Originally Posted by ibarelycare
Sex should still be enjoyable even without an orgasm. I don't orgasm from penetrative sex but I still love having sex with my boyfriend. You seem to have a very negative attitude towards sex and maybe you should address that. To use a cliche, "it's not the destination, but the journey", i.e. sex isn't just about having an orgasm.
It is enjoyable still, my point was that I won't want to do it as much if I can never physically enjoy it much.
Maybe it seems like it, but I don't have a negative attitude towards it. It's just a logical view of it I think. I mean how often would anyone masturbate if they couldn't reach orgasm? I think anyone would admit it'd be frustrating if you couldn't.
It's just that my boyfriend has a very high sex drive and I have a low one, and this is making the issue a bigger deal.
Originally Posted by Sleepy
Try lying on your side whilst he penetrates you from the "big spoon" position. Without the need to support his bodyweight above yours it'll be far easier for him to reach around (it's also a fantastic position for deep, slow sex).
They sell them in Tescos so just chuck one in the basket when you're shopping and give him a wink. If he's still not up for it, you're with a very boring guy...
You really need to relax and allow yourself to enjoy sex.
We've tried the spooning position, and it didn't do much for me at all, nor him. I might mention about the ring, though I don't think it's fair to call him boring for not wanting to use it.
I may have made it seem like I don't like it, or I'm not relaxing, but really I am. I'm completely relaxed. I don't approach it with the idea of having an orgasm, I do it because it's kind of a nice feeling physically, but more so because I love seeing my boyfriend enjoy himself so much.
Originally Posted by Monkey61
I'd agree with this totally and think this is what you need to work on OP. If you don't enjoy the closeness and the intimacy then I would question whether you should be with this boyfriend at all. As much as you do, he deserves to be with someone who finds him and his mere presence terribly exciting.
You question why women would want to have sex if it is just for the man's pleasure - but that isn't what people have described at all! Getting off on doing stuff to your partner should be incredibly exciting and as much for you as it is for them.
I don't get the sense from your posts that you are particularly into this guy, so maybe it is time to think about waiting to find somebody who does make you appreciate intimacy, closeness etc.
I don't understand what is different about the closeness you get from cuddling and kissing, compared to sex.
I love him, and I love being around him. I don't know how I've made it seem like I don't. It's just the sex I'm talking about. I love giving him oral, because he seems to love it. I do see things like that too, I just mean that sex is a lot of work physically for something that really doesn't do much for me. I mean how many men would want to have as much sex if they could never get anything from it? Why should it be different for a woman?
There are some things about the combination of me&him that have contributed to this I think - we don't have a whole lot of foreplay, he doesn't seem to be very hands all over me kinda, and doesn't even seem to look at my body when we have sex. Maybe I would feel more like doing it anyway if I felt there was something about me that meant it was more than just sex to him.