just come off his antidepressants a few weeks ago and he has been very argumentative since which is making me feel worse. I don't think I love him- I tell him I do but I never feel it. Having said that I am the type of person that doesn't realise how they feel about someone until I don't have them anymore.

Can anyone offer any advice?

Why are you with him? You're using him, let him go and find someone who really cares about him.

Overheal · 03-06-2008 5:31am

Unless you want to try and make him fun/exciting. Lead him into it.

But if you're lying to him about loving him: nobody deserves that.

iPoker · 03-06-2008 5:57am

PinknBlack wrote: »

Hi,
To top things all off he has attempted suicide before (before I knew him) and he had depression since about November. He has just come off his antidepressants a few weeks ago and he has been very argumentative since which is making me feel worse.

Unless you want to be forever walking on eggshells, and afraid to end a relationship in case this crazy does something to himself, get rid, immediately....

I'd been with a girl for about 18 months when I was 20/21...was not happy with how things were going, so I ended it.....follow that with months of threats of what she was going to do to herself. The worst kind of thing to do to anyone. BS.

Reku · 03-06-2008 8:15am

If you're not in love with him you're not in love with him, lying about it does no-one any good. If breaking up with you is enough to send him over the edge then he's probably already teetering and will relapse regardless of whether you stay or go, it's just a matter of time.

That said though are you sure that this is not just a case of the grass is greener? Perhaps just spending a little less time together each week will help you appreciate the time you do have and the qualities you like in him that little bit more.

RedXIV · 03-06-2008 11:22am

Heard this tale before. Very well that the guy is a nice guy but of course, thats not what a girl wants.

You're not the first girl to be bored by a guy and you won't be the last. Personally, in your situation, i'd get out, but do the guy a favour and explain why. I was kicked out of 2 relationships when i was younger and given no reason why and that plagued me for AGES. When a girl broke up with me in college, she explained why and it was one of the most informative things i've learned in my life.

bottom line, if you don't think he's going to change, leave

Cathmandooo · 03-06-2008 11:29am

Have to agree with above posters, either spice it up and see how things go from there or get out of the relationship. Give him a chance though, explain to him that you want some fire in the relationship, maybe he thinks you dont want to change anything.

If that doesnt work out then you'll have to leave him.

Wagon · 03-06-2008 12:45pm

PinknBlack wrote: »

I enjoy my time with him but he is just so... nice. Even when we first started going out, it was never "god this guy is so hot/sexy/cool" etc, I only ever remember thinking "he is so nice".

Says it all really. Break up with him, don't stall it any longer. I'd normally suggest talking to him and try to spice things up but you appear to have already left the relationship mentally, considering the fact that you want to go out and get off with blokes randomly.

jellie · 03-06-2008 12:57pm

are you with him to be with HIM or to be with a BOYFRIEND?

if its not for him then youre wasting both your time.

Wibbs · 03-06-2008 1:23pm

Yep unless you work on this and want to work on this, then leave him to find someone who loves him and fancies him beyond being "nice". If you don't then I don't need to be mystic meg to see a scenario where you will bump into someone else who will light your touchpaper and current guy will be left holding the pieces.

You say you're bored and fight a lot so why are you in this? Fear of being alone maybe? That's where I would put my money anyway. Don't wait around for the above scenario to happen. It's selfish to do so. No excuses about hurting him either. That is an excuse not to face this now. I guarantee that if you do meet someone who floats your boat tomorrow you would leave him, so let him go now.

Better karma if you want to look at it like that.

Bored in relationship

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