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"This land's a thief!"

  • 03-11-2012 3:31pm
    #1
    lukesmom
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,400 ✭✭✭


    Hi just wrote a poem looking for feedback thank you.

    This land's a thief!

    This land's a thief!
    Tiger's gone home
    We sink in depression
    Too close to the bone

    This land's a thief
    Too expensive to breathe
    Instant hand-over of what we receive

    This land's a thief
    No hope for our dreams
    Economy stripped away all self-esteem


Comments

  • #2
    lukesmom
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,400 ✭✭✭lukesmom


    okay thanks for the feedback I'll be sure to take it all in. :)


  • #3
    smcgiff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,943 ✭✭✭smcgiff


    lukesmom wrote: »
    okay thanks for the feedback I'll be sure to take it all in. :)

    Thanks, it's good to be appreciated.


  • #4
    lukesmom
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,400 ✭✭✭lukesmom


    smcgiff wrote: »

    Thanks, it's good to be appreciated.

    Your most welcome :)


  • #5
    PurpleBee
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 274 ✭✭PurpleBee


    What were you trying to achieve with this poem?

    To me it's just an almost rhyming moan.


  • #6
    lukesmom
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,400 ✭✭✭lukesmom


    PurpleBee wrote: »
    What were you trying to achieve with this poem?

    To me it's just an almost rhyming moan.

    To sum up the frustration felt by a lot of people in Ireland at this current time.
    It is a rhyming poem which mirrors the lifestyle of many people at the moment. The monotonous day to day, week to week work, pay out. No chance for our dreams as things have changed dramatically economy wise.


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  • #7
    Insect Overlord
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,914 Mod ✭✭✭✭Insect Overlord


    lukesmom wrote: »
    No chance for our dreams as things have changed dramatically economy wise.

    Dream better dreams.


  • #8
    Agent Weebley
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 450 ✭✭Agent Weebley


    Hi lukesmom,

    Fantastic poem . . . it was but a Paper Tiger, you know . . . with a sleight of origami - folding it back on itself, the Paper Tiger can be turned into a 3D Lenticular Cat . . . something quite electric

    Keep writing . . . this is merely a Weiji moment

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_kk8mGqBj8


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