I just don't know

SnowMonkey · 04-07-2008 7:33am #1

Hi Ive been a member for a while.

Im 26 years old and in some way's my life is a mess and in other ways its really good.

I suffer from A,D,D and Dislexia. I'm not ashamed of it I imbrase it as it cleerly defines me from other people. All my friends have there life so togeather in ways... I don't.

My problem being I just dont care about the important things which i should care about avoid, or maybe I lack motivation or maybe even lazy.

I put things of simple things like wshing my own cloths, sorting my finaces out, getting a good job, that i like and feel challanged buy, I dont take care of my self I put things off and i really lack motivation to care about anything other then my self and the only true thing i care about is me being happy, which i think is very slefish, yestrday my father said if I dont come up with 4k the baylifts will be around to take 4k worht of my perent belonging's because i havent bothered to pay back my student loan and I have nothing for 4 years i did'nt have a job. I feel so selfish.. I allways say to them oh im getting my life togeather and im going to do this this and this But I never do..

Im full of good intentions but it never really goes any where other then in my mind, which is all well in good in a dream world but im in the real world.
So all those nice ideas that i get never get followed through into reality. I feel booth guilty ashamed and idiotic.

I sponge of my perents my brother and his gf they very kindly let me stay here for a few weeks and ive been here nearly 5 weeks granted they relise that i havent got a full time job but i am working and i do the hovvering and cleening the dish's that kind of thing to show my apreatsation.

How do i make the changes nesscerey to grow up and stop thinking that if I ignore it will go away and start becomeing a motivated man who gets what he says done?

its the only real problem I have within my life, and its so faustateing....

thanks for reading...

MagicMarker · 04-07-2008 7:41am

It may be the only problem in your life, but it's a pretty major problem if your family are suffering because of your short comings.

Why don't you have a job?
Why don't you have a place to stay?

A.D.D or dyslexia is no reason for treating people like **** and using them.

Get a job, call the bank, explain the situation, apologise to your parents and work towards making it right.

Take responsability.

SnowMonkey · 04-07-2008 7:55am

MagicMarker wrote: »

It may be the only problem in your life, but it's a pretty major problem if your family are suffering because of your short comings.

Why don't you have a job?
Why don't you have a place to stay?

A.D.D or dyslexia is no reason for treating people like **** and using them.

Get a job, call the bank, explain the situation, apologise to your parents and work towards making it right.

Take responsability.

I Know.

I do have a job only its part time they have how ever said i will be full time.
Because i can't afford to get a place at the moment.

I'm going into the bank today... but still doenst change things really..

PurpleBerry · 04-07-2008 9:58am

You'd be surprised. usually banks are a lot cooler than people think. Any credit companies that you owe money to will be glad that you got in contact with them and plan to pay them back.

If you've owed money for a while and they've heard nothing from you, then making an appointment, going in and sitting down with them and working out a re-payment plan will get them off your back. As long as they're getting their money back they can be quite flexible.

But once you have a new plan worked out with them stick to it rigourously. Don't let them down again.

Also, I agree with Magic Marker about not letting your conditions hold you back. I could spout off a very long list of names of people who have such conditions and have gone on to be very, very successful. I also know a few people who have let such things hold them back, use them as an excuse for why they haven't succeeded.

It might sound harsh, but most of us have had shït to deal with in our lives, strong people don't use it as an excuse to fail, they just deal with and move on. So do whatever you need to do to deal with the hand you've been played and then move on. You'll be a stronger person for it.

_____________________________
No sig yet :P

Fatloss08 · 04-07-2008 11:06am

snow monkey

you aint alone

im the same but i have my own house , good car , good job etc

my problems are the same in a diff way , i suffer with panic attacks 10 years and havnt really got rid of them or really tried , i know what i need to do but just cant get off my ass and do it or im trying to lose weight ( im 300lbs ) and for a week or 2 im highly motivated and them i lack it

im **** at diy and most things i need to do are stupid petty things but just cant raise myself to keep the good mentality up

i am however always trying to change , all you can do is keep trying

at least you know whats going wrong , so try not let it go back to the way it was , easier said than done i know but look at it this way

fresh start , set aside a plan of how much u can pay the bank or whoever and work towards getting better job or more money etc

MJOR · 04-07-2008 11:29am

I think you're in the self pity zone and really Snow it is not a good place to be. On every level (i say this a lot i know) we are the masters of our own destiny..

You know the steps you need to take and you are putting your parents thru helll. They don't deserve that.

Your attitude is a little defeatist if you don't mind me saying but i think maybe you are a bit depressed.

A good plan would be to get a full time job or another part time one, ring the bank and commit to paying off a small to meduim amount every week.

Try to also help your parents out if you are living with them

This will immediately gain you a little respect and people will help you more

Good luck!

AngryBadger · 04-07-2008 11:36am

OP, I normally try to avoid blunt advice.

But get your finger out.

Plenty of people with A.D.D., and/or dyslexia manage to run their own lives without treating the people around them like garbage.

You say you had a student loan. does that also mean you were in college? Do you have any kind of qualification?

Why are you in a part-time job? Why are you not in a full time job? Even if you don't have any qualifications, there are plenty of positions you could go for which would be full time and offer you better money, than you're currently on.

You need to get your **** together OP, I'm being harsh because your post indicates someone who is completely self-involved. You must be in your early 20s at least, right? And do you honestly think it's ok to mooch off your parents/brother and then do the washing up as if that somehow balances the books?

Get a full-time job, see if the bank will let you re-structuce your repayments.

That is all.

SnowMonkey · 04-07-2008 12:42pm

Theres a lot of really truthfull things being said in here so im kinda just going to answer all of them....

angry badger first of dpression, I suffered depresion for 4 years Id say im still in a post depression maybe I dont know i wake up every morning and am happy i can stare at my self in the mirror even tho i do no im still leaching.. At least i have my confidance back... hopefully that may make sence,,

Collage no i dont I studided sound enginering ironicly theres no work in sound enginering unles your a brown noiser.. Or the People in the buisness "like" you . as for the collage course it self im pretty dislexic with a pen peaper they never provided an oral asesser so i failed my written exam after numerous attempts and promise's where made to me oh wel "look" afetr you. was I ? No. im not biter anoyed that im in dept over something I never truely got a fair trial at because my dissabilitys where over looked..

im 26 but I lost 4 years to depression where i did nothing with my life but smoked hash claimed the doll... I found it insanely hard to get a job and any interveiw I had was a disaster, I got nervous etc.. and just looked uncondifdent.. Now a dasy i can walk threw an interveiw and my covering letter's are exelant as ive learned the art of selling my self (well sort of) a pitty i cant excell my self...

Mjor
I dont really self pitty my self, I Hugely lack motivation I dont smoke weed any more.... and my last spliff was 24 weeks ago ive got peace of peaper with a nothch on it for everyday i havent smoked it ... I am in charge of my destiny your right. I know what it is i want to do. I want to right a book. About the one thing that I do understand Oh so well Dyslexia.....

depression i dont think i am i dont feel depressed. I will agree with my deefeatist attiude tho. I cant give an excusse for that Im trying so hard to
push my self.

The reason why im in part time was because a friend offered me a part time position but then suddenly changed his mind because he was'nt half as busy as he expected to be. and i gotthe other job because it was a feld i new loads about so the fact of the matter is im looseing out on 400 euros a week which was suposed to be there.

then the job i curently half as part time offered me a full time then they gave me an excusse to say we need to wait 3 weeks and then you may have full time which really pissed me off.
So now I have been looking for a full time position with in the catering trade as im chef when ive been travelling.

Neesa your right to about the famous people who have my conditions but How can i be as good as them ??? the only hting i have thats of any real use is an imagination..........

About spungeing of my brother they no im working and im twnating to go ful time so i can movce out and have real independce and He does understand that because i said it to him. my perents understand to which i think is part of the problem. People have allways said oh wel understand him and aloud me to behave the way i have....

which has not done much good...

as for the bank im going to see the bank manedger on monday morning...

thanks for your harsh replies they are actuly makeing me booth think and relise a lot .

PurpleBerry · 04-07-2008 12:51pm

Being famous doesn't nessecarily mean you're the best at something, just that you have the drive to be known for it.

There are loads of careers where your imagination would be crucial, and set you apart from the pack. Anything involving writing or design. There are loads of options open to you.

Good luck.

MJOR · 04-07-2008 1:06pm

My brother is dyslexic and works full time and has a mortgage and a baby on the way. He is almost 40 and grew up in a society that didn't really understand it at the time so count yourself lucky.

Writing a book when you are in this state of mind will not be a bestseller... but why don't you embark on an evening course to develop your skills and give u something positive to focus on....

You will get better..... stop writing yourself off as a failure, just see it as a stepping stone
Well done for staying off the weed....

DenMan · 04-07-2008 1:35pm

Hi SnowMonkey

I know you are feeling pretty bad at the moment, but you need to take hold of what you have. I was about to ask you about your educational qualifications but another poster beat me to it. You have a degree in sound engineering, bloody hell man I would love to have a qualification like that. It opens up a lot of doors. You could contact all of the major broadcasters here in Ireland (RTE, TV3, TG4 and Channel 6) and tell them of your qualifications and offer your skills to them. They employ independent production companies to make their programs. A person with a sound qualification will go a long way and you may not believe it they are in short demand. That's just TV, what about Film and Radio? You should register with SIPTU and be listed as a sound engineer available for work. You should also look at the possibility of returning to education and doing a Masters, you can never have enough qualifications, especially now! People employ other people with skills they can bring to the table, you obviously have that with your degree. Why not expand on that? Look into further education opportunities, and if you need to, go and talk to your bank and arrange something with them if you are going back to study. They are very open minded and flexible and could come to an arrangement.

Regarding your part time job, if you are enjoying it, then by all means stick with it. You could also look for another part time position you could work when you are free during the week. Use the skills you have and don't be afraid to get out there and make yourself heard. When I lived abroad I read online that Irish people don't sell themselves enough, it's as if some of us don't use the skills they have and are content doing something instead of what they would like to do elsewhere. You can only use the skills you have and you have to use them to your advantage. Good luck man.

AngryBadger · 04-07-2008 2:05pm

Some excellent advice re: career path from Denamn there OP.

I'm sorry yo hear you suffered from depression for 4 years, I hope that's well behind you now.

However, I still feel that most of what you're doing now is wallowing in self-pity. If you're working part-time you're making some kind of money, what are you doing with that money? You're not paying your loan back, and you're still borrowing off your family all the time. I don't know what you're gross salary is per week/month, but from the way you describe your situation, I 'd guess you're not handing up much in the way of rent/food/bills? So where is this money going?

You mention not being able to find a job. I realise in certain cases it is genuinely difficult to find the job you might want, not everybody does well at interviews, not everybody can put together a good CV, and very few people can do both. But if you can't find a SPECIFIC job you want, then you take WHATEVER you can get. It's entirely unfair to be constantly taking money off your family, while you work in a job that you maintain has next to no future anyway. Why not take a different job, sort out your debts, stop taking money off your family, and in the meantime you could be applying for other jobs, and looking into any courses that might enhance your qualifications.

Instead you're saying that the only people who get the jobs you want are "brown nosers".

I'm trying to bear in mind that when we're in a bad situation it's very difficult to maintain objectivity, things that are not so bad, seem unbearable. But no-one can do anything for you unless you're willing to do something yourself, as the saying goes "You can take a horse to water, but you can't make him drink". And describing people who have the jobs you want as "brown nosers" just makes you sound bitter and resentful. I'm genuinely sorry if you didn't get an oral assessor or whatever other facilities you needed to properly sit your exams, there's nothing worse than working hard on something and then losing it through someone elses incompetence, but why didn't you kick up a fuss at the time?

You need to be getting paid more. You need to sort out your loans, either re-arranging the payments, or using any extra money you make to try and make up lost payments.

If you manage to sort out a job with more money, you be in a better position to take control of your life and your affairs.

DenMan · 04-07-2008 5:59pm

How's it going SlowMonkey?, any developments Buddy?

SnowMonkey · 04-07-2008 11:47pm

Hey Den man Thanks........

apolidgys for not replying sooner work asked me to go in and since i needed money made sence, to go to work.

Your complightly right mate but I dont know how to register with them i opened the website and had a look but im not to happ about joinng them I dont allways agree with some of the things they say and from a opinion side of things i dissagree with a lt of things they do. (but thats my opinion)

How ever I honestly never thaught Is have the potentiol to get threw the door. even for an interveiw, but how ever that was then this is now. I'm working all weekend but I will How ever Il keep it on my mind and get a covering letter togeaher and geet the adress for human resource's and see how things go...

Your right on the selling your self but then agian. How can you sell your self if you dont have the confidance... I how ever do have the confidance and knowlage to sell my self... The other trouble with Irish people is i think a lot of people care to much about lloking like an ass while trying to selll your self if that makes sence.. I how ever no the value of a good covering letter and the fact that a cv is robotic and your covering letter gets you the interveiw then it up to you to show how your prevous experence relates to the job that your aplying for and bingo 9 times out of 10 you can ace any job i learned that online doing reserch and have allways stuck with well since I strated working again.

Angry Badger

Dont be sorry it was vital i suffered depression.. I grew up a lot granted i still have a bit more to go but i feel that everything good is bad and everything bad is good... hope that makes sence..... So I feel that it let me knew who i was...

I was away for the winter your going to think this is bad but I snowboard for 6 months of the year, but my perents didnt pay for me i did have job while i was over here i only got back in 21rst of may and the pay was 250 euros a week -50 for rent, and i bassicaly got back went looking for a job immedatly and that was the first one i got and tock it the other job i was offered wsant worth the traveling intailed. The i get about 400 a month. so its not like im liveing, i have to go out with food some days just to servive or just eat bread... i have to buget for bus fares and food thats all I live on and my bus fare for a week is about 30 euros so that leaves me 70 euros for food, im no fat but i need to sustain a healthy diet. and all 11.50 for a large pouch of roling tobaco and thats all i have a week.

I know it makes me lok bitter but serously the way some of these people behaved was well just was not that cool... granted it makes me look bitter but im not that bitter... Ironicly none of them have the job i wanted. It never worked for them one dudes selling japimports.......... The reason why I never kicked up a fuss was because i didnt have the confidance to stick up for my self i could barley look people in the eyes at that point I wsa like a shadow...

Your right you can only lead a horse to water but this horse here will be drinking it.... *thumbs up*:)

I just don't know

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