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so confused and don't want to be disrespectful

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  • 22-11-2014 3:10am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi all
    I am registered but going anon to post this one, have never posted here before either.
    I am in a longterm relationship with a wonderful partner(we have been together 6 years)
    I am very lucky that I am able to talk openly to him about the fact that I would love to be with another girl, and have really started to look into trying to make it happen recently.
    my questions are:
    Is it ok to be attracted to girls just in a physical sense? I love the idea of being able to make another girl feel good, and her doing the same to me. This turns me on so much, and I get aroused by the idea of being with girls, but not with any other guys than my partner.
    Does this mean I could be lesbian?
    Most importantly, does the fact I have these feelings and am in a heterosexual relationship make me disrespectful of girls for whom being with a woman every day is their way of life?
    I absolutely would not want anyone to think I was making a mockery of their way of life just because i'm curious.
    Thanks so much in advance for any responses.
    :)


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    #2
    pharmaton
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,192 ✭✭✭pharmaton


    Given that you are in an otherwise fulfilling long term relationship with a man probably rules out you being a lesbian. Being attracted to both places you somewhere on the bizexual (that was a typo but I like it so its staying) gradient. The rest is all subjective. I'm sure there are some women who are open to having a sexual relationship with another woman who is also in a relationship with a man, but also just as many who would prefer to be in exclusive relationship with either or. I gather there are some people who find the poly amorous lifestyle not especially attractive and not a reference for bizexuality, but each to their own. I wouldn't be interested personally myself.


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    #3
    Dingle_berry
    Registered Users Posts: 885 ✭✭✭Dingle_berry


    I haven't read anything offensive or mocking in your post. Though I'm not a lesbian either.

    If I could make you understand one thing it would be that sexuality is not as neat as 3 labels. You can't categorise it as straight, bi or gay. Not even if you include curious. It's more of a spectrum, like people's hair colour or their taste in music, food etc.
    So you could be heterosexual and still have been with a person of the same sex. Or be with them... You would be bisexual if you are equally attracted to males and females, homosexual if mainly attracted to people of the same sex.

    The other bit of advice that I would give you is to treat your partner as you would like to be treated. It's great that you're open and discussing this with him. You can't know what it's like for him but how would you feel if the situations were somehow reversed?


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