[Captain Graphite]

INTRO ATTEMPT, TAKE ONE:
Despite my egotistical idea of PM'ing 20 different users to each write me an intro, I decided to humbly produce one myself (though that's mainly 'cause I'm already a day late so I kinda had to get a move on.)

Anyways I'm (mostly) a serial lurker 'round these parts these days. So here's your chance to drag me from the shadows and bombard me with questions. Having taken a brief glance at the previous playpen thread for Eathrin, and seeing what looks like every single question ever postulated in the history of the universe being thrown at him, has made me slightly reluctant. But shur feck it; I've nothing better to do!

Also if this thread flops, I'll say in my defence that I'm 90%+ sure I was a bit drunk when I signed up to do this.

INTRO ATTEMPT, TAKE TWO:
Ignore all of the above and listen to the wisdom and poetry of theother Captain instead!

[jefreywithonef]

Fast and bulbous?

[Captain Graphite]

Originally Posted by jefreywithonef

Fast and bulbous?

That's right, the mascara snake! Fast and buuuulbous....

[soccymonster]

HEY GURL. HOWS YHOO?

Top 3 Eurovision songs?

Fave member of One Direction?



xxxx

[Lawliet]

If you were a super hero what would your origin story be?
Feel free to include description of powers and costume, visual aids are not necessary but are appreciated!

[Captain Graphite]

Originally Posted by soccymonster

HEY GURL. HOWS YHOO?

0MG HAIII BBZ XxXxX

Top 3 Eurovision songs?

Only three? But surely the sheer quality of Eurovision entries should allow me to pick at least 50?
Well, for starters there's the obvious one. Completely changed Eurovision and made it cool again!



Lena's 'Satellite' was a good pop song and a worthy winner, but her 2011 entry was far superior. It's the kind of dark, twisted electro-pop song that someone like Lykke Li or Goldfrapp could have written. Would have gotten rid of the condom dancers though.



And only one more? I had about 5 or 6 in my head but I'm gonna go with the much under-appreciated Rambo Amadeus. "I got no ambition for high position in the competition with air condition" - I mean, how could you not love that?



Russia 2003 would definitely have been up there if someone other than TaTu has sung it; the song itself was excellent but they were chronic live. (In fairness one of them supposedly had laryngitis but I don't like 'em anyway so meh.)

Georgia 2007, Bosnia & Herzegovina 2008, San Marino 2008 (a prime example of why televoting doesn't work) and Sweden 2012 (EUPHOOOOOORIA!) are others I hold in high regard.


Fave member of One Direction?

Aww bbz y cn i nly haz 1? Deyr all SOOOOO amazeballs, lyk!!1!
I dunno, I'll go with the ethnically diverse one.

xxxx

<333333333333

[Captain Graphite]

Originally Posted by Lawliet

If you were a super hero what would your origin story be?
Feel free to include description of powers and costume, visual aids are not necessary but are appreciated!

Dare I say I find superheroes a little dull? Superman is one of the most boring excuses for a superhero saga I've come across, and Spiderman is a wimp in a silly costume. Batman's a little better, and I'm going to see The Dark Knight Rises tomorrow night, but have to watch the first two beforehand 'cause I still haven't seen any Batman film yet! The one superhero thing I really like is X-Men, and that's because the divide between good and evil isn't always so clear. I've always found villains much more interesting than heroes, and frankly if I were a mutant in X-Men world I'd have been on Team Magneto rather than Team Xavier. So my superhero is sort of a villain. And my superpower is a rather sadistic one. Gather round folks, and I shall tell ye a tale:

The young Captain was a shy, socially awkward outcast in the Deep South of America. His bible-bashing mother ran away with the local reverend when he (the Captain, not the reverend) was only a child, his abusive father treats him with scorn and his classmates bully him relentlessly, and he takes it all on his chin because he's too meek to ever do anything about it.

Until one day, he snaps. He becomes so angry with the world that he takes it all out on himself. He beats himself to within an inch of his life. His layabout father, upon discovering his unconscious son on the ground, becomes scared that he'll be accused of being the one who beat him and runs off to arrange an alibi, not even bothering to call 911. Luckily, the irritating and nosey old woman next door calls around to complain for the millionth time about the unkempt garden and happens upon the young man nearly dead on the floor.

Having been revived in hospital, the young man realises that his own self-inflicted wounds are a catalyst that has sparked a hitherto unseen phenomenon to manifest in the intricate workings of his mind. Initially he's still the same old meek outcast as before, but now finds that he is able to transfer his own pain onto others. When a target is in sight, and he uses his mind fully to concentrate, he can make that target feel the pain that he has felt, using only his mind. At first, he is horrified by this dark new power. But when he has returned to school, and being confronted by the same old bullies, he realises that his gift is too tempting not to use. All he has to do is focus, and his former tormenters are left writhing in agony on the ground before him. The strength of his gift increases the more he uses it. It's not long before he begins to unleash this power at anyone who he perceives to look at him a bit funny. And then, inevitably, he loses all control, and sets out to target anyone and anything that has hurt him, pissed him off or is just an easy target. This now dangerous anti-hero will definitely do some good in the world but will go about it in a most cruel and sadistic way.

If my story becomes a movie, then there'll inevitably be ('cause this is how Hollywood works) a brilliant young female neuroscientist who's studying his case, trying to figure out quite how this ability has manifested itself and, inevitably, she will begin to fall in love with him.....however, since he's gay and has turned into a bit of a cúnt, there'll be no soppy love story. Instead she will become increasingly bitter and turn into an insane bunny boiler who begins experimenting on herself to give herself her own super powers. Will she succeed? That's a sequel, bitches, and I'm not spoilering that plot.

Oh and there will be no costumes. 'Cause costumes are kinda lame imo.

[Insect Overlord]

Best C&H mod of all time {full stop & question mark}

[Namlub]

Do you like University Challenge?
Who would win in a fight between the mother from Crystal Swing and Mutya who used to be in the Sugababes?
Last book you read?
Thoughts on 50 Shades of Grey? (Ooh, topical)
Most attractive musician?
Why is Croatia so underrated as a tourist destination?
Worst meme?
Zooey Deschanel - pretty and quirky, or The Worst?

[Captain Graphite]

Originally Posted by Insect Overlord

Best C&H mod of all time {full stop & question mark}

Do you need both a full stop and a question mark? Surely the question mark on its own will suffice{question mark followed by superfluous exclamation marks}

I think every C&H mod has been pretty great. Forum has always been in safe hands. There's never been a mod appointed where I went "ah now...."

Though I think if there was a best ever award it'd have to go to Pigwidgeon, 'cause there was a time when she was pretty much running the place single-handedly, her co-mods being AFK due to pesky real life commitments.

Those were the dark days before the dreamy Lawliet was brought in..... *swoon*

Originally Posted by Namlub

Do you like University Challenge?

Yup! And I feel like Jesus whenever I get a question right. I'm generally pretty good at science and world geography questions but anything on British history, art or classical music and I'm all "dafuq?"

I don't watch University Challenge that often but I love quiz shows in general; when I move to England in September I'm thinking of applying to be on Countdown (not a quiz show as such but y'know what I mean.) And if I can convince a friend to come with me I may also apply for Pointless or The Million Pound Drop.

I hate how Ireland doesn't have shows like that anymore; I remember watching Blackboard Jungle as a child and thinking "I'm so going to try and be on that when I'm in secondary school." Alas, it was cancelled long before I ever had the chance.

Who would win in a fight between the mother from Crystal Swing and Mutya who used to be in the Sugababes?

Mrs. Crystal would use her hypnotic laser beam eyes to stun Mutya into a state of paralysis before unleashing a hucklebuck powerful enough to kill Batman himself. (Oops, just spoilered the DKR ending. Awks..... >.> )

Last book you read?

'The Sisters Brothers'. Not generally a fan of Westerns but this one was pretty interesting, and really simple to read. Also has possibly my favourite book cover ever!



I started reading The Great Gatsby a couple of weeks ago but then got distracted by other stuff so haven't looked at it for days. Only read the first couple of chapters, must get back to it.

Thoughts on 50 Shades of Grey? (Ooh, topical)

Well I haven't read it so I can't exactly comment. I very much doubt it's gonna rival Salman Rushdie for literary acclaim any time soon but if yer wan is able to generate that much hype and make that much money, then more luck to her. I did enjoy the #IrishShadesofGrey on Twitter though.

Most attractive musician?

Male: I've no idea if other people regard him as good-looking or not but there's something very attractive about Anthony Gonzalez from M83



Female: Why Zooey Deschanel, of course! (This has already answered one of your questions below! ) And anyone who thinks Katy Perry comes even close to being as beautiful as her needs their eyes checked sharpish.


Apart from her, Brody Dalle is/was pretty hawt! (Haven't seen any recent pics of her though)



Why is Croatia so underrated as a tourist destination?

Never been, but I'm not sure it's underrated as anyone I know who has been there has raved about it. I guess it's just a lot less effort to go to Spain or somewhere (which I've also ever been to) than venture out to the big bad Balkans. I do hope to go to Croatia someday. They need to upgrade their rail network though; not having a train from Zagreb to Dubrovnik is madness.

Worst meme?

I actually rather like most memes but there are a few that grind my gears.

I've grown to hate the Condescending Wonka meme; the original idea was good but then it became insanely overused by idiots who just used it when someone dared disagree with them.



Then there's Dolan. I usually enjoy offbeat humour but I really, REALLY don't get Dolan.

But the absolute worst HAS to be Cool Story Bro. I have always detested it and instantly lose respect for anyone I see using that one, even ironically.

Zooey Deschanel - pretty and quirky, or The Worst?

OMG I luv her; she's lyk SOO hawt and Z0MG totally RANDOM LOLOLOL PENGUINZOFDOOOM!!1!

Nah, I do really like Zooey. The quirky thing may be overdone but you can't deny it's worked pretty well for her so far. She is insanely beautiful and does come across as a nice person. Plus I love her voice; for all her supposed quirkiness she has a really old-fashioned, unpretentious voice that sounds like it came out of the 1920's

[Lawliet]

Interesting, who would your archnemesis be? One boring invincible hero or would you need a team to take you down?

Also are you a villain/ anti hero in all your escapist fantasy's?

What's the best board game?

Ever considered writing a novel?

What would be your equivalent of Sophie’s Choice?

Worst book you've ever read?

What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?

PS. Spider man is not a wimp, colour me mildly offended!

[jefreywithonef]

Nick Cave or Nic Cage?
Best Velvet Underground album?
Do you listen to any of Lou Reed's solo work? (I'm currently binging on it)
Best growl - Beefheart or Waits?
Best Tom Waits album(s)?
Best weird Tom Waits song / best ballad-y Tom Waits song?
Unlikely Tom Waits cover you'd like to hear? my choice, a cover of Take A Chance On Me
Last Splash or Pod?

[Captain Graphite]

Originally Posted by Lawliet

Interesting, who would your archnemesis be?

Society!

One boring invincible hero or would you need a team to take you down?

Probably a team of boring ones. I'm sure when word got out about my awesome powers I'd have a hit put on me by someone. So I don't need a nemesis, just need to evade assassins.

Also are you a villain/ anti hero in all your escapist fantasy's?
Pretty much. When you have a lot of anger towards the world (and yourself) you kinda wanna be as destructive as possible as a FÚCK YOU. Amazingly I was never like this as a teenager. My angst didn't appear until I got to college.

What's the best board game?

I love Boggle and am quite good at it! Taboo is also extremely fun but you need four people for it so don't get to play it that often.

Ever considered writing a novel?

Yeah, I've thought about it. The above superhero spiel is one of my ideas with a few adjustments (in the novel he's not a superhero, just an everyday common shmuck. And he has to hurt himself in some way every time he wants to use his powers, so there's this whole "how much damage is he willing to do to himself to make others suffer?" question hovering throughout.
Also it will need to involve ninjas somewhere. Haven't quite figured out where that plot arc will go though....

Realistically I don't have the patience or self-confidence to ever actually sit down and write a full novel. I've been told a couple of times that I'm a good writer but I don't know how much of that is true and how much is mere lip service from people being nice to me.

I also hate the idea of submitting a manuscript for publishing and then being told "ok, you need to make these 30 zillion changes before we publish it." If I write something I want it published the way I wrote it, glaring faults and tedious sidestories and all. Otherwise I'd feel like I didn't really write it at all.

What would be your equivalent of Sophie’s Choice?


I'm not sure. Nothing deep or meaningful comes to mind here so it'd be something really shallow like choosing which of my favourite foods to never eat again or something like that.

Worst book you've ever read?

I read the first couple of pages of 'We Need to Talk About Kevin' and couldn't get over how idiotic the whole letter format was.

"Dear husband,
Blah blah blah rambling narrative that completely goes against the general conventions of letter-writing etc.
From wife."

NO-ONE WRITES LETTERS LIKE THAT!!! >____< I may watch the film instead at some point.

Most disappointing book I read and actually finished was probably 'Life of Pi'. I will admit the ending was pretty clever but I found the protagonist immensely unlikeable and irritating. Spoiler: I honestly wanted the tiger to eat him
Also the whole book was shrouded in this condescending, "you need religion to be truly happy" tone, which I found really grating.

What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?

f(x) = y where x is an aquatic bird of rubbery origins and y is an element of the set of bathtime toys.

The above result is known as Ernie's Theorem. The reader may refer to 'Sesame Street' by Henson, Oz et al. for a full proof.



PS. Spider man is not a wimp, colour me mildly offended!

Your mild offence is noted. A fúck is not given.

Originally Posted by jefreywithonef

Nick Cave or Nic Cage?

Despite his lack of avian hair, Nick Cave kicks Cage's ass any day.

Best Velvet Underground album?

It's generally not regardes as the "best" but 'White Light/White Heat' is my personal favourite.
WL/WH > VU & Nico > The Velvet Undeground > Loaded

Speaking of the Velvets, I was sad to find out that Maureen Tucker has turned into a tin-foil hat wearing Tea Party supporter who claims Obama is leading America "towards socialism"! So much for rock n roll, eh?



Do you listen to any of Lou Reed's solo work? (I'm currently binging on it)

So far I've only ever listened to 'Transformer' and 'Berlin', Thought I had a copy of 'Coney Island Baby' at some point but I can't seem to find it. Haven't quite plucked up the courage to attempt 'Metal Machine Music' or 'Lulu' yet!

Best growl - Beefheart or Waits?

Ooooh, tough one! I'm gonna have to go with Waits, I think. Beefheart's persona was based around being eccentric, whereas Waits's growl sounds more menacing and guttural to me.

Best Tom Waits album(s)?

Unfortunately there is still much of the Waits back-catalogue I've yet to get through. Of his albums that I do have, it's a toss up between 'Rain Dogs' and 'Mule Variations'. The former is the more consistently good though.

Best weird Tom Waits song / best ballad-y Tom Waits song?

Weird: Either "Emotional Weather Report" or "God's Away on Business". The former is the weirder but the latter has that brilliant Cookie Monster version!

Ballady: Have always loved "Hang Down You Head".

Unlikely Tom Waits cover you'd like to hear? my choice, a cover of Take A Chance On Me

Hmmm not sure he'd do as good a version of that as Brian Butterfield!



I'd quite like to hear him do a rambling cover of Alanis Morissette's "Hand In My Pocket" with some of his own lyrics thrown in. I think he'd do a brilliant version of that!

Last Splash or Pod?

'Pod', definitely! There are 3 or 4 songs I'd cut from 'Last Splash' whereas 'Pod' is pretty much consistent from start to finish.