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is it ok to spoil a guy for his birthday, without being 'too nice' and a turn off?

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  • 25-05-2008 7:29pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I've been going out with a great guy for the last few months and his birthday is soon. So far, I have avoided doing too much/ too many romantic things etc in the relationship (as that messed up a previous relationship). He hasn't been very romantic with me, so things have been balanced I guess. I do sometimes wish he did more, but I don't want to nag him about it.

    As it's his 21st, I want to spoil him. But at the same time, I don't want to turn him off me by being 'too nice' etc.

    My impression, based on my own experiences, tends to be that there's a very strong possibility that buying a guy gifts/ doing stuff for him etc will end up being a turn off. I just was wondering what are other people's opinions about this?. Especially from guys... if it was your birthday and a girl spent, around 60 euros on things she thought you'd like+ put effort into making something by hand+ took you you on a surprise day out, would you like that, or would it be her just doing too much for you (and being a turn off)?. Thanks.


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    #2
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    I'd say it depends on how much he does or does not celebrate birthdays.
    I don't celebrate mine tbh and someone I had just started dating making a huge fuss esp after I had asked them not do would piss me right of.

    But I am not your bf, so you need to find out what he has done for other birthdays.

    Beign nice and considerate is possible with out coming over as if you are fawning over him and you are a push over.


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    #3
    Dudess
    Closed Accounts Posts: 37,214 ✭✭✭✭Dudess


    You're obviously still very much affected by how things turned out in the last relationship. You gotta put that behind you. Seriously, if you feel you have to act differently to the way you really are then you need to question the relationship. Or at least yourself. This is moreso you rather than your boyfriend. I think if you want to get him a present then go right ahead and do it. Being put off by someone being too nice - what a load of crap. Any person who thinks like that about their partner doing nice things for them, well maybe they'd prefer someone who's selfish and inconsiderate?


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    #4
    Lollipops23
    Registered Users Posts: 5,420 ✭✭✭Lollipops23


    you can't not celebrate his 21st!it's not about spending tons, or even going to tons of trouble but maybe get him something thoughtful. My own OH doesn't really care much for bdays but for his last one i got him a bunch of small pressies that i knew he'd dig, and he was really chuffed!


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    #5
    CathyMoran
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 7,458 Mod ✭✭✭✭CathyMoran


    I agree - it is better to be you in the relationship, so stop constraining yourself. If he does not like you for who you truely are then there is no point in being with him. The relationship that I have been (and am) the happiest in is the one where I can be the soppy romantic that I really am. I also dated guys who made me act tougher and while it made me stronger I prefer to be able to show affection how and when I want it without being made feel weak.


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    #6
    Loopy
    Registered Users Posts: 12,220 ✭✭✭✭Loopy


    CathyMoran wrote: »
    I agree - it is better to be you in the relationship, so stop constraining yourself. If he does not like you for who you truely are then there is no point in being with him. The relationship that I have been (and am) the happiest in is the one where I can be the soppy romantic that I really am. I also dated guys who made me act tougher and while it made me stronger I prefer to be able to show affection how and when I want it without being made feel weak.

    I agree with the above. If that's what you want to do then do it. Don't change who you are for anyone. It is his 21st at the end of the day so I reckon he will appreciate the thought you have put into it.


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    #7
    Keano
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Sports Moderators Posts: 12,803 Mod ✭✭✭✭Keano


    Go ahead and spoil him, I have never seen anyone who doesn't like being spoilt every now and then. IMO if he gives out then he must be made of stone.


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    #8
    MagicMarker
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 32,865 ✭✭✭✭MagicMarker


    Steak and blowjob is all that's needed, no man will be disappointed. FACT! Spend the 60 euro on lingerie.


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    #9
    jptk
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 203 ✭✭jptk


    Im surprised anyone would find that a turnoff... but thats just my opinion. It certainly wouldnt put me off at all, quite the opposite, it would show that she cared enough to put some thought into it. Especially making something yourself.


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    #10
    Doctor DooM
    Moderators, Music Moderators Posts: 25,868 Mod ✭✭✭✭Doctor DooM


    I loved it when a GF made a big thing about important things in my life.

    Go for it. The past is a different country.


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    #11
    Cathmandooo
    Registered Users Posts: 17,324 ✭✭✭✭Cathmandooo


    While it's good to learn from past relationships you shouldnt expect them to always be the same. Do spoil him for his birthday, stop looking into the past too much and start looking into your future. Spoiling him will make you happy and probably make him happy too so go for it. He's probably not spoiling you because you're giving off a vibe that you dont like spoiling someone or being spoiled. Be yourself with him.


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    #12
    Talliesin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,314 ✭✭✭Talliesin


    If someone spent an amount on me that was going to actually cause them hardship, then I might worry they were not treating the relationship in a well-balanced way.

    Otherwise, why not enjoy being treated?


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    #13
    RedXIV
    Registered Users Posts: 8,409 ✭✭✭RedXIV


    You can't go wrong really lass, on one hand, if he likes what you've done, you win, on the other if he doesn't, brush it off as "necessary" for his 21st. :D

    Do it


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    #14
    limpdd
    Registered Users Posts: 362 ✭✭limpdd


    MagicMarker wrote: »
    Steak and blowjob is all that's needed, no man will be disappointed. FACT! Spend the 60 euro on lingerie.


    QFT

    You can't go wrong with the above tbh :D;)


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    #15
    omb0wyn5ehpij9
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,095 ✭✭✭✭omb0wyn5ehpij9


    jptk wrote: »
    Im surprised anyone would find that a turnoff... but thats just my opinion. It certainly wouldnt put me off at all, quite the opposite, it would show that she cared enough to put some thought into it.

    I agreed with jptk. All guys are different, but to be honest where i am concerned if somebody spoilt me for my birthday it would actually show me they cared and it would make me happier in the relationship. And when i say spoil me....I don't mean spending a fortune on me, I mean actually going to the effort of getting something they know I would like. If somebody just bought me something for the sake of it and didn't really care about the present, it would be a turn off


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    #16
    gilseries
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7 ✭gilseries


    60? i spent 250 on my gfs first bday 20th


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    #17
    IrishMike
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,698 ✭✭✭IrishMike


    60 isnt exactly a huge amount of money to spend so if you are willing to spend it then of course you should.
    Stop overthinking things, if you have to pretend to be someone you are not at this early stage then you are probably heading for trouble.
    Do whatever your first instinct/impulse is.
    Oh and that steak/bj idea was definitely the way to go, you can buy a lot of steak for €60!


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    #18
    Dimitri
    Registered Users Posts: 641 ✭✭✭Dimitri


    Getting presents is never a turn off for me i enjoy being centre of attention for one day and 60e is a reasonable amount to spend. To be fair the girlfriend usually spends a few quid and gets me somthing nice but i really wish she'd read this because anything your going to buy won't top a steak and blowjob. Simply because its just given out of no where.


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    #19
    the_syco
    Registered Users Posts: 37,295 ✭✭✭✭the_syco


    MagicMarker wrote: »
    Spend the 60 euro on lingerie.
    +1.


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    #20
    bluemachaveli
    Registered Users Posts: 1,743 ✭✭✭bluemachaveli


    Yes, yes it is ok, me being a guy and my birthday in 10 days :)

    €1000* should suffice.












    * = Will never happen but i can dream :D:D:D


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    #21
    m83
    Registered Users Posts: 2,021 ✭✭✭m83


    MagicMarker wrote: »
    Spend the 60 euro on lingerie.

    But what if he doesn't like wearing lingerie? :p


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    #22
    the_syco
    Registered Users Posts: 37,295 ✭✭✭✭the_syco


    m83 wrote: »
    But what if he doesn't like wearing lingerie? :p
    He can take it off her...


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    #23
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
    Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
    Have a nice day.
    Thaedydal


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    #24
    illicit007
    Registered Users Posts: 371 ✭✭illicit007


    MagicMarker wrote: »
    Steak and blowjob is all that's needed, no man will be disappointed. FACT! Spend the 60 euro on lingerie.

    Hear, hear! Lingerie or some kinda sex toy. Or Grand theft auto 4 if he has an XBox360 / Playstation 3

    Guys are easy to please - food and sex is usually always the way to go


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    #25
    jimmycrackcorm
    Registered Users Posts: 14,330 ✭✭✭✭jimmycrackcorm


    It's very simple - spoil him rotten for his birthday and treat him like ****e the rest of the time. No co nfusion there - you'll just be a normal woman.


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    #26
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    jimmycrackcorm Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
    Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
    Have a nice day.
    Thaedydal


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    #27
    Wanders_fan
    Registered Users Posts: 265 ✭✭Wanders_fan


    Hell this is the least complicated problem i've seen in ages.SPOIL HIM.

    i'd guess spoiling was the issue you had in the past,its alot to do with timing and intensity. I mean if your a new couple he won't want loads of "i love you sole mate" cards and gifts.

    I once had a girl I just kissed(no real relationship had started) offer to buy me dinner in a semi-swanky restuarant and it freaked me a little.Turned out she was crazy.

    but i think a few months is grand to go mad and spoil a guy.


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