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23-04-2012, 16:10   #1
Asry
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a fairly close-to-the-bone post about LGBT issues & your own wellbeing

I was wondering what people think of this thread.
I agree with some of what's being said.

This is a very difficult subject to approach and I can see that perhaps this thread might get angry but I'm just telling the truth, that being that both straight & gay communities have been quite vocal about how messed up bi people are. Fake straights, tainted goods etc. Straight people say we're confused and greedy, gay people seem to really resent us (by us I mean me. Lesbians seem to hate me. The ones I hit on I mean. Hahaha).

I just find it so hard to deal with. Apparently rates of self harm and suicide are higher among bi people. I myself have had a history of er...things like that because of this.

I've been going to counselling for years & I just can't bring myself to talk about it. I can't even say the word like. Sometimes I think if I could gather it up into a part of my body, I'd cut that part out. I mean, I've tried to be one or the other and it really messes with your head. And I don't have a preference. I'd be right smack bang in the middle of the Kinsey Scale.

I've never had a normal romantic relationship with a woman. I just can't do it because I can't deal with myself being in that situation. My mother thinks it's sick, and has said in the past that my boyfriend should dump me because he's too good for me. And that it's akin to bestiality.

It's not a phase. I've been like this for as long as I can remember. It feels freakish, like you're not anything and don't work properly. I never talk about it ever, & actually most of my friends don't even know it's such a big issue for me.

I don't know what the hell is possessing me to write this post.

I'm just so sick of it. I don't know what to do. I just need to accept it and get on with my life and I honestly can't.

I really do feel like I'm malfunctioning.

I don't mean this as a 'oh I have it harder than you' post. I really don't. Just looking for advice or something.

I'm sorry because maybe this is inappropriate? Mods if you feel it is, please lock or delete straight away.

Last edited by Asry; 23-04-2012 at 16:14.
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23-04-2012, 17:00   #2
Aurongroove
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Do you feel like it is bisexuality itself you would love to "get rid off" or just the complications stemming from it.

i.e. if there were two buttons in front of you:
one which if you pressed it would make you no longer bisexual.

and a second button which if you pressed it dissolved the issues and stigma surrounding bisexuality and you yourself remained bisexual but without the stress and prejudice (perhaps this button made those close to you more supportive and understanding and also that the stigma of bisexuality being either "gay but wont admit it" or "straight but is a weirdo" dissolve also)

which button would you press?

I'm not asking as some sort of twisted hypothetical game, I'm just trying to make absolutely precisely clear what I'm asking you to differentiate between.
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23-04-2012, 19:29   #3
Shakti
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Asry View Post
I've never had a normal romantic relationship with a woman.
There is no 'normal',

Why they wish to I could speculate but when people judge and define what is 'normal' they are ostensibly defining the parameters (however narrow) of what they deem 'acceptable'. Is looking down on people who are different 'normal'? or emotionally abusing your children is that 'normal'? if it is I very much do not want any part of 'normal'.

Asry I suggest you stop affirming yourself/indentity/orientation in the negative and stop listening to people who do.
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23-04-2012, 21:23   #4
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I'm bisexual and transgender.i've only being going to counciling since my transitation cos i had to get a referal.maybe i'm a little more resilient but just being bi doesnt seem to be a reason to get so upset about
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24-04-2012, 07:20   #5
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I do know how you feel. I'm just not sure how much of it boils down to sexual orientation and how much of it derived from the feeling of non acceptance, either on your own part or from an lgbt perspective.
I am technically and for all my faults bisexual, I'm just not especially interested in being with a man. ( even if it is subconscious that is my choice, I just don't open myself up to the option. I don't miss them nor do I especially crave them but I still have the pleasure of their company) Half the time I'm not interested in being with a woman either but that's neither here nor there. I do and have found women sexually and romantically attractive in the past. It's just rare when I do find someone I can click with. I had a bit of an epiphany earlier. I'm most probably just a very fussy cúnt.


There is something very wrong about it though. I know I'm a decent person but I find it difficult to meet gay women who are not already indoctrinated into the cult like mentality of what it means to be gay/bi (a quality I really don't find attractive in a woman, it's like they cease to exist as women to me and become something else, they will fcuk anything that moves just to prove their hardcore lesbian persuasions) and it's hard to be in such a jagged environment. I still find myself falling stupidly in love with straight women and I know it's because those imaginary delineations just do not exist. Unfortunately they need mens too

Last edited by Babybuff; 24-04-2012 at 08:03.
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24-04-2012, 12:59   #6
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Ever since getting together with my girlfriend I have had to deal with bisexuality in a different way than I had before- she's bi, and resolutely so. Just because she's with me to the exclusion of male partners (and females, we're most definitely monogamous as a couple) doesn't mean she's not attracted to men, just like I'm attracted to other women. I admire her hugely for that, because she has gotten grief for it in the past, with previous boyfriends thinking that meant she was up for threesomes, to me being a bit of a d*ck when we got together about it. (something I'm not proud of...)

Asry, all I can say is that you fancy who you fancy, and that's it. I know that's easy for me to say, but the truth is if you allow yourself to hate even a tiny bit of who you are, then you're hating everything. The fact that you're bi makes you who you are, just like being Irish, being female, all that.

To be honest, your Mum sounds like she's causing the problem, not your sexuality. That's just my simple take on things.
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24-04-2012, 13:17   #7
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My wife is bisexual.

She always got a lot of stick for being in a relationship with a woman and still referring to herself as bisexual.

But it is her identity. It is who she is and it is her sexuality.

When we got married she got even more stick about it and has defaulted to being referred to a lesbian because she is "tired of having to defend herself"

Tbh I think it's quite saddening, those around her have stripped her of her sexuality.
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24-04-2012, 13:54   #8
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In my experience the gay community in general both intentionally and unintentionally are far more biphobic than straight people, that may well be a an unbalanced view as I'm far more open about my sexuality around gay people than i probably would be with hetero people. Being bi is just another part of me though and I don't seek validation in general although it is nice to be validated so other people accepting my sexuality doesn't rank as being important to me. Like B&C's partner I am in a monogamous relationship but that doesn't change my sexuality I am still bi despite being in a hetero relationship. Asry try not to let other people define you, there is nothing wrong with being bi and there is certainly nothing wrong with being you.
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24-04-2012, 20:05   #9
Asry
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hello

A lot to think about. I think if there were two buttons, I'd still hit the one that made me no longer the way I am rather than the one that dissolved the stigma surrounding it.

Maybe I just hate sexuality in general. I'd prefer to be a brain with legs

I also have that thing with straight women. I guess because they're just women and don't seem to feel the need to have a tragus piercing and dress like Justin Beiber (it's TRUE! What is with that weird trend???).

As for resilience....I dunno. I think I am a very resilient person, to be honest, looking at some of the rubbish I've had to go through and put up with, aside from the LGBT thing. Just because you hate something about yourself doesn't mean you don't live with it. I'm glad that you don't find this anything to be upset about, Hamhide.

I would generally let it be known with LGBT friends that I am what I am. Straight people also generally think I'm a repressed lesbian and have said so quite often, not usually in a mean way.

And yeah...gay people think I'm gay and straight people think I'm straight. I'd rather just be able to turn off the whole sex thing, like flick a switch or something, and be asexual.
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24-04-2012, 21:01   #10
baby and crumble
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Asry View Post

I also have that thing with straight women. I guess because they're just women and don't seem to feel the need to have a tragus piercing and dress like Justin Beiber (it's TRUE! What is with that weird trend???).
Just a small point- I know lots of lesbians that are nothing like this. The ones who are tend to be of the younger generation, 25 and under (the impressionable ones that watch too much L Word and Lip Service...). And I bet half the straight girls you fancy are actually bisexual or lesbians, they're just the non stereotypical ones.
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24-04-2012, 22:31   #11
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bzzz...my mohawk is smexy.

(and that had more to do with me making a statement)

Last edited by Babybuff; 24-04-2012 at 22:35.
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25-04-2012, 09:14   #12
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I'm sure the bisexuality adds another layer of complication but to be honest what your describing doesn't sound a whole lot different to what a lot of gay people went through.

I certainly struggled with identifying myself as gay because I didn't feel I fitted the gay "stereotype", and felt I had far more in common with "straight people." it was only when I actually got to know some gay people that I realised the stereotypes were by far and away the minority.

It seems to me that you are having just as much if not more trouble accepting your sexuality than others are. Maybe others pick up on that and hence might add two and two together and get repressed lesbian. I think when you get to stage where your happy with who you are, other peoples opinions tend not to have as much impact on you. But when you are struggling to accept yourself, an hint of non-acceptance from others cuts all the more deeply.
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25-04-2012, 19:08   #13
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Funny,
You are all reflecting how im feeling and where im at.
Just weeks out of a long term relationship and working on issues around bi-sexuality, lesbianism, and lack (though not now that im single again) of interest in sex.
On top of that I have thrown in moving from playing the stereotypical lesbian in baggy Jeans and t-shirt and moving back to heels, the odd dress and close fitting "feminine" clothing.

Mmm Im having fun, my best mate and his BF are coping fine, just a bit scared about how lesbian friends and others are going to take my personal shake up. That and when it actually comes to moving from thinking about bi-sex to acting on it.
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26-04-2012, 03:29   #14
Aurongroove
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hello

A lot to think about. I think if there were two buttons, I'd still hit the one that made me no longer the way I am rather than the one that dissolved the stigma surrounding it.

Maybe I just hate sexuality in general....

....And yeah...gay people think I'm gay and straight people think I'm straight. I'd rather just be able to turn off the whole sex thing, like flick a switch or something, and be asexual.
That's really heart breaking to read Asry. As a grown up you deserve to explore your sexual destiny like everyone else does. You deserve not to feel as if it would just be better if life could fly by 'asexually'. not being comfortable with or rejecting your orientation can feel like splitting youself is two:
one side is the 'you' you want to be (or want to remain), and the other is the 'you' you're biology and nature is insisting you are,(or what you need to become).

So first things first: you need to do some soul searching. Do some reading or spend quiet time by yourself, (and this is going to sound mad but there's no other way to explain it) give your body time to 'justify itself' to you.

There is no point deciding on anything until you're completely at ease with yourself. And if you can establish that first (it might take a while), You'll have a rock solid foundation upon which to begin exploring who you are and how you are going to live your life.
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26-04-2012, 16:40   #15
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Bi-sexuality is something which probably has not been addressed as much as it should have been. It's a very complicated issue when you add romance and gender identity into the equation.
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