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  • 04-07-2008 6:23pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    If I hook up with another woman who is "on the rebound" I'm going to freak out.

    Long term singleton here, or so it would seem. So I meet this girl about 2 years ago at a party with some friends. We only got a chance to chat at the end of the night for a bit but there was certainly something going on. She's a friend of a friend and I really liked her.

    Anyway fast forward to two weeks ago and we meet again with this same mutual friend, this time there's definitely something going on. We both remember meeting last time etc.

    So we go home together, spend the weekend together, chatting all the time really great like. Texts and phone calls during the week, the usual... I go to meet her and her friend the other evening. Drive her mate home, she's telling me how much her friend likes me, how much she likes me and all the while I'm thinking this is great.

    So I stay with her that night. But next morning she tells me that she has some issues, or rather her ex has some issues. And despite her liking me she doesn't want to see me if or until she gets what ever's going on sorted.
    I say that's OK, put on my best most understanding face and try and give her all the support I can. I tell her that she should try and think about herself first for a change and I also say that despite not wanting to, I'll leave it with her and tell her to call me whenever she wants. Later she texts me telling me what a great person I am, how understanding etc...

    Now this woman is pretty special and my instinct tells me I should really be putting up a fight for this one. It's not in my nature to be pushy and I certainly wouldn't force the issue.

    So folks what's your take on this? Is this a get out clause? Should I hang back for a bit? Or should I just try and forget it and move on?

    I really don't need to end up on the friendship buzz here. I've enough 'girlfriends' for a football team already.


Comments

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    #2
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,093 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    IMHO I'd say do the opposite of what you may think.

    Tell her that yes you like her, you would like to make something of this, or even just to keep meeting and see where it takes you both.

    Tell her you can understand that she may be still up in the air about the last relationship and her feelings, but you don't want a new friend you want her as a girlfriend.

    Tell her you really enjoyed being around her and felt tehre was something there.

    Tell her you don't like to have to do it, but if that is not going to happen at the moment then it's best that you don't see each other until you both want the same thing, if that ever happens. You both need to live your lives.

    Wish her all the best.

    Walk away. Don't mention the ex. Don't get into a competition for her with the ex. He's not on your radar.


    If she wants you she'll contact you. If she doesn't then move on.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



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    #3
    AngryBadger
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,251 ✭✭✭AngryBadger


    I dunno OP, have to say I would be unimpressed with her giving you such a serious come-on, and then letting loose a speel about her ex.

    Seems to me it should have happened the other way round. Then again maybe I'm too demanding.

    Honestly though, this doesn't sound like something you want to wait around for. I think she's probably looking for a "support" guy, and you're a perfect candidate. I mean she led you on by the nose, and when she told the truth you gave her every consolation you possibly could.

    Fair dews to you for being such a decent guy, but I reckon if she really had any consideration she would have told you all this earlier.


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    #4
    Wagon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,119 ✭✭✭Wagon


    AngryBadger wrote: »
    I think she's probably looking for a "support" guy, and you're a perfect candidate. I mean she led you on by the nose, and when she told the truth you gave her every consolation you possibly could.

    Bang on the nail. I wouldn't wait around for her mate. You're being real sound to her but you need to be firm and make it clear that your not going into the friend zone.


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    #5
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,093 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    I agree with AngryBadger. It's likely you're being used as a bridge until either ex guy comes back on the scene or more likely she gets with someone new and untarnished by the ex.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



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    #6
    tinkletoes
    Closed Accounts Posts: 105 ✭✭tinkletoes


    Give her space and let her get closure from her ex. I disgrace with other posts that she is looking for friendship, if she was she would not of told you she did not want to see. She was honest and upfront with you and was not leading you on. Let her get in contact with you that way you will know that she got ex issues sorted out and the two of ye can then start a relationship with no ex around. In the meantime go out and enjoy yourself, if its meant to happen it will.


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